South Park Elementary Massacre (my first fan fic, be gentle)

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

Moderator: Big-Will

Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

South Park Elementary Massacre (my first fan fic, be gentle)

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:07 am

Chapter 1: Bus Stop

(The scene starts with the 4 boys standing near the bus stop and its snowing more than usual.)

Kyle: Where’s that bus already

Stan: I know dude, it’s usually here by now

Cartman: Screw this, I’m going home

Kyle: K see ya

Cartman: If I go home now, I won’t have to go to school.

Kyle: Good for you. You should go home

Cartman: Hey, screw you, I’ll go home whenever I damn want.

Stan: It’s f*cken freezing today.

Kenny: Mye, mh Mhming mm molls mmoff.

Stan: Maybe Cartman’s right. Maybe schools closed. This is a pretty bad storm.

Kyle: They never close down the schools.

Cartman: You know what… screw you guys, I’m really going home this time.

(Just as Cartman starts walking away, they all hear Stan’s dad’s voice)

Mr. Marsh: What are you boys still doing here. School started 30 minutes ago.

Stan: I know dad but the bus didn’t come yet.

Mr. Marsh: Well, I guess I’ll drive you boys to school. Eric, that means you too. (Mr. Marsh says when he sees Cartman walking away)

Cartman: God dam it (Cartman gets into the car)

---------- Chapter 2: OMG, Someone Killed Kenny

(They arrive in school)

Stan: K bye dad

(All the boys get out of the car)

Kenny: Mks mh msh

Kyle: Yea, thanks for the ride

Mr. Marsh: No problem boys (and he drives away)

(They all walk into school and hurry to their classroom, they sit down and get ready for class)

Stan: Wait a minute, there’s noone here.

Kyle: You’re right

(They all look around and realize they’re the only ones in the class room)

Cartman: Goddamit, I told you we shoulda went home. Call your dumbass dad and tell him to pick us up.

Stan: Hey f*ck you Cartman... I guess school was cancelled.

Kyle: But the front doors were open.

Kenny: Mhbe mhey mhgot mh mck mm mrs

Kyle: Yea you’re probably right, lets just go home.

Cartman: God damn it, call your dad.

Stan: He’s at work dick, lets just walk.

Cartman: No way I’m walking.

Kyle: You could use the exercise fat boy.

Cartman: God dam, you….

(Before Cartman could finish his sentence, the lights turn off. In complete darkness, the boys move around trying to grasp their surroundings with their hands.)

Kyle: Hey, Stan is that you.

(He says, touching something that feels like one of the boys)

Cartman: Hey you homo, get your hands off my balls.

Kyle: Oh gross, I don’t know where those things have been…

Stan: I think I got the light

(And just then, the light flickers back on)

Kyle: Who the hell turned off the lights?

Stan: Holy sh*t dude

(Stan points to Kenny who is now dead on the floor, blood on his hands and jacket.)

Stan: OMG, someone killed Kenny

Kyle: You bastards

(Kyle and Stan rush over to Kenny and notice that he’s not quite dead yet.)

Kenny: Mhse mhake mh mood moff

(Stan takes off Kenny’s hood and Kenny says with his last ounce of strength)

Kenny: I…. saw… who just… killed…. Please… get out… NOW…..

Kyle: Kenny, who was it. Kennyyyy…..

(But it was too late, Kenny’s body lay there, covered in blood)

Kyle: God damn it, I have a bad feeling about this.

Cartman: Calm the f*ck down, Kenny always dies.

Kyle: But never like this, someones after us.

Stan: Look, lets just get out of here.

(Stan and Kyle run to the school exit. Stan pulls the door knob but it doesn’t open)

Cartman: Wait for me, you dick holes (Cartman yells from across the hall. He runs to them panting and says…)

Cartman: WTF are we just standing here for, lets get the hell out of here.

Stan: The door’s locked

(Cartman tries opening it but can’t)

Cartman: Well what the hell are we gonna do now. I’m starving.

Kyle: Is food all you think about.

Cartman: Better than thinking about nothing but money, you stupid Jew.

Kyle: F*ck you Cartman, I’m sick of you and all you’re stereotypes. Just get the hell away from us. Find food on your own. Me and Stan on the other hand, wanna get out of here alive. Right Stan… Stan…

(Stan, still completely silent points to a path of blood to the left of the boys that they didn’t notice before)

Kyle: Holy sh*t dude.

(Kyle starts banging on the locked doors and begins screaming)

Kyle: SOMEONE HELP… HELP

Stan: That’s not going to work (Stan says in a lifeless, dull, whisper, still looking at the blood)

Kyle: Well, I don’t plan on finding out where that blodd came from. Lets get out of here while we still can

Cartman: Well how the hell do you plan on doing that Kyle.

Kyle: I don’t know fatass but I rather try to get through this door than wander the school waiting to get killed.

Cartman: Well how about…

Kyle: Wait, shut up for a second. Lets just go out the window.

Cartman: What…

Kyle: Lets get into a classroom and just jump out the window. It’s only one floor. We’ll make it.

Cartman: God dam it Kyle. Stan… talk some sense into your Jewish friend.

(They both look in Stan’s direction and notice he’s not there anymore)

Kyle: Holy sh*t dude, they’ve got Stan.
Last edited by Kyle's_Marklar on Sat Jul 01, 2006 6:28 am, edited 12 times in total.
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
Jay C
Posts: 4299
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:33 pm

Postby Jay C » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:19 am

Nice for a first fic...

"Kyle: God dam it, I have a bad feeling about this."

"Cartman: Calm the f*ck down, Kenny always dies. "

"Kyle: But never like this, someones after us."

LMAO at Cartman there, funniest line so far ;)
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
Orange_Kenny
Posts: 495
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:04 am

Postby Orange_Kenny » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:21 am

One big mistake is that Randy said he'd drive them all home! Then they end up at school.


But you've gotten dialogue down pretty well. Even though a lot of it's kinda cliche, it's still good. However I am also writing a Mystery fic.... so I guess I'm gonna have to kill you... :twisted:
Image
Kelly MacCornmac
Posts: 6142
Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2005 3:05 am

Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:25 am

It's pretty good, but please post one chapeter at a time, m'kay?
Causing havoc on the BBS one post at a time

Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others


SPU! Join it!
Orange_Kenny
Posts: 495
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:04 am

Postby Orange_Kenny » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:32 am

hey hey, what's wrong with multiple chapters in a post? I think that's good, it may be a little long but you know you can always remember which chapter you're on, it's not hard.
Image
Kelly MacCornmac
Posts: 6142
Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2005 3:05 am

Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:41 am

Well I guess thats a good thing about multiple chapters.

But I like to wait and see whats going to happen than for it to be all there.
Causing havoc on the BBS one post at a time

Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others


SPU! Join it!
Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 3:22 am

Kelly MacCornmac wrote:Well I guess thats a good thing about multiple chapters.

But I like to wait and see whats going to happen than for it to be all there.


Good idea. I think I will... leave the readers wondering what'll happen next.
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
sk8terzrock
Posts: 112
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 6:50 am

Re: South Park Elementary Massacre (my first fan fic, be gen

Postby sk8terzrock » Fri Mar 10, 2006 3:36 am

Kyle's_Marklar wrote:Chapter 1: Bus Stop

(The scene starts with the 4 boys standing near the bus stop and

its snowing more than usual.)

Kyle: Where’s that bus already

Stan: I know dude, it’s usually here by now

Cartman: Screw this, I’m going home

Kyle: K see ya

Cartman: If I go home now, I won’t have to go to school.

Kyle: Good for you. You should go home

Cartman: Hey, screw you, I’ll go home whenever I damn please.

Stan: It’s f*cken freezing today.

Kenny: Mye, mh Mhming mm molls mmoff.

Stan: Maybe Cartman’s right. Maybe schools closed. This is a pretty bad storm. They might have cancelled school

Kyle: They never cancel school.

Cartman: You know what… screw you guys, I’m really going home this time.
(Just as Cartman starts walking away, they all hear Stan’s dad’s voice)

Mr. Marsh: What are you boys still doing here. School started 30 minutes ago.

Stan: I know dad but the bus didn’t come yet.

Mr. Marsh: Well, I guess I’ll drive you boys to school. Eric, that means you too. (Mr. Marsh says when he’s Cartman walking away)

Cartman: Oh God dam it (Cartman gets into the car)

---------- Chapter 2: OMG, Someone Killed Kenny

(They arrive in school)

Stan: K bye dad

(all the boys get out of the car)

Kenny: Mks mh msh

Kyle: Yea, thanks for the ride

Mr. Marsh: No problem boys (and he drive away)
(they all walk into school and hurry to their classroom, they sit down and get ready for class)

Stan: Wait a minute, there’s noone here.

Kyle: You’re right
(they all look around and realize they’re the only ones in the class room)

Cartman: Goddamit, I told you we shoulda went home. Call your dumbass dad and tell him to pick us up.

Stan: Hey f*ck you Cartman. Maybe school was cancelled.

Kyle: But the front doors were open.

Kenny: Mhey My mhot mh clm mm mhrs

Kyle: Yea you’re probably right, lets just go home.

Cartman: God damn it, call your dad.

Stan: He’s at work dick, lets just walk.

Cartman: No way I’m walking.

Kyle: You could use the exercise fat boy.

Cartman: God dam, you….
(Before Cartman could finish his sentence, the lights turn off. In complete darkness, the boys move around trying to fell their surroundings with their hands)

Kyle: Hey, Stan is that you.
(He says, touching something that feels like one of the boys)

Cartman: Hey you homo, get off my balls

Kyle: Oh gross, I don’t know where those things have been…

Stan: I think I got the light
(And just then, the light flickers back on)

Kyle: Who the hell turned off the lights?

Stan: Holy sh*t dude
(Stan points to Kenny who is now dead on the floor, blood gushing from him)

Stan: OMG, someone killed Kenny

Kyle: You bastards
(Kyle and Stan rush over to Kenny and notice that he’s not quite dead yet.)

Kenny: Mhse mhake mh mood moff
(Stan takes off Kenny’s hood and says with his last once of strength)

Kenny: I…. saw… who just…. killed…. Please… get out… NOW…..

Kyle: Kenny, who was it. Kennyyyy…..
(But it was too late, Kenny’s dead body lay there, covered in blood)

Kyle: God dam it, I have a bad feeling about this.

Cartman: Calm the f*ck down, Kenny always dies.

Kyle: But never like this, someones after us.

Stan: Look, lets just get out of here.
(Stan and Kyle run to the school exit. Stan pulls the door knob but it doesn’t open)

Cartman: Wait for me, you dick holes (Cartman yells from across the hall. He runs to them panting and says….)

Cartman: WTF are we just standing here for, lets get the hell out of here.

Stan: The door’s locked

(Cartman tries opening it but can’t)
Cartman: Well what the hell are we gonna do now. I’m starving.

Kyle: Is food all you think about.

Cartman: Better than thinking about nothing but money, you stupid Jew.

Kyle: F*ck you Cartman, I’m sick of you and all you’re stereotypes. Just get the f*ck away from us. Find food on your own. Me and Stan on the other hand, wanna get the hell out of here. Right Stan… Stan…
(Stan still completely silent points to a path of blood to the left of the boys that they didn’t notice before)

Kyle: Holy sh*t dude.

(Kyle started banging on the locked doors and began screaming)
Kyle: SOMEONE HELP…. HELP

Stan: That’s not going to work (Stan says in a lifeless, dull, whisper, still looking at the blood)

Kyle: Well, I don’t plan on finding out who the killer is. Lets get out of here while we still can

Cartman: Well how the hell do you plan on doing that Kyle.

Kyle: I don’t know fatass but I rather try to get through this door than wander the school waiting to get killed.

Cartman: Well how about…

Kyle: Wait, shut up for a second. Lets just go out the window.

Cartman: What…

Kyle: Lets get into a classroom and just jump out the window. It’s only one floor. We’ll make it.

Cartman: God dam it Kyle. Stan… talk some sense into your Jewish friend.
(They both look in Stan’s direction and notice he’s not there anymore)

Kyle: Holy sh*t dude, they’ve got Stan.

Chapter 3: Stan’s Missing

Kyle: We have to go and try to find him.

Cartman: Excuse me Kyle, wasn’t it you who said and I quote, “I don’t know Cartman, but I rather try to get through this door than wander the school waiting to get killed.” (Cartman says in a whiny voice trying to imitate Kyle)

Kyle: I said, “I don’t know fatass…” not Cartman.

Cartman: God damit Kyle

Kyle: Look, it doesn’t matter what I said. That was before Stan got kidnapped


I'll finish up the third chapter later on. Any comments, critic would be great
very good 9/10
ERIC THEODORE CARTMANImageImage

http://www.madmaxtaylor.piczo.com
have msn add mad_max_4000@msn.com
Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 4:25 am

thanks sk8ter :wink:
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:45 am

O.K. Who can guess what Kenny says in my fan fic. :lol:

Stan: It’s f*cken freezing today.

Kenny: Mye, mh Mhming mm molls mmoff.

Stan: Maybe Cartman’s right. Maybe schools closed. This is a pretty bad storm

--------------------

Stan: K bye dad

(all the boys get out of the car)

Kenny: Mks mh msh

Kyle: Yea, thanks for the ride

------------------------

Kyle: But the front doors were open.

Kenny: Mhbe mhey mhgot mh mck mm mrs

Kyle: Yea you’re probably right, lets just go home

------------------------------

Kenny: Mhse mhake mh mood moff
(Stan takes off Kenny’s hood and says with his last once of strength)

------------------------

The above quotes from my fanfic were all the times Kenny talked. Some of them are pretty obvious, some I didn't even remember at first.
Last edited by Kyle's_Marklar on Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
Orange_Kenny
Posts: 495
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:04 am

Postby Orange_Kenny » Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:52 am

"Yeah, I'm freezing my balls off"

"Thanks mister marsh."

"Maybe they got...." something...

"Guys, take my hood off."
Image
Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 5:57 am

Orange_Kenny wrote:"Yeah, I'm freezing my balls off"

"Thanks mister marsh."

"Maybe they got...." something...

"Guys, take my hood off."


Goddam, too easy. I'll change that second one to make it a lil clearer. And the last one is please, not guys
Last edited by Kyle's_Marklar on Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
Orange_Kenny
Posts: 495
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:04 am

Postby Orange_Kenny » Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:00 am

Yeah, your Kenny is a bit off... but I guess not everyone can be a Kenny!!! :unhoodedkenny: *stands proud*
Image
Kyle's_Marklar
Posts: 1747
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:02 am

Well, I wasn't planning on telling people what he's saying so I didn't spend too much time on his dialogue.
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
Orange_Kenny
Posts: 495
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:04 am

Postby Orange_Kenny » Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:04 am

Yeah you see? this is why I don't muffle out Kenny's dialogue, it takes up too much time and effort and in the end it's just annoying to contemplate his every line after you're finished. These are just my thoughts, of course.
Image

Return to “FanFics and Episode Ideas”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests