Random Joke Thread

Check here for all the hottest topics!

Moderator: Big-Will

babrock
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:08 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby babrock » Mon May 10, 2010 7:00 pm

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not paniced and screaming like everyone in his car.
Kensuke
Posts: 2915
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:59 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kensuke » Mon May 10, 2010 7:47 pm

There's one of those Double-Decker buses full of people headed to some resort for spring break.

On the top section is all blonds, and on the bottom section is all brunettes. All the brunettes are partying and having a good time, while the blonds are sitting still and terrified.

One brunette comes upstairs and asks, "What's going on? Why aren't you guys partying? We should all be having a good time." then one of the blonds say, "That's easy for you to say, you guys have a driver!"
"If I had one wish, I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss" ~ Eminem

AxayPaulene wrote:
Niels0827 wrote:But he (RideTheLightning)wanted Kensuke's hot man chowder.
Don't we all?
iloveyouguys
Posts: 5574
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2009 4:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby iloveyouguys » Mon May 10, 2010 9:34 pm

Abortion: It brings out the child in you.
This is my signature. I made it small so anyone who tries to read it has to copy and paste the text somewhere else only to find that it isn't interesting at all. Congratulations. Also, fuckshitcockassbitchtitspenisfagskankwhorecuntpoop.
Niels0827
Posts: 4294
Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2004 11:51 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Niels0827 » Tue May 11, 2010 1:02 am

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose so he took a sample of urine down to the drug store. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited the $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks

That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar.

He took this concoction down to the drug store, poured it in the machine, and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby - get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
VACOOLA
Posts: 655
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:55 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby VACOOLA » Mon May 31, 2010 1:58 pm

Yeah, stop jerking off, because if abortion is a murder, masturbation is a genocide...
mo303564
Posts: 1490
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:36 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby mo303564 » Mon May 31, 2010 2:18 pm

so...a guy walks into a bar :P
RTL: I love being a dick to people for no reason. It makes me feel better about how my mom smacks me around with a frozen T Bone steak.
Kennynja
Posts: 169
Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:26 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kennynja » Mon May 31, 2010 4:50 pm

2 cannibals are eating a clown. One of them tries a bit and say to the other: "He tastes a bit strange."
On german the joke is better...
:lol:
BRMBug
Posts: 18518
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2006 11:43 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Mon May 31, 2010 10:10 pm

mo303564 wrote:so...a guy walks into a bar :P

"So a Dyslexic walks into a bra..."

Kennynja wrote:2 cannibals are eating a clown. One of them tries a bit and say to the other: "He tastes a bit strange."
On german the joke is better...
:lol:

I think it goes "He tastes kind of funny."
Kennynja
Posts: 169
Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:26 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kennynja » Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:09 pm

Kennynja wrote:2 cannibals are eating a clown. One of them tries a bit and say to the other: "He tastes a bit strange."
On german the joke is better...
:lol:

I think it goes "He tastes kind of funny."[/quote]

Yeah, you're right. I translated it from german, and there strange and funny are one word.
Kensuke
Posts: 2915
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:59 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kensuke » Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:16 pm

So two guys walk into a bar, but the third one ducked.
"If I had one wish, I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss" ~ Eminem

AxayPaulene wrote:
Niels0827 wrote:But he (RideTheLightning)wanted Kensuke's hot man chowder.
Don't we all?
evilcupcake72
Posts: 2498
Joined: Sat Jan 02, 2010 8:26 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby evilcupcake72 » Tue Jun 01, 2010 6:23 pm

So two guys walked into a bar (actually they weren't guys they were hookers, wait...one of them was a transvestite...anyway)

the point is they were all brutally murdered by Jack the Ripper. lol Image

why do I love the deviant art emoticons so much??
PopRocksAndSoda

Back off, snickerdick!
I wanna ride your Rapidash ;D
Wii fit man
Posts: 11153
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 1:10 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Wii fit man » Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:14 am

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve bears in this bar." The bear says, "But I'd like a beer." The bartender says "We don't serve bears beer in this bar." The bear says "DAMN IT, GIVE ME A BEER!" The bartender says "We don't serve big, boisterous, burly, belligerent bears beer in this bar." The bear turns to the woman next to him and mauls her and eats her whole. Then he says "Give me a beer or you're next!" The bartender says "We don't serve bears on drugs in this bar." The bear says confusedly, "But I'm not on drugs." The bartender says "Actually, that was a bar bitch you ate."
effses: Austin confirmed for turbo homosexual
Pip Tweek
Posts: 5101
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:15 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Pip Tweek » Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:45 pm

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."

"That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."

"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,

And that , your honor, is the case for the Defense....... "
zzyzx 1
Posts: 4887
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:20 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby zzyzx 1 » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:00 pm

When they operated on father, they opened up mother's mail (male) :roll:

Kensuke wrote:So two guys walk into a bar, but the third one ducked.


I would have thought that the second guy would have seen it coming :P
Kensuke
Posts: 2915
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:59 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kensuke » Sat Jun 12, 2010 5:57 pm

What does Michael Jackson like about 27 year olds?
There's 20 of them

What's Blue and smells like Red paint?
Blue paint

What's black and white and red all over?
A Penguin with a knife in his head

What's green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table
Last edited by Kensuke on Sun Jul 11, 2010 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"If I had one wish, I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss" ~ Eminem

AxayPaulene wrote:
Niels0827 wrote:But he (RideTheLightning)wanted Kensuke's hot man chowder.
Don't we all?

Return to “Hot Topics”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests