Family Guy quotes

[IneedBoutTREEFIDDY]

Peter:"Women are not people, they are objects built by the lord jesus christ for our entertainment"

and

Peter:"What the hell is Lois doing with another man?"

Quagmire:"Is it possible she's a whore? You know, just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dialysis? As in my fantasy. You know what. Let's just start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire."

[AngusMcTavish]

Quotes are fine, but nothing--and I mean NOTHING--made me laugh harder than the scene where Peter, Chris, Brian and Stewie were drinking bottles of ipecac--Did I spell that right?

Soon, they're barfing all over the living room!

Stewie: Why? Why didn't someone tell me--HWAAAGH!!
Peter: Oh, God, my insides are on fi-AAAAWGH!!
Chris: What's happening to me--YAAARRRGH!!
Stewie: No more! No mo-YOOOAARGH!!
Brian: Quick...someone call Nine-One-WAAAAHHHHN!!

(more barfing, later subsides, the four gasping for air)

Lois (entering room with cooking pot): Who wants chowder?

(all four start up again, a collective chunder!)

[Brave_Sir_Ribbit]

"It doesn't make Breakfast at all!"
Peter Griffin.

[punkrocka27]

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

here's another one-

Judge: Im sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
Lois: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Chris: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Kool Aid Guy: OOOOOOOH YA!


That reminds me of Dane Cook's "Not so Kool Aid" skit.

yes that was great i loved that and after he breaks through the wall everyone looks at him and he backs out slowly

*talking through his cellphone in his stomach* "i gotta call you back" *punches stomach*

two words WILLIAM SHATNER

[TommyTheCat]

Peter: Don't worry, i read a book about this once!
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

[triplemultiplex]

The quote from the pilot episode that hooked me on Family Guy:

"You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get. Your life however, is more like a box of ACTIVE GRENADES! I offer you one last chance for deliverance. Return the mind control device... or be destroyed!"

"Oh, you just want your toy back. Here you go."

"Yes, well... Victory is Mine!"

[IneedBoutTREEFIDDY]

peter:"who's the boss is not a food"

Brian:"swing & a miss"

[LovinMYJewBoy3]

will someone please tell me why the whole world thinks this lame show is funny?

[triplemultiplex]

will someone please tell me why the whole world thinks this lame show is funny?

Because it is. Now quit trying to bring down the mood in a good thread.

"To our neighbors. Sure they may be black, crippled and a heartless sex-hound, but if they moved out, some smelly Hawaiians might move in."

[triplemultiplex]

My dad's favorite cutaway gag:

Peter: "Otherwise how am I going to get my own spin-off where I'm a retired umpire who owns a bar at the center of the earth?"

(cutaway)

Peter: "You know, we don't get many of you molten rock men in here."

Molten Rock Man: "Well at these prices, I'm not surprised."

Peter: "That's it buddy, you... are... outta here!"

[punkrocka27]

one of the best cut away gags is the one when stewie plays marco polo with hellen keller

[treefiddy_350]

Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy ... and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

[IneedBoutTREEFIDDY]

Adam West(holds a bananna out to Quagmire):Here take this
Quagmire:What do I do with it?
Adam West:When the comes you'll know

[coffeeguy9]

Tony Robbins Hungry!

[mab2004]

Family Guy sucks. Such an obvious rip off of the Simpsons.