"Ahh man!" says Stan. "They can interrupt video games now."
"Weak!" says Cartman.
The news announcer comes on: "We interrupt this game to bring you breaking news from Phoenix, Arizona. We go live to Sheriff Joe Arpaio's news conference on Barack Obama's birth certificate."
"HA! I bet his birth certificate is a fake!" --Cartman
"Shut up!" -- Kyle
The scene changes from the kids' couch to the scene of Sheriff Joe's announcement.
Sheriff Joe begins, "After an extensive investigation, we have come to the conclusion that Barack Obama, is in fact, not real!"
Random reporter: "You mean Obama's birth certificate is a forgery?"
"Yes, but only because Obama himself is not a real person. I'll have more details soon enough." --Sheriff Joe
The next scene is in the White House where Barack Obama is pacing back and forth in front of a TV.
"This isn't good," Obama says to one of his aides, "Get Air Force One ready, I'm going on vacation."
"But sir, you've been on a bunch of vacations already and it won't..." --random aide
Obama cuts the aide off mid-sentence by smacking him with an open palm.
"Don't tell me what I can't do. You like getting smacked around by the President?" Obama smacks him a few times more and the aide cowers. "Get my plane ready in an hour."
The next morning, the boys are walking down the street. As they are walking, a big commotion is going on in front of the television store.
"What's going on?" --Stan
Random person says "Sheriff Joe is coming to South Park! He says he has even more information about Barack Obama and it's way more serious than before."
The kids look at the TV in the store display just as the news segment is ending. A movie trailer comes on.
Movie trailer voice: "Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson are vampire hunters. Vampires everywhere are doomed!"
Random clips of them are played showing them killing vampires. (This is kinda based off this movie coming out with Abe Lincoln as a vampire hunter).
The next scene shows Air Force One landing at a remote grass strip near a small African village. Obama stands in the doorway of the plane. "It sure feels good to be back home." --Obama
The next scene is a meeting hall in South Park. Sheriff Joe is again at the podium, speaking to everyone. "After further investigation, we have found out that Barack Obama is not an American."
The people start rabble-rousing. Cartman is there, along with the other boys. "I just knew he wasn't an American. What a typical lying black assh*le."
"Dammit, Cartman, you racist. That's enough." --Kyle
Sheriff Joe continues: "Our investigation has uncovered that Barack Obama is actually Joseph Kony!"
Cut to the next scene. Barack Obama is walking through a small African village and invisible children start manifesting out of thin air everywhere. Barack leads them to a large field.
"It is now time, children. We can no longer remain invisible. We must go back to America and fight."
Back to South Park. Sheriff Joe gives another news announcement. This time, he announces that Barack Obama is not only Joseph Kony, but he is also a vampire. The invisible children are also vampires and they are heading to South Park now.
Next scene is a dark graveyard. The camera pans in on the grave of Abraham Lincoln. Just then, a hand comes up out of the ground, followed by a stovepipe hat. Eventually, Abraham Lincoln's corpse rises completely out of the ground. Lincoln starts walking.
Next scene is South Park. Air Force One is shown landing at the airport there. Obama gets off the plane, along with hundreds of children, who quickly fade to invisibility. They go on a rampage and start biting and killing the townspeople of South Park. The people are confused because they can't see who's attacking them. Most of the attacks are about knee high.
Sheriff Joe is still in South Park. He is running towards the chaos. He has on special glasses. He runs into the four boys.
"What the hell is going on?" --Stan
"No time to explain kids, put these glasses on so you can see the invisible children." --Sheriff Joe
The kids put the glasses on and can now see vampire children biting and attacking all the townspeople. Just then, Abraham Lincoln's corpse shows up in South Park. The vampire children start coming after Lincoln. Abe starts swinging an axe at them, killing the vampire children. Eventually, the vampire children's numbers are getting smaller. Seeing defeat is inevitable, Obama runs back to Air Force One. Sheriff Joe goes running after him.
Next scene is on Air Force One where Sheriff Joe confronts Obama. They begin a major battle. Stuff starts flying around and aides and staff get killed by stuff landing on them or impaling them.
Next scene shows the plane taking off into the air as the boys and Abe Lincoln look on. Suddenly, the plane veers towards the ground and crashes, blowing up. The townspeople see this and start celebrating. Abe Lincoln turns towards the sunset and begins walking off. The boys watch him leaving, stunned at what has just happened.
"I totally knew Obama was a vampire Ugandan warlord." --Cartman
"Shut up. Just shut up, Cartman!" -- Kyle
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