Wolf?

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xWoodleDoodlex
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:14 am

Wolf?

Postby xWoodleDoodlex » Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:31 am

Chapter 1


Stan found himself curled up in some sort of tunnel. He didn’t know how he got there nor where he was, all he knew is that he had too much to drink the night before, and that he went to bed at around 11:30pm. He opened his stiff eyes.
'Eighteen now' he mumbled to himself,'and I'll never drink again!'
His head was throbbing with unbearable pain, and his stomach churned. He crawled into the daylight. Then he felt it. He retched, and vomited a crimson fluid.
'Blood', he muttered.
He spat and tried to stand up but his back paws hurt too much.
PAWS?!?!?!
Then he clicked on. His dream! Where: he was sat looking at the moon. Shredding a wild rabbit to pieces. Chewing the best tasting meat ever. Howling a 'thanks' to the moon before curling up in the comfortable tunnel, and going to sleep. Except, it was not a dream. It was real. Stan had turned into a;
WOLF!
Stan’s mind swarmed with terror. Paws! He wasn’t meant to be a dog, cat, wolf or any other animal. The only animal he was meant to be was human. He should be human!
‘What have I done to deserve this’, he howled.
After howling for around twelve minutes, he realized that there was no point in howling to himself helplessly, he had to do something about this. I turned into a wolf, so why can’t I reverse it, he thought. He started heaving and vomited again. Then he ate grass. He’d always wondered why dogs ate grass and what it tasted like to them. A dog is near enough a wolf. And now he knew. The grass tasted awful, but Stan’s instincts told him to eat it. It made him feel a little better. Dog medicine, he thought, it’s awful tasting, but it works! Night was falling and Stan was getting hungry. He didn’t want to kill an animal, but he had to and he had to go soon or it would get to dark to see the prey. He set off into the forest.
At last. After hours of searching, stood before Stan was a beautiful, majestic Red Deer. Neo knew it was a shame to kill such a stunning animal, and for one minute he thought twice about killing her, but he was now a wolf and so hungry, that he had to live like one! He watched her every move. He didn’t blink at all. This was his deer, and he was determined to get her. Then, there was a howl coming from the west of the forest. The deer’s ears pricked up and her magnificent body stood as still as a rock. She was getting worried. When she knew thought was ‘safe’, she went to the river to drink. This was Stan’s chance. He silently walked up to around two meters away from the deer and leaped onto her back, sinking his teeth into her neck. The deer yelped and galloped, bouncing every so often like she was on a trampoline! Stan jumped off her back, as his instincts told him she wouldn’t be going far, and when she stopped, she would lay to die. So Stan trotted proudly after her. This was his first big kill. He finally found her laid beside a tree, chest gasping for more air.
‘Sorry friend’, he whispered to the deer,’ Go in peace. I didn’t want to kill you, but I have to eat, and you’re my prey. I’m sorry.’
The deer took her last breath, then closed her eyes. That was it. She was gone. Her souls had left her and it was time for Stan to eat.
His meal was tasty. The tender meat seemed to just slither down his throat. He could feel strength absorbing into his blood. He was getting full. Knowing other animals would be thankful for his kill, he left the rest for them. Now he had to find shelter. He soon found an abandoned, hollow, fallen tree. It would be fine for the night. Not perfect, but fine. He squeezed inside it and settled down. The tweeting of the birds and the rustling of the leaves sent him into a sleep.
He was awoken by a bang. He stayed inside the tree for a little while. Then he poked his head out, listening for any sound of movement. He looked around. Soon, he wondered out.
‘What are you doing here, Lone Wolf?’ growled a voice behind him.
Stan twisted round.

I did this story years ago and got an A+ for it at school, so i wondered what you would think of it.
It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation!

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Aimsireil
Posts: 243
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 1:07 pm

Postby Aimsireil » Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:29 am

I'm guessing that the original name of the main character was "Neo"? (Lol... you should have changed that to Stan.)

Nice, suave style of writing, which kind of seemed like what a wolf would actually be thinking. Kind of. :) Keep up the good work!
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ShaneHaughey
Posts: 11192
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 8:36 pm

Postby ShaneHaughey » Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:04 am

Numerous errors in the grammar department. Also, if you're going to adapt a story and make it South park, make sure all clues are erased. It left too many questions and we haven't heard anything about another chapter. The story was also jumbled. One minute Stan is doing this and then we join him much later on. For someone who is becoming a wolf, he certainly doesn't seem to mind it much. Whenever he talks, I'm thinking to myself, "Man, this doesn't sound like what a normal person would be saying if they were being transformed into a wolf."
The only parts that seemed to work well would be the parts about the deer. Here is a good writing lesson: Take that part and put it on Notepad or Word. If you can make three long paragraphs, then you have the ability to improve this entire story.

It is one of those stories, just like Deep Shock, where the potential for a great story IS there. Only question now is whether or not this story will be updated.
If so: 3.5/10
If not: 3.0/10
That's how it's down here on the farm!
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Thu Mar 01, 2007 3:25 am

The werewolf story has been done before and done a lot better than this, by authors such as KyleBenoit and Crow (on fosff.net). I suggest you take a look at

The Growling

And

Wolfman Stan (unfinished)
xWoodleDoodlex
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:14 am

Postby xWoodleDoodlex » Thu Mar 08, 2007 7:45 pm

im on holiday so i cant post a new chapter but i know theres a few errors and hes not a werewolf. and i did this when i was younger, before i watched SP alltogether soi didnt know otherswere done. yeah the origianal story was called neo but i changed it . im sorry if i left the name in places xxx
It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation!

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