Random Joke Thread

[ned15]

a baker was making two muffins, so he stuck them into the oven. 5 minutes later on of the muffins said, "man, is it getting hot in here or what?" the other one respond, "AAAAAAHHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"


(i know, stupid, but you gotta love simplicity )

[ned15]

a baker was making two muffins, so he stuck them into the oven. 5 minutes later on of the muffins said, "man, is it getting hot in here or what?" the other one respond, "AAAAAAHHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"


(i know, stupid, but you gotta love simplicity )

[Kensuke]

Okay, once there was a double-decker bus. On the bottom half, there were brunettes partying and having fun, and on the top half there were blondes sitting terrified. One of the brunettes came up to the top and asked, "Why are you guys scared? This is a fun party." and a blonde said, "That's easy for you to say, you guys have a driver."

[BRMBug]

So, this guy isn't feeling well, and he goes to his doctor to get a checkup. His doctor looks him over and says "Well, you need to stop masturbating." The guy says "What? Why?" And the doctor says "Well, I need to examine you."

[tonyslittlepiggy]

An American, a Frenchman, and A Canadian were all driving around when they got into a car accident and died. When they got to heaven, St. Peter met them at the pearly gates. St. Peter felt sorry for all of them dying so young, so he decided to make a deal with them. He told them that all they had to do was to go to the edge of heaven and jump off. As they jumped, they had to shout out what they wanted to be in their new life, and that's what they would become. The American went first. He ran to the edge of heaven, shouted "Racecar driver!" Poof! that was what he became. Then the Frenchman went. He shouted "World famous Chef!" and jumped. Poof! He became a chef. The Canadian went last. As he was running over to the edge, he tripped over his shoelaces and shouted "C*cksucker!" Poof!

Three explorers went to the rainforest. While they were there, they were kidnapped by a tribe of cannibals. Not wanting to be killed and eaten, they talked to the tribe leader and begged him to let them go. "Well, I guess I can let you go if you do one thing for me." He said. "We'll do anything. Just name it! They replied." "Ok, I want you to go out and bring back 10 pieces of any kind of fruit. Then you must stick them up your butt without making any sound. If you make even the smallest noise, I get to kill you and we will make stew out of you for dinner. "Ok, sounds alright with us. So the explorers went into the jungle to look for fruit. One guy comes back with 10 oranges. He tries to put the first one up his butt, but it hurts too bad. He screams, so the cannibals kill him and put him in the pot. The second guy comes back with 10 cherries. He puts 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 up his butt without saying anything, but all of a sudden, he starts laughing. The cannibals kill him too and put him in the pot. Later up in heaven, the first guy asked the second guy why he laughed. "I was watching you down there. You were almost home free! What happened?" The second guy said, "I saw the third guy coming back with 10 coconuts! "

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 (ate) 9.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on a wall? Art.
What do you call two guys with no arms and legs hanging above a window? Kurt 'N Rod.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on the floor?
Matt.

Did you hear the one about the optometrist that fell into a lens grinder? He made a specticle of himself.

[marvel_freak_42]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them asks "Does this taste funny to you?"

[ned15]

1. how do you put an elephant in a fridge?


-you open the fridge and stuff the elephant inside


2. how do you put a giraffe in a fridge?


- open the fridge, take the elephant out and put the giraffe in.


3. king lion is holding a conference with all of the animals in the jungle, all but one animal shows up. who is it?


- the giraffe since it's still in the fridge.


4. you have to cross a river full of man-eating crocadiles and you have no boat. what do you do?


- you just swim across, all of the crocadiles are at the conference.

[BRMBug]

How do you fit 4 Elephants into a Mini Cooper?
You chop them in half, then you chop the halves in half, and so on and so on until you can mince them up really fine, then you scoop them up into storage bags, put some in the boot, some on the back seat, some on the front seat, and there you go.

[Easts]

Osama Bin Laden goes to the doctors.
The doctor asks him what is wrong.

"Well doctor,every time i look in the mirror,i get sexually aroused,i don't know why!"

"I'ts quite simple Osama" the doctor replies

"You are a pussy!"

[Freddy Fittler]

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting over lunch and conversation turns to their relationships.

They decided that night to surprise their men…. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

A few days later they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman reported: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress said: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather outfit, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex for hours.

The married woman said: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. He walked in the door, looked at me and said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

[marvel_freak_42]

A mother is cleaning out her son's room when she finds a kinky S & M mag under his bed. She hides it until the father comes home and she shows it to him. "What do we do?" she asks him.

"Well," the dad says "I don't think you should spank him."

[BRMBug]

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting over lunch and conversation turns to their relationships.

They decided that night to surprise their men…. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

A few days later they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman reported: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress said: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather outfit, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex for hours.

The married woman said: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. He walked in the door, looked at me and said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Congratulations, you were joke of the day.
My favorite afternoon drive radio show tells a random joke as a sort of pallet cleanser after they do Community Quick-Hits (news) which inevitably ends with a some depressing death/rape/violence story. Anyway, I sent in that joke, and it got read.

[BRMBug]

...I couldn't help myself...




Dammit. I know of this one dirty joke I read in a book when I was 13. Problem is I haven't seen or heard it since then. I've written it out like 6 times, and still can't get it to read right.

[BRMBug]

What's brown and rhymes with "Snoop"?












Dr. Dre.

[BRMBug]

Hey, did you hear how you were born? Two box cars crashed together and you popped out of the hobo's butt.







What do you call a former Lesbian? A Hasbian.