Random Joke Thread

[superiorsavior]

Your face.

NOW LAUGH OR DIE CHICKEN-FUCKER!

[BigCamera4892]

A patient walks into his doctors office and the Doctor says
"I have good news... and bad news." the patient responds
"What is the bad news?" and the doctor says
"You have 24 hours to live..." and the patient yells out
"What's the Bad news!?" and the doctor replies
"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

i've heard that joke before wait, isn't it supposed to be bad news and worse news?

Groucho Marx from the 1920's once said in the 1960's:

"There's no such thing as an old joke if you've never heard it before"

[rongduing]

Three men were hunting out in the woods when it started to rain. They were a long way from camp, so they decided to search for shelter. Eventually, they came upon a farmhouse with three barns. They knocked on the door of the house and the old farmer let them stay the night on one condition, they each had to stay in a different barn to reassure the farmer that they weren't doing anything fruity. One barn was filled with chickens, the next with pigs, the last with the farmer's eighteen beautiful daughters. The night passed and the men emerged from their respective barns and asked eachother how they were feeling. The first one said that he felt like a chicken, the second one said that he felt like a pig, and the one who slept in the barn with the farmer's daughters said that he felt like a golfer. When his friends inquired as to why he felt that way, he smiled and said, "Because I just got done playing eighteen holes"

[rongduing]

Questions without answers... yet:
1.People turn blue when they choke themselves, what color do smurfs turn?
2.Do radioactive cats have eighteen half- lives?
3.Who pays for repairs when the Kool-Aid man creates a massive hole in your living room wall?
4.Was Ronald McDonald the chef at neverland ranch?
5.What the hell is the burger king doing climbing into stranger's beds?

[BigCamera4892]

Questions without answers... yet:
1.People turn blue when they choke themselves, what color do smurfs turn?
2.Do radioactive cats have eighteen half- lives?
3.Who pays for repairs when the Kool-Aid man creates a massive hole in your living room wall?
4.Was Ronald McDonald the chef at neverland ranch?
5.What the hell is the burger king doing climbing into stranger's beds?

(1) bluer
(2) yes
(3) Jim Jones (ask me if you don't get it)
(4) Absolutely
(5) Exactly what you think he is doing. That's right, he is.

[marvel_freak_42]

A man is caught having sex with one of his cows. When he stands trial, the judge asks "Son, what in God's name were you thinking?"

"Well", the man says "I reckon I must've been thinkin''bout a younger, hotter cow."

[BRMBug]

What's stonecoldsoul's favorite band? Uh, well the Psychedelic Furs of course.

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

[marvel_freak_42]

What do you get when you cross a dog and a nine-foot gorilla?

A gorilla that drinks out of any toilet he pleases.

[Freddy Fittler]

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the
market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'

So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be
interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'

The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the
table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm
hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

[BRMBug]

That reminds me...

This couple are vacationing in Hawaii, and are arguing as to it's pronunciation. "It's Hawaiier" he says. "It's Havaiier" she says. "Hawiier"! "Havaiier"! They go on and on and back and forth and finally the husband stops a little old man and says "Excuse me, is this place called "Hawiier" or "Haviier"?" "Haviier" says the little old man. "Thank you" says the husband. "Ya velcome" says the little old man.


...HAWWWW!

[butters kenny]

That reminds me...

This couple are vacationing in Hawaii, and are arguing as to it's pronunciation. "It's Hawaiier" he says. "It's Havaiier" she says. "Hawiier"! "Havaiier"! They go on and on and back and forth and finally the husband stops a little old man and says "Excuse me, is this place called "Hawiier" or "Haviier"?" "Haviier" says the little old man. "Thank you" says the husband. "Ya velcome" says the little old man.


...HAWWWW!

I don't get it..

[nne]

That reminds me...

This couple are vacationing in Hawaii, and are arguing as to it's pronunciation. "It's Hawaiier" he says. "It's Havaiier" she says. "Hawiier"! "Havaiier"! They go on and on and back and forth and finally the husband stops a little old man and says "Excuse me, is this place called "Hawiier" or "Haviier"?" "Haviier" says the little old man. "Thank you" says the husband. "Ya velcome" says the little old man.


...HAWWWW!

I don't get it..

Old man can't say W so they didn't get the answer.

[.Tranquility]

One man named Russi once drove a bus, but the bus stopped so he had to see whats the problem. For hours he looked around and didn't found a thing, then one retarded 16 years old kid sayd "Uncle Russi i know whats broken" and then the uncle says "Get back in the bus you jackass". After 4 more hours of unsuccessful attempts he asked the boy "Come on tell me if you know, tell me what is broken" and the retard replyed "THE BUS!"

[BRMBug]

Norm's Friday Funnies #3 I could write them out, but they're much better delivered by the fake man himself.

[Danzilla]

Heres some Yo Momma jokes:

Yo momma so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.
Yo momma so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat, she left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops.
Yo momma so fat, people make bad jokes about her.
Yo momma so fat, went she went to a party in a red dress, everyone shouted: ''HEY KOOL-AID MAN!''
Yo momma so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Yo momma so fat, when she stepped on the scales she saw her phone number.
Yo momma so fat, shes got more chins than a chinese phone book.
Yo momma so fat, it was a 3 hour plane ride to get to her good side.
Yo momma so fat, she wakes up in sections.

And one 'yo momma so old' joke.

Yo momma so old, she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten.