a poem i wrote a few days ago...

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general_anarchy
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a poem i wrote a few days ago...

Postby general_anarchy » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:20 am

ok, i wrote this when i was really pissed off. i think it's really crappy but my best friend thinks it's real good... let me know what you think, k?

I turn the knob, the rain pours from the sky. I strip and grab a three inch blade. I step beneath the storm cloud that's shadowed my life for so long. I stand, bare and cold, showered with pain and depression, wathching the water begin to run red with the blood that's so rhythmically dripping from my slit wrists. It is now that I realize what I have done and all I want to do is watch my self die. By now, i'm numb all over, I feel nothing, I just lie there listening to my heart beat, slow, steady. no, it's slowing down. The world is turning a frightening color, the color of eternal night, the blackest black I have ever seen and will ever see. I feel nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing-- my heart, it's not beating. it's stopped... forever...


see? it's sh*tty and depressing...

if you guys liked it i can post more... i wrote like four others...



by the way, it's called "Red Rain"...
Kyle's_Marklar
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Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:32 am

I like it. Post more!
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
iceiwynd
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Postby iceiwynd » Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:42 pm

Aw, man...

I only skimmed it, because usually poems have line breaks and not a big block of text, and, uh, really... It's just way too emo-y for me. It's almost like the kind of things I'd come up with in an instant when I'm mocking people like that.
general_anarchy
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Postby general_anarchy » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:17 pm

ok... uhmmm... this is another one i wrote the same day... i'll try spacing some of the lines or something... btw, it's called "The War"


I lie absentmindedly in my silent, darkened bedroom. Everything is as calm and still as can be.

Wait, what was that? That feeling, I know I've felt it before, or have I? It was a wave of shock, almost panic as something shifts possitions over in the corner.

I am frozen, unable to move, to escape the unknown horror that posses me.

I gasp, do I feel it again? No, no, this is different. This is like the clammy hand of death.

It grasps my neck with unbearable force. I gasp for air, though unable to inhale.

I try to remove the hand, then I attempt to break free, remaining unsuccesful.

The hand doesnt loosen it's grip, and I don't sense regret or fear.

I feel my heart beat slowre and slower as I continuestraining for the cool, sweet air. I realize that I'm loosing the war of life and death.
The hand releases my throat and i lie there, gaping at the ceiling. I feel unimaginable pressure all over my body and just like that, it's gone, but I haven't lost yet.

My murderer looks me in the eye. That face, I know that face. I've seen it a million times before, but I can't place it with a name.

Instantly it comes to me, it's, it's... It's over. the face, the name, my life, they're all gone... I've lost the war...



i think this one's worse...
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megan*w
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Postby megan*w » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:20 pm

Wow. Depressing or what? You're a good poem-writer though. Me and my friend made up a poem in History today. About Elizabeth the First. And a murderer. And a razor. :lol: It's rude but funny. Can't remember most of it though.
general_anarchy
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Postby general_anarchy » Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:35 pm

thanks megan.


a long time ago, i wrote a song about raping a walrus, but i can't remember how it went. i think one of my friends has the paper... hhmmmm, now i'll be thinking of that all day...
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general_anarchy
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Postby general_anarchy » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:45 pm

because it looks like people have lost interest in this, i thought other people might like to post stuff they wrote. so, if you wrote anything and you'd like to know what people think of it, you can post it here.


please, don't post stories or fanfic. let's keep this topic confinded to songs and poems, or perhaps someting else that is relativly short...
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HesseldeBoer
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Postby HesseldeBoer » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:06 am

My mama's on her knees
Lord, Lord no please
It's gettin dark, But yet and still
I'm half dead, Half life, What's real?
No joke, Straight up, On a serious tip
I'm losin my life, I'm losin my grip
To live, Low, Stuck at the bottom
From winter to spring to summer to autumn
Gonna make my moves and my moves I make
You betta not get broke cause if you broke, You break
Hessel
TiMmAy!
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Re: a poem i wrote a few days ago...

Postby TiMmAy! » Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:36 am

general_anarchy wrote:ok, i wrote this when i was really pissed off. i think it's really crappy but my best friend thinks it's real good... let me know what you think, k?

I turn the knob, the rain pours from the sky. I strip and grab a three inch blade. I step beneath the storm cloud that's shadowed my life for so long. I stand, bare and cold, showered with pain and depression, wathching the water begin to run red with the blood that's so rhythmically dripping from my slit wrists. It is now that I realize what I have done and all I want to do is watch my self die. By now, i'm numb all over, I feel nothing, I just lie there listening to my heart beat, slow, steady. no, it's slowing down. The world is turning a frightening color, the color of eternal night, the blackest black I have ever seen and will ever see. I feel nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing-- my heart, it's not beating. it's stopped... forever...


see? it's sh*tty and depressing...

if you guys liked it i can post more... i wrote like four others...



by the way, it's called "Red Rain"...


Ya uhhhh.... Good poet but dude slitting ur wrists and sh*t like that is the worst thing u could possibly do wen ur depressed and it extremely gay too ppl do that just to get noticed
herro welcome to chity wok takka orda pre

.......no prease not the chity shrimp
Grizim
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Postby Grizim » Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:22 pm

It isn't terrible, but gothic poetry is the easiest type of poetry a person could write. I'm a little dark myself and even I think that way. So although it doesn't suck, it isn't very impressive. To make it more interesting, you can make it rhyme or at least give it rhythm, and add figures of speach.
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general_anarchy
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Re: a poem i wrote a few days ago...

Postby general_anarchy » Sun Mar 26, 2006 5:07 am

TiMmAy! wrote:
general_anarchy wrote:ok, i wrote this when i was really pissed off. i think it's really crappy but my best friend thinks it's real good... let me know what you think, k?

I turn the knob, the rain pours from the sky. I strip and grab a three inch blade. I step beneath the storm cloud that's shadowed my life for so long. I stand, bare and cold, showered with pain and depression, wathching the water begin to run red with the blood that's so rhythmically dripping from my slit wrists. It is now that I realize what I have done and all I want to do is watch my self die. By now, i'm numb all over, I feel nothing, I just lie there listening to my heart beat, slow, steady. no, it's slowing down. The world is turning a frightening color, the color of eternal night, the blackest black I have ever seen and will ever see. I feel nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing-- my heart, it's not beating. it's stopped... forever...


see? it's sh*tty and depressing...

if you guys liked it i can post more... i wrote like four others...



by the way, it's called "Red Rain"...


Ya uhhhh.... Good poet but dude slitting ur wrists and sh*t like that is the worst thing you could possibly do wen ur depressed and it extremely gay too ppl do that just to get noticed



believe me, i would never cut myself... i think it's completely retarded, but there's a difference between writing about it and physically do it... that prolly sounds wierd, but... oh, well...


and, grizim, it's not supposed to rhyme or have rythm, that's the ''beauty'' of it, i guess...
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spazmagee
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Postby spazmagee » Sun Mar 26, 2006 6:19 pm

Man, I'm a sucker for these kind of poems, but it reminds me of the "make it, I miss seeing you so much I want to gouge my eyes out with razer blades."
armani_shoe
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Re: a poem i wrote a few days ago...

Postby armani_shoe » Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:49 pm

general_anarchy wrote:ok, i wrote this when i was really pissed off. i think it's really crappy but my best friend thinks it's real good... let me know what you think, k?

I turn the knob, the rain pours from the sky. I strip and grab a three inch blade. I step beneath the storm cloud that's shadowed my life for so long. I stand, bare and cold, showered with pain and depression, wathching the water begin to run red with the blood that's so rhythmically dripping from my slit wrists. It is now that I realize what I have done and all I want to do is watch my self die. By now, i'm numb all over, I feel nothing, I just lie there listening to my heart beat, slow, steady. no, it's slowing down. The world is turning a frightening color, the color of eternal night, the blackest black I have ever seen and will ever see. I feel nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing-- my heart, it's not beating. it's stopped... forever...


see? it's sh*tty and depressing...

if you guys liked it i can post more... i wrote like four others...



by the way, it's called "Red Rain"...



that's fu*king touching man.. I almost felt the pain!
Your mom is so fat that she sits next to everybody at the same time!
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Ur mom's ass is so big that she orders an extra chair with fries.
general_anarchy
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Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:18 am

Postby general_anarchy » Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:01 pm

hmm, i felt the need to rewrite the poems.

here is the first one

Rain flows from the sky as she turns the knob.

She fervently strips and grabs a three inch blade.

Slowly easing her way beneath the swollen rain cloud,
She patiently waits for the end.

Naked and cold she stands,
As her mind is shadowed with anguish and dejection.

Feeling the cool steel against her exposed arm, she strikes swiftly.

Her skin divides, allowing her warm blood to transpire and drip.

Relentlessly, she drags the edge across her virgin skin,
Each time releasing more blood.

Her salty tears fall bluntly from her indignant eyes
And promptly vanish in the immoral fusion of blood and water.

When she begins to apprehend her darkened fate,
She welcomes death with the utmost ecstasy.

She wants nothing more than to witness her own downfall.

Numbness gradually overwhelms her fallen body.

She calmly listens to her diminishing heartbeat,
As darkness drowns her vision.

Her world fades to an alarming shade;
The color of eternal night; the blackest black.

Her senses weaken; she sees nothing;
She feels nothing; she hears nothing.

Her heartbeat dies away into nonentity,
Perpetually banishing to her own outlandish Hell
Where she will waste away, always lost.



and here is the second

Inattentively, she lies in her unvoiced, murky bedroom.
Everything immobile and composed.

Wait! What was that? A wave of panic and dread
Coursed through her body as a silhouetted figure shifted positions in the corner.

She froze, incapable of stirring.
An unimaginable horror swallowed her whole.

A sudden intake of breathe was drawn her when she felt
The dank hands of death grip her throat.

She strived to subjugate the excruciating force,
But her efforts were inevitably futile.

The hand didn’t so much as flinch
As her life began to abandon her once-energetic eyes.

Her heart beat decelerated as she continued the mêlée
For the cool, sweet air.

She understands that she is losing the war of life and death,
But she refuses to resign that easily.

She fights ‘til she is within an inch of death.
The faceless individual releases her virtually lifeless body
And hovers over her to observe his fine work.

She strains to focus on his grinning visage.
She gasps as she sees the face of her executioner.

That face, she has seen it a million time before,
But she cannot identify it.

Abruptly, it comes to her. It’s, it’s… It’s over.
The face; the name. They’re gone. She lost the war.




tell me what you think ( :
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