Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, Sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!
-Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
"Ah, for the days when air travel was a gentleman's pursuit; before any Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham."
"Quimby; if you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you.
(Payed for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee)"
Bart: "Milhouse, what happened? You were supposed to be the night watchman."
Milhouse: "And I watched the whole thing. First it started falling down, and then it fell down."
You read it! You can't unread it!
See you in the car!
"Yo, uh... Wallet inspector!"
"Here you go. I'm sure you'll find that everything's in perfect order..."
"Whoa, so this is what it feels like to be robbed. I've gotta go see my therapist, and rob his ass."
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you, too, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Oh, shut up!
Band leader: For our next song, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you like the Doobie Brothers, because we've got one of them!
Bart: OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it.
(Three kids in a row, two are wearing cowboy garb, the other is on his back.)
Lisa: Howdy, y'all! I'm Annie Oakley!
Nelson: I'm Kevin Costner in one of his many Western film roles!
Ralph: I'm a gulch!
Homer: (Pterodactyl noise).
Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
Homer: There's a question here that's crossed out.
Naval Reserve Man: Due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask this question anymore...
Homer: I think I can figure it out: "Are you a homossexual?"
Naval Reserve Man: Please, sir, don't answer it. I could go to jail!
Homer: But I'm not a ho(interrupted)
Naval Reserve Man: Lalalalalala, I am not listening, lalalalalala (runs away).
Homer: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay.
Burns: You'd kneel before me, wouldn't you, Smithers?
Smithers: Boy, would I...
Monkeys: "Yes we finally made a monkey-"
Troy McClure: "You fi-nally made a mon-key out of Meeeee... I Love You Dr. Zaius!"
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.
Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart: You com'ere a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?
Bart: Hey Duffman
Duffman: Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymore, I'm just plain old Barry Duffman, oh yeah.
EDIT: I fixed up the 'Hugh Jazz' quote
Mr. Burns: "Uh, this could take a while. Smithers, why don't you get drunk and stumble around for my amusement?"
Mr. Smithers: "I'll be a one-man conga line, sir."
"If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a piece of hose."
Rex Banner: "You're out there, Beer Baron, and I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do."
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "No you won't!"
Rex Banner: "Yes I will!"
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "Bullsh.....!"
You read it! You can't unread it!
Homer: "Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the CREAMY middles. Sure, I might offend a few the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors. Oh, I'll never be the DARLING of the so-called 'CITY FATHERS,' who CLUCK their tongue, STROKE their beard and talk about, 'What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?'"
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