Stan: What's the matter Cartman?
Cartman: It's this V-Chip. I hate it. I can't say any dirty words.
Kyle: Really? So you can't say, "f*ck?"
Kyle:And you can't say, "sh*t?"
Kyle: So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman, the fattest f*cking piece of sh*t in the world?"
Cartman: F*ck you! AHH!
Kyle: Dude! Sweet!
One of my super-all time favorites comes from The Movie though- it's this classic exchange between Cartman and Stan:
Stan:"Do any of you guys know where I can find the CLITORIS?"
Cartman: "What, is that like finding Jesus or something?"
Cracks me up every time.
Kyle On The Phone: Yeah mom i can't go away i have to help Stan through some stuff.... What was it cartman?
Cartman: Date Rape Psychosis
Kyle On The Phone: Yeah mom Date Rape something
Mr Garrison: Does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
Eric Raises Hand
Mr Garrison: Yes Eric
Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend and some guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind
A third one is really cool
Butters Mom: Seeing as Eric and Butters have been getting along so well we thought it would be good if Eric went with Butters to his Aunts for the weekend.
Cartmans Mom: Oh i don't know Erics still meant to be grounded from trying to exterminate the Jews a while ago.
Butters Mom: I'm sorry i didn't quite catch that.
Stan: "Chef! What would a priest want to stick up my butt?"
Chef: "............................G'bye" *walks out of screen*
well i thought that was hillarious, it actually killed me first time i saw it.
oh and hi everybody, i'm new well, at least, it's my first post around here, i've been lurking for a while
Stan: Just go talk to her.
Jimmy: What do you want me to say?
Stan: Tell her she's a continuing source of inspiration to me.
*Talking to Wendy*
Jimmy: Stan wants to tell you something.
Jimmy: Stan says you're a pussycat....pussycat.....pussycat. Stan says you're a pussycat
Wendy: Well, tell stan to f*ck off!
*Wendy walks away.*
Jimmy: A continuing source of inspiration to him.
Mrs. Landers was a health nut, she cooked food in a walk
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend and he had a great big cock.
A-doddle the rooster just won't quit
And I don't want my breakfast because it tastes like sh*t
Zus make good house pets they're cuddly and sweet
Monkeys aren't good to have becuase they pick their meat
Ing in the office, there's a meeting in the hall
The bossy wants to see you so you can suck his balls.
Sac was a writer he lived with Alan Bunt
Mrs. Roberts didn't like him but thats because she's a pussycat.
Aminated can really make u sick
Your bladder gets infected and blood comes out your dick.
Tate what I am saying for it will bring you luck
And if you all dont' like it I dont' give a flying f*ck!
Thanks b489 and KTS for sig
Kyle: You gotta bust outta here. So we made you this cake. There's an ail-nay ile-fay inside of it.
Cartman: A what?
Kyle: An ail-nay ile-fay.
Cartman: What's that?
Kyle: Listen, aggot-fay! An ail-nay ile-fay so you can eak-bray out of ison-pray!
Stan: Yeah, you stupid umass-day!
Cartman: I'd love to eat a cake, you guys, but they don't let us take anything back to the cells from here.
Kyle: They on't-day?! Why the ell-hay ot-nay?? It ook-tay our-fay ours-hey to ake-bay this oddamn-gay ake-cay, and ow-nay were otally-tay ewed-scray!!!!
Stan (after a pause): Yeah.
Kyle: It's a turkey
someone: Yeah,that turkey sucks!
Love South park even I die.
Stan: Detective McCormick found something interesting.
Cartman: Jesus, we're too late.
Kyle: I think we can piece this case together now.
Old Woman: My pie tin! Oooh, but what happened to the pie?
Kyle: Well, we've all talked it through and we've come up with a theory.
Old Man: Well, what do you think happened, little detectives?
Stan: You said you set the pie in the window sill, where it must have sat for some time. But its sweet smell attracted the attention of somebody.
Kyle: Your husband. He wanted that pie badly, but he knew that he was not allowed to eat it yet.
Cartman: Slowly the rage built inside his mind. "Why won't she let me eat that pie? Why does she always stop me from doing what I wanna do?!" His only solution became obvious: Kill her!
Stan: His plan was to use a hammer.
Cartman: Bash, bash, BASH your skull in, causing instant death.
Stan: Then to make it impossible for police to identify the body, he'd use a shovel to remove your head.
Kyle: Then saw off the arms and legs.
Cartman: The torso he would dump into the lake.
Stan: The arms and legs he would dissolve with acid and lye in the bathtub.
Cartman: And then, finally, he'd be able to eat that pie.
Kyle: But before he could go through with this entire plan, he discovered that the pie had already been eaten...by your dog. Cartman: Looks like the game is over, old man!
Old Woman: Oh my God, what kind of television have you kids been watching??
Stan: Just the news.
i know its long but i had to put the whole thing in because its so funny
"Bob Sagat. hehehe"
"Get the fudge out, Clyde"
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