The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[iceiwynd]

Sideshow Bob: Madam, your children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred trouble-makers.
Homer: Lisa too?
Sideshow Bob: ESPECIALLY Lisa! But ESPECIALLY Bart!

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"Bad dog! Bad cat! Bad fawn!"

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"No hen without cock. I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language, because it is not in ours."

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Cletus: I shouldn't of given him away. Seems I misheard my wife, what she said was, she's tired of having rabies.
Brandine: Give me back my belly fruit!

[triplemultiplex]

"What's wrong with hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had sex!"

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"Welcome to the real world, hippies!"

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"I don't know the scientifc explanation for it, but fire made it good."

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"Ah'll kill that Mr. Burns! ...and wound that Mr. Smithers."

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"Ah, don't feel bahd. There's nary an animal alive that can out-run a greased Scotsman."

[love*metal]

Squeeky voice teen - ''Here's your taco sir''

Krusty - ''I don't want it!''

Squeeky voice teen - ''But this comes out of my salary. If I had a girlfriend she'd kill me!''


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Otto - ''METALLICA RULES!!!''

[AngusMcTavish]

Skinner: There will be no more mockery of your name, Mr. Glasscock.

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Otto: Sorry, little dudes. Party Hardy is tardy.

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Homer (to Capt. Lance Murdock): You think you've got guts, try raising my kids.

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Bart (to Homer, who's in a coma): I know I've gotten you mad a few times.
(More than many scenes with Homer yelling "D'oh!")

[Aym_Dand]

Lyle Lanley: "A town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. Nobody knows how he got it and dang if he knows how to use it!"

[triplemultiplex]

Lenny: "Look, Homer's got one of them robot cars."

<Homer's car crashes>

Carl: "One of those American robot cars."

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"I say, shake it madam; capitol knockers!"

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Rex Banner: "Are you the beer baron?"

Comic book guy: "Yes, but only by night. By day I am a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper."

[iceiwynd]

Homer, Marge, and Bart: Go to your room, Lisa!

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Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had a goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

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Bart: My tummy hurts! (Nelson glares at Bart and raises his fist) Stomach! Gut! Crap factory! (Nelson lowers his fist and smiles.)

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Moe: Garage? Ooh, well la-dee-dah, Mr. French Man!
Homer: Well, what do you call it?
Moe: A car hole.

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"Nine hundred dollaree-doos?!"

[Jay C]

B.T. Barlow: Mr. Mayor, I have a question for you... what if YOU came home one night to find your family tid up and gagged, with SOCKS in their mouths. They're screaming. Your trying to get in but there's too much BLOOD on the knob!
Quimby: What is your question about?
B.T. Barlow: It's about the budget sir.

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Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.

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Laywer: Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say Die, Bart, Die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for 'The Bart, The."
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

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Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[Joey runs out of the bar sobbing]
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

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Krusty: Lets just say it moved me. To a bigger house! - Oh crap, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud...

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Duffman: Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?
Carl: Hey, it's Duffman!
Lenny: Newsweek said you died of liver failure.
Duffman: Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!

Duffman [After seeing a picture of Moe]: That's a mug you don't want to chug!

[love*metal]

Bart - ''Otto you've got to do something, Theres a gremlin on the side of the bus!''

Otto - (Looks at hans moleman driving) ''Hey no problamo bart dude, I'll get rid of it''

(Otto hits hans molemans car with the school bus)

Hans moleman - ''Oh no, I just made my last payment''.
Oww'' (Car explodes)

[Aym_Dand]

Homer: "You sure have got some education, Mr. Hutz."
Hutz: "Yes... Harvard, Yale, MIT, Oxford, the Sorbonne, the Loove-rah."

[triplemultiplex]

Bart: "I think it's ironic that for once, dad's giant butt prevented the release of toxic gas rather than..."

Marge: "Bart!!!"

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"Oh honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?"

*******

I believe we should also start throwing in a few of our favorite sign gags from The Simpsons.

"Legitimate Businessmen's Social Club"

"Total Disaster Insurance Co."

"Helter Shelter"

"SLEep eAZY Motel"

"Stoner's Pot Palace"

"99-cent Porno Store"

[AngusMcTavish]

^ Hmmmm, can't think of any sign jokes off the top of my head, so I'll go with another classic moment from the first season. Remember Dr. Monroe's electric generator?

Marge: Bart, how could you shock your little sister?
Bart: My finger slipped. (BZZZZZZZT) Waaahhh!
Lisa: SO DID MINE! (zapping back and forth)

Just the way she says it is great!

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Ned: Calm down, Ned-diddly-diddly-diddly...They did their best, shoddily-diddly-diddly...Gotta be nice, hostiddily-diddly-diddi...AW, HELL-DIDDLY-DING-DONG-CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!!

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Ned (interrupting a film's sex scene): This is starting to look like SpongeBob NoPants!

[Thunderhorse]

My favorite Simpson quote ever...

Marge:Homer! Theres a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer:Batman?
Marge:No, he's a scientist.
Homer:Batmans a scientist...
Marge:It's not Batman!

[treefiddy_350]

Skinner becomes the bus driver and the kids are sing a song, and Skinner waits at a side street for the traffic to clear so he can enter the main road. Time passes and he has a 5o'clock shadow and Ralph starts singing and Skinner turns around all pissed off "SHUT UP!"

[Aym_Dand]

My favorite Simpsons sign outside the church:

"God Welcomes His Victims"