The Marsh Family Tree (First half of part 1)

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Mr.Broflovski
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 6:07 pm

The Marsh Family Tree (First half of part 1)

Postby Mr.Broflovski » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:53 pm

Chapter 1

“It all started when Stan was looking through his attic, he found chest of some kind, he opened I-” Cartman started saying but Kyle interrupted him.

“Start from the beginning you fat piece of shi**!” He yelled “ Better yet, let me tell the story!” he said

“It all started when …” Kyle began

*************************************************

“Ok children lets take our seats. Well, Principle Victoria told us forth grade teachers that we need to give out projects about…Your Family Tree, or YFT. Now, I know some of you don’t have family’s but, she said it was ok to make up a family tree. Now, children, were going to review our math tables.” Said Mrs. Garrison staring at the whole class.

“Dude, I know nothing about my family!” Stan said to Kyle and Kenny.

“Well, make something up” Kyle replied

Later that day, they went to lunch, to recess and finally home to where Shelly was in her most grumpiest mood yet, she threw things around, screamed that she was not related to someone, and beat up Stan.

“SHUTUP TURD!” She yelled, though Stan said nothing. He went up to his room, did his homework and started on the family tree.

My Family Tree,

Was all he could write, for now. It started raining about 45 minuets till dinner and Stan was watching cartoons when Shelly came bursting into the room, yelling “Come down to dinner turd!” Dinner that night was a complete disaster. Was it because Stan asked about the Family Tree or Grandpa Marsh farting, they didn’t know. Though, all Stan knew was that his parents had gone nervous when he asked them, so, he went to Grandpa Marsh for help.

“Grandpa, you’re the oldest person in the family. You must know a lot about our family tree.” He said.

“You know Billy, my family has gone through a lot lately, and your making it worse by asking about our family tree! Even I’m not that stupid” He said, rolling away in his wheel chair. Stan thought about what Grandpa Marsh had just said, so he went to Kyle’s house.

“Pretty weird dude, your own grandpa not telling you about your family tree” He said.

“I know dude! He said “I caused to much trouble” something must be wrong dude. Nobody ever treats me like that, something must be wrong with our family tree.” Stan Said, and noticed Kyle went pale. “What?” he said. And right on queue Mrs. Broflovski ran inside the room told Stan that Kyle had school tomorrow and rushed him out.

“Kyle, I forbid you to tell him anything.” She said “He would go crazy if anyone told him he was related to him, just keep it on the down low” She explained

"Right, but, who is "him"?" Kyle asked

"Bubbe I cant tell you that." Mrs. Broflovski said
*************************************************

That night Stan slept uneasy, about knights and dragons and a robot Cartman destroying South Park. He dreamed about him turning into a fat ass like fat boy, screaming Respect my Authoritah! He was turning into a Cartman, he was eating cheesy poofs on the couch. Stan woke up screaming, he continued screaming until his mom came in

“Stan! What’s wrong!?” Sharon said. “Mom, I dreamed I was a Cartman!” Stan yelled

“Really? Honey…” She trailed off leaving Stan to get dressed, in some sort of daze. She just said “ It’s going to be all right honey” though it didn’t make sense to Stan, something was wrong.


Well that’s the first half of Chapter 1, tell me what you think.
Last edited by Mr.Broflovski on Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Kyle the Skeptic
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:41 pm

First and foremost the grammar needs improvement. Some parts are a little confusing because of it. It would be interesting to see where you go with this. In the meantime though you need to watch which tense you're narrating in and avoid those run on sentences.

For example--
Later that day, they went to lunch, to recess and finally home to where Shelly was in her most grumpiest mood yet, she threw things around, screamed that she was not related to someone, and beat up Stan.

This sentence is a run-on because the subject switches from "they" to "Stan" (because I think you mean that only Stan went to his house) and then to "Shelley".
DownWithCalifornia
Posts: 178
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:36 am

Postby DownWithCalifornia » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:49 pm

It's good, but you shouldn't have told the "secret of the story" so soon. I would go back and edit the part where Kyle is talking to his mom before anyone else sees it.
Mr.Broflovski
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 6:07 pm

The Marsh Family Tree (First half of part 1)

Postby Mr.Broflovski » Tue Jul 25, 2006 11:02 pm

Hmm thanks. Yeah, I was going to write something else instead of "they" but, I got attacked by teddy bears
Mr.Broflovski
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 6:07 pm

The Marsh Family Tree (First half of part 1)

Postby Mr.Broflovski » Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:25 am

Chapter 1 Part 2.

“ So, you might be wondering who is this so called “him” in the story” Kyle was telling the camera. “ Turns out, the directors of the show have forbid us to tell anyone or they’ll trap us in a cell with mutilated woman. So, sit back and read the rest of the story.” Kyle said, sipping his tea with Kenny and sitting next to a fireplace in comfortable chairs and wealthy robes.
****************************************************************

Stan took his mysterious problem again to Kyle. He found him on the couch watching Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends on Cartoon Network. Stan told Kyle, how mysterious his mother had acted that morning.

“She’ s covering up something Stan. And I suggest you solve it quick, like the mystery in the show. Bloo or whatever his name is, is trying to cover up the corps of his creator, Mac.” Kyle said. “But, he doesn’t want Frankie and Milt to find out.” Kyle continued.

They looked at the show: A little guy in pure Bloo was to be seen dragging a body across a mansion whispering “Mac’s dead, Mac’s dead”. Pretty hard to believe that this was a kids show. So, Kyle and Stan went over to Starks Pond, accompanied by Butters, Kenny, Craig, Dogpoo, and Clyde, to have a major snowball fight against the girls. On the other side of the pond there were the girls: Wendy, Bebe, Anne, that girl from Cartman’s Silly Hate Crime who challenged the boys to the sled race, and Rebecca Cutswald. They began to through snowballs at each other for about an hour when Kenny was finally hit with a rock covered snow, that the game was over.

“Ha, we win you peanut suckers!” screamed Bebe and Rebecca. The girls walked away laughing, while the boys stayed at Starks Pond.

“Dude, we were beat by girls” Stan said as Butters and the other “fellas”, as he called them, walked away. Stan went to Kyle’s house that day to help Kyle on the Family Tree project. Kyle, had done a lot to his Family Tree for only working on it in one day. He wrote about his Grandpa (who was related to President Bush) his Grandma, who helped Mrs. Broflovski become friends with Mr. Broflovski and a bunch of other people Stan didn’t know. “Hey Stan, have you started your Family Tree yet? It’s due next week. Here, I’ll help you.” Kyle said.

“Um, no Kyle, I don’t really feel like thinking about the Family Tree thing today, I’ll probably start on Monday. Show me that game you were going to show me the other day you rented. Blood Minions 2?” Stan said, uneasy. He always did his homework on Saturday’s and Sunday’s, but this time, he thought about it. He would spend all of Monday and Tuesday researching his Family Tree and by Thursday he was finished with it, by Friday he would get an easy A from Mrs. Garrison.
***************************************************

That night at dinner Stan asked his parents, once again, about the Family Tree. “Stanley….really…why do you need to know this?….EAT YOUR STEAK!” Stan’s mom said, nervously. “Stan, how was school today?…. Ike NO!” Screamed Mr. Marsh. Stan wondered why they acted like this, they could be hiding some thing from him, cause, according to Kyle, Ike was not Stan’s brother. After dinner Stan went up to his room, to see if he could start the Family Tree, but, a certain phone call distracted him.

“Lo?” Stan asked the phone.

“Hello Stan” Said a voice. “I’m watching you through your window right now.” It said

“W-who is this? Cartman, if its you, I’m kicking you in the balls tomorrow” Stan said, looking out the window at his tree house in panic.

“Damn it” The voice whispered. “Ahem, I am not Cartman, I have called you to inform- Hello? HELLO?! Oh goddamnit!” Cartman screamed and fell out of the tree house. Stan sighed. It was getting late, so Stan decided to go to sleep early. As he turned off his light, a distant bang down stairs, scared him. “Damn it Randy, that the 5th time this week you’ve gotten drunk.” Sharon screamed. Stan sighed, and went to bed.

A elderly lady walked down the street, wearing a light blue shirt with the logo “Kiss me” and a short skirt. She turned a corner labeled “South Park Avenue” she stopped. She pulled out a small hand-held mirror and decided to put some more make-up on. She opened it, far off behind her you could see a man, wearing a dark brown coat. The woman put on some more lip stick and walked off, the man followed, she looked at the address her boyfriend had given her last night. Papa’s Pizza Palace. She had to go down Park Avenue and then over EverBlue Street and turn a corner. The town of South Park was lonely at night, with an eerie silence, she walked faster. She turned a corner and saw it, Papa’s Pizza Palace, or, what was left of it. It was burned down to crisps. She shivered and heard walking behind her, she turned to see a dark brown coat come on top of her. She woke up, in a deserted house of some kind, she got up and looked around. Blood. There was blood on the walls, everywhere she could see, blood. She looked around, she was surrounded by bodies, heads, arms, legs, fingers. She screamed and tried to run but was pulled back by a headless corps, she was being pulled and pulled until she was tangled in arms. Then, a man came in, and whispered, “Hello, Mrs. Wanakulaha. Pleasant evening isn’t it?” He said. “W-what do you want?!” She said, sobbing. “To kill you and then burry you in hyah with the rest of my friends, but first I want you to Respect My Authoritah.” He said, laughing. He pulled out a knife and saw, he chopped off her arms and legs, then her head. The man looked up, pulled off the coat, and smiled. At the head of Mrs. Wanakulaha which stared back the face of Stanley Marsh.

Stan woke up screaming his eyes out, hearing the lightning crash against a tree scared him more, he screamed louder until his mother ran into the room and hugged him. Stan cried into her shoulder, and began to tell her about the dream he had. After she calmed down Stan, she asked him about his Family Tree, Stan only answerd "I'll start it in the morning. Mom, read a bed time story".




End of Part II. Chapter 2 coming soon.
Last edited by Mr.Broflovski on Sat Jul 29, 2006 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mr.Broflovski
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 6:07 pm

The Marsh Family Tree (First half of part 1)

Postby Mr.Broflovski » Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:17 pm

Right, a little to off topic sometimes, though it will change in Chapter 2.
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