Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

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teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 2:20 am

Again, here’s a multiple-post bitch-fest. Feel free to kill some time skimming this if you have nothing better to do. Enough introduction. Time to rant.

The Essence of Stupidity

As much as I have tried to study and do everything to keep a decent brain in my head, it all seems to have bled out of my ears. My grades have slipped a bit (I still have straight A’s, but they’re on the borderline). My normal English skills (at least in the multiple-choice AP testing practice questions) have slipped away, and I feel stupid to no ends. College Trig Class has just finished up with the easy part, and I have a nasty feeling in my gut about the stuff coming up- the trig identities stuff (which I failed miserably at last year in Pre-Calc).

My class rating...I'm #21 out of 148-ish. It's pretty sh*tty. I mean, people keep telling me it's not, but compared to those geniuses on my mom's side of the family, I look like something the cat dragged out of the gutter.

My art skills have gone, too. We just finished up prints in Art class, and my prints turned out like sh*t. Granted, my other friends in the same class had crappy prints, even though they’re insanely amazing artists (I suspect those kids before us ruined the linoleum-press; they like ruining the materials and leaving messes for us, the last class of the day), but it just…ugh. I could post them in my Art thread, if I feel like hooking up that spazzy old scanner of mine. On the other hand, we’re studying cel-animation in Computer Graphics II class, so we had to paint cels of our own original characters. Mine came out looking like someone puked blood all over the Mylar and called it art.

To top it all off, I just got my SAT scores back. My score dropped from a half-decent 1310 to a sh*tty 1240. I feel like a f*cking retard compared to all the other kids at my school. The math was what killed the grade…but there were other factors to the sh*tty score, which I’ll explain later. Too bad colleges don’t really pay attention to the writing score. I got tons better this year on that, especially on the essay.

><
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gtaca2005
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:00 am

^ Hey, my class rating was 258 out of 264! :shock:

(Homework, you see.)

:( Anyway, I hope things get better for you. :wink:
"It's not Jesus.... It's a portal monster." - SuperiourSavior
teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:05 am

gtaca2005 wrote:^ Hey, my class rating was 258 out of 264! :shock:

(Homework, you see.)

:( Anyway, I hope things get better for you. :wink:


Thanks...I'll need some good luck one of these days...

But the ranking...I'll never hear the end of it from my relatives... That's not the end of things, though. Not even close.
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gtaca2005
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:09 am

Your rank is NOT bad! If they give you a hard time, to hell with them, I say. :P

Mine, it's because of homework. I got an A in English this last quarter, compared to last quarters F. Why? The teacher didn't give a lot of homework, and that that he did give, I done in class. Go figure, I hate homework, and NEVER done homework in that class.... EVER! :lol:
"It's not Jesus.... It's a portal monster." - SuperiourSavior
teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:14 am

gtaca2005 wrote:Your rank is NOT bad! If they give you a hard time, to hell with them, I say. :P

Mine, it's because of homework. I got an A in English this last quarter, compared to last quarters F. Why? The teacher didn't give a lot of homework, and that that he did give, I done in class. Go figure, I hate homework, and NEVER done homework in that class.... EVER! :lol:


...Homework. What a drag. I'm ranting about that myself right now (I type it all up in Word before I post for the convienence of Spell-Check). Meh. I'm on the whining about school now.
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teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:38 am

sh*t from School

As always, I’m weighed down with a crapload of homework (currently a storyboard for Computer Graphics II, 50 more notecards for AP Government, a homework assignment for Physics, and a good deal of reading for AP English). It’s left me at the point that my life is pretty much- wake up, go to school, eat, work, and fall asleep wherever I happen to be at. I have no life now.

><

Of course, high school can’t go on without the clique drama! A lot of the kids in my grade have been getting on my nerves ever since every single one of my punk/metalhead/goth/emo buddies were either kicked out for stupid sh*t like dress code or left for a more accepting environment. They’ve been getting in my face about ‘being the only emo kid left at the school’ and that I should ‘try to be more friendly, make a MySpace, and get updated on pop culture’. Well, can’t they just f*cking lay off? I can do what I want, so be it. I’m not breaking any (…much) of the school rules, so bleh! What did my dressing in dark colors and angry art ever do to them? They’ve gone on and started treating me like some endangered species. Damn it, just because I’m not like them doesn’t mean they have to try to force me to conform to their standards! I’m being as friendly as I can- I haven’t really cussed anyone out lately, and I have a tiny group of people I talk to. Is that not being friendly? Why can’t they all just leave me alone for once?

><

I sense that my friends are about to snap (or have snapped). One of my closer friends just got suspended for about a week. Some little assh*le from the 8th grade pissed him off like Hell. I’m not completely sure of the details, but the news did travel fast around my small school. Apparently, that little rat threw his trash at my friend at lunch and did some other extremely irritating crap, and my friend just tore his face open, literally. He got away with some insane black eye and some scratching and bruising, but got a shorter suspension. Sure, it’s not right to pop someone in the face when you’re pissed off, but that little prick brought it upon himself. Why weren’t they punished equally? I mean, a little scuffle isn’t the end of the world; I’ve seen worse.

:roll:

The administrators are getting on my case again. Fatass has been yelling at me for stupid things like oh-my-gawd she’s walking on the crosswalk and hugging my boyfriend. Yeah, sure. I don’t even have the money to sue anyone even if I did get ran over. Hugging someone for two seconds isn’t hurting anybody, either. Hell, I’ve seen full-on snogging in the halls. Why can’t they go after that? He’s almost run over my Orchestra stand partner with his stupid little golf cart, too. Tch. Shouldn’t he be walking off that fat? He’s the one who looks like he married a fridge. Unfortunately, the only administrator who gets along with me is presently limping around the school with a mangled leg (paintball accident); I hardly ever see him around anymore…

:roll:
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teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:08 am

More Woes

I’m scared for my boyfriend. His grades have been slipping like mine. His emotional state is in tatters, too. He’s been really depressed lately (I’m not sure why, he only told me it wasn’t my fault), and he threatened suicide a few times the during time I’ve been gone from here. I don’t want him to kill himself…I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s about the only socialization I get outside of school, and without him, who’s shoulder will I have to lean and cry on? He’s gotten really quiet and he’s almost always on the verge of crying when I see him. I don’t know what to do about it. He’s been cutting himself, too. I don’t know…it almost makes me want to rip my innards out seeing him hurt. It’s just…I can’t get that lump out of my throat. I feel like it’s all my fault that he’s doing this to himself, even though he told me it wasn’t me making him depressed. I don’t want to tell anyone for fear they’ll take him to the loony bin far away where I can’t go and see him, but I don’t want to see him hurt this way.

I don’t feel much better myself. I’ve put on some serious weight (seeing as all my life is working, eating, or sleeping) and some nasty-ass acne all over my face. I’ve been a complete spazz over everything. My depression is relapsing again, but I don’t want anyone to find out (especially at school, even though I know the art teachers really do care…I don’t want them to worry). Call me attention-whoring emo all you want. I could care less anymore. It feels like people is blaming everything on me and I feel guilty. What’s the point of living if all you’re good for is being yelled at and kicked around? Sometimes, I really do feel like God’s mistake. What’s the point? I know I’m going insane. I don’t want to be sent away to an asylum, but what can I do? I don’t want to go to the psychologist; it’s expensive and we’re just scraping by now. I know taking over-the-counter drugs in large doses to get a fake high is bad, but…oh, I dunno. I’m just surprised I haven’t done enough to get an OD. I just…how…why? I tried killing myself again the night after Valentine’s Day (no, not boyfriend troubles, family troubles more than anything else), but all I ended up doing was making a big mess in my room that I had to clean up or I’d get busted and leaving a stab wound in the back of my head. I know I’m f*cking insane, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I'm surprised I'm still sane enough to work on schoolwork.
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teh-lolrus
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby teh-lolrus » Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:49 am

Family Issues

I suppose a lot of the stress I’ve been having stems from my family. It’s not so much my dad (save for the usual whining about my art, fashion, and music) but my mom. She’s been really weird lately. She’s even angrier than before, for reasons unknown. Any little thing can set her off these days, and most of the time, it’s something I did. The low SAT scores just pissed her off even more lately. She’s threatened to run me out of the house for it and other menial issues. How are you supposed to do good on that test knowing that someone’s threatening to kick you out if you got a lower score than the last time? She’s been really irritated with my boyfriend (okay, mainly the hour-long conversations trying to convince one another not to kill ourselves). When she’s not beating on me emotionally and physically, she’s always in bed sleeping. Hell, I’m almost starting to get a bit worried about her even though it seems like she hates me; she hardly eats these days and my dad hasn’t weaseled a reason for this out of her yet.

I tried killing myself a few days back (see earlier post) because my mom was treating me like crap again. She tried to force me to break up with my boyfriend and threatened to beat the f*ck out of me if I didn’t stay away from him. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend never did anything to piss my family off and…ugh. I just feel like tearing my brain out at the thought of it.

I’m so confused right now. I’m worried that there’s something wrong with my mom but angry that she’s exploded at me for about everything. I’m worried about this week, though. My dad’s leaving on a weeklong business trip on Wednesday, so if anything bad happens, no one can do anything about it unless I run away to my boyfriend’s house.

><

Did I miss anything...? Well, if I did, aw, screw it. I'm going to do my Physics homework now.

:x
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marvel_freak_42
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Tue Feb 19, 2008 5:01 am

^^ As someone who had attempted suicide many times before, and actually came close to dying before he was saved at the last moment, I can say that there is nothing in this world worth doing that for, and I was lucky (but unfortunate as well) enough to learn that through that action of mine. (Long story short, it was after my mom passed away and my dad changed and became a completely different person.) When I saw what it did to the people I care about and love, I never even considered doing something like that again. And what surprised me was, the people I thought didn't give a sh*t about me were some of the ones most hurt by what I tried to do (most notably, my dad.) I realized that I was being selfish, and that I wasn't the only one dealing with sh*t. There are people who have it so much worse than I have, and these issues were just nonsense. Even when I was sent to the mental ward of the hospital, I had that knowledge to pull me through (and let me just say, that was one of the most emotional draining experiences of my life). I've learned not to let anything get to me, including the finding out of the girl I thought I loved cheating on me, or the discovery of my dad's excessive whore-mongering, or the alcoholism I used to help drown out my sorrows.

Let me say, you are not stupid or a loser or any of that other bullsh*t people try to convince you or try to make you feel like. I've learned that a majority of people who do that to others are the real losers, because they try to make others feel like crap because they know they really are big pieces of them. I'll tell you this: being a teenager is one of the hardest things you have to go through, but soon you'll look back and realize it was all minor bullsh*t. If the people you're around make you feel the way you do, just know that soon you won't have to deal with any of that. (My dad didn't let me do a lot of sh*t either, and even threatened to send me to boot camp to "straighten me out", because of my grades and the way I was "misbehaving.") Now, I don't exactly know what it is you're going through or how bad you feel, but I hope you get through it, and if you need any help, someone like me is here. :wink:
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby Big-Will » Tue Feb 19, 2008 5:26 am

teh-lolrus wrote:More WoesI don’t feel much better myself. I’ve put on some serious weight (seeing as all my life is working, eating, or sleeping) and some nasty-ass acne all over my face. I’ve been a complete spazz over everything. I'm relapsing into depression again, but I don’t want anyone to find out (especially at school, even though I know the art teachers really do care…I don’t want them to worry). Call me attention-whoring emo all you want. I could care less anymore. It feels like people is blaming everything on me and I feel guilty. What’s the point of living if all you’re good for is being yelled at and kicked around? Sometimes, I really do feel like God’s mistake. What’s the point? I know I’m going insane. I don’t want to be sent away to an asylum, but what can I do? I don’t want to go to the psychologist; it’s expensive and we’re just scraping by now. I know taking over-the-counter drugs in large doses to get a fake high is bad, but…oh, I dunno. I’m just surprised I haven’t done enough to get an OD. I just…how…why? I tried killing myself again the night after Valentine’s Day (no, not boyfriend troubles, family troubles more than anything else), but all I ended up doing was making a big mess in my room that I had to clean up or I’d get busted and leaving a stab wound in the back of my head.

I'm surprised I'm still sane enough to work on schoolwork.

Suicide just isn't for you, and if it isn't for you, you'll just come out stronger than you ever thought you'd be. You're like my older sister, who's been on anxiety medication for years but still managed to raise three kids on her own (with and without a partner). She always says she's gonna die or she's dying, but I know that's not true. The oldest kid gave her a lot of grief, too, but she's still around. I admire her for it.

Is your mother seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist? Because you're naturally gonna feel any problems she has and be one of the people she's gonna lash out against.

And what's your father doing that he takes a weeklong business trip instead of trying to help out the woman he loves? I see a divorce in the future, maybe as soon as you graduate.

teh-lolrus wrote:Fatass has been yelling at me for stupid things like oh-my-gawd she’s walking on the crosswalk and hugging my boyfriend.

Yeah, sure. Hell, I’ve seen full-on snogging in the halls.

Really, how many school buses do you see rumbling down the halls?
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gtaca2005
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Tue Feb 19, 2008 6:59 am

It seems like you have A LOT going on in your life, but I think that will help shape you as a better person, things like that have certainly shaped me into a better person. :wink: (Drugs and crap with my family.)

It is when you realize that YOU are right, and that the others have no right to treat you the way they do, that you feel stronger and more confident. :wink:
(In my case anyway.)

For the school administrators, write a long letter to them, bitch them out if you have to.
(Something tells me you already did. :lol: )
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superiorsavior
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby superiorsavior » Wed Feb 20, 2008 2:27 am

YAY! I FINALLY FOUND "THAT" THREAD!

Marvel Freak wrote: As someone who had attempted suicide many times before, and actually came close to dying before he was saved at the last moment, I can say that there is nothing in this world worth doing that for

I already know that, but that doesn't stop me seriously considering suicide (in the least painful way possible) as a hypothetical sollution to future problems... and then thinking seriously about using it because i'm such a narcisistic a-hole in real life i'll probably end up going Collumbine and wasting a bunch of innocent people. Thankfully I'm also such a coward i've never seriously attempted suicide; i've got a knife out and stared at it for an hour once or twice, and i swallowed a bunch of pills, which i puked up a few minutes later. I really need to be more like I am online/off, but i only get wierd when i'm away from school/the net and am reminded that I HAVE NO LIFE outside of these.

I eat WAY too much, and consequently, am SO lethargic. I'm practically killing myself to look fat but i stay thin. I'm the opposite of an anorexic, i wann look like Cartman! I tried to "be" cartman for about three years, seriously lost myself in delusion, thought I was some kind of bullet shot from god's dark side into life to cause as much chaos as possible after a few years of bullying (hmmmmm... me in the past remind myself of :chaos: ) but i'm over that now. Not as bad as when I wanted to "be" Adolf Hitler (when I was Cartmans age!) or when I wanted to "be" Mao Tsetsong. God i'm such a deluded prick, thankfully I snapped out of it (i think) now, before a shrink found me.

I still have the most terrifying thoughts, i wish i didn't have. I have phobias of more things than Cartman hates and sometimes hate the wierdest things (bio-psychiatrists and other authority figures are the target of ALL my ragez at the moment). I need to stop being an EMO!!!!!

Marvel wrote:I've learned that a majority of people who do that to others are the real losers, because they try to make others feel like crap because they know they really are big pieces of them

My "friends" are all like that to me, and i'm too scared of being alone, or of leaving them alone, to tell them to stick their heads where the suc doesn't want to shine. Waaaaa!

Marvel wrote:My dad didn't let me do a lot of sh*t either, and even threatened to send me to boot camp to "straighten me out", because of my grades and the way I was "misbehaving."

I sort of think my parents are far more abusive than they are. They're inconsistant; i'm not sure how they'll react and it scares the sh*t out of me. I think i'm perhaps a bit gay perhaps and i don't know what they'd do if i told them. It's making me all deprssed and philosophical and emoish and i don't wanna be like that! Waaaaaa!
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gtaca2005
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Wed Feb 20, 2008 2:52 am

teh-lolrus, I really think that you are being pushed WAY too far by your family. Straight A's and they still complain!?! I think you have way too much weight on your shoulders, and even many miles away, without seeing you in real life, I feel really sorry for you. :cry: You need to tell your parents that enough is enough! I think you have certainly proven you're smart and talented, and your parents need to realize that. Just by your writing I know this. :wink:

I think this will make you feel better, because grades AREN'T everything, here is proof:

State test scores:
http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u105 ... ure001.jpg

And now! TRANSCRIPT! (I cut all confidential stuff out.):
http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u105 ... icture.jpg

See, grades can't be trusted, tell your mom this. :wink:
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M00ndragon69
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby M00ndragon69 » Wed Feb 20, 2008 8:26 am

teh-loris, what you are going through sounds terrible. You need to get out of it. Do you have any other family members you can stay with? One of my best friends has gone through being treated like that and worse by his parents. That situation made him want to kill himself too. The best thing for him was to go stay with his Grandmother or his sister.If you have somewhere to go to get away from what is going on that is the best thing for you. People need stability where they live. They need to be treated well by the people they live with and not having to worry about the kind of sh*t you described.Having those kind of problems at home is bad for your mental health.


I can't say too much but there are people who are pissing me off in my life offline.And because of this situation I am soon going to be making some big changes in my life. I think what I have planned is going to work out so I am not going to write a huge pissed off rant about what is wrong. However it is frustrating when people around you let themselves be taken advantage of by someone who is a complete piece of sh*t and they won't see it..And not only will they not see it, them not seeing it creates problems for you, and when you stick up for yourself you just piss off the people who are in denial..
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Re: Woe is Me- a whining/venting thread

Postby superiorsavior » Wed Feb 20, 2008 6:59 pm

teh lolrus wrote:When she’s not beating on me emotionally and physically, she’s always in bed sleeping. Hell, I’m almost starting to get a bit worried about her even though it seems like she hates me; she hardly eats these days and my dad hasn’t weaseled a reason for this out of her yet.

Your situation is unthinkable to me, and I don't know what I can say to it. It puts my life in eprspective completely, but...

Except for the physical abuse, that reminds me of my own mum. She's been worring me for years now, mainly because she never eats and always thinks she's fat, and that all the illnesses she keeps getting (probably from not eating) are caused by what little she does eat. Her behaviour is completely irratic; one moment she's screaming about how I don't love her and want her to die and how she wished she'd never givven birth to me, and the next (litteral minute) she's talking about a new exercise machine she just saw advertised or a new sewing technique. She spends ALL her time either sleeping or wathcing QVC and other sewing programmes. She sometimes hits my dad and i'm really sorry for him, but I know she'd never do anything to me. I wonder, how I should behave around her? Should I ignore when she screams at me for being a horrible son and only talk to her when she's being nice, or should I tell her what she's doing? How can I get her to eat again, i'm sure that's the root of the problem :(

Mum and Dad always argue, always, they hate each other but are too traditional to divorce. I sometimes wish they'd just divorce and get it over with but they still love each other in a sick little way of their own. I'll never get married or probably not even have a girl friend myself, i don't want to end up a rabbit of a man like my dad.
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