A little bit of golden sun. *New Chapter up!*

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

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MaxwellsSilverHammer
Posts: 675
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:12 pm

Postby MaxwellsSilverHammer » Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:11 pm

I like this story!! It's a very interesting read. It's fun to see how the characters have changed over time, and you picked a cool way to introduce them to your readers. ^^ They're not too OOC, either, which is always good. The first two chapters are probably my favourite so far. I feel like the confrontation with Stan moved along a little fast, like there wasn't enough setup before he turned angry.. but then again, I tend to drag things out in my own stories, so I wouldn't necessarily know. :P Good work.. I can't wait to read more!!
Ich bin über alles.
SoundClick [35 pieces // last update: 07.03.09]
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:09 am

Thanks everyone. Next Chappie here:
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Kyle lifted the white blanket over his knees, he was lying his legs outstretched and a pillow sat behind his head, his read curls spread across the white cushion. And he fluffed up the blanket a bit with his hand.
"Are you sure about this Kenny?" Kyle asked, he peered over at Kenny who was standing at the kitchen counter, mixing a mug of hot chocolate. Kyle diverted his eyes to Catalina, she was asleep, one arm hanging off the arm chair, that sat in front of the glass coffee table. Kenny brought over the mug of drink over to Kyle and placed it in his hands. Kyle blew over the top of it, because the steam was burning his chin. Kenny looked over at Catalina and smiled.
"You've got a beautiful little girl there Kyle. You should be proud."
Kyle smiled and put the mug next to him on the coffee table.
"She's smart too. She's in all the high sets in her class."
Kenny laughed and headed for the bedroom door, Kyle glanced over at the bathroom. Cartman was still inside, and loud grunts and straining sounds came from within the door. Kenny rolled his eyes, he shouted to Cartman from the bedroom door.
"Are you done yet Fatso? You're gonna break my toilet you fat tard!"
Cartman sounded annoyed, he shouted louder than usually and when he stopped shouting, there was silence. Kenny rolled his eyes again and opened the bedroom door, he half stepped inside and shouted back at Cartman.
"Just leave when you're finished sh*tting your ass off, Ok?!"
And with that, Kenny shut the bedroom door behind him and went off to bed. Cartman came out of the bathroom almost as soon as Kenny went to his room. Cartman walked to the front door and slammed it behind him when he left. He didn't speak a word to Kyle. Not even a goodbye.
Kyle laughed slightly.
"He's just the same old Cartman..."
Kyle laid back on the sofa and put his hands underneath his head, his elbows and arms pointing out.
Man, Kenny's sister has no idea what she's getting into.
[/i]
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Big Will wrote:
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SuperMaids
Posts: 760
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:35 am

Postby SuperMaids » Sun May 06, 2007 3:45 am

I like where this is going; keep it up. Kyle's a great charactar, good to see him and the others moving away from their old selves (too many times in grown-up fics the kids just well don't seem to have... grown up or changed at all, but this is different) and i especially like what happened to Kenny. Wanna see more stan and maybee the Broflovski bitch?
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Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

NEXT CHAPTER yay

Postby Cool_Shan » Sun May 06, 2007 12:02 pm

Finnally next chapter is up.
--------------------
The light airy breeze spiraled around the blond woman's head, she slowly blinked open her eyes and adjusted to the bright light. She peered at the man laying next to her. It was her husband Stan Marsh, she had left when Kyle and Stan had the argument. But she could still hear them from the garden. She placed her arm around Stan's shoulder, he was sitting up and looking forward onto a window.
"Are you okay hun?" She spoke softly as she pulled up next to him. Her scent filled Stan's nostrils and gave him a sense of comfort. He sighed and wrapped his arm around his wife.
"I don't know, i just have this deep empty feeling in the pit of my stomach."
"You're hungry?" His wife asked.
Stan laughed slightly, he loved the silly things his wife said. She was like a slightly smarter version of Jessica Simpson, she maybe quite stupid at times but she had a heart like an angel.
"No, i feel guilty about what i did to Kyle... he didn't deserve that i just lost my temper. It was like those other times..."
There was one of those awful cliche silences, it reminded Stan of his argument with Kyle.
"You got over them, remember? We took you to anger management. They helped you overcome it..."
"I know Jean, but sometimes i remember that time i... i..."
Jean's shoulders sunk and she drew away from her husband.
"Hit me..." she sighed, Stan's eyes glazed over with a coat of water and slowly a tear rolled down his cheek. Jean moved her face to his and kissed his chin where the tear had landed.
"That was a long time ago... before the kids were born hun..."
Jean explained, Stan looked into his wife's purple eyes and smiled at her. She smiled back, looking back into his blue ones.
-----------

There was a loud knocking sound filling the brown hallway, the clock next to the front door read eight thirty five.
Eric grunted and turned in his bed, his beloved old cat Mr.Kitty yelped as he was squashed under Cartman's weight and he shot off the bed and darted out of the bedroom. Cartman rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed. The knocking got louder and now the impatient visitor was ringing the doorbell frantically.
Eric stepped out of bed with a pissed off face and he mumbled as he waddled towards the landing. He peered down at the wooden door and in the glass panel he could see a blurred image of a tall man rapping his fist against the glass.
"Alright, alright i'm coming you assh*le..." Cartaman said as he made his way down the stairs. He opened the door to see Stan who was impatiently looking around the porch. Stan turned to Cartman.
"Cartman have you seen... aw dude!" Stan turned away and covered his view with his arms. Cartman looked annoyed at him, "Dude at least put a shirt on!"
Stan was in front of a fat man wearing his underwear, what a lovely start to the day.
"Hey, this is my house and i can wear what i want!"
"Dude, you still live with your mom!" Stan complained. Cartman sighed and grabbed a jacket from the coat rack and pulled it over his bare chest.
Stan looked back at him, a look of worry across his face. Cartman could see Stan wasn't hear for a cup of coffee and a chat.
"Have you seen Kyle?"
"What the j... i mean... our best friend." Cartman asked.
"Oh shut up fatso! I know you still hate Kyle you always have done, now have you seen him or not."
"Well, if you're gonna call me names..."
Stan groaned and crossed his arms, he shouted at Cartman.
"I don't have time for this Cartman!"
"Well... i think I've seen him but my memory's a little fuzzy... maybe ten dollars will jog it a little..."
"The only thing that needs jogging is you so you can loose a bit of weight. Tell me where he is Cartman or so help me!"
"What your gonna tell on me? We're not ten anymore Stan, were adults."
"Argh, fine here's ten dollars." Stan dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a loose ten dollar bill. It was scrunched up and he passed it to Cartman's sausage fingers.
"Make it twenty..."
"WHAT?!"
"Do you wanna see Kyle or not?"
Stan groaned again and gave Cartman another ten dollars.
"There, happy now? Now where is Kyle?"
"He''s at Kenny's apartment..." Cartman said casually, waving the two ten dollar bills around his face like a fan.
Fat mother f*cker... look at him smug little assh*le...
Stan thought to himself, he watched as Cartman turned around and tapped the door with his foot and it slammed in Stan's face.
Oh well, at least Stan knows where Kyle is now...
-------------
Woah, maybe that was the best chapter. What do you think?
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
SuperMaids
Posts: 760
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:35 am

Postby SuperMaids » Mon May 07, 2007 2:03 am

Being a British person, i'm not one for childish exclaimations of ecxcitement, but here goes anyway; WOO-HOO!
I thought this great story, probbably the most interesting 'all growed up' fics around, was dead. So thank's for that last chapter, definitely the best, coz it has loads of Cartman in it.
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Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Mon May 07, 2007 8:52 am

Heres next chapter:
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Cartman sat back in a black leather arm chair, his fat rolls molding into the shape of the leather. A smug grin sat across his thin lips as he flicked the money in his fat fingers.
Stan is such a retard...

Stan rapped at Kenny's door as aggressively as he did Cartman's, he waited then knocked again. He had rung Kenny's house but he didn't pick up.
Lazy assh*le... probably still asleep
"Argh, i might as well go home! Cartman was probably lying anyway, why the hell did i believe him?"
Stan turned and was about to leave when the door behind him opened, he turned round as a loud creak entered his ears.
"Stan..."
Stan studied the man, his jade eyes and red curly hair.
"Kyle!" Stan almost toppled Kyle over as he jumped on him and hugged him tight.
"Woah dude! Calm down!" Kyle shouted as he tripped over and landed on the floor.
Stan looked down at his friend, his red hair looking so alive and bright against the white carpet, he placed out his hand and helped him up. Kenny must of heard all of this because he was now standing at his bedroom door looking at the both of them.
"What you doing here Stan?" Kenny asked as he went over to the coffee machine.
Stan smiled and looked over at Catalina who was still asleep on the arm chair.
"Sound sleeper..." Stan laughed. Kyle smiled and slowly pulled the blanket over Catalina's arms.
"Yeah, she takes after her dad. Although i couldn't sleep much last night..."
Stan knew that feeling, he hadn't slept since his argument with Kyle.
"Stan, why did you say all those things to me... you really got me scared."
Kenny stopped making the coffee and looked up, he decided to slip out of the room and onto the balcony, man people had been doing that a lot lately.
"I don't know... i was just angry. I've never been so angry before... but you've got to understand why i did it Kyle. It's because you never even contacted me...not once." Stan sighed.
"I wasn't ready..." Kyle explained, "Anyway that's the past right... we have to live for the future..."
"You sound just like you used to..."
"What you don't like it?" Kyle laughed.
"Nah, it's good. You're the only person i know who hasn't changed besides Cartman. But in a good way for you."
"You haven't changed much Stan, you're still the same leader you used to be."
Kenny looked into them through the glass windows and smiled, he decided to go back in and talk to them. That's when he stopped, he heard a faint footstep as a shadow cast over him. He turned around, nothing was there.
Must be my imagination
He heard it again, this time it was louder, he turned to his right, His jaw shot straight open and he gasped as he saw what was infront of him...
------------------------------------------
What is it? Find out next time!
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
buttersbutters
Posts: 153
Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2006 9:27 pm

Postby buttersbutters » Mon May 07, 2007 4:56 pm

WHAT THE HELL IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Mon May 07, 2007 5:42 pm

Hahahahahaha! You won't find out until tommorow.
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Tue May 08, 2007 1:02 am

BTW you have a number of grammatical errors. There are several times you've failed to capitalize the word "I". You missed at least one period, and left out at least one quotation mark.
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Tue May 08, 2007 5:58 pm

eh, they are just tiny mistakes. You don't have to be great at spelling and punctuation to be a great story teller. That's what my English teacher says. Anyway chapter is delayed until TOMMOROW! I know I just don't have enough time right now!
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
Broflovskifan1234
Posts: 117
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:06 am

Postby Broflovskifan1234 » Thu May 10, 2007 12:09 am

I totally agree with that heck when I write stories I do the same u dont have to be a total genious in language/reading/writing (but it does help to know most of the stuff) ::hears storys gonna be delayed until tomorrow and gasps ::NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ::has a spaz attack:: ah well at least it isnt delayed until next month or next year or next century....I can be patient ::waits silently in chair humming some random tune thats stuck in her head::
Hunter: be gone pests and give me the bird
Yakko: we'd love to really but the Fox censors wont allow it
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Sat May 12, 2007 12:28 pm

Soooo sorry for the big delay lots of things have been happening in my life lately! I ran a marathon, had to help my sister move out to her lovely new home that her partner bought. And i had a death scare about one of my friends.
Anywhooo here is my new chappie
---------------------------
Kenny's spine tingled and his eyes blinked slowly at the person in front of him, his eyes studied the female. Honey brown hair curled beneath her elegant shoulders, which were covered by a pink blouse. Her stunning hazel eyes sparkled in the sun, they were like stars against a black sky. Her bone structure was strong yet feminine, and her skin a gorgeous olive color.
"Hello Kenny..." she spoke like a raven, soft but sharp and precise with every word, a smile spread across her glossy, plump lips, "Missed me baby?"
------------------
Cartman flipped over the channel, he stared down at his feet and sighed.
"There's nothing on the f*cking television!" he moaned as his fifty-so mother walked in the cream living room, she was quite attractive for a woman of her age she looked young. But that was probably from all the plastic surgeons she dated...
"Eric, your fiance is on the phone..." she handed him a silver phone from her slender hand.
Cartman placed the phone to his ear, he heard a faint voice on the other end.
"Eric... It's Jasmine. I..." she sighed heavily, "I don't think we should get married..." She said this as though it was one big word, like a lump of gum, stuck to her teeth. Cartman's stomach dropped as his head tried to figure out what had just been said to him.
"You're...you're dumping me?" He gulped, there was a hesitational pause as neither of them spoke. Jasmine broke the ice.
"I've found someone else... I'm just not in love with you anymore...i hope you understand. And i want us to still be friends..."
Cartman fought back the stinging tears that formed in his eyes, he choked.
"Yes... of course we can..." That's when the phone went dead, Cartman shook slightly. His mother looked at him sympathetically that was when water droplets began to fall from his face. Lianne wrapped her arm around his shoulder and hugged him as he sobbed into her shirt.
"Let it all out hon..." she whispered in his ear. No matter what age Cartman was... no matter whether Lianne was there or not. Eric would always be her little boy.
------------------
Sorry if it's a bit short I've had writers block. :( anyway i hope you enjoyed it. Oooh and i wonder who That mysterious woman is?
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan

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