Random Joke Thread

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marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:11 am

A man goes to a proctologist, but is embarassed to talk about his ass. The doctor assures his patient that he's seen it all before, and convinces the man to drop his pants and bend over. But the doctor is speechless at what he sees; the man's assh*le has been stretched to the size of a basketball and is very badly bruised.

"Christ!" the doctor screams. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Well," the man says. "I was raped by an elephant."

The doctor thinks for a second and says, "Well, with my limited knowledge of veterinary science, I thought that an elephant's penis was very long and very thin."

"Right," the man agrees. "But he fingered me first."
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
KennyKicksAss
Posts: 1164
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:50 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby KennyKicksAss » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:01 pm

There's a lemon Sherlock Holmes and a lemon Watson. Lemon Sherlock Holmes gets on top of lemon Watson. "What are you doing?" asks lemon Watson. Lemon Sherlock Holmes replies "It's a lemon entry my dear Watson".
Psycho Mysterion tattoo

Poor Kenny, trapped forever on my back...

Ah, the memories...

Favourite character: Kenny
Favourite episode: Mysterion Rises
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Thu Jan 24, 2008 1:46 am

Why are there no Wal-Marts in Baghdad?

Because there's a Target on every corner!
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
gtaca2005
Posts: 3915
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2005 3:36 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:32 am

marvel_freak_42 wrote:Why are there no Wal-Marts in Baghdad?

Because there's a Target on every corner!

:cartmanlaugh:

I love that.....
"It's not Jesus.... It's a portal monster." - SuperiourSavior
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:58 am

"Doctor, won't you please kiss me?" asks the patient.

"No. You're a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics."

"Please, just one kiss", she pleads.

"Sorry," says the doctor. "It's out of the question. I shouldn't even be f*cking you."
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
rainbow.bix
Posts: 231
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:01 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby rainbow.bix » Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:21 pm

Q= What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

A= Castrated.
Formerly terrance&philliparesw.

Just like weetbix... except queer
Blue Twilight
Posts: 546
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:42 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Blue Twilight » Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:15 am

^So, so true for most men. Here's a bad one:

A girl walks up to her dad and tells him, "Dad, my mum was dying the other night." The dad asks, "Why do you say that?" The girl replies, "Well I saw her in bed, shouting 'Oh God! Oh God! I'm coming!'" The dad looks shocked and says "Sweetie, your mum wasn't dying." But before he can explain what was really going on, the girl says "Yep, I know, because another man was keeping her on the bed so she wouldn't float up."
Illegitimi non carborundum.
AngusMcTavish
Posts: 8959
Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:52 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby AngusMcTavish » Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:29 am

What do you get when you have two green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided attention.

(oldie but goodie)
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:35 am

A classic:

Q: What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

A: Outlaws are wanted.
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
Blue Twilight
Posts: 546
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:42 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Blue Twilight » Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:08 pm

This is another bad one that I heard from one of my friends back in high school...

So one day, Pebbles Flintstone walks in on Wilma taking a shower. Being the curious little kid she is, she points and asks, "What is that?" Wilma replies, "That's my rock grinder."

The next day, Pebbles walks in on Fred taking a shower. She points and asks, "What is that?" Fred says, "That's my rock."

The next night, Pebbles runs into her parents' room and shouts "Oh! I get it! The rock goes into the rock grinder and out comes Pebbles!"
Illegitimi non carborundum.
Jay C
Posts: 4299
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Jay C » Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:41 pm

What is brown and sticky?

This stick!
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
Thunderhorse
Posts: 2615
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:09 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Thunderhorse » Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:26 pm

Q~How do you know when it's bed time at Neverland Ranch?

A~When the big hand touches the little hand.
Image
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:51 pm

A guy is walking down a street carrying two chickens, a goose, an anvil, and a bucket when a little old lady stops him. "Excuse me, young man," she says, "But can you point me to Baker Street?"

"I would," the guys says, "But I'm afraid I've got all this stuff to carry."

"That's no problem", the old lady says. "Just put the goose under one arm, the chickens under the other, put the anvil in the bucket, and carry that with one hand."

The guy does so and finds it works. "Thanks," he says. "Follow me and I'll take you to Baker Street." While walking, the guy suggests they take a shortcut through an alley.

"How do I know you won't just have your way with me in that dark alley?" the old lady says.

"Jesus Christ, lady!" the guy exclaims. "I've got two chickens, a goose, an anvil, and a bucket to carry! How the hell could I possibly do that?"

"Put the goose under the bucket, put the anvil on top, and I'll hold the chickens."
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
Blue Twilight
Posts: 546
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:42 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Blue Twilight » Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:15 am

What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

Both have 40-year-old meat between 10-year-old buns.
Illegitimi non carborundum.
Kelly MacCornmac
Posts: 6142
Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2005 3:05 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:05 am

Q: What is the smartest blonde?

A: A golden retriever!
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Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others


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