Stan vs. Cartman

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

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master ed
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Postby master ed » Sun Apr 30, 2006 12:25 am

CHAPTER 4: THE EVENT

*Mrs. Marsh creeks open Stan’s door while Stan is sleeping*

Mrs. Marsh: *says in a louder voice* Stan! It’s time to get up and get ready for school!

Stan: *coughs a couple of times, pretending to be sick*

Mrs. Marsh: Ummmm, are you ok?

Stan: I don’t know. I think I might have caught a cold or something at school yesterday. Craig seemed like he was sneezing a lot and I was talking to him yesterday. I probably have a cold.

Mrs. Marsh: Well, I hate to have you miss school, but I don’t want any other kids to get sick.

Stan: But mom. *saying like he really wants to go to school* I really want to see my friends and we were going to go to the arcade.

Mrs. Marsh: I’m sorry Stanley, but I can’t have the other kids get sick and start complaining. You will have to stay in your bed all day.

Stan: *lets out a sigh* Oh, fine. *Mrs. Marsh walks out of the bedroom*

*an hour later*

Stan: Wow! It’s been a whole fricken hour and she still hasn’t left. What the hell is this!

*then Stan hears the car back out of his driveway*

Stan: Yes! My plan will definitely work now.

*Stan then gets out of bed and takes off his pajamas. He goes over to the closet and picks out black pants and a black sweatshirt. He then calls Cartman’s house to make sure nobody is home. He gets the answering machine, so now he knows nobody is there. The he leaves his house and arrives at Cartman’s house*

Stan: Ok, time to climb through this window. *Opens the window, knowing that it wasn’t going to be locked, and gets into Cartman’s bedroom.*

Stan: Haha. I’ve been to this house so many times, I know where every cheesy poof is hidden.

*Goes under Cartman’s bed, through his dresser drawers, and in his pillow case. He pulls out 5 bags of cheesy poofs in all*

Stan: Holy sh*t! No wonder he’s so fat. He used to only have one bag in his pillow case.

*Then goes to the kitchen, the living room, and even the bathroom. Without knowing, his hat falls off next to the toilet. He grabs every bag that he sees and runs out of the house and back into his own bed.*

*After school let out, Cartman got back to his house. He went to the bathroom for his usual after school crap.*

Cartman: Ahhhhhhh! Come out you brown piece of……ahhhhh, much better. Hey whats this? *picks up the blue hat Stan dropped* Oh this looks like Stan’s hat. Well oh well, I’ll keep it. *goes to get some cheesy poofs* Ahhhh! Where are my cheesy poofs!?!?

Mrs. Cartman: I don’t know honey. Do you have any in your room?

Cartman: No Mom! Go find them. I know I didn’t eat them.

Mrs. Cartman: I’ll look later honey.

Cartman: But Mooooom! I want my cheesy poofs noooow!

Mrs. Cartman: Now honey, I will look later *walks out of the room*

Cartman: Lazy ass whore. Never gets off her f*ckin ass to do anything. *goes up to his room and sees footprints near his window*

Cartman: Wow, first I find Stan’s hat now these footprints. It must mean something. *Thinks for a minute* Nope, I got nothing. *Then he trips. Stan’s hat falls to the ground to nd a cheesy poof falls out of it.*

Cartman: Wait a second! First I find Stan’s hat. Then my cheesy poofs are gone and there is one in his hat. There is only one explanation. The cheesy poof people abducted Stan and stole all my cheesy poofs. Or maybe Stan stole my cheesy poofs. Yeah, I’ll go with that one because I hate Stan.

This took a while so tell me what ya think.
Now making SIGS, PM me for one, I will be reliable.
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master ed
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Postby master ed » Sun Apr 30, 2006 3:57 pm

wow doesnt anybody post or rate my fic? duz it suck that bad? if it does plz tell me
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Taranis_Music
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Postby Taranis_Music » Mon May 01, 2006 12:28 am

This story really isn't good at all. It's not a very creative Idea and of all people Stan wouldn't be fighting with Cartman.
Last edited by Taranis_Music on Mon Jul 24, 2006 2:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kelly MacCornmac
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Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Tue May 02, 2006 12:34 pm

Pretty good.
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master ed
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Postby master ed » Tue May 02, 2006 7:40 pm

thnx im writing now
Now making SIGS, PM me for one, I will be reliable.
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master ed
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Postby master ed » Tue May 02, 2006 11:39 pm

CHAPTER 5: Nice Cartman?

*Cartman, Kyle, and Butters are waiting at the bus stop. Butters is facing away from Cartman*

Cartman: Hey Butters, look at me!

*Butters turns around and Cartman kicks him in the nuts*
Butters: Ow, Eric! Well I guess I shouldn’t be such a gullible dumbass. I need to be taught a lesson.

Cartman: Hell yeah to that.

*Stan walks up*

Stan: Hey guys, whatsup?

Cartman: Oh hey Stan, how’s it goin? You sure look good today, is that a new coat?

Stan: Uh….no.

Cartman: Oh, well it looks really good.

Stan: Why are you being nice? Are you being serious?

Cartman: What’s not serious about it. I’m just being friendly.

*Stan walks over to Kyle*

Stan: Uh, dude. Does Cartman seem a little, ummm, different today?

Kyle: Not really to me.

Stan: Why is he being so damn nice? It’s really pissing me off.

Kyle: Well, lets test him.

*They go to Cartman*

Kyle: So Cartman, are you going anywhere tonight?

Cartman: Shut the f*ck up you dumb jew!

Stan: So are you doing anything?

Cartman: No Stan, how thoughtful for you to ask.

Kyle: Holy sh*t dude he is different.

Cartman: What was that Kyle?

Kyle: Oh, nothing.

*Bus comes and the boys get on*

Cartman: Stan, how bout you come sit with me.

Stan: No, that’s alright.

Cartman: No, I want you to sit next to me.

Stan: Ok?

*Stan goes next to Cartman*

Cartman: So, you excited about how the day is gonna go? You ready to see your b*tch, I mean nice girlfriend.

Stan: Sure, I guess.

Cartman: Well that’s good.

Kyle: So Butters, have you noticed anything different about Cartman?

Butters: Well golly Kyle, I mean, he kicked me in the balls but that’s pretty usual. I don’t think there is anything wrong with him.

Kyle: I just don’t know.

* The bus stops in front of school and the boys go to their classroom*

Mrs. Garrison: Hello class. And I see that You are back Stanley. So, does everybody remember what we were learning?

Cartman: I bet gay Jew boy over their does, he loves those things.

Kyle: Shut up Cartman! You are a fat f*cking assh*le!

Mrs. Garrison: That’s enough! Go down to Mr. Mackey now Kyle!

Kyle: Oh man.

*Goes to Mr. Mackey*

Kyle: Hi Mr. Mackey.

Mr. Mackey: So Kyle, Mrs. Garrison told me the fowl language you have been using and it seems pretty bad. Now tell me what you said.
Kyle: No. You are just trying to get me to say more bad words so you can punish me deeper. I’m not letting you use this gay little trick on me.

Mr. Mackey: M‘kay. I really wasn’t trying to play a trick on you.

Kyle: Well then I said f*ck and assh*le.

Mr. Mackey: God! Why the heck would you say that.

Kyle: I was calling Cartman a f*cking assh*le.

Mr. Mackey: Why would you call Eric those names. And from now on, say bleeped bleep instead of those curse words m’kay.

Kyle: Fine. I called him that because he is a fu…bleeped bleep.

Cartman: Ok, well obviously you have some anger issues so come down here every day and we’ll talk m’kay.

Kyle: Fine!

*walks out of the room and goes to the classroom, but the bell rings and schools let out*

Stan: What happened?

Kyle: Mr. Mackey is a dumbass so I have to go to him every day for my “anger issues.”

Stan: Oh that sucks dude.

Cartman: Well see ya later Stan, and bye Jew boy.

*walking out of school, he walks into Wendy and she falls down*

Cartman: Watch where your goin!

Wendy: Oh, sorry. I’m in a hurry to see Stan.

*She walks away. Cartman gets a weird look on his face like an idea clicked in his mind*


Post a reply please!
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crazyQH
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Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:47 am

Postby crazyQH » Wed May 03, 2006 12:21 am

I like it so far! This is good, quite entertaining, awesome job! :D Please, keep writing, I really want to know what happens next.
Kelly MacCornmac
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Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Wed May 03, 2006 1:33 am

[color=orange:5e212]Cartman's going to get revenge isn't he?

The fic is pretty good.[/color:5e212]
Causing havoc on the BBS one post at a time

Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others


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master ed
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:17 pm

Postby master ed » Wed May 03, 2006 7:29 pm

well u could say revcenge but i already did revenge so its just some gay little "cartman" stunt tht will probly eventually backfire
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Butters1990
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Postby Butters1990 » Wed May 03, 2006 7:33 pm

Go Detective Cartman, If you dont vote for him your parents will be made into Chilli
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master ed
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:17 pm

Postby master ed » Wed May 03, 2006 8:08 pm

wow r u sure ur postin in the right fic or did u mean t go to one of O_K's?
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Kyle's_Marklar
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Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:08 pm

Postby Kyle's_Marklar » Wed May 03, 2006 9:14 pm

It's pretty good so far. I think I know what Cartman's revenge will be but still look forward to reading it...
Remember... the more posts you have, the bigger your penis is!
joe casanave
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:09 pm

Postby joe casanave » Wed May 03, 2006 9:17 pm

Kyle's_Marklar wrote:It's pretty good so far. I think I know what Cartman's revenge will be but still look forward to reading it...


yep
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master ed
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Postby master ed » Wed May 03, 2006 9:18 pm

ok PM me if u think u know what it is. and its barely revenge
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master ed
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Postby master ed » Tue May 30, 2006 8:33 pm

Chapter 6: Cartman’s plans


* Cartman starts to run home with a small smirk on his face. After about 5 minutes of running at full speed, about 2 miles an hour, he starts gasping for breath. He continues to jog*

Cartman: Must…get…home…and….make…plans

*He continues breathing heavily, and starts walking. A man who looks about in his mid- fifties pulls up in a big green pickup truck. There is a little rust in the crack of the door and a hole in the back window, which looks like a bullet hole*

Man: Hello son, you look pretty tired. Where are you heading?

Cartman: Home. *gasping for more air*

Man: Well, would you like a ride?

Cartman: Oh sure mister! I definitely want to spend some time in a pickup truck with a 50 year old man. That would surely make my day!

Man: Okay, hop in.

Cartman: Are you kidding me! I don’t want to get in your truck god dammit! Does it look like I’m in the mood to be with a Michael Jackson recruiter!

Man: Okay. Whatever you say little boy.

*Trucks starts driving slowly away. Cartman sees a little boys head pop up a little through the window*

Man: Get the f*ck down little boy! Does it look like I’m in the mood to go to prison?

Cartman: Haha. That boy is gonna get a twinkie in his butt tonight!

*Remembering why he is out of air, he starts running home again. After about a half hour, he gets home*

Mrs. Cartman: Hi sweetums. How was your day at school?

Cartman: Can’t…talk *gasping for more air* too busy.

Mrs. Cartman: Well, okay hun.

Cartman: Send me up some chocolate nutty bars. *He runs about half way up the stairs*

Mrs. Cartman: Mommy is too busy right now. I’ll get you some later.

Cartman: Get off your lazy ass and get me my chocolate nutty bars! *Runs all the way to his room*

Mrs. Cartman: Alright. Guess somebody had a bad day at school.

*In Cartman’s bedroom*

Cartman: *In his evil little voice* Now time to create my evil little plan.

*Cartman goes to sit at the desk in his room. He sits down, picks up the phone, and dials a phone number*

Cartman: Hello is Wendy there?

Mrs. Testaburger: No, she went to Bebe’s house to do homework. Want me to tell her to call you?

Cartman: Yes, please. Tell her that it is Eric Cartman. My number is 555-2597.

Mrs. Testaburger: Ok bye.

*Cartman hangs up the phone and picks up Clyde Frog*

Cartman: So what should we do while we wait for our phone call Clyde Frog?

*Pretends to get an answer*

Cartman: Oh yeah that will be fun!

*He picks up a stuffed bunny and Polly Prissy Pants*

Cartman: Okay. Clyde Frog, your gonna pretend to be me. Polly Prissy Pants, you can be Wendy, and Mr. Bunny can be Stan.

*He puts Polly Prissy Pants over by Mr. Bunny. Then he makes Clyde Frog steal Polly Prissy Pants away. He starts imitating voices*

Clyde Frog: She is mine now Stan!

Mr. Bunny: No! Not Wendy. You will never get her from me!

Polly Prissy Pants: I hate you Stan! I am going with Cartman!

Mr. Bunny: I’ll kill you!

*He hops towards Clyde Frog and tries to jump on him, but Clyde Frog hits him and beats him up*

Clyde Frog: Ha! I win. Now you are hurt, and I get your girl.

Cartman: Yeah! That’s exactly what it will be like!

*He puts his toys away. The phone then rings*

Cartman: Who is it?

Wendy: Hi. Is Cartman there.

Cartman: Oh hi Wendy, this is Cartman.

Wendy: Why did you call me.

Cartman: Well……

Wendy: Well…What?

Cartman: Ummm….

Wendy: Why the hell did you call me!

Cartman: Oh fine! To tell you the truth, I have been crazy about you ever since I first saw you. Your smooth black hair and pretty face, why wouldn’t a guy like you. So I was wondering, would you like to go somewhere with me tomorrow after school? The ice cream shop perhaps?

Wendy: Are you serious?

Cartman: Yes Wendy, I am serious.

Wendy: But I’m going out with Stan!

Cartman: Oh, I’ll think of something to tell him.

Wendy: Well, alright.

Cartman: Yes! Bye.

*Hangs up the phone*

Cartman: Haha! Now the plan is in progress.
Now making SIGS, PM me for one, I will be reliable.
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