Treking Abuse

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Treking Abuse

Postby Joshex » Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:54 am

I give Southpark's creators full permission to use this story or it's contents.

Treking Abuse

Show starts, Eric, kyle, stan and kenny are on a couch watching TV

Eric; Time to watch Terrence and Phillip!

He changes the channel

Rick steeves: Hello and welcome to rick steves europe! I'm rick steeves! Today We're going to Italy to enjoy the culture and artistic venues and all the luxury services we can!

Eric: Godam f*cking Vchip! It keeps switching back to PBS! And all thats on is one of those f*cking treking shows!

Rick steeves this is a place where you can get really good food and really good wine, Oh yeah thats some really good wine!

Kyle: Switch to PBS 2 maybe theres something better on the second channel.

Welcome to Globe trekers I'll be your host as we go explore cairo egypt! (crazy girl) on our journey I'm going to eat lots of food and drink lots of egypitian booze and then get f*cked by the locals!

Kyle: f*ck how many of these shows are there?

Kenny: yeah what the f*ck, I know right!?

Stan: last I checked there were only 4 just switch to ETV 5, they can't have one on all the channels.

Channel changes

Welcome to equitreking where we're going to trek across germany on horseback! And get paid like a totally few million dollars to do it.

Eric: f*ck! Godamnit! What the f*ck theres a new one!

Back on TV: here we are on our first horse stop at a nice restaurant, I've had a lot of good german beer and a lot of german sausages so now I think I'm ready for the other german 'sausages' if you know what I mean, right between my , Oh Hi rick steeves!

Rick steeves: Hi equitreking girl, hows the treking treating you?

Equitreking girl: great I love getting paid to to ride my horse all over the world, and I'm really really f*cking drunk right now, wanna f*ck!?

Rick steeves: sure, buy me a beer and some weenerschnitzel and you're on!

Eric turns off the TV: this isn't right.

Kyle: yeah, someone should do something about it.

Stan: yeah it's all just a bunch of pampered rich people getting paid to go and have fine dining and travel all over the world and get drunk and f*ck the locals.

Kenny gets up and grabs the remote and turns the TV back on

Kyle: Kenny! What are you doing!? Don't you think it's wrong?

Kenny: I want to see her get f*cked.

Stan: dude they're not going to show it.

Kyle (sarcastic): yeah so why don't you just go home and get your camera and go follow her around and film her f*cking, or better yet why don't you just go f*ck her? She's bowlegged from the horse anyways I bet her legs open a mile wide!

Kenny's eyes go wide and he's silent for a few seconds, then suddenly: Thats it!!!!

he runs off.

Kyle then realizing: wait a minute guys, anyone can do this. Anyone can start a treking show and travel the world in luxury with funding from public television!

Eric: Dude! It's perfect We should so f*cking do it! This is how I can make millions of dollars! It's easy money!

Stan: Dudes stop! Don't you realize that if you do that you'll become just like them, just like the people you despise!

Eric: doesn't matter it's free money! And we can travel the world!

Stan: but it's wrong to abuse the system like that! Kyle help me out here!

Kyle: actually... I, I'm kinda with cartman on this one.

Eric: damn right you are! I knew your inner jew genes couldn't resist the free money!

Kyle: shut up fat ass!

Stan: you know, screw you guys, if you want to be like them then I don't want to help you.

Stan walks off

Kyle: stan! Wait! I guess he's really mad..

Eric: don't worry dude this is gonna be so sweeet!

The next morning Cartman and kyle are waiting outside Kyle's house

Eric: dude where the f*ck is kenny he was supposed to be here by now!?

Kyle: last night he said he had to get a camera from his house. He said he has a real TV camera.

Eric: no f*cking way dude! I thought his family was so poor they couldn't afford to eat anything but muff carpet? (kenny walks up with the camera as he's saying it.), I bet the camera doesn't even work!

kenny: f*ck you fat f*ck! My dad found this camera outside of PBS. You think we'd have useless junk in our house?

Eric: yeah? What about the broken car and all those worn out useless tires in your yard huh? Does that not qualify as junk to you?

Kenny: f*ck you, doesn't matter! I'm going to f*ck big boobies and equitrek girl.

Kyle: ok you two now listen, last night I got my dad to copyright our show but we still need a name.

Eric: obviously it has to be Treking with Eric Cartman.

Kenny: f*ck you I say we call it 'Trekquifucking'

kyle and eric go silent.

Kyle (chuckling): thats actually pretty good!

Eric: hmm, I can roll with that.

Kenny: of coarse you can roll with it, it doesn't take much to get someone as f*cking fat as you rolling

Eric: HEY!

Kyle: you guys wait here I'm going to go tell my dad what name to copyright.

Kyle goes inside.

Stan walks up

Eric: what the f*ck are you doing here? I thought you pussied out yesterday?

Stan: well, I thought it over during the night and.. well.. you're right, it's kinda actually a good idea, I mean we can be like the worst treking team ever to expose all the flaws of the system and shut down this loop hole.

Kyle comes out: ok guys my dad copyrighted the name and, Oh, you're here, did you come to say good bye?

Stan: well.. I kinda wanted to apologize and.. is there any chance you still have a place for one more?

Kyle: of coarse we have a place for you!

Eric; nu- uh! He f*cking bailed on us yesterday! If he wants to join then he has to be the bag boy!

Kyle, all thats in the bags are some nuts for the road.

Stan: thats cool at least I got a bigger nut bag than cartman.

Kenny (chuckles): nut bag! Haha yeah cause cartman has a microdick

Eric: HEY!!

Kyle: anyways lets go down to PBS to get our show some funding!

They go to PBS to find the place full of other auditioning treking groups

Kenny: What the f*ck guys!

Stan: theres so many people here!

Kyle: you don't suppose they are all here to get funding for a treking show do you?

Eric: Hey whore bitch are you here to get funding for a treking show?

Whore bitch (latina): yeah I'm a big booty whore ass bitch whose gonna go cross the world and whore my big booty skank ass off.

Eric (shocked): oookay then.. (turns back to the guys) yep they are all here for treking.

Kyle: f*ck we weren't the only ones who had this Idea!

PBS people: ok can I have the next auditionee?

Kyle: wait!, Audition?! We didn't prepare anything for that!

Stan: you guys didn't think you were just gonna come here and get funding did you, damn you guys are so f*cked.

Kyle: quickly we ned to get some straws or something to draw to determine who gets to go on camera.

Meanwhile at the front of the room:

PBS people; ok so care to introduce yourself?

Fat black ghetto guy with tons of bling: yeah I's be Tre King, Yo yo, I'm da Tre that gonna be da King of yo trekin shows!

PBS people: ok then care to show us what it would be like to watch your show?

Tre King: Yeah Foo! We's gonna go ta britain and drink me some yager and some purple drink den we's going down to they corner store ta see what kinda munchies they's got to go wit ma weed boyo, den after that we's gonna explore the night life by f*cking some fine ass white bitches and get them pregnant with aids and gonorrhea

The PBS people are shocked and fina;;y say “umm.. we.. are going to have to discuss this in private, we'll be right back” they go to talk in private,

PBS1: what do we do!?

PBS2: he's the only black treking auditioner we've gotten so we technically have to accept him to keep up with equal opportunity laws.

PBS3: “then we're f*cked!”

PBS1: “not so, if Tre King does anything that gets us in trouble we'll just kill the lowlife gangster thug to bring him to justice and people will never suspect us cause he probably had it coming”

PBS 3: No!! are you crazy if someone cries racist then we'll end up just like that zimmerman guy!

PBS 2: “no, we'll get Tavis Smiley to do it”

they come back out

PBS people: Tre King you are hereby funded by PBS

the boys are amazed

Kyle: “WOW, if he can get funding then we're a sure deal!”

they draw straws

Kyle: f*ck!

Stan: Double f*ck!

Cartman: Aww f*cking sh*t dudes!

Kenny: Wooo Hooo!

and kenny draws the only long one,

PBS: will the boys from southpark Colorado please come up for their audition,

PBS: Ok boys why do you want to make a treking show?

Cartman: mostly the money!

Kyle: what he means is the money we need to explore the fine cultures of the world,
Eric : and their Food

Stan: and the booze! Lots of booze!

Kenny: “ Biiig f*cking brazillain titties and nice big pussies!” the PBS people look at each other for a moment.

PBS People: ok would you please come up and show us what an episode of your show might sound like?

kenny auditions (clears his voice): we'll travel the world and eat great food served to us by topless amazoness goddesses while we lay one couches like Caesar of rome. (All the while the PBS people are pointing and chuckling and looking at each other.)

PBS People: Well I can most assuredly say that we cold only understand a few words you said to be clear we liked the way you said rome and brasil, we love your voice it's “unique and exactly the kind of Donation bait we need” consider yourself funded! One more thing, what is your show called?

kenny says: “trekquifucking”

PBS: I'm sorry I couldn't understand that,

Eric: “he said 'Trekquifucking' sheesh clean your ears out”

Stan: I'll say it again, we are so f*cked.

the developers stop “wait, what? did he say Trekquifucking?! We can't do that!” they discuss it and say that even their current trekers use pretty foul language they can just bleep it out, and that america loves profanities anyways.

They congratulate the boys and tell them to go out and get treking!

To be continued (I need sleep wrote this very late at night, will write more tomorrow and finish the episode.)

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