When Kenny moved away

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Clyde789
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

When Kenny moved away

Postby Clyde789 » Thu Jul 06, 2006 11:16 pm

Chapter 1

It was normal night in the quiet little town of South Park, everything was calm, even the local club. Everything was calm, except for the McCormick residence. Packing was going on, they were running around ,pushing ,fighting.

Mrs. McCormick: Kenny move! Kevin get your porn magazines! Sarah NO! Mike get over here, help me pack this!

Mr. McCormick: Ok, going Lauren!

Kenny: Mom, I need to write a letter to my f-f-friends!

Mrs. McCormick: Ok but hurry up Kenny! We’ll be waiting for you in the Pickup Truck /mini Van.

Kenny wrote his letter: My dear friends, I am sorry to say that I will be moving away. My grandpa has recently died so we are going to retrieve his will and move into his house. You can come and visit me, his house is in Florida. 1456 SW 24 Wilson Way. Love, Kenny McCormick.

He put it on the counter and left a couple of tear stains on the paper , turned off the light and closed the door.

“STAN!” Stan woke up with a thump to the head , he looked up to see Kyle over him.

Stan: What!? Who turf?! [Kyle slapped Stan]

Kyle: It’s Kenny, he’s not at home. His family moved away!

Stan: Oh that’s good. Wait MOVED AWAY!?

Kyle: Yes c’mon, Cartman’s at his house now.

[Kenny’s house]

Stan: No, its not true. He couldn’t have moved away!

Cartman: Its tru-tru-true! He moved away! He left this on the counter. He showed Stan the note

Stan read it. When he finished it, up came a tearful Stan.

Stan: No, this can’t be! Kenny moved away…

That day went on, with no Kenny deaths. Everyone wondered why the three boys were sad, and when Wendy asked Stan what was going on, he burst into tears.

Stan: K-Kenny moved a-a-away! We’ll never s-see him again!

Wendy: Oh dear.

Kyle hushed Wendy away and Stan thought of something.

Stan: You guy’s, what if we try to get Kenny back from Florida! Get him to live again in South Park with us!

Kyle: You’re right Stan! There’s one problem, how are we going to get to Florida?

Chapter 2 coming soon

I know it's kinda rushed but I had to go
MixStan
Posts: 1396
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2006 10:35 pm

Postby MixStan » Thu Jul 06, 2006 11:39 pm

It's good so far. Keep it up!
Clyde789
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

When Kenny moved away

Postby Clyde789 » Fri Jul 07, 2006 1:01 am

Chapter 2. (warning: a character dies or I think he/she dies)


Stan packed his cloths and some food in his bag. And sneaked, or jumped out the window, and ran towards Kyle’s house. Stan threw a pebble at Kyle’s window to find out that he was already in the yard, and walked to Cartman’s house to find out that he was already on the front steps waiting for them.

Cartman: What took you gay wads so long?

Kyle: Shush tubby.

Cartman: I’m not fat, I’m just over stuffed .

Stan: C’mon you guys, I already got the big wheels from the Ginger Kid’s house!

And so they went, on their adventure to Florida. By morning Cartman had lost 7 pounds, Kyle took off his hat and Stan was half asleep. They stopped at a Flying Jay truck stop.

Cartman: Were are we?

Kyle: Kansas.

Stan: Right, a cappuccino for Kyle and a latté for Tubby. (Cartman: HEY!)

Kyle: We got to keep going if we want to reach Florida by Friday.

Cartman: Kyle it’s Thursday!

Kyle: NEXT Friday you stupid “over stuffed” fatass.

Stan: C’mon!

And so they went, it wasn’t until they had reached the border of Oklahoma that they noticed a honking behind them. They turned around to see a lady that oddly looked like Mrs. Garrison , the truck stopped.

Mrs. Garrison: Boy’s you need to come home. Everyone is worried about you three. Now get on the truck.

Stan: Alright alright, I give up. [He gets on the truck, followed by confused Kyle and a angry Cartman].

The truck was a barely into Kansas when BANG. Stan hit Mrs. Garrison with baseball bat and threw her out the door.

Kyle: Stan, do you even HOW to drive a truck?

Stan: Yeah, and it’s used, she rented it from “Stefan’s Truck Shop” for a special “price”


That night, they stopped at another Flying Jay truck stop. And, as Stan went to get more cappuccino’s for Kyle and more latté ‘s for Cartman, is when Cartman got into an argument with Kyle. They started fighting and Cartman pushed Kyle into the gear lever and put the truck in drive.

Kyle: You dumbass! Now we have no method of getting to Florida to rescue KenAHHH! The truck is headed toward another truck! [Cartman and Kyle jump out of the truck to see it crash with the other truck witch exploded.]

Stan came back and dropped the cappuccino and the latté he was holding.

Stan: What the fu*** happened here!

Cartman: It went off on it’s own!

Kyle: Yeah!

Stan: Now we need to walk to Florida. Which is like 25 minuets away! LOOK! [he points at a sign]

Sign reads: Florida only 25 minuets away!

And so they went on. Finally reaching Florida 25 hours later.

Stan: All we need to do is find Kenny’s new house at “1456 SW 24 Wilson Way”

Chapter 3. probably tomorrow :tweek:
crazyQH
Posts: 1237
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:47 am

Postby crazyQH » Fri Jul 07, 2006 1:13 am

So far I like it, I want to see what happens next. But, here's a little bit of constructive criticism: Try not to be redundant with your words, for example you used the word "calm" within a sentence of eachother. Also, you made Stan, Cartman, and Kenny stutter, where typically Stan is the only one who has stuttered in a sad situation. It's his trademark, not Cartman's or Kenny's. And, one last thing. Try not to be so openly blunt about certain characteristics. I mean, we know that Kenny's family is somewhat perverted, but I doubt that Kenny's mom would say, "grab your porn magazines." Be a little more inconspicuous about it.

Those are just some subtle things I noticed in this fic, but in all honesty, I am really enjoying reading this and I am looking forward to the next chapter. :D
Clyde789
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

When Kenny moved away

Postby Clyde789 » Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:22 pm

Chapter 3.

They had been walking for so long that it seemed that they would never rescue Kenny. Finally after 24 hours of walking (Stan, still super pissed) they arrived in Naples, Florida.

Stan: Ok we need to find 1456 SW 24 Wilson Way.

Kyle: I think this is the street, 24 SW Wilson Way? Yeah, down here. House number 1456? This is the house.

Cartman: DUDE!

They had arrived a house, though it wasn’t a house, It was a mansion. Kenny McCormick was finally rich; there was a fountain in the middle of the lawn, 79 balconies, and a automatic door. They went inside Kenny’s new house to find that it was bigger inside than it was outside. Then came Mrs. McCormick with her Gucci purse and a leather purse, Kenny’s older brother Kevin walked by with gold Nikes, and Kenny’s dad ran by with the keys that belonged to a hummer stretch limo. The boys wandered were the hell was Kenny when they heard him talking by the pool.

Kyle: Hey Kenny!

Kenny turned around to look at Stan, Kyle and Cartman. “There’s something different about Kenny“, Kyle thought. And that’s when he saw that Kenny had no hood on.

Kenny: He guys! Did you come down here with your dad or mom? I want to say hi to them again. We got my grandpas fortune when he died, so we moved here to Florida sorry I didn’t tell you earlier!

They stood there, dazed and confused. Kenny was RICH!

Stan: Kenny, we want you to come back to South Park, everyone misses you.

Kenny: Nah, I love living the suite life!

Kyle: What?! No Kenny you must come back to South Park, please, do it for us. [Kyle does a gay little speech]

Kyle:….So please Kenny, find it in your heart to come back to South Park.

The boys start walking away, leaving Kenny in deep thought. They walked out the door, when Kenny ran out after yelling, “Wait, wait you guys!” but the boys just walked away, Kyle thinking of a plan when the mail came and gave Kenny a letter:

Dear Mr. McCormick, we are not pleased to inform you that your grandfather has NOT died and that you didn’t inherit his fortune. It was a mix up between the McCorticks and the McCormick’s. I hope you enjoyed your stay at our mansion in Florida and enjoyed being rich for 1 week.

Sincerely,

Sally McCortick.


Kenny, read the letter 5 times before he could get it through his mind. He looked a Stan, Kyle and Cartman and saw a package on the floor. He opened it and out came a parka.

Kenny: No! I love being rich this cant be! MOM! DAD! KEVIN! SARAH!

Mrs. McCormick: Yes Kenneth? [Kenny showed her the letter] wait not true!

Just then a spear went through Mrs. McCormick’s head and then through Mr. McCormick’s stomach and finally through Kenny’s, Kevin’s and Sarah’s heads.

Stan: Oh my god, they killed the McCormick family!

Kyle: You rich bastards!

Cartman: Awww, we came down to Florida to watch Kenny die? I could be home right now taking a bath!

Kyle: Cartman, you sick-

END.

I know the ending sucked but…
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Fri Jul 07, 2006 6:48 pm

Oh my God! You killed a perfectly viable story with an incredibly lame plot device! You bastard!

I'm sorry but it had to be said. :roll:

In all seriousness I get the feeling that you were rushing to get to your next story. Don't do that next time. Nobody likes rush jobs, and most people can tell when something is released in an unfinished state. What makes a good fan artist is quality, not quantity. Try to spend a little more time developing your stories. If you have numerous ideas you'd like to try, there's nothing wrong with including several plot lines in the same story; the show does it all the time.
Kelly MacCornmac
Posts: 6142
Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2005 3:05 am

Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Fri Jul 07, 2006 7:11 pm

Also you could not put that there is going to be charater deaths. It'll be too predictable. I hated the ending because the plot had potential.
Causing havoc on the BBS one post at a time

Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others


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Taranis_Music
Posts: 1765
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:06 pm

Postby Taranis_Music » Fri Jul 07, 2006 7:12 pm

Well that was.......sudden.
KylezGirl4Ever
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 11:26 pm

Re: When Kenny moved away

Postby KylezGirl4Ever » Sat Jul 08, 2006 1:40 pm

Clyde789 wrote:Stan: What!? Who turf?! [Kyle slapped Stan]

Kyle: It’s Kenny, he’s not at home. His family moved away!



I love this part except making Kyle "slap" Stan sounds girlish. Make him punch or kick him or something; but not slap.
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