Random Joke Thread

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BigCamera4892

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BigCamera4892 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:45 am

This is not a joke. I heard it on the news, for reals:

There are now more medical marijuana clinics in San Francisco then there are Starbucks.

I guess its because Starbucks is more expensive?

True story! Truth is stranger than fiction.
BigCamera4892

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BigCamera4892 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:47 am

Joke:

(Not too funny):

Hillary Clinton was a lawyer, the first lady, a United States Senator, and a viable candidate for the United States Presidency. Now her next job offer is that of a "secretary"?
BigCamera4892

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BigCamera4892 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:49 am

Joke I heard on a DVD of an old Jackie Gleason Variety Show of the 1960's:

What's Red and goes Ding-Dong?

A Red Ding-Dong.

What's Blue and goes Ding-Dong?

They don't exist -- they only come in Red.
Schliby
Posts: 769
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:48 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Schliby » Fri Nov 21, 2008 11:41 am

A patient walks into his doctors office and the Doctor says
"I have good news... and bad news." the patient responds
"What is the bad news?" and the doctor says
"You have 24 hours to live..." and the patient yells out
"What's the Bad news!?" and the doctor replies
"I forgot to tell you yesterday." :lol:
"Time is a thing we must accept.
The unexpected I sometimes fear.
Just when I feel there's no excuse
for what happens, things fall into place.
I know there is no way to avoid
the pain that we must go through,
to find the other half that is true"
superiorsavior
Posts: 4261
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:05 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby superiorsavior » Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:39 pm

(Heard these in school, I didn't make them up myself!)

I like My women like I like my whiskey; ten years old and sealed in barrel in my basement!

What's worse than five dead babbies in a dustbin?
One dead babby in five dustbins!

Michael Jackson and Garry Glitter are sitting on a park bench watching some kids; jacko starts to drool when he sees this 12 year old boy, reaches out toward him muttering, "he's pretty, I want to play with him!" Glitter sighs in reply, "Yeah, I'm sure she was really sexy when she was young."

What's better than brutallyraping 27 year olds?
Burtally raping thirty seven year olds! (read it and you'll get the pun, make sure no one's listening first)

How do you stop a babby drowning?
Stop pushing it's head under the bathwater.

What's small, shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head
Superior2you
Check my Fanarts!

Death will take us so don't fight it. Become it and lean to win.
ned15
Posts: 6352
Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:32 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby ned15 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:22 pm

Schliby wrote:A patient walks into his doctors office and the Doctor says
"I have good news... and bad news." the patient responds
"What is the bad news?" and the doctor says
"You have 24 hours to live..." and the patient yells out
"What's the Bad news!?" and the doctor replies
"I forgot to tell you yesterday." :lol:


i've heard that joke before :lol: wait, isn't it supposed to be bad news and worse news?
"you musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."
eames
butters kenny
Posts: 10135
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:19 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby butters kenny » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:28 pm

Opps according to kensuke I killed kenny sorry.
Last edited by butters kenny on Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I Wasn't choking you I was just hugging your neck

R.I.P Chef for realz this time

( chef joined the sith so why don't you?)

R.I.P Billy Bonka
butters kenny
Posts: 10135
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:19 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby butters kenny » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:28 pm

Hmm.. a Joke thread huh?........................................................................I got nothing.
I Wasn't choking you I was just hugging your neck

R.I.P Chef for realz this time

( chef joined the sith so why don't you?)

R.I.P Billy Bonka
KillingKenny666
Posts: 1525
Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:16 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby KillingKenny666 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:31 pm

There was a boy whale and a girl whale swimming with their dad. One day, a bunch of pirates come and kill the dad whale, and the boy goes after the ship, and swallows it. His sister asks him how he's going to get the sea men out, and the boy whale says:
"I'll blow the sea men out of my blowhole!"
AVENGED SEVENFOLD 4 EVER!!!
Schliby
Posts: 769
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:48 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Schliby » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:32 pm

ned15 wrote:
Schliby wrote:A patient walks into his doctors office and the Doctor says
"I have good news... and bad news." the patient responds
"What is the bad news?" and the doctor says
"You have 24 hours to live..." and the patient yells out
"What's the Bad news!?" and the doctor replies
"I forgot to tell you yesterday." :lol:


i've heard that joke before :lol: wait, isn't it supposed to be bad news and worse news?

yeah, i messed up, but you still get the point :lol:
"Time is a thing we must accept.
The unexpected I sometimes fear.
Just when I feel there's no excuse
for what happens, things fall into place.
I know there is no way to avoid
the pain that we must go through,
to find the other half that is true"
BRMBug
Posts: 18534
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Sat Nov 22, 2008 12:11 am

superiorsavior wrote:What's better than brutallyraping 27 year olds?
Burtally raping thirty seven year olds! (read it and you'll get the pun, make sure no one's listening first)

Don't you mean 20 seven year olds?






How do you spell "pussy" backwards? *slurp*
Pip Tweek
Posts: 5101
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 1:15 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Pip Tweek » Sat Nov 22, 2008 12:56 am

A doctor gave a man a month to live....he couldn't pay his bill and was uninsured...so the doctor gave him another month.

lollersk8tz

A guy walks into a bar...he hurt his head.

No, but seriously...I mean, take my wife - PLEASE.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all night.
BigCamera4892

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BigCamera4892 » Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:10 am

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES

There is a "mile" between each "s"
Schliby
Posts: 769
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:48 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Schliby » Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:47 am

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.


The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly
called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a
quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced
that he was quite experienced at this sort of
thing. He stepped over with almost no look of
concern at all, wrapped his arms around the boy's
abdomen, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though
nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are
you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
"Time is a thing we must accept.
The unexpected I sometimes fear.
Just when I feel there's no excuse
for what happens, things fall into place.
I know there is no way to avoid
the pain that we must go through,
to find the other half that is true"
BigCamera4892

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BigCamera4892 » Sat Nov 22, 2008 3:02 am

For those SP fans who love math:

There was this bus driver.

You are the bus driver.

At the first stop, you pick up 4 students.

At the second stop, you pick up 3 more.

At the third stop, you pick up only 1 person, but 3 get off.

At the next stop, 7 get on.

At the next stop, 6 get on, and 5 get off

At the next stop, 12 get on and 7 gets off

At the next stop, 2 get off

At the next stop, 15 get on on 12 get off

What is the name of the bus driver?

Answer follows, but try to solve it first. All the clues are there.

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

Keep thinking

O.K. The Answer at Last:

The name of the bus driver is whatever your name is! Remember the premise, I said: "You are the bus driver." If you're the bus driver, and the question is what is the name of the bus driver, then the answer, of course, is whatever you name is! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Last edited by BigCamera4892 on Sat Nov 22, 2008 7:16 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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