First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

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Nick Assburger
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:33 am

First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby Nick Assburger » Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:49 am

All Characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional all celebrity vices are impersonated poorly the following story contains coarse language and due to it's content should not be read by anyone.

[The scene opens with a shot of the rocky mountains over the town of South Park.]

[In a little house on a street a 10 year old boy with with brown hair and a scar on his face wakes up and stretches his arms. He gets out of bed and heads over to his dresser drawer and takes out a pair of green pants a brown t shirt and a tan hunting vest. After getting dressed he heads downstairs to the kitchen where Jimbo is sitting at the table and Ned is wearing an apron and cooking venison and pancakes.]

Conner: "Good Morning Jimbo! Good morning Ned!"

Jimbo: "Good morning Conner ready for your first day of school?"

Conner: "You bet Jimbo!"

Ned: " Hmm good morning Conner I made my specialty pancakes with venison."

[He puts a plate in front of him and Conner digs in.]

Conner Narrating: "My Name is Conner Kerns I'm 10 years old and I live in South Park Colorado with my foster fathers Jimbo Kerns and Ned Gerblansky."

[Conner finishes his pancakes with venison and heads upstairs to the bathroom to brush his teeth.]

Conner narrating: "Today marks the first day of my new life."

[He looks into the mirror and sees Benjamin brushing his teeth right next to him.]

[A year ago I was a military brat living in San Diego with my Mom Dad and older brother, until my life was turned upside down by the pandemic.]

[Conner comes down the stairs and picks up his backpack.]

Conner: "Bye Jimbo bye Ned."

Ned: " Hmm goodbye Conner have a nice first day at school!"

[Conner steps out the door and heads towards the bus stop.]

[Conner looks back and sees Benjamin following him to the bus stop.]

Conner Narrating: "I lost my entire family and the trauma caused me to block the memories and run away from home. After becoming the target of a manhunt and being incarcerated in juvey I was a given a second chance to earn my freedom after undertaking a mission deep in the Andes mountains."

"After rescuing the choir I was given a presidential pardon and the adoption agency found a home for me here in South Park."

[Conner walks up to the bus stop where the Boys are waiting.]

Stan: "Hey Conner!"

Conner: "Hey Stan you guys ready for school?"

Cartman: "You didn't leave a gun in your bag this time did you?"

Conner: "Shut up Cartman."

Kyle: "Oh He's ready."

Stan: "Totally dude."

[The bus arrives and the boys get on.]

((South Park intro begins.))

Les Claypool: "I'm going down to South Park gonna have myself a time."

Stan and Kyle: "Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation."

Les Claypool: "Going down to South Park gonna leave my woes behind."

Cartman: "Ample parking day or night people shouting howdy neighbor!"

Les Claypool: "Heading on down to South Park gonna see if I can't unwind!"

Kenny: "Someday I'll be old enough to stick my dick in Britney's butt!"

Conner: "Kenny Gross!"

Les Claypool: "So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine!"

[The bus pulls up to the school and lets the kids off.]

Conner: "Here we go first big day of school."

[Cuts to Mr Garrison's class.]

Garrison: "Alright Class today we're welcoming a new student some of you probably remember that little incident where he had a little episode and destroyed half the town but the school has talked it over with his lawyer and psychiatrist and they've assured us that we won't let it happen again."

"Everyone I want you all to welcome Conner Kerns."

[Conner walks into the room and waves at everyone nervously.]

Garrison" Now don't be shy Conner we're all friends here we won't judge you for what happened in the past."

Conner: "Uh hi everybody it's a good to be back here I-i know you guys might be a little nervous since last time but I really want a chance to be your friend?"

Garrison: "Alright Conner take your seat."

[Conner sits next to Kyle.]

Garrison: "Alright children we're gonna pick up where we left off on friday with History. "Now as I was saying after Fonzie jumped the shark Happy Day's started going downhill fast and when Joanie loves Chachi aired five years later it the end was clearly in sight.

[Cuts to the lunch room.]

[Conner picks up his lunch from the line and walks into the lunchroom. The entire room goes quiet as everyone stares at him.]

Boy: [Whispers] "It's him."

Girl: "I heard they sent a posse out to kill him and he killed them."

Fillmore: "I heard he mowed a whole bunch of cops and soldiers with a big machine gun."

5th grade Boy: "I heard he has flashbacks where he thinks he's fighting in combat "

[Conner hears what they're saying about him. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to ignore them.]

[Conner walks up to the boys table]

Conner: "Hey guys can I sit here?"

Kyle: "Sure Conner."

Butters: "So Conner are you still seeing Benjamin everywhere you go?"

Stan: "Dude Butters not cool!"

Butters: "Oh uh sorry Conner."

Conner: "It's alright."

Kyle: "Cheer up dude it's always hard being the new kid."

Cartman: "Yeah usually we rip on the new kid for being new but we like you brah your 100% badass HOOAH!!!"

Conner: "It's OORAH not HOOAH! that's the Army."

Cartman: "I knew that I was just fooling with ya bra!"

Kenny: [mumbles] "You want to come back to my place sometime we can look at Playboys?"

Conner: "Thanks Kenny but my doctor says I'm supposed to stay away from arousing situations."

Craig: "Your still going to the doctors?"

Conner: "Yeah three times a week."

Clyde: "Still taking your medicine?"

Stan: "Dude Clyde Shut up!"

Conner: "Look Guys I just want drop it right here let's talk about something else anything."

[A ginger hall monitor walks up to their table.]

Hall Monitor: "Scott Malkinson and Conner Kerns?"

Scott: [Lisping] "Yes?"

Hall Monitor: "I have instructions to bring you two to the front office to pick up your medication."

Cartman: "Oh you picked the wrong kid to mess with Ginger. This kid took on an entire army of pedophiles by himself! I saw him take on whole buttload of them with a big machine gun he was all pew pew pew and they were all like getting shredded and shot up! It was a total bloodbath!"

Hall Monitor: [Looks up at Conner tremblingly trying not to pee his pants] "L-look I-I d-don't w-want any trouble I-I'm just trying to d-do my job."

[Conner sighs deeply]

Conner: "It's okay I understand lets go."

[The Hall Monitor leads Conner and Scott out of the lunchroom, Everyone can see that despite the Hall Monitor's attempt to seem brave he's sweating coldly and trying not to pee his pants.]

Cartman: [Whispers] "Alright guys taking bets how long before Conner snaps the Ginger's neck with his bare hands?"

Kyle: "Shut Up Cartman!"

[They get out into the hallway and head for the office]

Scott : "Cheer up Conner it's not so bad having to go to the office to get your medicine!]

Conner: [Covers his face with his hand] "Scott please just shut up."

Scott: [Gulps] "Y-yes Sir!"

[Conner sighs]

[The two of them later walk out of the office Scott's carrying his insulin needles and Conner's carrying two capsules of his Medication. One for his PTSD and the other for his DID. He sighs deeply and takes out his water bottle and pops them in his mouth before washing them down.]

[Later that day at recess]

[Conner performs one handed chin ups on the monkey bars as he tries to clear his head of going through his first day.]

Conner: [Thinking] "What am I getting myself all worked up about it's not like I've not had a bad day in my entire life before? I mean for Buddha's sake I destroyed most of the building the last time I was here and yet I'm scared of what the other kids think of me?"

[He looks around]

Conner: [Thinking] "Got really quiet around here I guess my medication is actually working"

[He looks over to see the other kids huddled together on the basketball court. Curious He gets down and walks over to hear Cartman talking about him]

Cartman: "It's true I saw him take on the whole army by himself he stole one of their helicopters and was he was all like that's right I'm one of you guys and then suddenly BAM HE STARTS SHOOTING ROCKETS AND MISSILES AND IT...WAS....AWESUME!!!!!"

[The kids all ooo and awe at Cartman's story.]

Cartman: "Then he grabbed a big machine gun and started going PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW and I was all like hold on Conner I'm coming to help you and we were both like totally badass it was so kewl!"

Kyle: "No you weren't Cartman your just adding stuff on again!"

Cartman: "Oh and where were you when Conner needed your help? Looking for a Jew hole to hide in?"

Kyle: "I was helping Kenny fight Chef!"

Conner makes his way through the crowd to the front.

Kyle: "There you are Conner would you tell Cartman to stop making up stories about really happened in Peru?"

Cartman: "Conner don't let Kahl Jew with your mind come back to the light."

Kyle: "These Kids deserve to hear the truth not a bunch of made up stories."

Cartman: "It's the truth Kahl don't make Conner tear your heart out with his bare hands right Conner?"

Kyle: "Conner's not some bloodthirsty savage he's a smart cunning warrior! Tell them Conner."

Clyde: "Yeah tell us Conner how many guys did you kill?"

Douglas: "Yeah how did you do it?"

Francis: "Did you shoot e'm did you strangle e'm blow them to smithereens."

Conner looks around at the crowd everyone looking at him waiting for him to say something.

Cartman: "Well what are you waiting for? Tell everyone!"

Bebe: "Yeah we want to hear all the gory details."

Red: "Yeah tell us Conner"

Everyone: "Tell us Conner Tell Us Conner Tell us Conner!"

Conner: "ENOUGH!!!"

Everyone on the playground stops and looks at Conner.



He takes several deep breaths trying to compose himself. The kids look at him like powder keg about to explode.

Clyde: "Yeaaaaaaah recess is almost over anyway I'm gonna go play on the jungle gym."

Millie: "Yeah me too."

Tweek: Grabs his hair. "AHHH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!"

Conner: "GO!"

Tweek: "YAHH!!" He runs off screaming."

Kyle: "Conner I'm sorry I didn't know it was that bad for you."

Conner: "Please leave me alone right now Kyle."


[Later that day in class Conner's just trying to focus on Mr Garrison's lesson. The other kids except Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Butters have scooted their desks away from him.]

Mr Garrison: Takes a dvd out of the player "And that class is the lesson we can take from Baywatch Nights Baywatch and the X files just don't mix. now moving on with our lesson in bad spin offs we come to Saved by the Bell the College Years."

Just then Gary Nelson the ginger hall monitor walks into the room.

Gary Nelson: He tries to maintain his composure. "Conner Kerns"

Conner: Rolls his eyes. "Yes?"

Gary :"I-I'm h-here to escort you to M-Mr M-Mackey for your daily counseling session."

Conner: "Oh God."

Cartman: Laughing "Aw man you gotta go to therapy that so lame!"

Conner: "Cartman shut up."

He gets up and leaves with Gary who's trying with every fiber of his being not to pee his pants. Seeing him all flustered Conner tries to make conversation.

Conner: "So how long have you been a hall monitor?"

Gary Nelson: "Uh about eight months or so g-give or take."

Conner: "So what got you interested in being a hall monitor?"

Gary Nelson: "I-I-I" *He flashes back to Conner's escape from custody.*

Mr Mackey: "Attention students and faculty please remain calm there is an armed child in the school. Please remain in your classrooms until the police arrive."

As Conner races down the halls the hall monitors try to stop him but flee when they see he's carrying an M16 rifle.

The Big Boss Hall Monitor goes down after getting clocked in the head for the stalk of Conner's rifle. His dodgeball flail falls to the ground popped.

Hall Monitor: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Hall Monitor 2: "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF."

Gary climbs into his locker and begins sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth.


Suddenly the locker door opens and Gary screams as Conner grabs him and begins shaking him.

Conner: "Gary Gary Gary!" Gary's flashback ends as Conner shakes him back and forth. "GARY WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?" Gary screams


He Screams and runs away ripping off his sash and clothes until he's down to just his underwear!

Gary: "I WASN"T WORTHY OF THE UNIFORM I QUIT!!!" He stops to take off his underwear and then continues running right past Mr Mackey's office and out the door into the snow screaming bloody murder.

Conner: "Wow and I thought I was FUBAR." [Means F#cked Up Beyond Any/All Recognition]

Just then Mr Mackey walks up to him looking angry.


Conner: "I have no idea what the hell is going on here."

Mr Mackey: "In my office right now young man!" He points to the door.

Conner: Sighs "Same sh*t different day."

Mr Mackey: "Watch your mouth young man Mmkay."

Conner: "I'm going I'm going."


[Mr Mackey's Office.]

Conner sits down in a chair and looks around nervously.

Mr Mackey: Sits down at his desk. "Okay Conner I know you and I got off to a bad start M'kay. I was wrong about Galt I was wrong about you, but all that's in the past now M'kay? Right now I want to help you fit back into the society."

Conner: "You'll understand if I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my problems considering I almost killed you."

Mr Mackey: "M'kay well like I said I'd like to bury the hatchet and start over."

Conner: Takes a deep breath. "So where do we begin?"

Mr Mackey: "Well how about today Conner you seem to still be on edge. Has anyone been harassing you or making you feel uncomfortable?"

Conner: "Well....I've been hearing people talking about me all morning looking at me like I was some sort of train wreck."

Mr Mackey: Takes notes down. "I see go on."

Conner: "Today at lunch as soon as I walked into the cafeteria everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I could them whispering to each other saying I was dangerous and talking about how I had flashbacks where I can't tell my friends from my enemies."

Mr Mackey: "M'kay and how did this make you feel?"

Conner: [depressed] "Like some kind of Psychopath can't say I blame e'm thou."

Mr Mackey: "Alright Conner your being a Beat Yourself up Billy M'kay being a Beat Yourself Up Billy is bad M'kay."

Conner: Rolls his eyes. "Anyway I sat down with Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski and tried to put it behind me.

Mr Mackey: "And how did that go?"

Conner: "Butters asked if I was still seeing Benjamin."

Mr Mackey: "Well Butters Stotch can be a little naive at times M'kay...continue."

Conner: "Well Gary Nelson came to take me and that kid with the lisp and diabetes to the office to pick up my medicine and Cartman told him about what I did in South America. Maybe that's what freaked him out so much."

Mr Mackey: "Why am I not surprised keep going."

Conner: "After lunch things seemed to calm down until Recess. I thought I'd do some chin ups or something to help clear my head. I saw all the kids gathered in a circle so I went over to see what it was. It was Cartman and Kyle they were arguing over what happened in Peru. As far as I can tell it sounded like Cartman was making up stories about actually happened and Kyle was pissed off. As soon as they saw me they both started asking me to take their side in the argument....Then all the other kids started asking me to tell them how many people I killed and how I killed them. I just felt this pressure rise up inside me I tried to block it out but it just got louder and louder until I just exploded.

Mr Mackey: "I see sounds like you've had a rough day so far M'kay...Here's what we're gonna do."

He reaches into his desk drawer and takes out a stress toy.

Mr Mackey: "This here is Panic Pete anytime you feel stress coming on I want you to give a squeeze M'kay." He hands it to Conner. "Go ahead give it a try."

Conner takes the toy in his hands and looks at it. He gives it a firm but gentle squeeze causing the toys eyes, ears and mouth to pop out.

Conner: "Uh....okay then."

Mr Mackey: "Feeling better?"

Conner: Gives him a few more squeezes. "I guess so."

Mr Mackey: "Well I think we've made a lot of progress for your first day I'll see you same time tomorrow for our next session."

Conner: Get's up and starts to leave. "Hey Mr Mackey?"

Mr Mackey: "Yes Conner?"

Conner: "I gotta say your being very magnanimous about this I mean I did try to kill you."

Mr Mackey: "Well Conner I wasn't thinking very clear myself either M'kay."

Conner: "Maybe this second chance can work out after all."

Mr Mackey: "You can do anything you want Conner as you put your mind to it M'kay. Now run along back to class young man."

Conner: "Hey Mr Mackey...Thanks."

As soon as Conner leaves Mr Mackey grabs his chest like he just dodged a bullet. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and takes out a bottle of S'mores Schnapps.

Mr Mackey: "Oh God I didn't think I was gonna last another minute there."

He opens the bottle and takes a big swig.

Cut to Commercial.
Posts: 382
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:26 am

Re: First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby agent-FSS » Tue Sep 16, 2014 6:01 am

Hey, welcome back! :)
Nick Assburger
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:33 am

Re: First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby Nick Assburger » Fri Sep 19, 2014 2:28 pm

agent-FSS wrote:Hey, welcome back! :)

Thanks I see your fan of my work.
Posts: 382
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:26 am

Re: First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby agent-FSS » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:44 am

Nick Assburger wrote:
agent-FSS wrote:Hey, welcome back! :)

Thanks I see your fan of my work.

Yes, I like your creativity :) . You good to write a scripts in my opinion, I think you have the talent and good potential. I'd myself have written almost the same way as you, if would in front of me standing analogous task. In the second and in the third of the parts, coincidence 75% of my assumptions. How long you been doing? Do you mind if I try to throw for you a couple of ideas, some day?
Nick Assburger
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2011 1:33 am

Re: First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby Nick Assburger » Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:57 pm

agent-FSS wrote:
Nick Assburger wrote:
agent-FSS wrote:Hey, welcome back! :)

Thanks I see your fan of my work.

Yes, I like your creativity :) . You good to write a scripts in my opinion, I think you have the talent and good potential. I'd myself have written almost the same way as you, if would in front of me standing analogous task. In the second and in the third of the parts, coincidence 75% of my assumptions. How long you been doing? Do you mind if I try to throw for you a couple of ideas, some day?

Sure I'd be open to listening to some ideas.
Posts: 382
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:26 am

Re: First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables.

Postby agent-FSS » Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:47 am

Nick Assburger wrote:Sure I'd be open to listening to some ideas.

Good. True to intervene in this part of the script, I certainly will not. The story-line is already was planned. It seems here there is a personal message system, I use it. But I need some time to formulate a message.

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