First Blood First Serve Chapter 11

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Nick Assburger
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First Blood First Serve Chapter 11

Postby Nick Assburger » Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:34 pm

{Return from Commercial break.}

{We see the wreckage of the collapsed mine entrance surrounded by State Police and National Guardsmen. The parents Mr Mackey and Sergeant Halfcock step out of their cars and walk towards the group of National guardsmen who are sifting through the rubble.}
{The parents seeing the rubble of the mine fear the worst.}

Sharon: "Oh my God No no no no no" {She runs over to one of the soldiers and grabs him by the collar} "Where is here where is my baby boy?"

Mackey: "What the hell happened? I thought I told you I wanted him and the boys back alive?"

Commander: "He open fired on us I wasn't going to take any chances after that helicopter crash."

Halfcock: "What about the other boys they were in the line of fire too?"

Shelia: "Oh my God Kyle!"

Commander: "He opened fire on us! I had the lives of my men to think about!"

{The news that their boys are dead sinks into the parents Sheila breaks down on her knees while Gerald tries his best to comfort her. Sharon buries her face into Randy's shoulder as he holds her tight. Linda and Stephen fall apart completely.}


Commander: "Listen to me Hurtfock I am in charge of this operation!"

Halcock: "Good then you can start cleaning this mess up right away."

{Halfcock and Mackey leaves to talk to the parents who are sitting in a tent mourning the loss of their children.}

Sharon: {crying} "I-I just can't believe he's gone sniff sniff oh Stanley!" {She breaks down into Randy's shoulder}

Sheila: Oh Gerald! Our little bubbula is gone! {She holds her head and cries}

Gerald: "Oh Kyle What were you thinking?"

Linda: "Oh Stephen why? why? why didn't we ground him harder?" {She wipes her eyes with a hankerchief.}

Stephen: {Blubbering} "Oh Butter's Where where did we go wrong?"

{The instrumental Day by day plays as we slowly zoom of the forest to a satellite feed that reads Pvt Conner Kurtz status KIA.

{The Show's credits roll }

South Park Created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Written by Ask Conner Kurtz

Concept for Story by Rock Head 1989 and Ask Conner Kurtz.

Conner Kurtz Created by Rock Head 1989

Tune in next week for my new Terrence and Phillip Fan Fiction Call of Doody Turd Warfare HEY!

{ Suddenly a KaBar knife cuts through the credits and Conner slices his way out.}

Conner: {To the Writer and reader} "What kind of Chicken sh*t ending is that? I'm not dead and this story is nowhere near over."

{Conner literally cuts back to the cave in where the boys are stranded in the dark.}

Kyle: Is everyone alright?

{Conner strikes a match illuminating the tunnel.}

Conner: "That any better?"

Kyle: "Yeah lots where is everyone?"

Cartman: {falls to his knees and dry heaves} You guys I don't feel so good! {He lets out a wet fart igniting Conner's match and blowing it out.}

Conner: {Stands upwind from Cartman and strikes another match} "Good thing I brought a whole box of these."

Butters: {falls over and starts gagging}

Conner: "Where's Stan?

Kyle: "Jesus Christ Stan!"

Stan: "My Bonnie Lies over the *hic* Ocean My lies over the..{Turns green and swallows his vomit.}

Kyle: "Stan!" {Runs up to him and hugs him} "What the hell were you thinking?" { He slaps Stan's hand causing him to drop his flask.}

{Stan is distraught that he dropped his flask of S'mores Schnapps and spilled it.}

Stan: "Oh No! just hold still I'm gowna stop the bweeding."

{He starts slurping the leaking schnapps from the flask when Kyle slaps it out of his hand again}

Stan: "Kwle Why do you gotta be like that man?"

Kyle: "You almost got us killed back there!"

Stan: "Kwle You know that I luve you like a bwother man." {He turns green and barfs on Kyle}

Kyle: "Gross!"

{Meanwhile in her room Wendy and Bebe are painting each others nails when Wendy feels a sudden shiver run down her spine}

Bebe: "What's wrong Wendy?"

Wendy: "I don't know Bebe I just felt a strange disturbance all of a sudden."

{Back in the cave the boys are still there Conner is gathering supplies up. He takes his grabs a old pickaxe and smashes it against the wall until the rusty head comes off then he wraps the cloth he doused in lantern oil and wraps it around the handle.}

Butters: {walks over to see what he's doing} "What are you doing Conner?"

Conner: "Getting us out of here." {He takes his match and lights the rags creating a makeshift torch.} "All Right Rally Up Everyone we're getting out of here."

Butters: "Shouldn't we wait for rescue?"

Conner: "No."

Butters: "B-but {Conner cuts him off with a death stare}

Conner: "I said we are getting out of here Kyle Carry Stan Butters Help Cartman. MOVE!!

{The boys gather up and follow Conner into the tunnels}

{Elsewhere outside the collapsed mine the salvage operation continues the parents watch the news on tv.}

Tv: "And despite the efforts of rescue workers it seems the chance of finding any of the boys alive is slim.

{Sgt Halfcock walks into the tent.}

Halfcock: {Sigh} "They said it doesn't look good. apparently there was a whole bunch of TNT in that mine."

{Sharon buries her face in her laps and sobs.}

Halfcock: "I'm deeply sorry for your losses"

{Sheila suddenly stands up and shouts in his face}

Sheila: It's all your fault! You turned him into a psychopath you taught him how to kill If it wasn't for you my Bubbula would still be alive !{Her eyes are burning with rage.}

Halfcock: "I thought you looked familiar to to me."

Gerald: "Here it comes."

Halfcock: "Your were the leader of Mothers Against Canada weren't you? You started that whole Goddamn Cockamamie War."

Sheila: "Don't you act self righteous in front of me Sergeant! You have no idea what I'm capable of!"

Halfcock: "I got a feeling I'm about to find out."

Gerald: "Sheila please calm down honey!"

Sheila: "Don't you tell me to calm down Gerald!"

Gerald: {sigh} " Looks like we're gonna have to do this the hard way"

{Gerald injects Sheila with an anesthetic causing her to pass out.}

Gerald: "Sorry She's stricken with Grief." {He drags her back to a chair.}

Halfcock: "I understand."

Gerald: "Sergeant I just want you to know that I don't blame you for everything that's happened."

Halfcock: "I understand Mr Broflovski."

Gerald: "I actually feel kinda bad for Conner I mean losing his family and then running away for almost a year I'm not surprised the stress caught up to him."

Halfcock: "Well I don't blame your wife for hating me to be be honest I kinda hate myself right now."

Randy: "What do you mean?"

Halfcock: "It's just I feel like he needed my help and I failed him."

Mackey: "He needed your help? You've been up my ass about helping Kurtz out ever since you got here Headstop! He brought a loaded weapon into a school hijacked a school bus injured 5 truant officers and put one in a testicular vegetative state."

{Halfcock chuckles.}


Randy: "Mr Mackey I think you need to calm down."

Mackey: "YOU SHUT THE f*ck UP M'KAY!!!"

{Mackey attacks Randy and soon the fight escalates to include Gerald and Halfcock.}

{Meanwhile back in the cave Conner continues to lead the boys through the cave.}

Conner: "Stick close I don't want anybody falling behind."

{Stan is starting to sober up}

Stan: "Ugh not so loud *hic* my head is killing me!"

Kyle: "If you didn't drink so much you wouldn't get a hangover."

Cartman: "Yeah you rack a disaprine Stan!"

{Conner suddenly hears something dropping from above}

Conner: "Hold it I think I heard something"

{He draws his gun and scans the room looking for signs of movement.}

Butters: "I didn't hear nothing Conner."

{Suddenly something drops from above Conner aims his gun and holds his torch out to reveal Benjamin who's dropped in from above.}

Conner: "Benjamin! You nearly took a bullet!"

Benjamin: "Conner I thought that rocket blew you to kingdom come!"

Conner: "They gave it their best shot."

Benjamin: "I found a way out it's just up ahead follow me and stay tight."

Conner: "Oorah."

{The boys look at Conner like he's crazy or something?}

Conner: "Benjamin says there's another way out thru these tunnels stick close and don't fall behind."

{Conner heads down the passage while the boys hang back to discuss what's happening.}

Kyle: {whispers} "Hey guys have you noticed Conner's acting a little strange?"

Stan: "Ugh I told you not so loud."

Kyle: "I'm just saying he's talking to himself a lot. It's almost as if someone else is there."

Stan: "Ugh Benjamin?"

Kyle: "Yeah haven't you noticed we haven't seen him around here anywhere?"

Stan: "I guess"

Conner: {Hollers back} "Stan Kyle! pick it up!"

Kyle: "Be right there Conner Stan's still a little hungover." "Remember Stan keep an eye on him."

{The boys come to a step ladder leading down to a flooded shaft.}

Conner: "Wait here We'll go on up ahead and see if it's stable."

{Conner slowly steps down to the shaft the ladder creaking with every step, Just when it seems he's almost done the last step breaks sending Conner tumbling down into the flooded shaft.}

Butters: "Conner!"

{Conner like the trooper he is picks himself up and dusts himself off.}

Conner: {winces} "I'm okay just a couple of bruises."

Benjamin: "I can feel the wind blowing the exit must be near."

Kyle: "What did you say?"

Conner: "I said the exit must be near."

Butters: "I don't know Conner are you sure it's safe?"

Conner: "Hold on."

{Conner looks around and finds a box in the corner he tries pushing it but finds it's too heavy suddenly Benjamin helps him push it under the step ladder."

Conner: "Thanks Ben."

Benjamin: "What are big brothers for."

Kyle: "Conner is everything okay?"

Conner: "Yeah we're good."

{The boys come down one by one with the exception of Stan who Kyle and Conner have to help down on account of his hangover.}

Kyle: "It's okay Stan I got you just hold my hand and take it nice and slow!

Stan: {rubs his head.} "Nice and slow okay I can do this {The stepladder distorts due to Stan's hangover looking much deeper than it actually is causing his foot to slip} K-Kyle!"

Kyle: "Hold on Stan! {Kyle grabs his hand tight} I got you just climb back on!"

Stan: {Looks up and sees the ladder twisting and turning he looses his grip and falls down bumping his head in the process.}

Kyle: "Stan!"

{Kyle races down to help while Conner and Butters help him up out of the water}

Conner: "Hold on Stan we got you! {Conner and Butters help him up and set him against the wall.}

Kyle: "Stan!"

{Stan has a cut on his head from when he slipped and fell and his ankle is twisted.}

{Conner takes his hat off and opens up his bag for supplies taking out a canteen some bandages a cotton pad and some Neosporin}

Conner: Kyle hold this for me {He gives the torch to Kyle} It's not too bad but It could get infected!"

{Conner applies the cotton pad to Stan's head then holds it in place with some bandage wrap}

Conner: "This ought to hold for now Stan"

Benjamin: "We better get him out of here now."

Conner: "Which way was the exit?"

Benjamin: "This way follow me."

{Conner helps Stan up and supports him with his shoulder}

Conner: "Alright lead the way."

Stan: "C-Conner who's there?"

Conner: "Benjamin."

{Stan's vision blurs from the impact.}

Stan: "He's really here?"

Conner: "Yeah He's come to rescue us."

{Benjamin shows Conner an opening in a collapsed passage}

Benjamin: "It's just through here watch out it's pretty tight."

{He goes through the passage}

Conner: "I'll go first Stan then help you through."

{Conner crawls into the tight passage Stan is about to follow when Kyle stops him.}

Kyle: "Stan have you noticed Conner been acting strange lately?"

Stan: {Rubs his head} "My head's hurting too much to think."

Kyle: "He's talking to himself almost as if he expects someone to answer."

Butters: "You mean like Dr Janus?"

{Kyle suddenly has a revelation.}

Kyle: "What did you say Butters?"

{Meanwhile Conner crawls through the passage dragging his field pack behind him.}

Conner: "Now I know what a canned ration feels like."

Benjamin: "Tell me about it."

Conner: "I just wanted something to eat that's not too much to ask but no I gotta dodge bullets and helicopters and crawl through tunnels like a f*cking rat!"

"I admit it I screwed up big time bringing an M16 into a school, I wasn't f*cking thinking straight. But that piece of sh*t Counselor just had to keep pushing it! they all had to keep pushing it!"

"They Drew First Blood Not Us."

Benjamin: "You alright back there?"

Conner: Well I'm up to my elbows in dirt squeezing my ass through tight crevices like a sardine in a f*cking tin can not to mention lugging 20lbs of equipment." "Other than that I've never felt better."

{The two brothers come out of the tight passage and discover a shaft with a ladder leading to the surface}

{Conner and Benjamin share a laugh of elation}

Conner: "Son of a bitch!"

Benjamin: " What did I tell you huh?" Your O'l Brother hasn't met the assh*le he couldn't crawl his way out of!"

{Conner runs back to passage and hollers out to the guys.}

Conner: "Hey Guys it's here!" {He laughs}

{Back in the cave the boys are discussing Conner's state of mind!}

Butters: "Are you sure about this Kyle?"

Kyle: "I'm certain of it whoever Conner's been talking to all this time It's not Benjamin!"

{Who is Conner talking to? Is it Buddha? Elvis? Brian Boitano! tune in next chapter to find out.}

{Cuts To Commercial Break.}

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