Attack of the Dumb Politicians

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Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby GetToTheChopper » Wed Nov 26, 2008 4:12 am

Cartman has finally pushed Kyle too far. Kyle goes insane and will stop at nothing to get revenge on Cartman, including getting help from hippies, aliens, Professor Chaos and Senator Ted Stevens. Of course nothing goes as planned and Kyle accidentally creates a hole to a parallel universe that threatens the very existence of humanity.

Characters in this story: mostly everyone. Chef may be in this story as if he didn’t die (because he was my favorite). I don’t know how many chapters there will be yet. It won’t be extremely long.

Chapter 1
It’s Monday morning. There’s just two weeks left before summer vacation in South Park Elementary school. All the kids are extra talkative as they take their seats. Mr. Garrison enters the room.

MR. GARRISON― Alright kids, as you all know we only have two weeks of―


MR. GARRISON― …school left… and normally I wouldn’t assign much work in these last few weeks…

A frown slowly crept on everyone’s face like a fire spreading through a forest.

MR. GARRISON― but because some one or some of you decided it would be funny to change the SOUTH PARK sign in the football field to say FAT PENIS, the principle has told me to give you extra work to teach you a lesson. So I’m assigning a project that will be due at the end of the week.


CARTMAN― Hey why should we all have to pay for what one or two people did!?

MR. GARRISON― Because for all we know Eric you’re the one who did it!

CARTMAN― Like I would do something that lame! Please, if I wanted to pull a prank it would be much, much funnier.

MR. GARRISON― Alright, now for this project I want you to make a diorama of either the O.J. Simpson court case or the scene of O.J. killing his family…

Craig raises his hand.

CRAIG― Mr. Garrison, isn’t this a controversial topic? What if we don’t think O.J. Simpson was guilty?


CRAIG― …okay…

MR. GARRISON― Now you’ll be working in groups of two, and since last time I let you pick your own partners and you screwed that up, I’ll be assigning you your partners.


Later at Stan’s house; Kyle and Stan are watching TV.

STAN― This sucks dude, we have a project on the second to last week of school.

KYLE― It sucks major ass. I wish they would’ve found out who did the sign thing. …It especially sucks because my partner is Cartman.

STAN― That really blows dude, I’m sorry for you.

KYLE― Who’s your partner?

STAN― Butters. Kenny got stuck with Scott Malkinson.

KYLE― Hah, that’s funny.

STAN― When are you gonna start working on it?

KYLE― Idunno, I already had an argument with Cartman about where we should buy the materials.

STAN― I wonder if I should just pay Butters to do the whole thing?

KYLE― I wish I could do that. I’ll probably end up doing the entire thing while Cartman sits on his fat ass and eats cheesy poofs.

The next day at Cartman’s house; he is watching TV and eating cheesy poofs. Kyle comes in holding a box.

KYLE― Hey, Cartman.

CARTMAN― Kyle? What do you want?

KYLE― I’m here to work on our project… you do remember we have a project due at the end of the week right?

CARTMAN― Oh, yes of course, well… uh why don’t you get started Kyle, and uh, I’ll work on it… tomorrow.

KYLE― I knew it! Dammit Cartman, it’s already Tuesday, I gave you an extra day, but I should’ve known you’d still not care. You’re just planning on letting me do all the work.

Cartman had closed his eyes and started mumbling something while Kyle was talking.

CARTMAN― What would give you that idea?

KYLE― Don’t act like a dumb ass, you did this the last time we worked on something together, you didn’t do anything and still got credit for it.

CARTMAN― How about this Kyle, I’ll be the brains of the project, and you can do that physical labor. I think we both know that would be the appropriate―

KYLE― How about this fat ass; I won’t do anything! So you have to do at least some work.

Kyle drops the box on the floor and begins to walk out. Cartman gets off the couch.

CARTMAN― Fine! Go ahead Kyle, you know what? I’m not doing anything either! So if you don’t do anything than I’ll guess we just won’t make a project and get a zero! Are happy with that Kyle? Can you comprehend getting a zero? A big, fat, ugly zero out of fifty points on a school project? What will your parents say Kyle? What will everyone think about you huh?

Kyle pauses and stares at the floor. Then looks up confidently.

KYLE― …You know what? F*ck it. I’m not doing squat. So if you want to fail; that’s fine with me. I don’t care. Go right on ahead fat ass.

Cartman looks at him a little surprised.

CARTMAN― Fine I will! But I bet you won’t be able to do it! You’ll break before Thursday, you’ll be working till midnight to get that project done! You won’t be able to handle getting a zero!

KYLE― WATCH ME. He leaves and slams the door.

to be continued...
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Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:21 am

Re: Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby electoraljew2 » Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:58 am

Great story!! Can't wait for the next chapter!!
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:13 pm

Re: Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby GetToTheChopper » Mon Dec 01, 2008 9:41 pm

thanks for reading! next chapter coming very soon.
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:21 am

Re: Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby electoraljew2 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:49 am

your welcome , would you mind posting a reply to my topic
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:13 pm

Chapter 2

Postby GetToTheChopper » Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:47 am

Chapter 2
It’s Friday, there’s only one week of school left. The kids are all in class with their dioramas except Kyle and Cartman

STAN― So you actually didn’t do the project at all?


STAN― What about Cartman?

KYLE― He didn’t do anything I’m sure.

STAN― You’re gonna get a zero out of fifty dude!

KYLE― I don’t care. I’m tired of Cartman getting his way. This time, I won.

MR. GARRISON― Okay, children who would like to present their project first?

Scott Malkinson raised his hand. Kenny looked at him angrily.

SCOTT― I want to get thith over with. Kenny rolled his eyes.

MR. GARRISON― Okay, Scott and Kenny go ahead.

Kenny’s diorama was three lumps of clay that vaguely resembled O.J., Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

KENNY― Hmmff phhff mmmff fmm. Hmmff fm ffhmm―

MR. GARRISON― Okay that’s enough. Good Kenny, he got away with murder, that’s all we need to know right? Next…

Everyone took their turns and Mr. Garrison called on Kyle, last.

CARTMAN― Kyle, why don’t you do the honors…

Kyle was looking down, and he said quietly:

KYLE― …I didn’t finish the project.


KYLE― louder I didn’t do the project.


KYLE― …no.

MR. GARRISON― …Well, what about you Eric?

CARTMAN― *sigh* I’m afraid not Mr. Garrison

MR. GARRISON― Well… I would expect this from Eric, but not from you Kyle.


MR. GARRISON― I’m sorry but I’m going to have to give you a zero. That’s the last grade for the year. …I’ll hate to see how this affects your grade.


Kyle and Cartman are sitting in the waiting room at the principles office, along with Clyde.

CARTMAN― what are you here for Clyde?

CLYDE― I got caught hiding a video camera in the girl’s locker room. Cartman laughs.

KYLE ― (Shaking his head) …I can’t believe I did this. I’m so, so stupid.

CARTMAN― Yeah, you sure are Kyle.

KYLE― Arrgghhh, god damn you Cartman! I hate you so much!

MR. MACKEY― Kyle and Eric, the principle will see you now mm’kay.

They walk in and sit down. The principle is sitting in her chair and Mr. Mackey is standing aside her.

MR. MACKEY― Now, I’m very disappointed in you two… of course I’m not that surprised at you Eric,

CARTMAN― Ay, Come on!

MR. MACKEY― but Kyle! To just have a total disregard for your school work like this is unacceptable. The end of the school year is no time to slack off on your work. This is very serious.

KYLE― …I know…

Cartman rolls his eyes

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― Now, I’m afraid I have some very bad news boys. You see a zero out of fifty points was a significant part of your grade… basically because it was the only grade Mr. Garrison gave you students… So I’m afraid to inform you that you have failed the fourth grade.

CARTMAN and KYLE― …….What?

MR. MACKEY― Now children; you do have an option if you want to continue on to the fifth grade next year mm’kay, but you'd have to go to summer school.

CARTMAN― …summer… school?

MR. MACKEY― Yes, it’s the only way for you to make up all the work you missed and neglected this year.

CARTMAN― WHAT??? This is bull crap! I want….

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― Now listen Eric, I want you to take this seriously for a change. If you didn’t want to go to summer school, you both should’ve thought of that before blowing this project off.

Kyle and Cartman walk out of the office. They hear Clyde’s name being called. Cartman turns to Kyle after a moment of silence.

CARTMAN― Kyle… you stupid FREAKING ASSH*LE!!!!


CARTMAN― You did this! You did this to me! I’ll never forgive you!!

KYLE― What the hell is wrong with you!? You could’ve done the any part of the project, I wasn’t stopping you!

Cartman walks away slowly and very angrily.

CARTMAN― I’ll get you back for this Kyle! I will get you back!

to be continued...
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Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:13 pm

Chapter 3

Postby GetToTheChopper » Sat Dec 13, 2008 1:38 am

Monday at school everyone takes their seats. Stan notices Cartman is missing.

STAN― Where’s Cartman?

KYLE¬¬― Idunno.

STAN― What?

MR. GARRISON― Alright children, today is the last week of school… He stands motionless for a moment and then breaks out into a dance. THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL YEAH! SUMMER VACATION YEAH! NO MORE DUMB ASS ANNOYING BRATS YEAH! WOOHOOO! He gets quiet and sits down at his desk. …, sorry children, I had to get that out of my system. Whew. …Alright now―

Cartman comes running in from the hallway caring a video tape.

MR. GARRISON― Cartman, your late.

CARTMAN― Well, I don’t think that will matter, once you see what I have to show you.

MR. GARRISON― Cartman, just take your seat I don’t have time for your foolishness today.

CARTMAN― Mr. Garrison, tell the principle, tell everyone… I know who committed the penis sign prank!

A gasp went around the class. People looked around at each other suspiciously.

MR. GARRISON― …Is this real or are you just making this up to get away with being late for class?

CARTMAN― Mr. Garrison, play this tape. Mr. Garrison reluctantly took the tape and put it in the VCR on the TV.

MR. GARRISON― If this turns out to be porn Cartman, I’ll make sure you don’t get out of summer school.

The tape began to play. It showed a narrow view of the school football field, behind some bushes. The camera was shaky; whoever was filming was trying not to be seen. The field was empty for a moment. And then some one came on to the field caring a shovel. They walked up to the sign (the sign was written in the bushes) and began to dig out the bushes and rearrange them to create “FAT PENIS”. Their face turned toward the camera for a short moment. It was Kyle.

The whole class gasped again.


STAN― Dude! You did that, and didn’t even tell me? I wouldn’t have told!

KYLE― What? No, I didn’t do it! That, that’s not me!

MR. GARRISON― There’s video proof that you did this Kyle, you can’t deny it now.

KYLE― No! That can’t be real! It’s just… Cartman walked causally to his seat.

MR. GARRISON― Kyle, go to the principle’s office right now.

CARTMAN― …and throw away the key… He started chuckling to himself. Kyle glared at him as he walked out of the classroom in a rage.

Kyle sat across from principle Victoria once again.

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― It’s like you thought you could just end your school year earlier than everyone else’s hmmm, Kyle? First, your project now this? I don’t know what to do with you young man.

KYLE― You have to believe me, principle Victoria, I didn’t do this! Cartman must have edited that video to make it look like me!

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― Now Kyle, everyone knows that sort of thing is impossible.

KYLE― Cartman did this! At least look in to it please! He’s angry at me because of the project! Which doesn’t even make sense, he’s so―

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― that’s enough young man! Now you will be punished severely for this!

KYLE― …How?

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― Probably a month of community service… and a fine of five thousand dollars.


PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― Well, then all of your assets will be ceased. Everything you own, all your toys and games.

KYLE― …You’re going to take away everything I own??? Where would they go? Who would get it?

PRINCIPLE VICTORIA― …Well probably Cartman, since he was the one who gave us the video…

Normally Kyle would think rationally. He would find out how Cartman did this and bring him to justice, stop all this ridiculousness and everything would be fine. But this was too much all at once; Kyle was now beyond all rational thought; he was filled with rage. He stared into space and didn’t hear anything else the principle said.

That night Kyle came home and didn’t say anything to his mom or dad or brother. He ate supper like a zombie. Afterwards he went into his room, laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for a long, long time.

The next day Stan came to the bus stop and lined up next to Kenny and Cartman. Kyle wasn’t there.

CARTMAN― Aw, man this is Awesome! I’m going to get all of Kyle’s stuff! Ha ha ha!

STAN― What are you talking about Cartman?

CARTMAN― Dude, because I was the one who told on Kyle, I get all his stuff! It’s part of his punishment! Ha, oh, oh, I can’t wait till he comes, I’m gonna make so much fun of him!

STAN― Don’t you think that’s over doing it just a little? I mean you both have to go to summer school already!

CARTMAN― Exactly! Kyle is the reason I lost my summer vacation, I will never―

STAN― Did Kyle really pull that prank or did you make that up? Stan looked at Cartman suspiciously.

CARTMAN― …Of course… you saw the video didn’t you? How could I―

Stan knew. STAN― CARTMAN, you assh*le! Kyle is in so much trouble! This is like the worst thing you’ve ever done!

They all look at Stan.

STAN― …okay, I take that back, but this is horrible! You can’t do this to my best friend, I’m not letting you get away with this! Cartman pulled out a handful of magazines from his back-pack.

STAN― …What’s that?

CARTMAN― (like he was talking to some else) Look what I found in Stan’s room Mrs. Marsh. These certainly don’t look like text-books. I just thought you might like to know.

Stan and Kenny looked closer at the magazines and Stan’s mouth dropped open.

KENNY― God damn


CARTMAN― Under your bed.

STAN― There’s nothing under my bed!

CARTMAN― Under the two loose floorboards.

STAN― …Goddamnit.

After school, Butters was alone playing with toy cars in his back yard.

BUTTERS― Do you need a ride pretty lady? “Why yes, my car broke down.” Hop in; I know a gas station near here. “Oh, thank you… Hey, you’re going too fast, stop! What are you doing? AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” *CRASH, BOOM, CRASH*

A candy bar dropped out of the sky in front of Butters. He looked up.

BUTTERS― Hmmm, that’s strange. He reached for it and it moved away, as if by magic. He got up and went after it. It moved again.

BUTTERS― By golly, what’s with this thing? Butters was lured into a neighboring yard behind a house. He walked toward the candy bar and suddenly it was lifted into the air and disappeared in a window. Butters stood there for a moment looking up at the window, when a huge net fell on top of him.


Before he could react, a dart hit him in the shoulder, and he struggled for just a few more moments before finally collapsing.

to be contiued...
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:21 am

Re: Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby electoraljew2 » Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:14 am

at first I was starting to get pissed off at what cartman did to kyle, but now I Know(remember) that he'll get him back! :D

whats under stans floor + will their be any stan/wendy :stanpuke:
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:13 pm

Re: Attack of the Dumb Politicians

Postby GetToTheChopper » Wed Dec 17, 2008 12:47 am

Thanks for reading & posting! :D
Yes there'll be a lot of revenge in this story.
Wendy will be in this story, so maybe. i'll include as many of the characters as i can, (because i love all of them!)

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