Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

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Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby Clyde789 » Fri Jul 07, 2006 6:42 pm

Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby Clyde789 » Fri Jul 07, 2006 11:43 pm

Chapter 1.

Kyle Broflovski walked home from school, alone. Stan and Kenny were sick at home and Cartman was out of town. He looked up into the sky to see strange colors coming from Stan’s house, he panicked and ran. He busted into Stan’s house and searched all around the house, and ran into the yard, to find Stan and Kenny screaming their hats off. Kyle stared, in the middle of the yard there was a portal from what seemed to be a time machine. Stan got sucked into it first, then Kenny was flown in. Kyle screamed. He was thrown into the air and sucked into the portal. It was swirl of colors and filled with twists and turns. He fell onto hard stone floor, next to a unconscious Kenny. He got up.

Kyle: Stan? Stan, were are you? Kenny? Kenny! Wake up wake up!

Stan: Kyle? Over here!

Kyle: Were the hell are we? And what the f** is up with that machine thing?

Stan: Me and Kenny built a time machine with help from those two dorks who live next door to you. We didn’t think it would work. But it did!

Kenny: Oh my head, holy s** my hood! [he puts it back on]

Kyle: Where are we?

Stan: It looks like the mall, but why are there flying cars?

Kyle: Future. It’s the year 2078! Look! [He points at the sign, which reads “South Park is happy to say that it’s the year 2078! HAPPY NEW YEAR!]

Kenny: Oh my god, we are in the future.

Stan: You bastards!

Kyle: You guys look, its Stan from the future.

He pointed at a man with the same red and blue poofball hat, with a black coat and blue pants. Young Stan stared.

Kyle: Haha, Hey STAN!

Older Stan: Huh, who’s calling me? Hey little dude’s, you look just like my old friends. You with the green hat, you look like my friend Kyle Broflovski! But he’s dead now.

Kyle: WHAT!? I am Kyle Broflovski, from the past. That’s Kenny McCormick, you remember him? And that’s Stan.

Older Stan: Dude.

Young Stan: Hey older me.

Kyle: What happened to me?

Older Stan: Ok little dudes, time for a story. [They sat down on a floating bench.]

Older Stan: 60 years ago today, Kyle and Cartman… [Flashback to the boys teenage days]

Teenage Stan: Hey guys, ready for the first day of high school at South Park High?

Teenage Kyle: Sure am Stan. Hey Kenny , Hey fatass.

Teenage Cartman: Shut Up Kyle, I swear I’m going to kill you one of these days.

Teenage Kyle: Oh please, you always say that and never to it.

Teenage Kenny: Seriously.

Teenage Cartman: Oh really? [Takes out a gun and shots Kyle]

[End of Flashback]

Older Stan:…And that’s how Cartman killed Kyle. He’s still in jail.

The boys sat there with their mouths hanging open.

Kyle: The fat bastard. The fat BASTARD!

Kenny: Wait, if Cartman killed you in the future, how come you haven’t disappeared?

Stan: Because it’s in the FUTURE.

Kenny: Oh. But we ARE in the future.

Stan: Hey, Kenny’s right, we are in the future, Kyle why haven’t you disappeared?

Kyle: I don’t know.

Camera leaves the mall to Future Denver, were Future Kyle is sleeping in an ally. A gun wound in his leg.

Like it so far? So it's not PG-13 yet but wait for chapter 2.
Last edited by Clyde789 on Sat Jul 08, 2006 3:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby crazyQH » Fri Jul 07, 2006 11:50 pm

sh*t, I am currently working on a time travel fic as well. Sh*t, I haven't even read you fic yet, I hope it's not a duplicate to what I've been working on lol.

EDIT: I just read it, and I am happy to say it isn't really similar to the story I am working on. But, so far this isn't bad. :)

A little constructive criticism: It seems a little rushed. Don't be afraid of details, as long as they aren't irrelevant and monotonous. And, I always seem to point this out: Don't be so blunt with what the characters are saying. By that I mean, don't just have them say "Me and Kenny invented a time machine" or "Hey look, it's me from the future," without him evoking any emotion. Not to mention, I doubt he'd be able to come to the instant conclusion that old man was him from the future, he'd probably be pretty skeptical.

Also, if the year is 2078, then that would make them pretty damn old. If they were in highschool, it would be about 60 years from that date, not 10. And why would young Kyle disappear if he were in the future, it wouldn't be him that disappeared because he's still young even though he is in the future. And, how could teenage Kyle be lying in the ally if they are past their teenage years? :?
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Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby Clyde789 » Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:18 am

I kinda messed up on that. I ment to write 60 years but instead put 10, Future Kyle is an old person, though future Stan is still around like 30 (He went to Mephisto when he got out of collage. Mephisto turned into a robot after WWIIII. Cartman started
WWIII) Teenage Kyle survived the gun shot to the leg, though he fell into an instant coma, the doctors at that time were retards.
Kelly MacCornmac
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Postby Kelly MacCornmac » Sat Jul 08, 2006 2:29 am

^Just edit the post. I also have a time travel fic that I'm working on. Try not to rush in the fic. Try to add detail to the fic.
Causing havoc on the BBS one post at a time

Officially supports the de-perma of GTA, Mike, Cartman, and possibly others

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Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby Clyde789 » Sat Jul 08, 2006 4:13 am

I need more ideas for chapter two! heeeelp! though i cant show you cahpter 2, it'll spoil everything though i'll give you this:


Reporter: Thank you Wendy.


Nevermnid, got more ideas.
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:32 pm

Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby Clyde789 » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:33 am

Help, I hate this fanfic, it has no point at all. I need to know how to delete it!
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Postby Cartman_91 » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:35 am

Alright you can't delete it just stop writing it

If you want a good fan fic take awhile to think of a good plot
Kyle the Skeptic
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Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:44 am

What he said. In all seriousness, what makes a good author is not quantity but quality. You shouldn't feel pressured to churn out as many fanfics as quickly possible just to keep up with other authors who have been writing longer than you have. Instead you should take the time to plan out what you're going to do, and come up with one really good fiction that you have put a lot of effort into.

Once you get the hang of it then you will be able to translate good ideas into writing at a faster pace than when you started. But please don't rush it, nobody likes reading something that has obviously been written in a hurry.
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Re: Next FanFic: A Travel to the future

Postby electoraljew2 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:08 pm

you should have kept writig that..

im writing a time machine story to if you want ideas...

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