First Blood First Serve Part 2 Chapter 7

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Nick Assburger
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:33 pm

First Blood First Serve Part 2 Chapter 7

Postby Nick Assburger » Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:38 am

{{Return from Commercial.}}

{In the realm of wherever the hell they are Craig and stripe are sitting and talking to each other.}

Craig: "Well If I can't bend the elements or turn into a giant smurf then what kind of Avatar am I."

Stripe: "You are the Avatar of the Guinea Valley the spirit of Cuymosabe reincarnated."

Craig: "And what does that mean?"

Stripe: "It means deep down inside you lies the power to save the world."

Craig: "Didn't I already do that?"

Stripe: "You were only able to stop Zampona with the aid of a summoning altar without it your power lies dormant."

Craig: "Well that sucks."

Stripe: "Fear not Craig for I shall now explain my part in the story I am the key to opening the inner door to your dormant power."

Craig: "I-I-I need an adult."

Stripe: "I am an adult."

Craig: "Okay but no funny stuff."

Stripe: "I promise now sit perfectly still indian style."

*Craig sits down Indian style.*

Stripe: "Now stay perfectly still and I shall unleash your sleeping power."

Craig: "Okay that sounds kinda cool."

Stripe: "Through interpretive dance."

*Peruvian flute music begins to play as Stripe hops to his hind legs and begins shuffling them while moving his front paws in a jerking motion.*

Craig: "0 0;" WTH?

Stripe: *Begins chirping and squeaking in some sort of bizarre chant.* "Awaken Cuymosabe awaken and fulfill your destiny."* The room begins to brighten up as the grass flows the trees sway and the stars form nazca line constellations while the sun releases a spotlight onto Stripe as he struts his stuff."

Craig: "Uh Stripe how long is this going to take?"

Stripe: "24 hours."

Craig: *crosses his legs together.* "I should have peed when I had the chance."

Stripe: "This is a sacred site Craig hold your bladder."

Craig: "Uh okay." *He looks up to see one of the constellations has formed a waterfall which begins flowing into the room*

Craig: "My only solace is the hope that those four assh*les are as bored as me."

Stripe: *dances by shaking his arms and legs and wiggling his butt.* "Wake up Cuymosabe your humble avatar awaits you wake up!"

Craig: "You think you know someone and then this happens."

{{Back in the temple.}}

Stan: "Craig's not coming back is he."

Kyle: "No I don't think he is."

*Cartman has generously helped himself to the mess rations Conner packed. He stuffs his face with one package of rations after another hoarding it from the others. *

Stan: *notices Cartman stuffing his face.* "Hey where did you get that food Cartman?"

Kyle: "You've been holding out on us all this time? *

*Cartman grabs his M60 and aims it at them.*

Cartman: *stuffing his face full of packed sausage links.* "Stay back this is my food mine!"

*Stan Kyle and Kenny point their weapons at Cartman.*

Kyle: "Cartman you fat bastard."

*We pan back to inside Cartman's backpack to a note that Sgt Halfcock wrote.*

Note: "Dear Conner, Stan ,Kyle, Kenny, Craig, and Tanker Tits I took the liberty of packaging some Meal Ready to Eat Rations for you boys. You may eat what you like but I must warn you to ration what you eat and drink there's only enough for a week and whatever you do do not eat the sausage links or the four fingers of death as we call them in the corps."

Cartman: "Ugh God these are the worst sausage links I've ever eaten."

Kenny: (("Hey give me some of those.")) *Tries to help himself*

Cartman: *swats his hand away* "No Kenny these are my sausage links"

Kenny: (("You just said you hate them.")) *tries to reach for them.*

Cartman: "I hate them but I've got to eat something."

Kyle: "Cartman! don't hog all the rations to yourself you fat bastard."

Cartman: "Screw you Kahl!"

*They begins fighting over the rations hitting kicking biting and tumbling all over the place."

*They hear the sound of helicopters in the distance.*

Stan: "Hey do you hear that?."

Kyle: " Hear what?."

Stan: "Those Helicopters."

*The boys head out and notice Huey helicopters scouring the jungle.*

Stan: "Helicopters!."

Kyle: "Are they looking for us?"

Cartman: "Hey assh*les over here!" *waves his arms up.*

*The other boys raise their arms up and shout for help.*

Kyle: "We're down here!"

Kenny: "((Help us.))

Stan: "Hey!"

*The helicopters fly over them and start firing on the jungle.*

Stan: "Guys I think Conner's still alive."

Kyle: "I don't know Stan those choppers could be just...*An RPG hits one of the helicopters in the distance sending crashing down in flames.* "He's still alive." *picks up his Galil Rifle* Come on let's go!!

Kenny: ((What about Craig?"))

Cartman: "What about that assh*le."

*The boys pick up their weapons and rush off to help Conner.*

Cartman: *pant* "you guys." *pant* "Wait up."

{{Back at Prison Camp.}}

Conner: "YAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!!" *Conner and Benjamin slide down the ladder and run for it as the helicopter they shot down crashes into the tower knocking it over.* "Even when they've been shot down helicopters find a way to piss me off." *picks himself up and picks up his M16.*

Benjamin: "Well suck it up Conner there's more where they came from."

*The two brothers sprint through the gates and into the jungle to meet up with the choir tour.*

Choir kids: *Cheering*

Gregory: "I hate to say it Conner but that was smashing work bang up job."

Christophe: *smiles at him and gives him an epic handshake*

Conner: *Smiles and wrestles against Christophe*

Kelly: "So what do we do now?"

Conner: "We can't run for the radio hut it's too hot We'll head for Macchu Pichuu that's our extraction point."

Quintuplet: "That's several miles my sister won't make it on her injured leg."

Conner: "Can you carry her?"

Quintuplet: "We can try."

*They help Glaces up and offer her their shoulders.*

Conner : "Everybody stay together and follow us."

Gregory: "Us?"

Conner: *Looks over at Benjamin.* "Me that's what I said."

Gregory: "I thought you said... *Gunshots followed by dogs barking.*

Christophe: *Feels a shiver up his spine and grips his shovel tightly and whispers* "Chiens." ((French for dogs.))


Christophe: "Juste mon jour de chance aujourd'hui." ((Just my lucky day today.))

*La Resistance leads the group deeper into the jungle while back at the camp a zebra striped helicopter lands and a man with a white beard and mustache dressed in a safari clothes steps out followed by several armed men. Those die hard South Park fans will recognize him as William Connelly leader of the Super Adventure Club.*

*Connelly Surveys the damage through sunglasses as a large muscular man sporting a buzzcut and a scout uniform walks up to him.*

Connelly: "Well Graizer What's the damage?"

((Mr Graizer aka Mr Slippyfist was the boys scout leader after Big Gay Al was fired in Cripple fight.))

Mr Graizer: "The damage is very extensive Sir, The intruder destroyed the side armory, the stage area, the front gate, several towers, several vehicles including one of our gunships and killed about 43 of guards."

Connelly: "You just can't find good help these days. "What's the status of the of the prisoners?"

Mr Graizer: "They escaped, Somehow every last one of the little bastards got out including our dancing girls."

Connelly: "That's very unfortunate for them and for you Graizer." *He snaps his fingers.*

Mr Graizer: "No Please Sir not that."

Connelly: "Yes That." *Mr Graizer's junk is force choked causing his voice to rises several octaves.* "They may give out second chances in the Adventure Club but there is no room for failure in the Super Adventure Club!" *Lighting Flashes.*

Mr Graizer: "Please Sir I know who it is just give another chance."

Connelly: "Fair Enough Chef release him." * A large black cyborg in a chefs hat steps out of the helicopter gripping his hand tightly in a fist.*

Darth Chef: {Voice of Peter Serafinowicz} "As you wish." *He releases Mr Graizer's balls.*

Connelly: "You have 30 seconds."

Mr Graizer: "His name is Conner Kurtz He's a Private in the United States Young Marine Corps Youth Group. I know him from a personal experience.." *A perverted smirk crosses his face.*


Conner: "Sir where are all the other recruits?"

Mr Graizer: *Holds up a camera.* "Oh They'll be here soon." *Unzips his pants.* "Now strip down son that's an order."

Conner: " Sir what's with the camera? Why are you taking your pants off? Why are you looking at me like that? No Mr

Graizer please don't touch my rifleman!"

Graizer: "Oh Please Call me Mr Slippyfist everyone does."

Sergeant Halfcock: *bursts in* "What the hell's going on in here."


*Sergeant Halfcock sees what's happening and beats the crap out of Mr Graizer with a furious series of kicks. Conner even gets in a double dropkick to groin followed by a windmill kick.*


*Shows Mr Graizer's kicked in the balls face*

*Flashback ends*

Mr Graizer: "That little bastard shattered both my testicles and got my name on the Young Marine Corps watch list. I had to change my name and move to Colorado."

Connelly: "Thank you for your life story Mr Graizer but that doesn't answer the question of why I should let you live after letting Kurtz do this to my camp?"

Mr Graizer: "Because I know how he thinks Sir."

Connelly: "You have until sunset tomorrow when the stars align we must get the chosen one by then or it will be your balls that get kicked Mr Graizer."

{{Back to Craig and Stripe.}}

Craig: *feels a chill* "I don't know why but suddenly I feel like I'm going to get dragged into something against my will."

Stripe: *Is still dancing by the way* "Just remain perfectly still Craig only 19 hours to go Oh yeah break it down mama!"

{Back to the Super Adventure Club.}

Mr Graizer: "Y-yes Sir thank you Sir You won't be sorry." *Blows on his whistle* "ALRIGHT YOU MAGGOTS FORM UP IT'S TIME TO GET BACK OUR HERD!!!!

{The Super Adventure Club begins mobilizing it's remaining forces. Guards grab weapons from their huts and man Jeeps, Helicopters and Boats to begin the hunt for La Resistance and the Choir.}

Mr Graizer: {Close up of his eyes.} "I'll find you Kurtz if it's the last thing I do AND THEN YOUR ASS IS GONNA BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!! WHEN I'M THRU WITH IT."

{Back with the Choir Conner suddenly feels a sharp pain in his butt, His pupils dilate as he flashes back to memories of Mr Slippyfist.}

*Repeat of earlier flashback.*

Benjamin: "It was Mr Slippyfist again wasn't it?"

Conner: "Yeah I have no idea why?"

Gregory: "Conner are you alright? Your talking to yourself."

Conner: "Yeah I'm fine." * Suddenly he hears several gunshots.* "Everybody get down now." *The choir goes prone.* "Christophe you and Prince Charming stay here and guard the flock I'm gonna go recon where those shots came from."

*He gets up and slowly walks forward in a crouched position.*

Gregory: *mutters* " Christophe this Jarhead is really getting on my nerves."

Christophe: "He's a con but he's my kind of con." ((French for assh*le.)) *Gregory glares at him.*

*Conner slowly walks through the forest eyes down the sight looking for targets. He hears something moving through the grass in front of him.*

"Is it gone?"

* Conner goes Prone.*

"I think so."

"Jeez Stan it was just a little snake."

*Conner lowers his M16 and draws his Ka Bar*

"Yeah no need to go peeing your pants like a little bitch Stan."

*They get closer*

"I'm not a bitch Cartman! I just don't like snakes"


"This is why I should lead the way on a count of I'm the toughest and the bravest."


"Oh Please you got your ass kicked by Wendy."


"That Ho Cheated."


"How did she cheat Cartman?"


"She hit me when my back was..*Is suddenly grabbed from behind and taken down by Conner who holds his Ka Bar to Cartman's throat.*

Cartman:*Shivels up crying* "Meeeem MEEEEM!!!!

Kyle: "Conner!" *hugs him* I'm so glad to see you!"

Conner: *Gets off Cartman and hugs him back* "You too Kyle?"

Kenny: (("I'm so glad to not be meeting up with you in hell."))

Conner: "What smells? Probably Cartman's pants."

Stan: "AHHH!! SNAKE!!! Oh Hi Conner."

Conner: "Glad you guys made it out alright." *looks around.* "Where's Craig?"

Kyle: "He's...around."

{{Back to Craig and Stripe.}}

*Craig stand perfectly still While Stripe continues to dance having moved to a reggae beat. He begins to feel an itching feeling in his middle finger he knows he wants no needs to raise it once just once anything to relive the boredom. Slowly he raises his finger to flip the bird but suddenly.*



Stripe: "I told you to remain perfectly still I can't unlock your sleeping power if your moving all about."

Craig: *attempts to flip him off.*

Stripe: "Try it Mister and I'll bite it off like it was a carrot stick."

Craig: *puts it down* "I always thought If my Guinea Pig could talk back I would be so happy."

{{Back with the boys.}}

*Conner leads the boys back to the choir.*

Conner: "It's all clear! You can come out."

*The Choir comes out of the grass.*

Gregory: "About Bloody time you got back." *Notices Stan.* "Stanley."

Stan: "Gregory."

Christophe: "Oh Putain." ((Oh F#ck.))

{{Cut to Commercial.}}

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