The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

A General discussion about everything other than South Park

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Thunderhorse
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Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:09 pm

Postby Thunderhorse » Sun Mar 04, 2007 10:25 pm

From 'Hit and Run'

Homer:"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!"

Homer:"I'd like to help you, (Afraid) but there's a spider near the keys.(Normal) Oh, wait, it's gone."
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triplemultiplex
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Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 5:24 am

Postby triplemultiplex » Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:33 pm

"Psshh, who cares about facts? You can prove just about anything that's even remotely true with facts."

----

"Look at all those idiots paying thier taxes at the last minute. I paid my taxes over a year ago."
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You read it! You can't unread it!
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:05 pm

Insurance adjuster: "This place "Moe's" you were coming from; what kind of establishment is it?"

Homer's brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar! Oh, but what else is open that late?"

Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
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You read it! You can't unread it!
swellman7
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Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2006 6:27 pm

Postby swellman7 » Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:05 pm

Homer (at dinner table): "I'm always open to new Ideas"

Homer (looks at his plate): "ONIONS? IN THE PEAS? WHAT THE HELL!!?"
Aym_Dand
Posts: 2236
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:31 am

Postby Aym_Dand » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:50 pm

triplemultiplex wrote:Insurance adjuster: "This place "Moe's" you were coming from; what kind of establishment is it?"

Homer's brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar! Oh, but what else is open that late?"

Homer: "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."


Homer's brain: "Heh heh, I would have never thought of that."
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I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI

http://www.gonefiction.com
Clyde Donovan
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:05 am

Postby Clyde Donovan » Fri Mar 16, 2007 7:19 pm

"I love you pepsi" that cracks me up everytime i hear that!
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triplemultiplex
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Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 5:24 am

Postby triplemultiplex » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:10 pm

(Homer struggles to run on a treadmill in the background)

Agent Mulder: "What's the purpose of this test, Scully?"

Agent Scully: "There's no purpose. I just thought he could use some exercise."

Agent Mulder: "The rythmic jiggling of his fat; it's so hypnotic."

Agent Scully: "It's like watching a lava lamp."
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Jay C
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Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Postby Jay C » Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:11 pm

Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet?
Homer: He'll show.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: It's his job.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: He's a burglar.

[The theme from Dragnet begins playing as Skinner and Homer nod to each other, with increasing frequency]

-----

Lenny: So long, Dental Plan!
Homer: [Begins thinking]
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Carl: [Drops a pencil into Homer's pants] Bulls-eye!
Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl! Now I've lost my train of thought! [Begins thinking again]
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Lenny [In Homer's head]: Dental Plan!
Marge [In Homer's head]: Lisa needs braces!
Homer: [Slowly] If we give up our Dental Plan... I'll have to pay for Lisa's Braces!

-----

Homer: [playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips] Ew! Don't try to eat these so called 'chips'.
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
Homer: Oh... heh, yeah. [takes four cards] D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, Woo-Hoo!
Moe: I'm in.
Lenny: I'm in.
Carl: I'm in.
Barney: I'm in. [belches]
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing. [lays out cards]
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa! [takes chips and looks at cards]
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this *every* time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
Aym_Dand
Posts: 2236
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:31 am

Postby Aym_Dand » Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:12 pm

Dr. Nick Riviera: "'Inflammable' means flammable? What a country!"
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I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI

http://www.gonefiction.com
love*metal
Posts: 1381
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 11:11 pm

Postby love*metal » Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:20 pm

Homer: ''Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!''
Homer's Brain: ''Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!''
Homer: ''Explain how!''
Homer's Brain: ''Money can be exchanged for goods and services!''
Homer: ''Woo-hoo!''

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(Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone])
Homer: ''I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush''.
Homer's Brain: ''There it is Homer, The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it''.
Homer: ''D'oh!''
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Jay C
Posts: 4299
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Postby Jay C » Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:58 pm

[Lisa is strangling Bart]
Homer: Lisa, no! Your hands are too weak! [begins strangling Bart]

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Duff Man: [watering his plants] That brown spot needs some H2OOO! OOOH YEEEAAAHHH!!
Moe: [Moe walks up to him] Hey, Duffman! How would you like a sticker on YOUR face?
Duff Man: [Moe slaps the sticker onto his face, Duff man falls to the ground, struggling to get the sticker off] Duffman... can't breath! Oh NO!!

-----

Lenny: [Homer is on his way to bowling a perfect game. Lenny calls the waitress as Homer is about to roll the ball] Miss! Miss!
[Homer looks back at Lenny]
Lenny: Sorry. I was calling the waitress.
[Homer looks back to the pins]
Lenny: Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
[Waitress takes banana split]
Homer: [Homer looks back at Lenny] Lenny...
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumwad?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth.
[Homer throws the bowling ball at Lenny. Lenny groans in pain]
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
AngusMcTavish
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Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:52 am

Postby AngusMcTavish » Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:54 pm

My favorite part of the "Truckasaurus" ad:

"If you miss this, you better be dead! Or in jail! And if you're in jail, BREEEAAAK OOOOOUUUUUUT!!!"
EPAF
Posts: 1788
Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 6:29 pm

Postby EPAF » Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:03 am

One of my favourite moments out of the whole collection:

[After spilling all the tools and pieces of the barbecue into the cement] Homer: "Ohhhhh, english side ruined....must...use...french instructions......'Le Grill'? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! *deseration groans as he tries to build it himself*
[Whatever amount fo minutes later] Homer: "Yeh, that is one fine looking grill........*looking away from the picture* WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT!? ARGHHHH!!!"
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crazyQH wrote:Ok EPAF, I'm officially granting you the title of having the best dream ever.
triplemultiplex
Posts: 6124
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 5:24 am

Postby triplemultiplex » Sun Mar 25, 2007 3:43 am

Sign gag at the Kwik-E-Mart:

Premium Gormet Hot Dogs
8 for 99 cents
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Thunderhorse
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Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:09 pm

Postby Thunderhorse » Wed Mar 28, 2007 4:43 am

Smithers:They weren't saying Boo, they were saying Boo-erns!
Burns:Were you guys saying Boo-erns?
Crowd:BOO!
Moleman:I was saying Boo-erns...
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