"Paddy, age... 16... description... always wears a ski mask, black clothes. Now... Mr. Norinco... meet your death."
And with a swift movement, he slips out of his room, closing the door behind him and makes his way down the corridor.
"Excuse me, cleaning lady person." I say to (obviously) a cleaner who's in the corridor. "I was wondering if you could help me for a minute, I'm looking for someone who has a spare pair of embarrassingly large headphones. You wouldn't happen to have any would you?"
"NO! But I know someone who does."
"Some geezer from Liverpool I believe has some headphone thingys. I think his name was James. He should be down one of these corridors somewhere."
"Oh, OK, cheers mate.....errr...I mean mate..ress....or whatever."
"Oh lad, be careful, that guy has a pair of guns on him. I'd make sure not to piss him off."
As I walk off, the thought of a guy with guns reminds me of the tune 'Kids With Guns'; at which I start singing the lyrics to it to myself.
crazyQH wrote:Ok EPAF, I'm officially granting you the title of having the best dream ever.
Because she had no clue what was going on she got to her room and closed the door behind her. . .
Ok, I didn't read any of the posts above me after my last post here...
After exhausting all avenues of appeal and 37 Asian whores at the Trey Parker Memorial Brothel, Cedric is taken to prison. But this is no ordinary prison, it's cunningly disguised as a Hotel as part of a failed experimental prisoner rehabilitation program for the criminally stupid.
"Seems pleasant," muses Cedric, admiring the neo-Garrison architecture of the lobby. But he soon discovers that nearly all of the other inmates/guests are South Park fans who were slam-dunked at birth and have no discernible intelligence. One wing of inmates consists entirely of teenage girls capable only of chatting about fish and making childish drawings. Elsewhere, a Dutch girl takes gender-bending to a new level by trying to pitch a tent in a lift.
At the front desk, Cedric is asked to register for his cell, curiously referred to as a room. "Don't bother," he tells the clerk, "just have a bellhop carry my bags up."
"Sorry Sir," replies the clerk, "no bellhops in this hotel by order of Delition lest he succumb to temptation and his girlfriend leave him."
"The hell with it," says Cedric, "just show me to the bar."
Inside the bar, three repulsively drunk girls are using a Blind Hamster to destroy a grand piano. Nearby the piano is a statue of a pregnant penguin - apparently a former inmate who was raped by his crazed cellmate.
Ignoring the others, Cedric sits down alone and orders the first of many beers. Fortunately the slender barmaid is Japanese and willing to flirt in Indonesian sign-language.
Cedric asks to see a menu. "Sorry," says the barmaid, "but the only bar snacks are Stovepipe Jam Twinkies."
Cedric shudders and carries on drinking. Many hours later, he and the barmaid finally decide to head upstairs, pausing only to notice a masked suicide bomber entering the lobby. After a few seconds, Cedric realizes it's nobler to do nothing and allow the suicide bomber to rid the world of all these stupid South Park fans forever.
I love a happy ending.
Next Week: The BBS Brain Surgery Club.
Now accepting sig requests
me: can i have 3 beers please
bartender: sure... how old are you
me: uh 15??
Bartender laughs:wow i've heard of people lying about being older than they are, but never younger than they are!
me: dude i am 15
Bartender: sure sure
me: Give ME THE GODAMN BEER!!
Bartender: ok ok
i grab the beer and run back to my room and lock it.. time to experiment!!
"Here's your breakfast you f*cking rat." James mumbles before opening the door, with a keycard he had stolen from a now choked cleaning lady. He closes the shut but sees just an empty bed with no sign of occupation.
"Oh great." He says, putting his gun away and leaving the room.
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