South Park Studios Forums

A roaring voice from above: Clone orgy! Clone orgy! I demand it. What are you doing here wasting my time?!! I've sent you the cloning machine in order to get entertained, not bored to death. So get to work already and either have fun with each other or kill yourselves in the most violent way imaginable. Chop-chop! Zardoz has spoken.

Bug 2.0: *starts unbuttoning shirt* Well...if he says so...
PT: NO BUG 2.0! Button your shirt back up right now!
Bug: Come on PT! Those D-Cups have to air out somehow
ECC: Why are we still messing with this? Let's just destroy the cloning machine!
ECC 2.0: PT 2.0 is right, you are a spazz
ECC: That is it!
ECC attacks ECC 2.0
TDGM: I can't leave to tend to my venus fly trap garden for 5 seconds without someone fighting!
ILYG: *sniffle* You never told me you had a venus fly trap garden!
TDGM: Yes I did, and you pulled them all out of the ground screaming "RAWR! I AM YOUR GOD! COWAR IN FEAR BEFORE ME!"
ILYG: Oh yeah
ECC: I WANT THESE CLONES OUT OF HERE
PT: I have an idea! lets get...
Bug 2.0: NAKED! *takes off shirt*
PT: God Damnit stop that!, I meant help, we need a scientific expert of some sort...

FrostyD says, "You don't tell me what to do so easily. Kmac, do you want to go out and kill Zardoz? It will make him...less bored, too."

Kmac replies, "Funny that I am the clone seeing that I should be the original. Oh well, I guess it has to do with time fuckery....."

FD says, "Are you coming or are ya going to mumble to yourself?"

Kmac, "Hmmm? I cannot do both? Fine, I'm bored anyways. Lets find and kill his ass. It should be easy, for I used to be the killer queen."

FD, "And how are we going to find him?"

Kmac, "Well I suppose that it has a way of killing us remotely, and possibly heard our conversation even though we are whispering, but more likely we are boring him right now. I say we should find the camera and find out where it goes."

FD, "Which we should find out by how? I'm pretty sure he's in the attic or something. Somewhere far away but close enough to influence us. Because if he is not in the house, I don't think he can influence us."

Kmac, "Heh, no explosives then, that's good."

FD and Kmac go through the house and find the man behind the screen.

Kmac brings out a longsword to his throat. "You cannot make a clone of a clone without making the original. Even if the original falters. Oh and I suggest not moving at all. Recently I have trained in longsword and fencing skill, and I am highly trained in gory kills. "

FD, "Heh, and you might not know this, but we have MaChrona on our side. It used to be Kmac, but that power has been passed down to me, the clone because of a circumstance, which I will not tell. This baby is almost like a conditional halt time, or suspend time, or a longer version of pause time, depending on how I use it. I have to touch you but....that's not a problem right now."

Kmac, "So now, you cannot make us do your bidding anymore."

FD is tweeking with the hourglass, making sure that the grains are correct and put it on his neck. He freezes and is coated with ice. To make sure it is permanent FD touches his neck with Kmac's sword. But he cannot be touched or moved for he is out of time....forever.


Kmac, "Okay, what now?"

FD, "I don't know, we could battle to the death, but that is too cliche."

Kmac, "Indeed"

FD, "Anyways, I would win."

Kmac, "Yea right"

We go downstairs.

Kmac & FD, "The guy is destroyed, you do not have to worry about him anymore or take orders from him."

The manner of Zardoz's death resulted in an odd occurrence. In the final seconds before his demise, he did some crazy magic trick that caused the remaining clones to become indistinguishable from the original. Only the original poster remained aware of his or her identity, and all of the clones were now motivated to replace the original. Only Frosty D and Kmac were able to escape this fate by virtue of the fact that there were already two of her and they had their own names.

Kensuke: What happened? I feel different somehow...

PT gestured for Kensuke to follow him into an unoccupied part of the house.

Kensuke: What's going on?

PT: That thing you felt, I felt it too...Zardoz is dead, but he transferred his life force to us. Now we're not just clones, we're exact duplicates of our sources!

Kensuke: That sounds kind of confusing. What if I forget who I am?

PT: Listen, we can use this to our advantage to kill our predecessors and take their places!

Kensuke: We'd better get think of something fast. I don't know how many other clones there are of me still around.

PT: Good point...I think we can assume now, that everyone we encounter who looks like us is going to try to kill us for the same reason we want them dead!

Kensuke: God...this is going to be even bloodier than my epic battles with (in a different voice) MOTORO!

Meanwhile, as Kensuke and Kensuke 2 get acquainted, Kensuke 2 experiences the Zardoz effect and becomes conscious of his transformation. He quietly looks over at the original Kensuke to see if he noticed anything.

He didn't.

Kensuke is now unknowingly walking around with an exact duplicate of himself who wants to kill him.



Will Zardoz's revenge be the undoing of us all?

Kensuke: Well everyone, this meeting was...lovely...but I gotta drain the lizard.

Kensuke 2: Uh...me too!...erm...similar Blatters....

Kensuke: Alright, but we're not going at the same time. Who takes a wiz while looking in the mirror?

[ECC raises her hand]

Kensuke: wow...well then.

[They both head towards the bathroom. Kensuke enters the bathroom while Kensuke 2 plants a bomb outside the door and gets in position for the explosion]

KABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

Kensuke 2: YES! I've done it! I AM THE TRUE KENSUKE NOW!!!!! HAHAHAHA!

[Suddenly Kensuke arises from the ashes, unscathed, playing his bass with a determined look on his face]

Kensuke 2: what the...?

[Suddenly a blue laser beam shoots from the bass and hits Kensuke 2 knocking him over]

Kensuke 2: Ah yes...the power of a bass...can it match my guitar!?

[Kensuke 2 pulls out a guitar with a red force field around it]

[The two approach each other slowly preparing for the battle]

Meanwhile...

Kensuke wrote:Kensuke: Alright, but we're not going at the same time. Who takes a wiz while looking in the mirror?

[ECC raises her hand]

Kensuke: wow...well then.

Anyways...

Kensuke: Prepare to have your face rocked, by the REAL KENSUKE
Kensuke 2.0: That's funny, your mom rocked my face last night
Kensuke: Dude, your mom is....that's just nasty

The Kensukes start battling, while PT 2.0 tries to start more trouble

PT 2.0: Hey, ILYG
ILYG: Yeah?
PT 2.0: PT 3.0 said your feet smelled like rotten peaches
ILYG: THAT WHORE!
PT 2.0: Yeah, you should totally his kick ass or something
ILYG: I should...Thanks PT 2.0!
PT 2.0: No prob

[Kensuke played a mighty bass line that created a large blue laser, just as Kensuke 2.0 played an epic guitar riff that created a large red laser that shot towards eachother. The two beams collided and created a large rocking sound that caused the walls around them to fall apart, and shook the entire house]

meanwhile downstairs

PT: Hey! [Poking the ceiling with a broomstick] You youngsters better keep quiet up there with all that rock n' roll music up there!

PT 3.0: Chillax bra...let those little dudes rock out!

WFM: Is it me, or are some of the clones slowly becoming our opposites...

WFM 2.0: PS3 is da best sistim evur mayde.

ILYG: YOU! [Points at PT 3.0]

PT 3.0: Wassup dudette?

ILYG: I'll show you for insulting my feet!

[ILYG jumps in the sky surrounded by diamonds]

Meanwhile

Kensuke: Beatles....reference....to be...made...but....busy!

It turns out that Zardoz's evil power only lasted the duration of one post, because apparently, the clones can tell each other apart, and there's no imminent melee to tense up for.

PT3.0 - I don't recall saying anything about her feet...but man, did you guys catch the armpit B.O. on the updraft?
(giggles)

WFM - I'm telling her you said that, once she comes down from...the sky!

PT3.0 - Yeah, I'm sure she'll be at my throat for saying such terrible things and being a meany! Jeez, you people are way too uptight.

PT - Well, don't go around talking sh*t while you're wearing my face! I don't want to catch the flack of you running your mouth off!

PT3.0 - Ah, f*ck you, man....[wanders away toward the stairs]

WFM 2.0: d00d, u totally just pwned urself! LULZ!

WFM: Don't talk like that. You sound like an idiot.

WFM 2.0: whatevs, d00d. Ur not da boss of me!

PT goes back to the kitchen to clean up the mess from killing his other clone, completely unfazed about Lucy's departure into the sky followed by a trail of....crystals.

The Moose just sit on the couch watching all this chaos

TGDM : lolwut

TGDM v2.0 : lolwut

TGDM v3.0 : lowut

ILYG : GAH! I can't tell them apart!

ECC : Because the real TGDM isn't here.

ILYG : How do you know?

ECC has a sinister look on her face

ILYG: I'm still not quite sure, ECC.

ECC: But I had a sinister look...you know!...eh...

ILYG has confused look

ECC: Anyway, it's not the real TGDM. I know this because...I'M NOT THE REAL ECC! HAHAHAHA

ECC (2.0?) pulls out multiple weapons of which the previous locations are questionable


Meanwhile...


Kensuke does other things that Scott Pilgrim does

TGDM walks into the room dressed like a chicken

ILYG : GASP!

TGDM : I don't know! I don't know what happened! I happened so fast.. I just... I...

ECC : CHYEAH! That costume is SO last season.

ILYG : YOU! YOU DID THIS TO HER!!

Everyone quiets down and stops to watch the ultimate bitchfit

[As Kensuke and Kensuke 2.0 played more notes, the force of the laser's collisions increased until it got so great, both of their instruments crumbled in their hands, and they both were knocked to the floor.]

Kensuke 2.0: Aww man! My guitar!

Kensuke: My Bass! Dammit, now what?

[Kensuke 2.0 runs over to Kensuke and immediately squeezes both of his nipples]

Kensuke: OW!!!!

Kensuke 2.0: Name 5 cereals!

Kensuke: OW!! UH...CAPTAIN CRUNCH....UH!.....SHAFFLBLAH!

Kensuke 2.0: Shafflblah isn't a cereal!

Kensuke: DAMMIT IT'S HARD TO THINK WHEN YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY NIPPLES!!!

[Kensuke reaches down and squeezes the crap out of Kensuke 2.0's balls, causing him to let go]

Kensuke 2.0: AH!!!

Kensuke: Name 5 countries below the equator!!!!

Kensuke 2.0: WHAT!?

Kensuke: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "what"!?

Kensuke 2.0: WHAT!?

Kensuke: English Motha Fucka! You speak it!?

Kensuke 2.0: OW!!!....YES I DO SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!

iloveyouguys wrote:
Meanwhile...


Kensuke does other things that Scott Pilgrim does

I'm in Lesbians with that movie, but I wasn't doing what Scott was doing, my Bass really does shoot blue lasers creating the foundation of a musical earthquake!

Kensuke wrote:
Kensuke 2.0: WHAT!?

Kensuke: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "what"!?

Kensuke 2.0: WHAT!?

Kensuke: English Motha Fucka! You speak it!?

Kensuke 2.0: OW!!!....YES I DO SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!

PT3.0: DOES..HE...LOOK........LIKE........A BITCH!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Meanwhile...


Santa Claus approaches the house on his sleigh, unsure of who the house occupants are and whether or not they were naughty or nice.

Santa: (grumbles to the reindeer) Just more work for Santa! It may sound terrible, but sometimes, I hate this job!

Donder: (reindeer) You think you got it tough? Try pulling a sleigh full of toys for the entire world plus your fat ass for 24 hours straight with Comet's ass sticking in your face!

Comet!: Hey, it's the same deal for me, except I gotta look at Dasher's butthole all night! And that ain't no picknick, believe me!

Dasher: Yeah, well, me and dancer used to be head reindeer til this Rudolph noob upset the pecking order!

Rudolph: STFU Dasher, I'm the only reason this bitch has any sense of direction!

With a heavy sigh, Santa slowly pulls out a half-pint of Southern Comfort from his coat's inner pocket and takes a generous gulp. It goes down bitterly as the sleigh moves on.


Merry Christmas, everyone.

Kmac: Does anyone want venison?

FD: Venison sounds nice.

Kmac: It's nice and fresh. I just finished butchering it just now.

PT: Isn't deer hunting season over?

Kmac: Um... Yes, however, this was to protect mah propertah.

PT: ...But I don't see any deer tracks.

Kmac: Exactly.

FD: You know what? I'm going over that away, you deal with PipTweek, Kmac.

PT: You shot a flying reindeer didn't you?

Kmac: You bet your ass I did.

As the reindeer hunters prepare the venison dinner, a lone figure is seen trying to make his way back to the CH.

However, the wind has picked up, and the force of it is knocking him backwards.

Angus (to himself): Must...make it...back...Can't...give up...Can't...stop talking...like...Shatner...

He pulls himself a little further along, but is knocked back into a tree. He gazes at the CH, a good distance away, and tries to summon up a little more strength.