Romeo and...Romeo?

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Total_Beefcake
Posts: 748
Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 10:55 pm

Romeo and...Romeo?

Postby Total_Beefcake » Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:21 am

Here it is- my new slash fanfic! No likey, no looky, and please, no mean commenting. I do love nice comments and constructive critism however. Kyle/Cartman! <3 Hope you all like this first chapter.

Chapter 1:
-----

It was yet another chilly day in South Park, Colorado. The sun peeked through the thick clouds in the sky, teasing those who pleaded for some warmth. Eric Cartman was one who was used to the cold.

The sixteen-year-old trudged down the snowy sidewalk and lugged his backpack along. He was headed to the bus stop.

Nowadays, Cartman was thin, and muscular too. His hazel-nut colored hair fell under his ears, curling slightly at the bottom. His outfit this day was a jean jacket over a red shirt, and some baggy jeans. You would never think that such a handome young man used to be such an evil little boy.

As he approached the bus stop, he saw his three friends. Cartman waved casually, and the three waved back in the same manner.

Stan Marsh was the tallest in their group.

He was seventeen, and very mellow. His raven-black hair hung over his face, the spiky tips dark red. He had a barely visible mustache above his upper lip and his blue eyes were now a watery silver. Today he wore a blue t-shirt and skate pants. He was still popular at school, despite his punk-like look. He also still played on the football team and went out with Wendy.

Kenny McCormick had made the most surprising changes in his looks and personality.

He no longer wore his parka. Instead he wore an orange t-shirt with a brown trenchcoat over it. His usually tangled blonde hair was slicked back. His skin was pale, and he had long thick eyelashes, bringing out his bright blue eyes. Without his hood, he was even more obnoxious. And with the ladies, he was quite a gentleman.

Kyle Broflovski still wore his green hat, still a bit self-concious about his hair.

Despite this, tufts of bright red hair stuck out every other place. His skin was tan because he often visited relatives in other states after his father won a contest and got tickets to a lot of resorts around the country. Kyle wore a green sweatshirt and regular jeans. He was a bookworm, and a bit on the quiet side.

Cartman came and stood in his usual place, between Kyle and Kenny. The four highschoolers were quiet as they waited for the bus to come.

"So, how's Wendy, Stan?" Kenny finally asked, breaking the silence.

Stan shrugged.

"She's still sick."

"Aw, thats too bad," Cartman smirked, "So you can't screw her 'till she's better?"

Stan made a face and blushed.

Kyle scowled at Cartman.

"Would you cut it out?" he asked angrily, standing up for his best friend.

Stan patted Kyle on the back.

"Oh, you guys make such a cute couple," Cartman sneered.

The bus pulled up and the four loaded on.

"I swear, you guys suck," he continued, rambling.

He sat in the front, immediately pulling out his lunch.

Kenny sat in the middle.

Kyle and Stan sat in the back.

Their seating arrangements were the same since elementary school. And they weren't about to change.

...Right?

-----
Hope you all liked it. It wasn't too long, but it'll get better. Please comment! :D
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misscutiepie1330
Posts: 340
Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 5:32 pm

Postby misscutiepie1330 » Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:50 am

First to comment!! Turrah!

That was great, Jori!! I can't wait for the 2nd chapter :)
Total_Beefcake
Posts: 748
Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 10:55 pm

Postby Total_Beefcake » Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:51 am

^Thank you veddy much!


Chapter 2 will be up tomarrow. ^^
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misscutiepie1330
Posts: 340
Joined: Sat May 06, 2006 5:32 pm

Postby misscutiepie1330 » Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:56 am

Thuper!
Athena1999
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Postby Athena1999 » Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:10 am

w00t! I can't wait to read it after finishing my chem midterm!

You really put some thought into it, didn't you? It's not often you see Stan as a "punk." And Kenny must be cute as hell! ^____^

*is still drooling... Jori knows why!*
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Lumina
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:04 am

Postby Lumina » Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:09 am

Yay! Seeing "Romeo and...Romeo?" as a title just now in the middle of my caffinated high really made me even more hyper and happy! :lol:

Yayz! I can only wonder how my reaction shall be when it gets to the most waited for parts. :wink:
ShaneHaughey
Posts: 11192
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 8:36 pm

Postby ShaneHaughey » Thu Oct 26, 2006 8:52 am

One problem would be that Stan is punk or somewhat different in like 90% of all slash fics I've read, whether he himself is in the slash or not. Oh, and I didn't like how you went into much detail on the characters and did an about face when it came to everything else. The structure was odd and crooked as well, though it's by no means a deal breaker.


I'd also say it was a mistake forecasting what characters you'd pair up. It makes no sense, whther you're doing a straight romance or a slash like this. Maybe it is because I was a Drama/Suspense?ction writer, but being able to surprise yor reader is a great tactic.


But, at least you spell correctly and have good grammar.
That's how it's down here on the farm!
xime_kennylover
Posts: 93
Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2006 6:17 pm

Postby xime_kennylover » Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:05 pm

ooh! i really liked it Jori!!! Kenny sounds so hott ^^ but there's something i didn't get... who are the straight ones???? hehe anyway can't wait to read the next chapter!
ILoveKenny98
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2006 3:21 am

Postby ILoveKenny98 » Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:54 pm

nice, it was good! Someone should draw pics, I'd like to see that! Especially of Stan & Kenny, they sound like they've changed tons!
*<3*...Kenny*&*Kyle...*<3*

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Nommel
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Postby Nommel » Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:56 pm

Meh. I didn't like it much, and I expect a few of the positive comments were only given because "OMG TEH SLASH" was present. It's okay, but I really didn't get into it like your other fic. Sorry.
Total_Beefcake
Posts: 748
Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 10:55 pm

Postby Total_Beefcake » Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:28 pm

Thank you all.

I promise, it will get better. I'm sorry I spoiled the slash surprise, but I had already told many people beforehand, so I had a feeling someone might come in and say, "OH, THIS IS K/C, right????"

Yeah, so...yeah. XD
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DevilAngel16
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Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 3:12 am

Postby DevilAngel16 » Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:41 pm

Yay, you finally posted this fic! I've been looking forward to reading this. ^_^

I can't wait for the plot to unfold, Jori. I'm anxious to read all of the slashy goodness. XD

Kyle/Cartman is a very dynamic couple. I personally enjoy reading fics that use this couple. I actually began working on a new fic of my own with Kyle/Cartman, but I have yet to complete it.
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Kyle the Skeptic
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:11 am

I would have to agree that your joint fic is better and more intriguing. In addition to what was already said, I think that the first chapter should have been longer, the narrative should have been more balanced, and it should have contained more lighthearted humor the way TBLTYCERA had. Other than that however, it's probably way too early to judge, or to get a bearing on where you might be going with this.

Of course I'm no romance author myself, so I'd be more inclined to trust that you know what you're doing.
Total_Beefcake
Posts: 748
Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 10:55 pm

Postby Total_Beefcake » Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:19 am

Thanks, Ali! And with that, here is the next chapter!

Chapter 2:

-----

The bell clanged for first period.

Cartman scrambled into his seat in drama class. He hated the class, and didn't want to be in it in the first place. Unfortunatly, the class he wanted was full, so he was forced into this one. Luckily, his friends were in there with him.

The teacher, Miss Fowler, stood at the front and cleared her throat. The late bell rang and she flinched.

"Class, settle down," she said.

The class continued laughing and talking.

"CLASS, SHUT UP!" Miss Fowler screamed.

The class did just that.

Miss Fowler fixed her hair and coughed slightly.

"Okay, class," she sighed, "I have an announcement to make. Our fall play is coming up soon, and I've decided that it's going to be Romeo and Juliet."

Half the class groaned, but Miss F. continued.

"I've also decided to stay true to Mr. Shakespeare and let boys try out for the female part of Juliet."

The class exploded into laughter.

"What DUDE would try out for Juliet?" Kenny laughed.

"Butters- thats who!" Cartman howled, smacking his desk top with the palm of his hand.

Butters blushed and looked down at his lap.

***

"I can't believe we all have to try out for that damn play," Cartman mumbled as the four boys went through the lunchline.

"Yeah, the whole situation is pretty gay," Stan agreed, picking up his tray.

The four went and picked their usual table to sit at. Cartman noticed that Kyle was being especially quiet.

"I have a proposal for 'fro boy," Kenny grinned, squeezing Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle looked up at him.

"Huh?"

"If you try out for Juliet and nail the part, I'll give you something," Kenny said.

"Nothing that you could give me would ever make me try out," Kyle said, glaring at his blonde friend.

Kenny sat on Kyle's lap, facing him. He pushed him down on the table top and leaned over him, pressing his forehead against Kyle's.

"Wh-what are you doing?!" Kyle asked, beginning to turn red.

"Nail the part and I'll give you me," Kenny suggested in a sexy voice.

Stan and Cartman casually continued eating. This happened often.

You see, when the boys were in seventh grade, Kyle decided to go out with a guy. Kenny ripped on him the most, and from the moment that Kyle became straight in eighth grade, he would always tease him like this.

Kids were beginning to stare, but Kenny refused to get off.

He pushed himself against Kyle, and Kyle's breaths grew short.

Kenny noticed Kyle was starting to sweat, and smirked.

"Do it and I'll give you sixty bucks," he finally whispered.

"Fine!" Kyle cried, not being able to take it anymore, "Fine! I'll do it!"

Kenny, satisfied, got off and started eating again.

"You seem pretty aroused," Stan grinned, looking at the sweaty, blushing Kyle.

Kyle glared at Stan.

"Your mother," he countered in a warning tone.

His eyes traveled down to his lap and he turned pale. He got up, wrapped his sweatshirt around his hips and hurried out.

Stan, Cartman and Kenny burst into laughter.

-----
I hope this chapter was a bit better than the first. I'm trying to go slowly, one place at a time. ^^ Hope ya'll like it!

Chapter 3 will be up tomarrow!
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clenskiddlehopper
Posts: 83
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Postby clenskiddlehopper » Sat Oct 28, 2006 1:53 pm

not bad, not bad at all. I smiled through the whole of chapter two. i didn't really like the way you told the story in chapter one, but the secound was great. can't wait for the next one.
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