When calm met coffee

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

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gmac
Posts: 598
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:38 am

When calm met coffee

Postby gmac » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:52 pm

(this is just basically a story of how tweek became so hyper)

It was a sunny day and Tweek had just finished walking his dog, he returned to his house in denver, he had a smile on his face and he was really calm.

Tweek:Hi Mom & Dad I'm home.

Mom: Oh hi Tweek, Tweek, your father and i need to talk to you.

Tweek: Uuh, ok.

Dad: Tweek, we have a bit of bad news, we are moving to a town called south park, because i have a new job there, i have started my own coffee shop.

Tweek: Oh jesus christ why?

Dad: we just believe it's for the best, we are moving tomorrow morning so you'd better be up early.

As Tweek lay in his bed trying to get to sleep, he thought, "how am i going to get new friends? how will i know my way around? calm tweek, stay calm. The next morning Tweek & family sat in the moving van, when they arrived in south park, they saw Tom's Rhinoplasty & the post office, Tweek smiled at some of the oncoming kids, he couldn't wait to start a new life.

Tweek: Mom, Dad, when will i be starting my new school?

Dad: next week when we've settled in to our new home, oh, here we are.

Tweek looked upon his new house, he noticed it was bigger, but then Tweek realised, where's his dog? They'd actually forgot about him, they went back to find him but he had run away, tweek got really upset and stayed in his room for two days.

(to be continued)
kenny789420
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:29 pm

Postby kenny789420 » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:02 pm

Good Start ! Looking to see more
wouldn't be activite much srry im on http://www.allabout-sp.net alot more
rated 20th on online trivia out of 800
gmac
Posts: 598
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:38 am

Postby gmac » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:06 pm

Part two.

After Tweek got over his dog's disappearence (sp?) he decided to take a calm walk downtown, he went to some shops to buy some sweets, and went down to the park to play on the swings, after he went home, his dad had a new machine when he got there.

Dad: Oh, hi Tweek you got home just in time to see my new coffee machine, i brought it home from work, seeing as i am the manager.

Tweek: What's Coffee?

Dad: Well Tweek, coffee is a thing that us grown-ups drink to calm our nerves, and to get us up in the morning.

Tweek:Can i try some?

Dad: NO! I mean, uuh, well tweek, it's very vital that you drink it when you're a little older...

Tweek: ... ok.

As Tweek lay in his bed, he thought to himself "i want some coffee", he snuck out of bed and went downstairs, He made some coffee and had a quick sip, he loved it, he stayed up all night, drinking all of his dad's coffee, in the morning, Tweek's dad went in to the kitchen...

Dad: Oh my god!

He saw tweek on the floor, tweek had fainted, he wasn't waking up or anything, his dad took him to hospital, it turned out he had a major caffeine stroke, and was now addicted, he woke up and was going crazy and started to have a seizure, when he stopped, he pulled his hair so hard it stuck up and didn't go down, everytime he tried to button his shirt up, he failed to do it properly.

Tweek: Oh my god, i'm going crazy!

(to be continued)
kenny789420
Posts: 227
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:29 pm

Postby kenny789420 » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:19 pm

Keep it going this more interesting then most fanfics
wouldn't be activite much srry im on http://www.allabout-sp.net alot more
rated 20th on online trivia out of 800
Jay C
Posts: 4299
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Postby Jay C » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:23 pm

Yeah this isn't bad gmac, although you're speeding it too much :lol: Still, keep up with it, I mostly read FF's for the actual story, and I like this one ;)
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
Mr. Hat_DX27
Posts: 3616
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:50 pm

Postby Mr. Hat_DX27 » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:46 pm

Jay C wrote:Yeah this isn't bad gmac, although you're speeding it too much :lol: Still, keep up with it, I mostly read FF's for the actual story, and I like this one ;)

It’s more of a summery than a story in my opinion :P. Not bad though.
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Stovepipe_Jam
Posts: 4611
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:20 am

Postby Stovepipe_Jam » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:18 am

Yay Tweek! I like this story already!
Mr_Jefferson_killed_Kenny
Posts: 998
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2005 4:41 pm

Postby Mr_Jefferson_killed_Kenny » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:08 pm

Write more. And it is more of a summary right now, but you could make it into more of a story. It just seems to be more info than an actual plot. Keep writing though, it's a good summary. XD
gmac
Posts: 598
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:38 am

Postby gmac » Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:44 pm

(thanks, it's my first one)

A few weeks had passed and Tweek was let out of hospital after multiple scans and tests. His parents had began to worry about him, because he just drew pictures about coffee and pinned them to the wall. They'd then broke the news to him.

Dad: Tweek, your mother and i need to talk to you.

Tweek: Oh my god! Another Talk! That's way too much pressure!

Dad: ..Yes, well as we said before, we are sending you to school tommorow, we were going to send you a bit earlier but you are now a serious caffeine addict.

Tweek: Can i some more coffee?

Dad: Well, if you promise you won't go crazy again.

Tweek: I'll try not to...

After Tweek finished his coffee, his parents were looking at him nervously, wondering what would happen, all he did was go and watch TV. The next day, he was getting ready for school, nervous as hell, Taking place in the 3rd grade, at south park elementary.

Mr. Garrison: Quiet down you little bastards! We have a new student today, his name is... Uh, what did you say your name was again?

Tweek: Tweek, sir.

Mr. Garrison: Oh great, another retard!

The class laughed at Tweek, he was having a hard time on his first day at school, he then met pip.

Pip: oh hello chap, i'm phillip pirrup, but please call me pip.

Tweek: Oh, hello...pip.

Pip: Isn't it hard on your first day? I had problems, and i still do.

As pip rabbled on about his crappy school life, tweek went and sat next to four boys, stan, kyle, kenny and cartman.

Tweek: Uh..Hello, I'm Tweek.

Cartman: oh great, the retard.

Tweek: Shut up Fatass!

Tweek jumped onto cartman and lashed out at him violently, this must have been the coffee he drank before he left home. Stan, kyle and kenny were just laughing.

Kyle: Hey dude, you're pretty cool, You want to hang round with us?

Tweek: sure.

Tweek now had four new friends and was finding life more easier.

(to be continued)
Stovepipe_Jam
Posts: 4611
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:20 am

Postby Stovepipe_Jam » Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:48 pm

I like it, but you seem to be moving kinda fast. Slow down! It's good, but it needs a little bit more detail; I feel like this is going in fast motion.
Mr_Jefferson_killed_Kenny
Posts: 998
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2005 4:41 pm

Postby Mr_Jefferson_killed_Kenny » Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:50 pm

I love it when Cartman gets what he deserves. It just doesn't happen enough.
KyleBenoit
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Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 2:44 am

Postby KyleBenoit » Fri Mar 03, 2006 11:56 pm

This is good, but as previously stated alittle speedy. Keep working on it, and your writing will get better. This is still a nice fic. :)
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Stovepipe_Jam
Posts: 4611
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:20 am

Postby Stovepipe_Jam » Sat Mar 04, 2006 12:00 am

I have to say, gmac, you're a very good fanfic writer. :mrgreen: You're new at this, obviously, but you remind me very much of myself when I first started writing. :cartmanlaugh:

Keep it up; you have potential! :D
OMG_They_Killed_Kenny(>
Posts: 166
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:48 am

Postby OMG_They_Killed_Kenny(> » Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:09 am

Jay C wrote:Yeah this isn't bad gmac, although you're speeding it too much :lol: Still, keep up with it, I mostly read FF's for the actual story, and I like this one ;)


I actually like the fast pace because its late and I have to go to bed and wanna squeeze in a short fan fic before I do.

Edit: But I guess a little more detail wouldn't hurt.
You couldn't make me laugh even if I was already laughing my ass off and you were the one that made me do it.
Athena1999
Posts: 2492
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:08 am

Postby Athena1999 » Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:05 pm

I think you should slow down... a little. Otherwise, this is one of the best stories I've ever read. Tweek rules!
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