Random Joke Thread

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BRMBug
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:27 am

marvel_freak_42 wrote:Ever heard the one about the dyslexic rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo!"

Haw. That's right up there with "So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra..."
KennyDeathMccormick
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby KennyDeathMccormick » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:45 am

Doc i dont have any electrons

sure

yes im positive
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BRMBug
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:09 am

I can't deliver these like Fake Norm delivers them. At least not in text.
http://www.theunticket.com/norms-friday-funnies/
Oh, the segment ends a 4:05 or so. I think someone forgot to press stop on their recorder, and didn't bother to edit out the extra 5-6 minutes.
megacheezer
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby megacheezer » Sun Sep 14, 2008 5:16 am

A Catholic priest, a Rabbi, and a minister are on a plane with a bunch of children headed to the holy land the pilot comes over the intercom and says the plane is going to crash the minister says "Oh God think of the children!" the Rabbi says "f*ck the chldren!" and the priest says "Do we have time?' :cartmanlaugh:
BRMBug
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Sun Sep 14, 2008 6:14 am

Two cannibals are sitting by a fire. One says "Man, I hate my mother in law." The other one says "Well, try the potatoes."

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on a barbecue grill?
Patty.

What do you call the guy next to her?
Frank.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.

What if she's Asian?
Irene.
marvel_freak_42
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:35 pm

A blonde and a brunette are watching the 10 o clock news. On the television is a news story about a man atop the Empire State Building about to leap to his death. The brunette says to the blonde "I will bet you $50 he jumps."

"You're on," the blonde says.

A few seconds later, the man jumps off the building and falls to his death. As the blonde hands over the 50 bucks, the brunette suddenly declines. "No, it's not right", she says. "I saw the same story earlier on the 6 o clock news, so I knew it was gonna happen."

"No, it's alright", the blonde says. "I saw the same thing on the 6 o clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
Freddy Fittler
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Freddy Fittler » Tue Sep 23, 2008 12:20 pm

If you dropped the same blonde & brunette off the top floor roof of the same building,who would hit the ground first.............?




The brunette.............the blonde would stop on the way down.......to ask for directions :D
"You like bear mace,icehead?"

"A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid."

"Oh no! Not Santa's balls!"

"Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy."
marvel_freak_42
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Tue Sep 23, 2008 5:57 pm

A guy is sitting at a bar and notices the man sitting next to him has a abnormally small head. "Excuse me," the guy asks him "I don't mean to be rude, but how did you get that small head? Was it a birth defect or--?"

"No," the man said. "This happened to me back in WWII."

"Really?" the guy asks. "How so?"

"Well, when my navy cruiser was attacked I was stranded on a desert island. After a few months there I noticed a mermaid on the beach and she told me that she would grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I wish to be rescued. For my second wish, I wished for all the money I would ever need. For my last wish, I wished to have sex with the mermaid. And then she told me 'Sorry, mermaids can't have sex.' That's when I said 'Well, okay. Then how about a little head?'"
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
ned15
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby ned15 » Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:15 am

sex is like math. add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray to god you don't multiply.
"you musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."
eames
Freddy Fittler
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Freddy Fittler » Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:15 am

3 mice are in a pub drinking,when the discussion turns to who is the hardest mouse of the 3.

The first mouse says;

"I go up to mousetraps,rip out the cheese,& as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times,then throw it across the room!"


The second mouse says;

"You poof,I get rat poison,crush it into powder,then snort it!"


The third mouse finishes his beer,gets up,& walks to the door.


"Where are you going?ask the other 2 mice"

"Home to f*ck the cat!"he replies!
"You like bear mace,icehead?"

"A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid."

"Oh no! Not Santa's balls!"

"Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy."
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:35 pm

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef. :P
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
BRMBug
Posts: 18534
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:15 pm

Oh. I thought you were gonna go for "Nothin', she ain't gonna come no how."
Michaeloptv
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Michaeloptv » Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:23 pm

Old one:

Three men on a bridge meet a geanie. The geanie said that if you fall off the bridge, he will grant you whatever you say.

So, the first guy needs a wedding ring for his wife, so he jumps and yells diamonds. So the geanie grants him diamonds.

The second guy decides to jump as well, and decides to yell myrth. So the geanie grants it.

The final guy is hesistant and scared, he doesn't know what to do. Suddenly, he trips over the rope and falls while yelling:

"Oh, Sh*t!" :cartmanlaugh:
"Where I go, Destruction will follow"


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ned15
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby ned15 » Sat Sep 27, 2008 3:41 pm

there's a ginger, a brunette and a blonde walking in the desert. all of a sudden the devil pops up and tells them that he is going to kill them all and use their skin to make a boat. magically, a fairy appears and says she will grant each of the girls one wish.

the brunette says, "i wish for a steak knife", so the fairy grants her the stake knife and she kills herself.

the ginger says "i wish for a butcher knife" so the fairy grants her a butcher knife and she too kills herself.

lastly the blonde says "i wish for a fork"
"A fork?" the fairy replies. "alright, whatever you say" so the fairy grants her the fork. the blonde grabs the fork and starts poking herself with it saying "haha devil, now you've got holes in your boat!"

(yes, i know it's old, but what are you gonna do?)
"you musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."
eames
Freddy Fittler
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Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Freddy Fittler » Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:21 am

What do you call a man with a shovel?
Doug

What do you call a man without a shovel?
Dougless

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?
Phil

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle

What do you call a man with 50 rabbitts up his arse?
Warren
"You like bear mace,icehead?"

"A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid."

"Oh no! Not Santa's balls!"

"Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy."

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