Really Sick Jokes

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Kyle the Skeptic
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Really Sick Jokes

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Tue Jul 04, 2006 2:23 am

This has probably already been done before, but the object is to post any politically incorrect, dark, or obscene joke that you can think of. Basically the same kinds of jokes South Park itself would feature. If you have more than one, post them one at a time. If you can come up with something original, that's even better. (And yes, I'm sure most of us have already heard the SP version of the Aristocrats Joke.)

I'll start with something simple.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs with an axe.
IneedBoutTREEFIDDY
Posts: 3384
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 6:55 pm

Postby IneedBoutTREEFIDDY » Tue Jul 04, 2006 9:51 pm

Going off that one

Q:What's black and blue and red all over?

A:My Wife
Setting the standard since 1852
Taranis_Music
Posts: 1765
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:06 pm

Postby Taranis_Music » Tue Jul 04, 2006 10:51 pm

Q: Why doesn't jesus play hockey?

A: Beacuse he's scared to get nailed to the boards.
Mrs._Stan_Darsh
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:11 pm

Postby Mrs._Stan_Darsh » Wed Jul 05, 2006 4:06 am

Some sicko told me this at work...

Q: What do you do when you put a baby in a blender?

A: I don't know. I was too busy masturbating.
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I Iearned something today, and it's that America is our home team, and if you don't want to root for the home team then get the hell out of the stadium.
Mr. Hat_DX27
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Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:50 pm

Postby Mr. Hat_DX27 » Wed Jul 05, 2006 10:12 am

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He got the gas bill
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IneedBoutTREEFIDDY
Posts: 3384
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 6:55 pm

Postby IneedBoutTREEFIDDY » Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:11 pm

Q:What did Hitler want for christmas?

A:A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven
Setting the standard since 1852
PsychoMetroid 3:16
Posts: 635
Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 1:18 am

Postby PsychoMetroid 3:16 » Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:17 pm

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Micheal Jackson.
tweekedkenny
Posts: 647
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:28 pm

Postby tweekedkenny » Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:28 pm

Q:What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A:A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
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Jay C
Posts: 4299
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Postby Jay C » Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:28 pm

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

-------------------------------

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

-------------------------------

The prison warden where Harold Shipman was 'staying' commented that he will be sorely missed, especially by the prison boxing club. He said: "He had a lethal jab"*

-------------------------------

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.

After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.

The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.

The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."

She says, "Smell the rim."

------------------------------

* Harold Shipman was a doctor from England who killed his paitents with lethal injections.
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
Butters_06
Posts: 140
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2006 2:29 pm

Postby Butters_06 » Wed Jul 05, 2006 3:19 pm

Q: Three sh*ts walking down the road what one is the muskateer?

A: The dark tan one

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Three rats sitting in a pub talking about how hard they are te first one says "i find all the mouse traps i set them off and then start bench pressing them" the other two dont look impressed. The second one says "im so hard i eat a full tube of rat poison a day". at this the third one finishes his pint stands up and says "Bollocks to you two im going home to shag the cat"
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Just returned from the death camp of Tolerance
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JesusComplex
Posts: 806
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2005 11:37 pm

Postby JesusComplex » Wed Jul 05, 2006 3:48 pm

How many jews can fit in a van?

5 in the back and 75 in the ashtray.



(Those numbers can be different. That's just how I remember it.)
JesusComplex is a girl *rawr*
EPAF
Posts: 1788
Joined: Wed May 17, 2006 6:29 pm

Postby EPAF » Wed Jul 05, 2006 4:31 pm

Q. Why is it best to have sex with a prostitute in Rewind Mode?

A. Because you get to have sex with her and then get your money back at the end of it all.
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crazyQH wrote:Ok EPAF, I'm officially granting you the title of having the best dream ever.
Taranis_Music
Posts: 1765
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:06 pm

Postby Taranis_Music » Wed Jul 05, 2006 6:45 pm

Q: What's the Difference between a black guy and a park bench?

A: The Park bench can support a family of Five.
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:04 pm

Two clergymen, a priest and a rabbi, are out for a round of golf.

The rabbi takes a swing and knocks the ball into the sand trap. "sh*t I missed!" he exclaims.

"Hey," says the priest. "You shouldn't say that or you'll incite the Lord's wrath."

"Yeah whatever," says the rabbi. He heads into the sand trap, takes another swing, and knocks his ball into the woods. "God damnit I missed!"

"You had best watch your mouth," says the priest, "Or the Lord will surely strike you down."

"Like I care," says the rabbi. He lines up one more swing, hits the ball, and knocks it into the pond. "f*ck it I missed!"

At that moment the skies darken with clouds and a lightning bolt streaks from the heavens, striking the priest and electrocuting him instantly.

A big booming voice exclaims, "sh*t I missed!"
Taranis_Music
Posts: 1765
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:06 pm

Postby Taranis_Music » Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:10 pm

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

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