Ms. Taken

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

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Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:59 pm

http://www.w338puq3y.homepage.t-online. ... p?sid=1103

[quote:7e237][b:7e237]What is a Mary Sue?[/b:7e237]

The definition of a Mary Sue varies depending on whom you’re talking to and often which fandom they’re most frequently involved in. It can vary from any original character (OC) to an original character blessed with unusual with whom all characters of the opposite sex falling love and all characters of the same sex admire, blessed with many talents and the best at everything, often with a deeply tragic past they have over come: in short, Little Miss Perfect.

Mary Sue is a term first used by Star Trek fans in the 70s to describe idealistic characters introduced to the show and in books based on the show. She first appeared in a parody Star Trek fanfiction, actually named ‘Mary Sue’, but it is Wesley Crusher who is most often cited as the Mary Sue of canon Star Trek.. Usually, Mary Sue is a character dreamed up by fans as a projection of themselves into a series. She comes in many forms, which will be explored later, and her male counterpart is known as Gary Stu, though he is generally much rarer.

Different people judge OCs in different ways. In general, most people’s definition of Mary Sue falls into one of the following categories, and may combine several:

- Any Original Character
- An Original Character around which the story centres
- An Original Character who surpasses a canon character in a certain area
- An Original Character who possesses attributes that surpass those of the canon characters, or who possesses attributes never previously established in canon
- An Original Character who has a relationship (either romantic or familial) with a canon character
- An Original Character who is adored by most of the canon characters, possesses talents to surpass any/all of them, has an unbelievable personality, and saves the day or dies tragically in the attempt
- An underdeveloped Original Character who lacks a believable personality or motivation
- An acknowledged self insertion

Of course, my views on the subject are biased, as are those of any one who reads and writes fanfiction. In general, the sixth and seventh points are considered the overall definitions of Mary Sue, but many of the others are borderline, so that if written well they are well-rounded characters that could just as easily appear in the canon as within a fanfic, but if written badly are, plain and simply, a Mary Sue.[/quote:7e237]
Elrog
Posts: 198
Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2006 10:50 pm

Postby Elrog » Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:17 am

You made Tweek rape her? First Kenny now Tweek? This is not my favorite one of your chapters. I hope when you right a new story (you better right another story) you won't have such a Mary Sue.
Broflovskifan1234
Posts: 117
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:06 am

Postby Broflovskifan1234 » Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:16 pm

I agree with Elrog it is very unlike for Tweek to be raping Abrina or anyone for that matter because he would be afraid that hed get AIDS or any disease so making him rape abrina is kinda weird o.O Im also sick of Abrinas continuous attempts to get attention and for people to pity her 24/7 I personally want to grab her by her blonde hair and rip her hair out because she makes me sick to my stomache
Hunter: be gone pests and give me the bird
Yakko: we'd love to really but the Fox censors wont allow it
XKylezGirl4EverX
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:17 pm

Haha..

Postby XKylezGirl4EverX » Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:06 pm

The next chapter will be up soon. It will make more sense out of things and all you Abrina haters will enjoy, since it shows Abrina's not completely innocent, and that all her bad luck could be due to karma.
Umm, hi.
Nommel
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Re: Haha..

Postby Nommel » Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:12 pm

XKylezGirl4EverX wrote:The next chapter will be up soon. It will make more sense out of things and all you Abrina haters will enjoy, since it shows Abrina's not completely innocent, and that all her bad luck could be due to karma.


Or due to a really big Mary-Sue complex, LOL
Elrog
Posts: 198
Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2006 10:50 pm

Postby Elrog » Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:38 pm

By we'll like it, another guy'll rape her, or Kyle'll date someone else? Please no more pity.
XKylezGirl4EverX
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:17 pm

No.

Postby XKylezGirl4EverX » Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:28 pm

No more pity. It shows that she's not innocent in the next chapter.
Umm, hi.
Nommel
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Postby Nommel » Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:31 pm

She's still a f*cking Mary-Sue.
Broflovskifan1234
Posts: 117
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:06 am

Postby Broflovskifan1234 » Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:58 pm

Kyle better date another girl like Bebe or Wendy....nah not Wendy shes too good for Kyle she deserves Stan your Best bet would probably be Bebe Bebe likes Kyle anyway and if another guy rapes Abrina I will scream I personally think someone needs to put themselves into the story and shoot Abrina a million times
Hunter: be gone pests and give me the bird
Yakko: we'd love to really but the Fox censors wont allow it
Nommel
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Postby Nommel » Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:00 am

Nommel wrote:She's still a f*cking Mary-Sue.


I am going to keep quoting this throughout the thread. Why? Because it's true.
XKylezGirl4EverX
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:17 pm

Chapter 17:

Postby XKylezGirl4EverX » Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:15 pm

This is Chapter 17. Personally, I think it's an okay chapter compared to other recent ones. You may not. I'm not sure if this is any better or if it helps, but Abrina won't be such a big character since she's probably not going to talk for a while. I dunno. Try to enjoy yourself while reading this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 17:

Kyle felt awful. He had since the minute he broke up with Abrina. Without him she was helpless, useless, and friendless. He felt sort of bad for her. She had dropped several pounds since then; and he’d seen her collapse several days ago. He hoped Tweek wouldn’t be over at her house; since he wanted greatly to apologize to her. He knocked on the familiar door, and heard quick shuffling feet on the other side of the door. He hung his head and looked at expensive red Shaq’s; and turned his head up to face Dereck. Dereck angered immediately as he saw Kyle. He launched forward.

“You did this! You made my sister a skanky BITCH!” Dereck screamed. He swung his fist as Kyle’s head, but he ducked. Dereck was about to strike again, when he was thrust back by his jacket.

Celia glared at him. “Shut up, Derry. Hey Kyle, why are you here?” She asked. Dereck muttered something before he fled.

“I’m . . . Uhh, here to see Abrina. Is she around?” Kyle asked nervously.

“No. Sorry. But dad said he got a call from one of his employees. Apparently, a couple hours ago, she was there with some blonde boy. I imagine it was Tweek.” Celia shrugged. “I’ve got to go. If you want to find her, just walk three blocks north of Main Street.” Celia walked back inside, shutting the door behind her.

Kyle stood, feeling let down. He debated in his mind whether to waste his time going or not. Maybe she left already? He’d never be able to tell. In the end he decided to be brave and courageous and go. He found the bar with some difficulty, and entered unnoticed through the front doors. The bar was crowded, with tons of men ogling strippers and a few men getting lap dances. Women walked around half naked, and drunk men stumbled around. He ignored his surroundings and hopped onto a bar seat. He called the bartender over. Before he said anything the bartender asked: “Hey, aren’t you a little young to be at a bar?”

“Well . . . Yeah,” Kyle felt there was no use to go into his ‘I’m a midget,’ routine. “But I’m good friends with Abrina. Abrina Rachels.”

“Oh that little spoiled brat. Yeah, she was here with a little fidgety blonde boy a couple hours ago. They went into the back room. She had a headache.” The bartender said.

Kyle grunted. Now it was clear that the boy was Tweek. He went into the backroom, but it was empty. It smelled disgusting, and he plugged his nose. It smelled like someone had just puked, and when he checked a room he saw where the stench was coming from. Someone really HAD puked; so he covered his nose and walked out. He looked, and two other rooms were empty. The last room next to the bathroom was closed. He knocked. No reply. He knocked again.

“Wh-wh-wh-who’s-s th-there?” It sounded like Tweek.

“Tweek? That you?” Kyle asked through the door. He was getting an odd, creepy feeling.

“Oh god. You know me?” Tweek asked, shaking all over.

“Yeah, Tweek. It’s Kyle! Get out of there!”

“Oh man. Kyle; now’s not the best t-t-time.”

“Why not? Is Abrina in there?” Kyle was getting a hollow sensation in his stomach.

“Ye—no. Sh-she’s not.” Tweek lied.

Kyle sensed no truth in Tweek’s voice. “Tweek, IS ABRINA IN THERE?” He asked, bewildered. “I needa’ talk ta’ her.”

“Fine. She’s in here. But you can talk to her later.” Tweek was almost crying now. He was scared. Horribly, horribly scared.

“ABRINA! IF YOU’RE IN THERE RESPOND!” Kyle shouted through the door. The thing was; Abrina was asleep. She was out cold. Kyle jiggled the door knob. It was locked, but poorly. He eventually opened the door, with a lot of pushing. He came in; Tweek was shirtless, his lower half being covered by a brown, musty blanket. The room appeared empty, but Kyle saw a small lump near the bottom. He almost screamed. Tweek did.

“Kyle, get out! I’ll explain later!” Tweek was a millimeter closer to tears.

Kyle ripped back the covers that were over the lump. There Abrina lay, curled up in a ball and sleeping in a long, mens' shirt. It was up to her knees. He shook her. She opened half of one eye. She was a mess. “What did you do to her?” Kyle asked, but Tweek didn’t answer.

“What did he do to you?” Kyle looked at her, into her face. She opened both her eyes, but didn’t look at him. She didn’t answer either. He tried to look into her eyes, but she kept looking away. He propped her into a sitting position. She gulped. She looked tired and sad. He stood her up. “What did he do to you?!?!” She still didn’t answer. Tweek was watching her in horror. He preyed she wouldn’t say anything. She stayed standing, and then put on her still-sort-of-damp skirt on, taking her shirt and slipping on her shoes. Kyle got up and touched her shoulder, but she brushed it off almost instantly.

“Leave me alone.” She murmured in a barely audible tone. She walked out, and Kyle watched her leave. He turned around to face Tweek.

“Tell me what you did to her or I’ll f*cking kill you.” Kyle said dryly and menacingly.

“No you won’t and no I won’t.” Tweek tried sounding brave; but his voice shook violently and he gulped.

“Yes you will, Tweek. I’m angry as Hell. What did you do to her?” Kyle asked. He was terrified to hear the answer, yet he was impatient to hear it as well. Tweek looked frightened and guilty. But of what? That was the question Kyle had in mind.

“Kyle, I can’t tell you. If you want the answer you’ll have to ask Abrina. I doubt she’ll tell you.” Tweek stopped being so scared and slipped his pants over his boxers. His hands were noticeably shaking as he recklessly did up the buttons to his shirt. He slipped on his shoes and when he realized he’d forgotten his socks in all his nervousness; he blushed and grabbed them, not even bothering to make them into a ball; and shoved them in his pants pocket.

“Why’s it so bad?” Now Kyle was scared. He had a huge feeling he knew what it was, based on what he witnessed and the circumstances.

“I can’t TELL you, Kyle!” Tweek said before stomping out. Kyle was so horrified of the answer he forgot to stop Tweek. Finally; after standing like an idiot in the room for a few minutes, he got out of the room, the backroom, and then the bar. He walked; hands in pockets, head hanging and in deep thought down the street. He knocked on Stan’s door, but he wasn’t in. He could only think of one person whom he could go to. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He rang the doorbell, and a few minutes later; Wendy’s parents answered the door.

“Oh . . . Uh . . . Hello.” The mother greeted with false joy in her eyes.

“Hi. Is Wendy home?” Kyle asked. “I need to talk to her.”

“Who are you? Are you her boyfriend?” A well-dressed man behind the woman asked.

“No,” Kyle said. “I’m sort of in her class.”

The two parents looked at him suspiciously. “Okay . . .” The mother said. She half-shut the door. Kyle hard Wendy’s name being called. “. . . A young man requests to speak to you!” Kyle heard. Wendy came down and peered through the door as her parents left.

“Oh, Kyle. Hi.” She smiled. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. “What’s wrong?” She asked as her face turned serious.

Kyle sniffed from the cold weather. “I don’t know. It’s—”

“—Abrina. I know. It always is. What do I care?” Wendy asked, as her hand reached for the doorknob.

“Wendy, what’s with you these days? You’re usually the most sensitive, nicest girl. I thought you were the kindest girl I ever met. But now you’re just like Bebe and all those other mean girls.” Kyle said.

Wendy turned away from the door. She looked at him. “You don’t understand, Kyle.”

“Oh, bullsh*t! That’s all I ever hear! But I do! I know that you’re doing it to fit in, Wendy; I really, really do.” Kyle said. “I know deep down inside you really hate teasing Abrina. It’s awful; how you mortify her up there. I’m not saying she’s totally innocent or anything.”

After about a minute of no talking, Wendy asked Kyle something. “So, what’s wrong with her?”

Kyle had forgotten about that. “Oh . . . Uh . . . Yeah, that. Well, I can’t tell you unless you swear to me that you won’t say a word about this to ANYONE. ANYONE, okay?”

Wendy nodded. “’Kay.”

Kyle told Wendy everything he saw, the entire story; and his suspicions. It was the first time in a while Wendy had a conversation about Abrina that wasn’t mean.

Meanwhile, Dereck lay in his room; listening to Celia’s blasting music. “Turn it down, will ya’?” He yelled to her. She didn’t. He didn’t really mind, his mind was too clouded of thoughts to really hear it. He looked over at the digital clock on his night table. 9:10. Abrina was supposed to be home at 6:00. He was beginning to worry; since things for her hadn’t exactly been going well. She spent most nights lying in closets. ‘What an emo',’ Dereck thought. ‘Little Goth bitch.’ He hated her, but still worried about her. He knew she was a little TOO dramatic about it, with all the moping and bitching. Nevertheless, he still worried. He picked up his phone, and dialed her cell number. He heard ringing in the next room. She’d left it at home. Damn.

“CELIA, DO YOU KNOW WHERE ABBY IS?” He shouted. Celia came into his room quickly.

“Ya’ don’t have ta’ yell. I’m down the frickin’ hallway.” Celia grunted. Her pregnancy was making her moody as anything.

“Sorry,” Dereck said. He didn’t feel like bickering with his sister right now.

“Well, I’d assume she’s with Tweek. I mean, she left with him.” Celia said.

“Yeah . . .” Dereck said uncertainly, trailing off a bit. “Hey, what do you think of Tweek?”

“He’s cute.” Celia tilted her head a bit.

Dereck laughed a bit. “No, not that way. Him as being Abrina’s . . . New . . . New—“

“Boyfriend?” Celia cut in.

“. . . Yeah. I guess.” Dereck shrugged.

“Well, he’s not Abrina’s ideal boyfriend; I mean really. She’s sort of a man-eater. As soon as she rips one guys' heart apart; she moves on to the next boy.” Celia said.

“How can you say that?” Dereck asked. He found himself standing up for his sister.

“I doubt she really likes Tweek in that way. She’s just so desperate to find someone to love; she picks the first guy she sees.” Celia smirked.

“Stop it! She’s not even here to defend herself!” Dereck shouted.

“Whatever.” Celia said as she left.

Dereck was beginning to get really angry with his family. Abrina was always getting attention; no matter what she did. Celia was always snappy and rude. His mom and dad were always out of the house. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw them. He began to get really depressed; laying there thinking about all that, and he pulled a lighter out of his pocket, reaching over for a pack of cigarettes as well.

Tweek got home. His door was unlocked now, so he just crept inside. Halfway up the stairs the voice that called his name made him jump about 100 feet in the air.

“Tweek? Are you home?” It was just his dad.

Tweek sighed. That gave him a heart attack. “Yeah, dad. I just got back from . . . Uhh . . . Playing football.” Tweek lied lamely.

“Hey! Come downstairs, will you?” His dad yelled to him.

Tweek got jittery right there and right then. “’K-kay,” Tweek responded. He trudged back down the stairs. He slowly walked into the kitchen. “What is it?”

“What kind of coffee do you think will be more popular? Mocha or latte?” His dad asked innocently, holding up two bags of coffee bean.

Another heart attack for nothing. “Umm . . . Latte?” Tweek guessed.

“Good choice son,” His father smiled warm-heartedly.

“Thanks, dad.” Tweek said. Boy was he feeling rotten. He had just done an unmentionable deed; and no one knew a thing about it; except him, the victim and the witness. So, therefore; he was still being treated as is he WAS innocent, as if he WAS really at the park playing football with his friends before he arrived home. He felt so, so rotten. He went upstairs for real this time, and into his room. He had no idea what to do. He didn’t feel like going through the trouble of explaining everything when he called a friend. He also couldn’t go anywhere; he might bump into somebody that he knew or something like that. Instead, he locked his door and took a book out of his book shelf, opening it to the first page; and clearing his mind as he began to slip in between the pages and out of reality.

Meanwhile, back at Wendy’s house; she and Kyle sat at the laptop in Wendy’s room. “It just doesn’t seem like something Tweek would do. It’s too much of a daring, twisted and guts-y thing to do for someone like him to do it.” Wendy said; while typing like a maniac on the computer. “I’ve known Tweek since kindergarten and he would never do something like this.”

“I know but he did.” Kyle said a bit harshly.

“Do you think this was all a joke? I mean, you never really clarified the answer. They could have slept together on purpose.” Wendy shrugged.

“C’mon Wendy,” Kyle began. “Sex at age nine? And she’s not even nine, she’s eight.”

Wendy had Bertha in mind at that point. “Well, it’s still possible. Besides; sex isn’t a more realistic possibility than rape is.”

Kyle opened his mouth, and closed it again. He didn’t feel like arguing. “Good point.” He gave in.

“Okay, I’ve hacked into the school’s mainframe. What should I do next?” Wendy looked at Kyle for orders.

“Wow, you did? In like; five minutes? It took me a half hour last time.” Kyle was surprised. Maybe Wendy knew more about computers than he though she did. “’Kay, well; try hacking into the teachers’ accounts, because if we can access Mr. Mackey’s we could dig into the psychology board and see if there’s any files on Tweek there that could be the reason he did this.” Kyle spoke quickly.

“Oh . . . Kay.” Wendy muttered slowly as she was clicking and typing at 200 miles per hour. “But what kind of files?”

“Medical notes, doctor bills, mental psychology, ANYTHING will help.” He was in a panic now.

“Okay, I’m in the teachers’ accounts page. Now I have to get on Mr. Mackey’s account. I will need to get a password hacker to do this. No, wait. I think I know one.” Wendy brought up a fresh web-page. She typed in the address. In minutes she had the password. She then popped the teachers’ accounts page back up and typed in the name and password.

“Good job,” Kyle smirked. He was very impressed.

Wendy blushed a bit; but hid it by turning back to her laptop. “Thanks,” She nodded. “Okay, so should I access his files from here?” She asked him.

“Yeah,” He replied.

Wendy clicked so fast around everywhere Kyle couldn’t keep note of what she was doing. After a while, she was in the school files. She clicked around, going through each of the students’ names she saw. Finally, she found who they were looking for. “Tweek Tweak.” She read. She clicked his name. “Report cards, grades, notes, suspensions and expulsions,” Wendy hummed a low drone as she read through each column. “Here’s one!” She finally said. She clicked on something that was labeled ‘Medical Information’. “Okay, it says here that he was born . . .” She trailed off but kept reading until she came to a useful part. “Okay, the text says that he’s . . . He’s Schizophr-phrenic. I think that’s how it’s pronounced. What’s that?” She asked Kyle.

“I have no idea. Wiki’ it or something.” Kyle replied. This was getting interesting.

“Okay . . .” Wendy opened a new web browser. She typed in Wikipedia’s address, and then she researched Schizophrenia. She got a page on it. “Okay; it’s a mental state where . . . Where there seems to be a voice in the persons head that no one else can hear. May be taunting or controlling.” She said as she kept reading. “It doesn’t say anything about making people do things though, it says that it usually doesn’t force people to do things, it just teases them. It isn’t his Schizophrenia, Kyle. It has to be something else.” She turned to him.

“Okay, go back to Tweek’s files.” Kyle demanded her.

She did. “Should I click on Doctor Assumptions?” She asked.

“Try it.” Kyle was willing to do anything to get to the bottom of this.

Wendy was reading in seconds. “Okay, this is important. It says that when he was around six he may have been diagnosed with some sort of Multiple Personalities Disorder. It hasn’t been modified yet; but last year, he was put into testing which he never completed; but the parts he did, they . . . They came back positive. Kyle, Tweek may have Multiple Personality Disorder.” Wendy was serious. “I’ll search it on Wikipedia.” Wendy had Wikipedia open already, so she typed it in; her hands typing so quickly you couldn’t tell one key stroke from the next. “Well, it says that kids under twelve years old may not be strong enough to fight it off since they can’t take any medication. It says that many kids in the US have been affected by this. It says it can cause innocent and good kids to steal or hurt; possibly KILL, and . . . and . . .” Wendy stopped reading.

“And what?” Kyle asked impatiently. This was it. The truth. The cold, hard, unpleasant truth.

Wendy gulped. “And rape.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you sort of, at least appreciated my attempt on a new chapter. Oh, BTW; 100 POST!
Umm, hi.
Nommel
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Postby Nommel » Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:38 pm

It's better, but

Nommel wrote:She's still a f*cking Mary-Sue.


By the way, no where on Wikipedia does it say that schizophrenics are more prone to rape than anyone else.
XKylezGirl4EverX
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:17 pm

Error

Postby XKylezGirl4EverX » Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:54 pm

I know. I checked. Sorry, that's an error.
Umm, hi.
Elrog
Posts: 198
Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2006 10:50 pm

Postby Elrog » Fri Apr 06, 2007 5:13 pm

I agree with Nommel, are you going to write another fic after this?
XKylezGirl4EverX
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:17 pm

Postby XKylezGirl4EverX » Fri Apr 06, 2007 7:34 pm

Currently I'm writing two at a time. This one, and a normal South Park one that's suspenceful and very good. It will be up in a few weeks. If I'm lucky, in a week or a few days.
Umm, hi.

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