First Blood First Serve. A South Park FanFic.

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Nick Assburger
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Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:33 am

First Blood First Serve. A South Park FanFic.

Postby Nick Assburger » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:46 pm

This fiction and all subsequent chapters is written in the form of a script.


Introduction The Mountain Pass leading into South Park.

{A 10 year old boy wearing a winter military jacket, fatigues, combat boots, a cover and carrying a heavy green bag walks down the road passed an old wooden sign that say's South Park as a instrumental of It's a long road by Dan Hill plays.}

South Park First Blood First Serve

Bus Stop

The boys minus Stan are standing at the bus stop, Stan walks up to them.

Kyle: "Dude where have you been Stan? The school bus is almost here."

Stan: {Sounds a little hungover and drowsy} "I've was sick all weekend I told my Mom I still didn't feel good but she just gave me some dayquil and I've been like this all morning."

Cartman: "Dude it sucks to be you."

Kenny {{"Did you try sticking your fingers down your throat like those Japanese girls do?"}}

Stan: "No Kenny I didn't do that that's gross."

{{They notice the new kid walking up to them dressed in combat fatigues and a green winter jacket, carrying a large green heavy bag and sporting a buzzcut and a scar on his left cheek}}

Kyle: "Hey I've never seen him around here before, Did you guys hear if we were getting a new student?"

Stan: "Ugh {sniff} I didn't hear anything about it."

Kyle: "Who is he? Should one of us go up and ask?"

Cartman: "Hey assh*le!" {The kid turns and looks at him} "Yeah you!" {Kyle Punches him} "OW!"

Kyle: "Cartman you assh*le that's not how you introduce yourself!" {Notices the boy has walked up to them} "Uh hi sorry about that he can be an assh*le, Are you new in town?"

New Kid: "No I'm just passing through. Do you know where I might get a bite to eat?"

Kyle: "Shouldn't you be in school or at home?"

New Kid: "My home is kinda where I roam these days".

Stan: "Ugh did you run away from home or something?"

New Kid: " No it's more complicated than that, Where are my manner's My Names Conner Conner Kurtz."

Kyle: "I'm Kyle."

Stan: "I'm Stan"

Kenny: ("I'm Kenny")

Stan: "And this fat ass is Cartman."

Cartman: "AY I was gonna introduce myself assh*le!"

{{The Bus pulls up and the boys plus Conner get on. Conner salutes out the window but no ones there.}}

School bus

{{The boys sit down with Conner}}

Stan: "Who were you saluting at back there?"

Conner: "What?"

Stan: "Back there at the bus stop?"

Conner: "I thought I saw something back there, I was looking to see what it was {He puts his hand up and looks around.} Like that."

Stan: "Oookay so were are you from?"

Conner: "San Diego."

Stan: "Ugh What are you doing way out here?"

Conner: "It's a long story you wouldn't be interested."

{{Stan Looks at the patch on Conner's winter jacket It says United States Young Marine Corps San Diego.}}

Stan: "Were you in the Army or something?"

Conner: {{Smiles and laughs as he looks out the window}} "Army kids aren't ready for Marines yet. what's wrong with you? You look worse than hammered sh*t."

Stan: "I was sick all weekend, My mom gave me some Dayquil and It's making me feel a little loopy."

Conner: "You sure you just haven't been hitting the wombat juice?"

Stan: "No."

Conner: {Laughs} "It's okay."

Cartman: "So Are you like homeless or something? Cause I'm not giving you any goddamn change."

Conner: {Looks Offended} "I have my own money Tanker Tits," {Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laugh} "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Cartman: "Ay you leave my Mother out of this Jarhead or I'll kick you square in the nuts!"

Conner: {Stares him down coldly dropping his voice to a cold whisper } "I'd like to see you try."

Kyle: "Cartman shut up and sit down!"

{Cartman grumbles and its down with his arms crossed}

{{Butters sitting across the aisle notices Conner}}

Butters: "Wowie I didn't know we were getting a new kid."

{{The other kids hear him and look at Conner}}

Craig: "Wow He looks pretty tough."

Clyde: "Where do you think he got that cool scar?"

Token: "Yeah you think he got it from a bayonet?

Kevin: No I think a bullet grazed his cheek."

Jimmy: "T-t-t-that sounds pretty c-c-cool very much."

{The girls also notice Conner.}

Bebe: "Wow hey Wendy get a good look at soldier boy over there."

Wendy: "I didn't know we were getting a new boy at school."

Annie: "He looks so rugged and handsome."

Lola: "Yeah We're definitely gonna discuss him at the next list meeting."

Red: "I bet he's got chiseled arms under that jacket."

Jenny: "And rock hard abs." {{They giggle with giddy excitement}}

Bebe: "Not to mention a tight ass do you think it's tighter than Kyle's?"

Wendy: "Only you would know Bebe." {{Bebe lets out a giggle of her own.}}

{{The bus pulls up the School and all the kids get off. Mr Venezuela notices Conner and stops him.}}

Mr Venezuela: "I don't recall seeing you around here?"

Kyle: "Uh He's the new kid?"

Stan: "Yeah."

Mr Venezuela: "Que." {{He closes the bus door and drives off.}}

Conner: "Thanks guys."

Stan: "Ugh No problem dude."

Kyle: "Are you coming?"

Conner: {looks up at the school} "Yeah I'll catch up."

Stan: "Okay see ya."

Kenny: (See ya.)

{{For a few seconds Conner ponders going into the school}}

Conner:{Thinking} What am I doing here? I'm not a student I just stopped in this town hoping for something to eat. I suppose I could stay for one day and move on by tomorrow. {{He shrugs and walks into the school.}} "Wow" {He takes in the front hall} "this is a nice place." {{ He looks down at the school emblem on the floor}} "The Cows huh? I'm certainly not in San Diego anymore. Well lets get this over with." {{He heads for the office.}}

School Office.

{{Conner walks in and walks up to the secretaries desk.}}

Conner: "Excuse me?"

Secretary: "Yes?"

Conner: "Is this the student registration desk?"

Secretary: "Yes it is." {notices the scar on Conner's face} "Are you okay That scar looks pretty bad?"

Conner: "Huh?" {He runs his fingers down it} "Oh that don't worry about that it happened a long time ago."

Secretary: "Oh well If we can just your parent or guardian to sign this we'll get you started."

Conner: "My parents?"

Secretary: "Yes or your guardian."

Conner: {sighs} "I really don't have a legal guardian at the moment."

Secretary: "Little boy?"

Conner: "Conner."

Secretary: "Conner are you running away from home?"

Conner: "Well It's complicated."

{{The secretary presses the intercom.}}

Secretary: "Principal Victoria can you come out here a minute?"

Principal's Office.

{{Principal Victoria, Mr Mackey, and Mr Adams the case worker from Child Protective Services and Conner are discussing what to do with Conner.}}

Principal Victoria: "Please sit down Conner I'm Principal Victoria, This is Mr Mackey our guidance counselor and Mr Adams he's from Child Protective Services."

Conner: {{Sets his bag down and takes a seat}}

Mr Adams: "Now Conner I understand running away from home can be pretty hard but look on the bright side it could be worse, You could be alone in the Penn State locker room with Jerry Sandusky." {Laughs} "We have fun at Child Protective Services."

Conner: {{Looks at Mr Adam's, rolls his eyes and mutters} "Oh boy."

Mr Adams: "Not laughing huh don't worry I got a million of them here's my headshot" {He gives his head shot to Conner looks at it like seriously?}

Principal Victoria:"Uh yes thank you Mr Adams." {Mr Adams sits back down} "Mr Mackey."

Mr Mackey: "Thank you Principal Victoria, Conner I'm here to talk to you about your feelings M'kay, Why did you run away from home?"

Conner: "It's complicated Sir."

Mr Mackey: "Is it because someone in your family has abused you?"

Conner: "No Sir."

Mr Mackey: "What about that Scar on your left cheek did someone cut you there?"

Conner:"No it was my fault I { Makes up a lie } I cut myself playing with a knife."

Mr Mackey: "M'kay well playing with knives is bad." {Conner stifles a chuckle} What about your clothes?"

Conner: "What about them Sir?"

Mr Mackey: "Most kids your age don't wear camouflage and combat boots." {{He takes a look at Conner's jacket patch}} "San Diego Young Marine Corps, your from San Diego?"

Conner: "Yes Sir."

Principal Victoria: "What are you doing all the way out here in Colorado?"

Conner: "It's a long story M'am."

Principal Victoria: "Are you telling me you ran all the from San Diego to Colorado?"

Conner: "Yes I M'am."

Principal Victoria: "Mr Mackey Could you take him to your office? I have to make some calls."

Mr Mackey: "Of Course Principal Victoria Conner would you come with me?"

Mr Mackey's Office.

{{Conner Mr Mackey and Doctor Adams are sitting in office as Mr Mackey looks Through Conner's bag. finding many a disturbing thing}}

Mr Mackey: {Pulls out Conner's Ka Bar knife} "WHOA!! HOLY sh*t!! That's bad!!"

Conner: "It's for hunting."

Mr: Mackey: {Continues digging finding an Colt 1911 handgun} "That's very bad" {{Continues digging finding an M16 rifle and magazines}} "OH MY GOD!!!!" {{Presses the Intercom}} "Principal Victoria I need you put the school on lockdown and send the Truant Officers in here right away."

{The faculty puts the students in their classrooms and lockdown the school.}

{Cuts To Conner being escorted by two Truant Officers and Mr Mackey to the head truant officer Galts office.}

Galt: "Well well Mackey what have we got here?"

Mackey: {forces Conner to the front desk} "Just another Low life Wanna be School shooter. Three counts of possession of illegal weapons in a school zone and I think he was planning to use them." {Mackey puts Conner's Ka Bar on the table along with his Colt Pistol and M16.}

Galt: {looks at the gun} "Is that so" { he sits back and looks down at his pet Guinea pig} "Looks like we got ourselves a loose cannon here Snowbell." {He looks up at Conner who stares at the Guinea pig} " What's your name Son? Your name? Your name" {Conner flashes back to giant guinea pigs rampaging} "YOUR NAME!!!" {Conner looks up at him} "Listen you little Bastard if your looking for trouble you've come to the right place."

Mackey:{Now pissed off} "The Truant officer asked you your name!" {He rips off Conner's dog tags and gives them to Galt}

Galt: "Well how do you like that O'l Scarface here's a Soldier." {Reads the dog tags} "Iv'e never seen so many dog tags how many have you got? Kurtz Dwight is that your name?" {Conner stays silent} "No? how about Benjamin? Sarah? Now that's not your name is it? Ah here we are Kurtz Conner Private First Class Young Marines. leave him to me Mackey."

Mackey: "Mm'kay let me know If he causes anymore trouble." { He leaves the room}

Galt: "Get him out of here!"

{ The truant officers lead Conner down to to be finger printed.}

Truant Officer: "This is real easy son just put your fingers on the pad and slide it across the paper." {Conner refuses} "Look we can do this the easy way or the hard way." {Conner just looks at him} "Alright we'll do it the hard way." {He tries to force Conner to do it but in a funny scene he can't budge Conner's hand} "Galt!"

{Galt comes over pissed off.}

Galt: "What is it Jack?"

Truant Officer Jack: "He won't cooperate."

Galt: "Listen to me you snot nosed little bastard if you don't put your hand on that paper I'm gonna break it off."

{Conner looks at him with contempt until Galt smashes his nightstick on the table next his hand. "DO IT!"

{Mackey hears the commotion and goes down to investigate.}

Mackey: "What's going on here Galt?"

Galt: "Nothing I can't handle."

Mackey: "Listen to me you little sh*t as of right now your facing charges of endangering school students, possession of dangerous weapons on school grounds and resisting arrest, your looking at a minimum of 5 years in juvenile hall plus a mark on your permanent record M'kay." "The police are on their way right now you think we're tough you just wait."

{Conner looks at him silently with contempt.}

Mackey: "Alright Galt get him out of here!"

Galt: "With pleasure Mr Mackey." {He slugs Conner in the back of the head with his nightstick.

Jack: "Galt, what the f*ck was that?"

Galt: "Just softening him up a little, gotta break him down until he cooperates."

Jack: "I don't like that look in his eyes Galt."

Galt: "Who gives a sh*t."

{Conner's eyes go wide as Galt prepares to hit him again this Time Conner manages to get up and in a what the F#ck scene he breaks free and fights off Mr Mackey and the truant officers.}

Galt: "You Son of a Bitch!" { He swings at Conner who ducks under it and throws a kick and an uppercut to his groin. Mackey and the other Truant officers try to restrain him but he fights them off tripping one Truant officer into another and landing an elbow to Mackey's stomach followed by a punch to his big head.}

{With the truant officers down Conner quickly spots Snowbell munching on a piece of celery, Her playful squeaks cause Conner's mind to regress to seeing her as a giant rampaging Guinea pig about to attack. With a swift movement he grabs and breaks her neck. With Galt witnessing.}

Galt: "SNOWBELL!!!!"

{Conner snaps back to reality and looks at the dead Guinea pig in his hands}

Mackey: {gets off the floor rubbing his head} "AFTER HIM!!!!" { Mackey heads for the intercom while the Truant officers chase Conner up the stairs, But Conner knocks the lead one down sending them all tumbling like dominoes. the Truant officer at the door hears the commotion and opens the door only for Conner to push him out the nearby window before grabbing his stuff off Galt's desk and heading out the door.}


{{Conner races down the hallway as terrified students and faculty run for cover.}}

Conner: "RUN GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW!!!!" {{Mr Alder and Mr Garrett try to block him in but Conner slides under Mr Adler's legs and races for the front door Mr Mackey's broadcast echoes through the intercom.

Mr Mackey: "Attention all students and faculty please remain calm there is an armed child in the school please remain in your classrooms until the police arrive!"

{Meanwhile in Mr Garrison's class. the children are ducked under their desks.

Kyle: "Jesus Christ!"

Stan: "Oh My God is he coming this way?"

Butters: "Oh Hamburgers I don't want to die."

{Clyde breaks down crying.}

Mr Garrison: "Now now children It's very important we stay calm and rational in these types of situations." {Conner crashes through the door window.}}} "AHHHH!!!!!" {Ducks under his desk} "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME KILL THEM INSTEAD!!!!!" {Garrison points to the children.}}

{{Conner looks at Garrison like what the f*ck? then shoots out the window and dives through it landing in the bushes outside}}

Stan: "CONNER?"

Kyle: "HOLY f*cking sh*t DUDE?" {{Kenny sighs with relief}}

Cartman: "You guys I just crapped my pants"

Kyle: " Aw Gross "

{{ Conner's first person view}}

Meanwhile outside Conner struggles to pull himself out of the bushes until a hand pulls him out, Conner looks up to see a young man about 19 with Brown hair and blue eyes dressed in combat fatigues and a helmet and carrying an M16.}}

Conner: "Benjamin?"

Benjamin: "Good to see you in one piece little bro, We gotta get outta here the police will be here soon." {{Mortar shells start to rain down on them as they run}}

{{The two brothers run towards a departing school bus, Benjamin forces his way in and shoves out the driver while Conner gets all the kids off .}}


Conner: "HURRY!!" {Conner herds the kids out the emergency door. As soon as the last kids are off he shuts it}}


{{Conner climbs aboard as Benjamin drives puts it in gear and drives off as the police arrive.}}

Mr Garrison's class.

{{The boys look on with shock and terror as they see Conner single handedly hijack a school bus force out the driver and evacuate the kids before driving off there is no mortar fire.}}

The Boys all together from the window: "HOLY f*cking sh*t DUDE!!!"

Butters with them: "Holy Hamburgers dude". {{Cartman face palms}}

Cartman: "Goddammit Butters."

{Cut to Commercial Break}

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