A Little Bit O'Anarchy

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kylestanfan
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 12:02 am

A Little Bit O'Anarchy

Postby kylestanfan » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:14 am

A Little Bit O’Anarchy

Disclaimer: I don’t own South Park

Summary: A little one shot with Mole and Gregory, NOT A SLASH. Written primarily for The BBS 2006 Post-Season Fanfic Competition.

Notes: Meh. I just saw this interesting article on Wikipedia and, combined with my frustration over what’s holding up the competition (namely, a fic of this nature), inspired me to write this. Won’t be very long, I apologize for that.

-.-

Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November

Ze Mole loved his history. Especially when it involved gruesome death. Or a lot of death. He wasn’t really particular. This fascination had manifested itself recently, not long after the American/Canadian War of 1999.

One thing both he and Gregory could both agree on was the English rhyme about the Gunpowder Plot and Guy Fawkes. Mole seemed to nearly idolize the man, who had been dead for over 400 years. Gregory reckoned that it was because of the explosives, and that he had been trying to kill the English. Mole didn’t like British people. Gregory theorized that Mole only tolerated him, because he paid well.

“Zay, Gregory,” Mole said, quite casually, to him one afternoon late in October. “Could I pozziblee geet ahold of a few ‘undred blocks of C-4?”

“I say, DeLorne, what use could you possibly have for that much explosive?” Gregory asked.

“Per’aps I like to buy in bulk?” Mole suggested.

“It’s just not like you, my friend,” Greg replied. Mole sighed.

“Fine, zen. If you must know, November ze Fifth ees coming up, and I ‘ave a…special activity planned,” Mole said.

“You wish to blow up Parliament, don’t you?” Mole tried to hide it, but his utter contempt for the British species made that difficult indeed.

“Noooooon…” he said, voice rising in pitch as he drew it out.

“Christophe, how many times must I tell you – you are not to destroy my country, I am not to destroy yours. That’s the deal.”

Ze Mole sulked. “I f*cking ‘ate you, Gregory. Why must you be zuch a beetch to me?” The blonde smirked at patted him on the shoulder.

“There there old chap. I’m sure I’ll find you something to do soon. In the meantime, no more watching V for Vendetta then?”

“I ‘ate you so f*cking much, beetch,” Mole said, taking Gregory’s seat and flipping the channel over to something that wasn’t two ladies drinking tea in a garden in 1850’s formal wear and discussing the weather in Cockney accents.

-.-

Gregory woke up to an explosion in the early hours of the fifth of November, and ran to the window to see a fireball expanding from Central London. It appeared to be near the Palace…and had a very intriguing shape.

Then another flash of light distracted him from the flaming image of the Eiffel Tower that had certainly awakened the Royal Family and likely had all of the Metropolitan Police and Scotland Yard out of their beds and scouring the streets for the bastard responsible.

Hip Hip Hoorah,
11-5-2007


Gregory smacked his forehead and trudged back to the bed, only to find it occupied.

“I deedn’t destroy anyzing,” Mole said, getting ash and dirt all over Gregory’s clean sheets.

“Fine, fine,” Gregory conceded. “Now don’t get in a huff when a crater in the image of the Union Jack suddenly appears near the Eiffel or the Champs d’Eleysse on Bastille Day, and get out of my bed.”

“Touché, mon ami, touché,” Mole remarked, getting up out of the bed and heading for the sitting room. Brushing off his sheets, he lied back down as he heard the telly tuned to Sky News. Gregory knew that the Mole would soon be laughing himself silly at the imbecility of the bobbies assigned to the case. It would be headline news internationally for the next week, and in the U.K. for the better part of the next month, and by then, Mole would be back in France, pending assignment.

“Hip Hip Hoorah,” indeed.

FIN
This is really something witty. I promise. If you don't get it, you are an idiot :D

Hamsters.
Aimsireil
Posts: 243
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 1:07 pm

Postby Aimsireil » Wed Jan 31, 2007 10:05 am

Um... that was written really well, although the plot made little to no sense. Also, you made a few errors with the characters:

Mole does not live in France; he lives in America
Gregory does not live in England; he lives in America

Even if this is supposed to be an AU fic, it still doesn't make much sense, because Gregory isn't English.

You're a good writer, although your plotlines are weak. Keep up the good work, you're sure to improve.
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kylestanfan
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 12:02 am

Postby kylestanfan » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:41 pm

Sorry, I beg to differ.

Now, given that Gregory was a character that we've only seen once (or however many times you've watched the movie :) ), it's really fairly hard to get an accurate placement of where he lives.

Based on the speech patterns, though, he's British. Not as annoyingly so as Pip, but he's definitely a Brit.

And who says they can't be living in England for work?
This is really something witty. I promise. If you don't get it, you are an idiot :D

Hamsters.
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:31 pm

First the good news:

* The story is well written from a technical standpoint.
* Mole and Gregory can be difficult characters to use effectively, but you seemed to be able to pull it off well enough.

Now the bad news:

* This reads like a PWP genre story (e.g. Plot, What Plot?) I thought you were going somewhere with this, but it didn't seem to have much of a point.
* It's way too short, which I think limited what you did or could have done with the premise.
* Mole and Gregory conspiring in a plot is, sadly, a story I've seen done way too many times.


I don't mean to say you can't enter it in the competition though. As I said, all participants are welcome, so long as the stories are near enough to completion for readers to be able to gauge the author's skill.
Aimsireil
Posts: 243
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 1:07 pm

Postby Aimsireil » Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:21 am

^^

Gregory attended Yardale, which, as a combination of Yale and Harvard, is an American university. This would make it appear that he has lived in America for a good amount of time, if not his whole life.

And we know where Gregory lives now. He lives in South Park, and quickly faded into the show's background, in the same fashion the Cutswalds and the Harrisons did. There has been no mention of Gregory's moving elsewhere, so if you wanted him to be living in England you should have given a reason for it in your story.

I don't hear any British accent, and I've never known anybody else that has (people who have watched the movie, of course). And I've never heard anybody else refer to Gregory as British, either.

Why would children be working? I just looked over the fic, and you never mentioned them being any older. Don't say that I should have "assumed" that Gregory and Mole were older. People make fics with the Mole and Gregory (as children) using bombs and other pyrotechnics all the time.


Also, what KtS said is pretty much all right. Like I said earlier, the fic was written well, but the plot wasn't very strong at all. And it wasn't very long whatsoever. Once again, though, great writing style.
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