The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[triplemultiplex]

Homer (to Dr. Hibbert at the cookout): I've got the prescription for you: Another hot beef injection!

corrected.

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"How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but then it ended up in tragedy."

----

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such medical films as Alice Doesn't Live Anymore and Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?"

---

Lionel Hutz: "I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer."

[Taranis_Music]

Lady: Can I help you?

Bart: My baby turtle crawled into your basement!

Lady: Aww, what's his name?

Bart: (Looking at the first thing he sees) Uhh...apron..boobs...face...

[love*metal]

Moe - ''Hey everybody, I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face with a big butt and my butt stinks and I like sniff my own butt''.

[Aym_Dand]

Milhouse: "When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?!"

[treefiddy_350]

Woman: Gavin, don't you already have this game?
Gavin: No, Mom, you idiot! I have Bloodstorm, and Bone Squad, and Bloodstorm II, stupid.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. We'll take a Bonestorm.
Gavin: Get two. I'm not sharing with Kaitlin!
Bart: That must be the happiest kid in the world.

[triplemultiplex]

"Homer's a great nuclear safety inspector, but I don't know if I trust him with my garbage."

----

Mrs. Krabapple: "Embiggens? I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield."

Miss Hoover: "I don't know why; it's a perfectly cromulent word."

----

"Indeed, he embiggens the role with his cromulent performance."

----

"Attempted murder. Now, honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"

[kacy__sp]

Grandpa: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

[AngusMcTavish]

(A personal favorite from the beginning, with them playing Scrabble.)

Bart: My turn. "Kwyjibo." K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points, plus triple word score, plus 50 points for using all my letters, game's over, I'm outta here.
Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is!
Bart: Kwyjibo. A big...dumb...balding...North American ape...with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper...
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape!!!
Bart (as the chase is on): Uh oh, kwyjibo on the loose!

------------

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

------------

Ralph: If aquarium gravel is bad for you, why does it taste so good?
(Was this off an episode? I've only seen it on magnets.)

[triplemultiplex]

Mr. Burns: "Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop."

Smithers: "Ice cream scoop?"

Mr. Burns: "Dammit man, this is brain surgery, not rocket science!"

---

Bart: "Mom, I'm hungry. Can we go Catholic so we get booze and communion wafers at church?"

Marge: "No one's going Catholic. Three kids is enough, thank you."

---

"Oh, they've got the internet on computers now."

[Aym_Dand]

Ralph: "So... you... like... stuff?"

[triplemultiplex]

"Everybody knows all the best bands are affiliated with Satan."

---

"I love this pedestrian mall; there's barely any traffic."

---

Government spook: "We received a report that a Lisa Simpson spotted a UFO."

Lisa: "I didn't see any UFO!"

Government spook: "Thats right; YOU DIDN'T."

---

"Hey, if you don't like it, move to Russia."

[iceiwynd]

Agent: Troy! Mac Parker. Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?
Troy McClure: Uh... The movie or the planet?

---

Teacher: Skinner said the teachers will crack at any minute, purple monkey dishwasher.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well! We'll show him! ESPECIALLY for that purple monkey dishwasher remark!

---

Bart: Thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitney Ford!

---

Bart: Aw look, you're getting cranky, you haven't had your juice.
Milhouse: Well, my straw broke off in the carton... That's not the point!

---

Homer: And these Hardy Boys books are great, too! This one's about smugglers!
Bart: They're all about smugglers.
Homer: No, not this one. "The Smugglers of Pirate Cove." It's about pirates.

---

Mr. Burns: Their flower power is no match for my GLOWER power!

[triplemultiplex]

^^^
"That's some nice glowering, Mr. B."

---

"Alright people, we've got an escaped octopus on the roof of Springfield Elementary School!"

----

"You gave away both dogs?! You know how I feel about giving!"

---

"Hey everybody, look at me! I'm the Prime Minister of Ireland!"

---

"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

[tweet_pea]

Bart, reflecting on his comic strip in 'Angry Dad':

'Well, I'm my own toughest critic but I think it's genius'

[AngusMcTavish]

Moe: Now, Homer, you should never drink to forget your problems.
Barney: Yeah, Homer. You're supposed to drink to enhance your social skills. (BELCH!!!)

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Favorite verse from the Canyonero jingle:
It blinds everything with its super hi-beams,
A squirrel-squishin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine,
Canyonerooooo........Canyonero!