The BBS Commune-House

[Blue Twilight]

BT enters through the door, caked in snow and holding a bag full of groceries.

BT: Sorry I'm so late in getting back from the store you guys, I, uh.... [sees the chaos unfolding] ...I better go [grits teeth and shuts the door]

[Pip Tweek]

PT: Damn, BT, what was that, like a two-year long trip to the store?? I think the house was destroyed and rebuilt like 6 times since you went out!

[Blue Twilight]

BT: I forgot I went to the store two years ago! I, uh, got a bit-- [notices KMAC with her huntin' rifle about to attack Santa's other reindeer] Not on my watch, you don't!!! Guns are for self-defense in the case of zombie apocalypses! Eat this!!! [rummages around in the bag and throws a block of Morningstar Farms imitation venison at KMAC]

[AngusMcTavish]

Outside in the hellish windstorm, Angus crawls along the ground, trying to make it to the door. He grabs onto a nearby fence post and tries to use it for support.

Angus: Almost...therrrrre....

At that point, a nearby tree is ripped from the ground and falls towards him, missing him and the house by a yard!

[Kensuke]

[Meanwhile, back at the wicked battle of the 'sukes]

[Kensuke 2.0's testicles broke free from the grip of Kensuke's hand]

Kensuke 2.0: Luckily I was champion of my high school wrestling team!

Kensuke: Oh god really? I would never do that, it looks very unpleasant to me.

Kensuke 2.0: it was...I took 5 showers a day...but I was good at it! HYAH!

[Kensuke 2.0 pins Kensuke to the ground]

Kensuke 2.0: AHA! Say uncle!

Kensuke: Never!

Kensuke 2.0: Say it!

Kensuke: ....buncle

Kensuke 2.0: Oh ho ho! You said Buncle! Now you have to kiss me!

Kensuke: w-what?

Kensuke 2.0: erm...uh...

[Kensuke throws Kensuke 2.0 off]

Kensuke: Did you say kiss you!? Dude, that's like making out with a mirror!

Kensuke 2.0: I didn't say it!

[The two stare at eachother for a few seconds, then wildly start making out]

[WFM enters]

WFM: Hey guys, I heard alot of commotion up here and I just thought I'd check on- [spots the kissing kens] yyyyyokay I'm gonna leave...

[WFM exits]

[mo303564]

Michael exists his room after sleeping, just in pajama pants, grabs a newspaper...and sees wii


Michael: good morning wii! What's new?!?

Wii (scared): I just saw Kensuke kissing his clone! It's very disturbing (looks down)...but I think your chest hair is more disturbing, OMG. I should just throw up and die!! (leaves).

Michael: Whatever dick. Oh wait, what about Kensuke.

Goes to Kensuke's room, door is open a crack....and peaks inside.

Kensuke 2.0: Oooh yea! Get your manhands deep on my dick (starts groping)

Kensuke: Your sick! But it feels sooo good! We should take this to the shower.

Kensuke 2.0: Sounds good. That way, I can get a better look at how much of a man you really are!

Michael...also disturbed, quietly exists back to his room.

Michael (entering room): Maybe I should have just stayed asleep

[Kensuke]

Waitwaitwait, I ain't say nothin' about me creating the beast with two backs with my clone! Making out with yourself is one thing, but having sex with it is just sick!

Back to the story...(glares at mike) JEEZ!

[In the middle of the Makeout session. Yeah Mike, MAKEOUT session (glares at mike again).... Kensuke 2.0's head began to swell]

Kensuke 2.0: Oh...that's not good

Kensuke: whoa...I'm outta here!

[Kensuke walks out, with an explosion behind him]

Kensuke: (thinking) don't look at the explosion...don't look at the explosion.... (repeatedly)

[As the explosion cleared, Kensuke ran downstairs]

Kensuke: (really fast) Guys! Guys! I was upstairs andIwasfightingmyclonewith guitarsandbassandthen therewasabunchofmusiclike BWONG and BEEEENENENENENE!!!! andthenwewrestledandthenkissedbyaccidentbut it'sokaybecausewe'rethesame! AND THEN HIS HEAD EXPLODED!!! andIwalkedawayfromit....and I didn't even look back, so that makes it twice as cool DUDE!

PT: Wait...slow down...you made out with your clone?

Kensuke: Hey, every once in a while, ya gotta have some fun man.

PT:....right...

[AngusMcTavish]

Using the fallen tree for support against the freakish wind, Angus slinks his way up to the walkway. It's covered by an overhang, so if he can just stick to the wall while making his way to the door, he should be okay.

That is, until he sees something approaching him, pretty quickly.

WUMP!!

He is clobbered by the fence post he had hung onto earlier. He spends a few moments trying to pry it off himself, then works his way to the door, knocking weakly.

Voice (from inside): Be right there!

The door opens, and BT looks down to see a wind-worn and battered Angus struggling to stand.

BT: Whoa! Here, grab hold!

Angus reaches for her hand, and she pulls him in before forcing the door shut.

BT: There! You all right, man?

PT: Angus? What the hell happened to YOU?!

Angus (short on breath): Wind's whippin' up... (collapses on floor)

[That God Damn Moose]

Kensuke and Kensuke 3.0 look at the collapsed Angus. Then stare at each other. Then wildly start making out.

WFM: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

[Thunderhorse]

TH: YAWWWN....Geez, How long was I out?

TH2.0: A couple months. Want some coffee?

TH: GAH! Who the hell are you? And coffee certainly sounds delightful.

TH2.0: I'm your evil clone, and the coffee should be done in a few minutes.

TH: Don't skimp on the sugar, and I...wait, what was that first thing you said? Evil Clones, eh?

TH2.0: Yep. Someone made a machine that made clones of you all, and now we're all trying to replace the originals.

TH: So...now we fight?

TH2.0: Yep. Choose a weapon.

*TH 2.0 points to Thunderhorse's convenient "Table 'O Weapons"*

TH and TH2.0: I CALL THE LEAD PIPE!

TH2.0: Damn...Rock Paper Scissors for it?

TH: Ok

TH and TH2.0: 1 2 3...
Scissors!
TH and TH2.0: 1 2 3...
Scissors!
TH and TH2.0: 1 2 3...
Scissors!

TH: OK, this is getting us nowhere.

*Thunderhorse grabs the Lead Pipe and bats TH2.0 out the window onto the front lawn*

TH2.0: OW! That was uncalled for, cheater!

*Thunderhorse jumps down and tosses TH2.0 a katana*

TH: Now...a fair fight! Don't bore me now!

TH2.0: I certainly aim to please!

[AngusMcTavish]

Some of the people have propped Angus up onto the couch. He starts stirring after a while to see the two Kensukes and the two T-Horses.

Angus: ...oh-kaaay...I'm either dreaming, or just seeing double as a result of the concussion I took.

WFM: Uh, no, man, it's all real. Apparently, they got cloned.

Angus: Oh. (pause) I think I'll need to lie down elsewhere.

WFM and PT help Angus up and walk him to his room upstairs.

[Kensuke]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, bringing sexy back.

Suddenly everyone becomes extremely British

PT: Alright mates?

Kensuke: Oi mate! Why are we British?

PT: Some bender wrote us this way I reckon!

Ned: Blimey!

The sky begins to rain men

idk someone else figure it out...

[The New PT]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, bringing sexy back.

Freaking roflcopter and lollerskates, I love the fact that between the last two posts almost a year had passed. Bringing sexy back indeed, this thread is legendary.


Anyway..

PT (X-treme Brit.): I do say, whatever is the confounded lot with these raining men?

Ned: It's bloody strange, isn't it?
Kensuke: Quite.

PT : I dare say, it puts me in mind of a certain popular song of my youth. Crikey if I can't remember what the name was...I do recall it having a certain quality...

Kensuke: Powerful?
Ned: Emotional?

PT: No,...no I don't it was either of those.

Kensuke: Complex?
Ned: Spirited?

PT: No, but I believe you may be onto something with the spirited description..something along those lines.

Kensuke: Festive?
Ned: Fiery?

PT: Ah, yes, we're getting warmer now!

Angus: Flamboyant?
PT: That's almost got it! There's just one slightly better word for it!

Kensuke: Gay?
PT: Jolly good. Indeed it was totally, totally gay.

Suddenly, one of the precipitous men approached the group. He had a nervous gait and appeared to be babbling to himself a string of numbers.

Ned: by jove, he's not hurt or even wet. I say, good man, how did you get 'ere?

Man: K...K-mart. Went to K-mart.
Kensuke: A K-mart in the clouds. Jolly amusing!
Angus: Hey, guys, I have a strong feeling this guy is autistic.

Angus (turning to man): Excuse me sir, but could you tell me what 694812 divided by 666 is?

Man: 1043.261261261261

Ned: Jolly impressive!
Kensuke: However did you realize the extent of his autism?

Angus: I'll let PT field this one.
PT: Thanks. It's because the guy is a...are you guys sure you want the explanation?

All: YES!
(tell us already, etc.)

PT: He's autistic because he's a Rain Man.

Everyone in the group vomits simultaneously, except Rain Man who didn't get it.

PT: Maybe I'll have better material next year...

[Kensuke]

[Pip Tweek, Kensuke, Angus, and Ned proceeded to sing "Moonlight Bay" in unison dressed as if they were in a barbershop quartet]

Mike: Right lads, this isn't the time for musical numbers or dilly dallying

Kensuke: That right mate?

Mike: Indeed

Kensuke: Isit?

Mike: It is

PT: Isit now?

[Suddenly everyone becomes Scottish]

Angus: AYE YEH GUFFY HIPPO!

PT: YEH SHANT BE HAVERING LIKE SOME BAM YA WEE BAS!

Kensuke: ALRIGHT NED, LEMME BLETHER AT YEH FER AH WEE BIT.

Ned: ALRIGHT KENSUKE! FIT LIKE MIN?

Kensuke: AYE LASS, FIT LIKE MIN FER THIS UPCOOMING HOGMANAY?

Mike: Guys...it's...it's time to stop, with all this.

[AngusMcTavish]

As the back-and-forth exchanging of British and Scottish accents and colloquialisms continue, two decorators enter the house and start putting up new decor for the year.

They clearly had more than enough time to turn the Commune House into something else...and no one notices until after they leave.

PT: HOL'UP YE HAGGISES! Wha' happen to the place?

Everyone stops to look around the room.

Kensuke (back to regular accent with everyone else): Huh! When did all THIS happen?

Angus: More importantly, what's this supposed to be? Looks like Grizzly Adams' cabin in here!