First Blood First Serve Part 2 Chapter 9

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Nick Assburger
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:33 pm

First Blood First Serve Part 2 Chapter 9

Postby Nick Assburger » Thu Apr 03, 2014 7:43 pm

{Return from commercial}

{ As the sun rises over the guinea valley The Super Adventure Club begins it's manhunt for the escaped prisoners on land sea and air. A convoy of trucks ,jeeps and armored cars led by Mr Graizer in a large double barrel tank rolls out of the camp while a squadron of hind helicopters searches the jungles overhead. In the lead hind gunship William Connelly and survey the scene.}

Connelly: "All forces report in. Ground forces."

Graizer: *Is inside the tank wearing a army helmet.* "Graizer here we're rolling over."

Connelly: "Naval patrol."

{On the river several patrol boats cruise along.}

Patrol commander over radio: "Naval patrol here no sign of activity on the river over."

Connelly: "Air cavalry!"

Outside several other hinds and UH1 gunships fly in formation with Connelly's helicopter.

Air Cavalry: "Air cavalry locked in loaded! over"

Connelly: "Affirmative all forces the prisoners are holed up in the ruins there's nowhere for them to run. close in and surround the temple and Graizer If Kurtz shows up you know what to do."

Graizer: "Roger that over and out."

Darth Chef: "The time of the prophecy is nigh soon the Super Adventure Club will be all powerful."

The camera pans in on his face as suspenseful music plays.

Suddenly the radio comes back on.

Graizer: "This is Slippy fist we have a problem."

Connelly: "What is it Graizer?

Graizer: "The convoy's stuck."

Connelly: "Stuck on what?"

Grazer: "Well....."

Graizer has rear ended a sleeping guinea creature driving the tank onto it's back treads in the doggy position.

The beast squeaks in surprise and the jungle begins to shake.

Graizer: "Uhh Uh Oh!"

Back to Craig and Stripe.

Stripe: *Stops dancing and rubs his butt* "Ow I felt that."

Craig: "What is it Stripe?"

Stripe: "Someone somewhere just drove a tank right up a guinea creatures ass."

Craig just looks at his guinea pig for moment before they both break into uncontrolled laughter.

Back in the jungle a herd of Guinea creature's stampede out of the jungle and towards the convoy.

Graizer: "RETREAT!"

The convoy pulls back as the guinea creatures stampede toward them knocking over several jeeps and trucks. Several Super Adventure Club soldiers are mauled and nibbled to death.

French Soldier: "My Legs z'hey are gone like ze frogs!"

Thai soldier: "Chwy chan dwy!!" ((Help me.))

Australian soldier: "Crikey me Arm!!"

Canadian soldier: "Sir you gotta get us outta here the men they're eating them like Kraft Dinna THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME ARGH *Farts* It Hurts!!!"

From the helicopter Connelly watches as the carnage below.

Connelly: "Graizer."

Graizer: "Sir!"

Connelly: "Leave them consolidate what's left of your force and proceed with the mission."

Graizer: "Understood."

Connelly: "And Graizer."

Graizer: "Yes sir?"

Connelly:" Try not to hit anymore Guinea pigs."


Graizer: "Sir Yes Sir."

Graizer backs the tank off of the guinea creature leaving to two huge tread marks down it's back.

Meanwhile La Resistance treks through the jungle, unbeknownst to Gregory and The Mole but known to Conner they are accompanied by Benjamin.

Gregory: "Conner are you sure you know where your going I mean you saw where it went down?"

Conner: "Saw it? I was in it."

Gregory: "What exactly did you say brought it down?"

Conner: "A guinea dragon."

Gregory: "A guinea dragon?"

Conner: "That's right."

Christophe: "Guinea dragons and here I was all worried about dogs."

Conner: "Those dogs are gonna be pussycats compared to we'll likely face in the jungle."

Christophe: "Not that z'he camp is any better, It's still better z'hen z'hat pussy bible camp Moth'zer z'ent me to."

Conner: "Better being some 40 year old man butt buddy?"

Christophe: "e'et's actually sort of the same."

Suddenly the jungle trembles and shakes.

Benjamin: "Conner something's coming."

Conner: "Everybody hit the deck."

The boys duck down just in time for a gigantic guinea poodle wearing a giant pink collar that says Princess to clear two trees and stomp into view.

Christophe: "Oh Merde you've got to be f*cking kidding me."

Princess begins sniffing around near them she catches a scent and sniffs around.

Benjamin: "Oh sh*t she's gonna smell us out."

Princess squeaks and moves over to where Christophe is sniffing within inches of the little french boy who's biting down on his shirt to keep from screaming.

Christophe: *Thinking* "MON ANE Z'HIS IS IT EATEN BY A GIANT GUINEA POODLE OH ZE IRONY. ARE YOU Z'HERE GOD E'ET'S ME ZE MOLE I KNOW YOUR UP Z'HERE ON YOUR FUCKEE'NG CLOUD LAUGHING YOUR homosexual ASS OFF AT MY MISFORTUNE! BUT I WILL NOT REPENT I WILL NOT BEND OVER AND LET YOU BUTTFUCK ME!!!! I AM CHRISTOPHE DELORNE YOU MAY TAKE MY LIFE BUT I WILL DIE WITH DIGNITY!!!!" {His eyes go wide as Princess smells his butt.} "OW MY DIGNITY!!!!"

Princess sniffs Christophe and proceeds to lick him covering his back with slobber, Christophe turns around just in time to get his face licked by princess's tongue. the massive creature lays still wagging her puffy tail.

Christophe: "You've got to be sh*tting me."

Conner Gregory and Benjamin turn around.

Gregory: "I think she likes you Christophe."

Christophe: *Dead pan* "Yippee."

Conner: "YOU DON'T FOOL ME YOU FURRY BITCH!!!" {He aims his M16 at Princess.}

Christophe: "ZHAT'S IT CONNER BLOW IT TO KINDOM COME!!!

Benjamin also raises his M16

Benjamin: "THE KURTZ FAMILY SENDS IT'S f*cking REGARDS FLEABAG!!!!


Conner and Benjamin both fire grenades at Princess but the rounds simply bounce off her hide and fail to detonate.

Benjamin: "It It had no effect. AFFIX BAYONETS."

Conner and Benjamin remove the M203 launchers and affix bayonets


Conner: CHARGE!!!!!

They charge the Guinea creature but their bayonets simply snap off earning Conner a lick to the face.


Conner: "GREGORY CHRISTOPHE! RUN FOR THE CRASH SITE I'LL HOLD IT OFF GO NOW!!!

Conner throws a flash bang and they race off thru the jungle.

Conner: "DON'T STOP KEEP GOING!"

Christophe: {COUGHS} STE'TCH I'M GETTING A STE'TCH IN MY SIDE.

Gregory: "YOU SHOULD HAVE QUIT SMOKING WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE."

Christophe: "GREGORY I SWEAR IN ZE TRUNK OFF A f*cking CLIFF"

CONNER: "LESS TALKING MORE RUNNING!"

The Boys continue running while Princess just follows them slowly off screen.

Benjamin: "CONNER LOOK OVER THERE IT'S THE PLANE."

The wreckage of the cargo plane sits on the edge of a perilous cliff

Christophe: "What did you say?"

Conner: "I said look over there it's the plane."

Christophe: "Z'his better be f*cking worth it Kurtz."

Conner: "It will be I promise."

The boys reach the plane and find the cargo strewn around from the crash.

Conner: "Alright split up and search for supplies."

The boys split up and search the wreckage for any supplies. Conner looks through a box labeled Meals ready to eat.

Conner: "Rations are still here. Christophe any luck?"

Christophe picks up a medical kit

Christophe: {Puts on a bandaid.} "Z'here's a first aid kit here here not much else. {He looks down and sees a package of cigarettes} E'llo Whats Z'his? {A heavenly aura surrounds it.} "Nice try you bastard but I'm no one's beetch."

Conner finishes packaging food and starts raiding the armory

Gregory looks through the cockpit finding most of the controls fried.

Gregory: {Notices a radio on the floor.} "A radio Conner! Christophe! I found a radio!

Conner and Christophe come running to the cockpit.

Conner: "This is perfect." {He checks it out.} Battery's still good {Turns it on.} "Milkman to Dairyland Milkman to Dairyland come in Dairyland."


Back at the inner sanctum Conner comes in over the radio.

Conner over the radio: "Milkman to Dairyland come in Dairyland."

Radio operator: "Mr President, Sergeant Halfcock Mrs Garthunk! I've got Kurtz on the horn."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Hand me the Mic." {He picks up the mic.} "This is Dairyland It's good to hear from you Conner."

Conner: "It's good to hear you too sir."



Sergeant Halfcock: "We lost contact with you when the plane went down what happened?"

Conner: "Flight crew got fried by an unfriendly local."

Sergeant Halfcock: "What's the status of the rest of the team."

Conner: "Rest of the team is alive and well."

Sergeant Halfcock: "And the missing Choir."

Conner: "I'll give you the abridged version Mission complete prisoners have been liberated and are awaiting extraction at Machuu Pichuu Ruins request medevac for the injured and Close air support against hostile forces!

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that Conner what kind of hostile forces are we expecting?"

Conner: "Aside from the local wildlife we have the kidnappers to worry about They're heavily armed with automatic weapons helicopter gunship support and heavy armor."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that Conner We'll contact Buckley Air Force Base and see about getting some air support."

Conner: "Roger that we're head back to the temple. I'll contact you again when we're safely back at base."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that over an out."

In the helicopter William P Connelly and Darth Chef listen in on their conversation.

Connelly: "That's all we need to hear {Gets on the radio} Attention helicopter squadron proceed to the crash site Graizer head on to the temple."

Graizer: "Yes sir."

Connelly: "Those noose is tightening around your balls Kurtz Soon the Chosen One's Ass will ours and the Super Adventure Club will rule the world."

Elsewhere Craig suddenly gets a shiver up his spine.

Craig: "Stripe I got a strange feeling that I might get raped before this is over."

Stripe is still dancing and is now wearing a little sombrero and playing two maracaas.

Stripe: "Areeba reeba Buenos Dias espiritu Cuymosabe hora de despertar." ( Good Morning spirit of Cuymosabe time to wake up)

Craig: "Ugh!"

Back the crash site La Resistance is finishing up. Conner raids the armory for some weapons.

Conner: "All right load up you two." {He gives Christophe a bag of firearms he's gathered up.} "We're rolling out."

Christophe: 0 0 "Merde Alors" You really are ready to start world war 3."

Gregory: "Bloody hell Conner."

Conner gives Gregory a Steyer AUG rifle and a magazine.

Conner: "Best not to take chances out there. safety's already off and I already loaded it."

Gregory: "THIS IS LOADED!"

Conner: "Damn straight now let's move out."

The boys are stopped at the sound of rotors.

Gregory: "Helicopters." {He turns to Conner.} "You called for rescue right?"

Conner: "Yeah but I didn't think they's get here so fast."

They head for the exit door only to realize the helicopters in question are not a rescue choppers but Hind gunships.

Conner: "sh*t IT'S THEM! GET BACK INSIDE NOW!!!"

Connelly: "Pilot fire when ready."

Pilot: "Roger."

The hind opens fire on the crashed plane it's shells ripping through the fuselage.

Conner: "MOVE MOVE MOVE!!!!"

Conner Gregory and The Mole race to the cockpit and take shelter in it.

Christophe: "Fils de pute." (Son of a Bitch.) What z'e f*ck do we do now."

One of the helicopters shines a searchlight on the cockpit.

Conner: "GET DOWN!"

A scout helicopter opens fire tearing into the fuselage around the cockpit splitting it in two and putting the boys in danger of plunging off the cliff On the ground Conner spots an M72 rocket launcher and the lever for the pilot ejection seat.

Conner: "GET IN THE SEATS!"

Gregory: WHAT?

Conner: "GREGORY DON'T ARGUE WITH ME JUST STRAP YOURSELVES IN."

Christophe: "I got a feeling I'm not going to like this."

The gazelle returns armed with a loud speaker which Connelly uses to address Conner."

Connelly: "Cheerio Kurtz I must admit you've proven to be the most dangerous prey I've ever had the pleasure of tracking but the game is over and I've clearly won.

Conner: {Whispers} "Strap yourselves in and when I say go count to 3 and pull that lever on the side of the chair."

Gregory: "Danger ejection seat release."

Christophe: "I knew I wasn't gonna like this."

Connelly: "Your completely surrounded surrender and make it easy on yourself."

Gregory:" What about you?"

Conner: "Don't worry about me just go!"

Conner forces them into the seats and helps them strap in. He then picks up the rocket launcher and loads it."

Connelly: "You have until the count of three penis. 1 penis."

Conner: "Go!"

Connelly: "2 penis."

Gregory: 1

Christophe: Deux.

Connelly: "3 penis. Alright Kurtz consider this your military funeral."

The Gazelle pilot puts his thumb on the fire button just as Gregory and Christophe pull their levers and eject out of the cockpit. The pilot surprised takes his finger off the fire button long enough for Conner to fire a rocket straight at him.

Pilot: {Screams} BOOOM!!!!

The helicopter is blown to smithereens but Conner's celebration is short lived as Connelly's Hind closes in for the kill.

Connelly: "Very impressive Kurtz I underestimated you a mistake I will not make twice."

Benjamin suddenly rushes into the cockpit.

Benjamin: "CONNER WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!!!!"

Conner rushes alongside his imaginary dead brother down into the cargo just as Connelly's hind opens fire with everything it's got auto cannon rounds and rockets rip apart the crashed plane breaking it in half and sending the cockpit over the cliff.

Conner: "RAAAARRRRRRRGH!!!!!"

Conner manages to leap to the tail end of the plane but looses his footing at it tilts over the side. Conner manages to maintain his grip by grabbing onto various parts of the frame like a jungle gym.

Benjamin: "CONNER COME ON YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!!!

Conner sees his brother reaching out for him pulls himself upward he manages to grab onto a large crate tethered to a cargo net when the tail end lurches suddenly and the net snaps sending Conner tumbling down and a crate headed right for him. Conner hits his shoulder on the side of frame the crate barely missing him as it plunges over the cliff.

Benjamin: "CONNER HURRY!!"

Conner injured but determined not to die pulls himself up the dangling net toward his brother's hand.

Benjamin: "THAT'S IT JUST A LITTLE MORE!!"

Just when Benjamin is in his grasp the tail plunges over the side.

Benjamin: "NO CONNER!!!!

Above him Gregory and The Mole watch in horror.

Gregory: "CONNER!!!"

Christophe: "Douce Marie Mere De Dieu!!!" ((Sweet Mary Mother of God.)) {He looks over at Gregory.} "You heard nothing."

Conner realizing he's got seconds left grabs the first thing he can an inflatable life raft.

Conner: "Well at least it's not a fridge."

He pulls himself to the emergency door opens the handle and jumps out pulling the life rafts cord as he does. Pulling himself aboard he braces for impact as the inflating raft plunges into the jungle.

Will Conner survive his deadly plunge? Will his comrades in La Resistance ever see him again? And much more is Stripe going to dance?

The answers to these questions and more will be answered.....right now yes {Conner's raft lands in a river safely} yes {Gregory and Christophe land safety.} and a lot more. {Stripe is now wearing a cute widdle grass skirt and dancing Hula.}

Craig: "This story sucks ass."

{Cut to commercial.}

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