First Blood First Serve 3 Chapter 3

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Nick Assburger
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First Blood First Serve 3 Chapter 3

Postby Nick Assburger » Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:28 am

[Return from Commercial]

[The Colonel steps into full view giving us our first real view of him. He is very tall for his age with Conner's eyes only coming up to his chin. His skin is a pale albino with traces of blonde hair on his shaved head. A scar runs along under his eye and red war paint runs down his face and down his chest and left arm which is cut off at the elbow with a prosthesis hook. On his right arm are drawn several Chinese characters. He wears a leather brown flak vest over his pale bare chest with his dog tags around his neck along with tiger stripe pattern pants and combat boots.]

Colonel: "It's been a long time Kurtz."

[Conner looks deep into the Colonel's face. He sees what he used to look like. An albino with platinum blonde hair in a buzzcut wearing a military school uniform.]

Conner: "James Hook?"

Hook: "There now was it really that hard to remember me old buddy o'l pal?" You've changed a lot since I last seen you. [He rubs Conner's hair with his prosthetic hook When's the last time you had a trim Marine? [He laughs] You like the hook? just got it last week I can pick up sh*t with it just fine but ever since I started getting wood I'm afraid I'm gonna whittle it down the bone."

Conner: "Er yeah so where have you been?" You've been reported MIA since the war ended."

Hook: "Aw yes the war! Blame Canada Protect our children's minds and all that. Yeah those were the good old days weren't they? But let's not dwell on the past so much I hear you've been quite busy lately."

Conner: "Yeah well I've got a new life now."

Hook: "Of course you do Kurtz of course you do. Your the wholesome all American boy with your girl and your hot wheels cruising around while everyone else is at war."

Conner: "Who's war what are you talking about Hook?"

Hook: "I'm talking about our war Conner us the children of this country the ones that get sent off to fight when overweight Jewish mothers declare war!"

Conner: "Oh Boy Look James it's over it's been over for a long time man you need to put it behind you."

Hook: "Wow I thought this whole adapting thing was just load of cow sh*t but you really have turned into a pussy."

Conner: "Look I just want to know what this all about Hook what's the point of all this?"

Hook: [Turns and walks over to the window and looks out the camp] "The point is Conner is that adults declare war while us kids get sent off to do the dying. Why do you think our parents enrolled us at Vincent D'onofrio? To teach us discipline? To straighten us out? To help us build Character that's personally my favorite one by the way. No it's because they need fresh meat for the grinder when they see something they don't like or offends them they send us out to die thinking that will solve the problem.
The war never ended Kurtz Sure we're not executing Canadians or burning our Wayne Gretzky hockey sticks but every time they see something that they don't like they try to destroy it for our children's sake of course. Just look at you for example when you arrived in this po dunk white bread town you didn't any living family no place to call to call home just your cammies what you could carry on your back and a rifle for protection.

Conner: "Look I know where you going with this but I wasn't entirely innocent in that case either."

Hook: "And had that Truant officer not tried to molest you would you have cooperated?"

Conner: "What? Of course I would have."

Hook: "You see you realized what you did was wrong and accepted responsibility and how were you treated by them? As a wild animal meant to be trapped and caged and put down just because you didn't want to play sissy to some school rent a cop who touched kids like catholic priest on shore leave."

Conner: "I've tried to forget that."

Hook: "The doubt in your voice betrays you Kurtz. You think that just because you came to your senses and surrendered that it's gonna change how they feel about you? Your damaged goods to them Conner just like the rest of us. Come here Conner I want to show you something."

[Conner walks over to the window where Hook is standing.]

Hook: "Look upon the kingdom we've made for ourselves Kurtz. This place used to be a summer camp that got closed down after it transpired the that the head counselor was a member of NAMBLA."

Conner: "Question?"

Hook: "What is it?"

Conner: "The good NAMBLA or the bad touch NAMBLA?"

Hook: "Both."

Conner: "So he was a pedophile that..."

Hook: "Looked like Marlon Brando yes now can I continue?"

Conner: "Sure no problem."

Hook: "As I was saying we've come together to create our own little piece of the world. To the adults of the world we're here for them to ignore, abuse, abandon, just because they they're drunk or they didn't want kids or we're the not what they want to groom us into . But here we have a purpose a place to belong."

[Conner sees the children running drills, marching in formation and doing various odd jobs around the camp.]

Hook: "Look at yourself Conner Your not some boy down the street to them. You think just because you pulled some kidnapped kids out of that hell hole in South America that that's going to change what they think of you? To them you'll always be threat. A juvenile delinquent a menace to their idea of what a child should be but not here. Here we understand who you are and what they've done to you and accept you for it. Here you can have a purpose in life again a just cause to fight for."

Conner: "What do want from me?"

Hook: "I want to help you Conner. I want to give you a purpose in life again. To help children like us who society has forgotten about. I want you to join the Lost Boys Army."

[Conner cannot find the words to speak he looks down at his parents dog tags in doubt.]

Hook: "I can see it in your face that your torn between joining us and returning to your new home in that white bread mountain town. Tell you what I'm feeling unusually generous so I'm gonna let you go home to think about it. Come back in three days and let me know what you decide. If you want to join us we'll welcome you with open arms. If not that's fine you'll never see me again."

Conner: [Looks down at his tags and sighs] "I'll think about it."

Hook: "That's the spirit Conner you go on home and get some rest and you think about my little proposal okay."

Conner: "Sure." [He heads for the door while Hook returns to the shadows]

Grant: [walks up to him accompanied by a girl with brown wavy hair dressed in military fatigues. "So how did it go catch up on some old times?"

Conner: "Sure I said I'd be back in three days

Grant: "Well I sure hope I see you again by the way this is First Sergeant Kaitlyn Patterson."

[Conner looks at her while Like a Throbbing Star starts to play in the background]

"There you are like a throbbing star I want you to make love to me."

Kaitlyn: "Hi there so your Conner Kurtz huh?"

Conner: [Blushes sheepishly] " that's me."

Kaitlyn: "Your famous around here you know. Everyone here knows what you've done."

Conner: "Seems that's all I'm good for these days. Well anyway I gotta get going home it was nice meeting you Kaitlyn."

Kaitlyn: "Yeah it was."

Grant: "I have an idea Kaitlyn you've earned some R&R why don't you go with him?"

Conner: "Excuse me?"

Grant: "I think the two of you should get to know each other better."

Kaitlyn: "I don't mind I mean he is kinda cute." [She winks at him]

Conner: [Blushes deeply] "Sure..I..guess."

Kaitlyn: "I'll take that as a yes."

Grant: "Well come on Conner you know the drill." [He takes out a burlap bag and drops it on Conner's head before the screen fades to black and we hear the sound of of someone hitting him on the head.]

[Conner moans as his vision returns to him]

Kaitlyn: "Wake up wake up!"

[Conner's wakes up to see Kaitlyn standing over him.]

Kaitlyn: "Your finally up."

Conner: " Urraagh! That ginger bastard needs to learn the difference between knocking someone out and giving them a concussion. [He staggers to his feet and stands up.] So what's the deal with you and me?"

Kaitlyn: "Well you and me have the rest of the day to spend together. [She runs off into town.]

Conner: "Hey! Wait up!" [He follows after her.]

[A Montage of Conner and Kaitlyn spending time together plays to Only A Woman by DVDA]

[Conner and Kaitlyn walk in the park together. Kaitlyn walks up to a swing only to find their all taken. Conner walks up and all the other kids get off and run away.]

"I need this I need love I need you."

I don't need one heartbeat I need two."

"There's an emptiness I need to fill and only one emptiness will do."

[Kaitlyn gets on a swing and and Conner pushes her.]

"Only A Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can touch me the right way."

[Kaitlyn gets off the swing and slaps Conner on the butt causing him to blush. She giggles with amusement as he turns red.]

"Only a woman is allowed to touch me there all I ask is that your a woman."

[We then see Conner and Kaitlyn riding down Phil Collins hill on a sled. They look into each others eyes as they sled]

"I like rain I like hair I like you."

"Your around your right here so you'll do."

[They don't look where they're going and their sled crashes sending them rolling and tumbling into the snow.]

"I wanna tell you how much I love your mind but it simply isn't true."

[They look into each others eyes.]

"Only a Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can touch me the right way yeah."

[Before Conner can say anything Kaitlyn kisses him on the lips.]

"Only a woman is allowed to do what your doing right now."

"All I ask is that your a woman."

[Cuts to Cartman's bedroom where two small figures are obviously having sex under the covers with the lights off.]

"And on Saturdays when I've been partying hard and it's 4 in the morning and I'm on my 5th tab of E that's the only time I don't even care if you are a woman!"

[The lights come on and Cartman rips off the cover revealing Mr Kitty having a cat orgy in his bed.]

Cat #1: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Cat #2: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Cat #3: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Mr Kitty: [Orgasms with pleasure.] "MEEEEEOOOOOOOW!"


[He hits them with a stick and they scatter as we cut back to Conner and Kaitlyn who are now ice skating on Stark's Pond. ]

"Only a Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can do it just the right way."

[Conner slips and falls but Kaitlyn catches him before falling on her butt.]

"Only a Woman should be doing that right now."

[She helps him back up but he falls face first into her crotch spot causing her to blush deep red from embarrassment.]

"I just want you to be a woman."

[He gets up and helps her get to her feet.]

"Please just be a woman."

[She trips and falls landing face first on his crotch.]

"Or a man."

[The montage ends as Conner and Kaitlyn sit on the bench sit on opposite sides of the bench both very embarrassed about going "all the way" on their first date.]

Conner: [Embarrassed] " I haven't had that good a time in a long time."

Kaitlyn: [Embarrassed] "Uh...yeah I really had a great time." [Inside her head she thinks] (" Wow he's bigger than I thought he would be. Wait what am I thinking? I think those adult video tapes in the counselors drawer are rubbing off on me.)

Conner: [Also thinking inside his head] ("This is the closest I've ever gotten to a girl before. doesn't smell half bad. Wait what am I thinking? Ugh I think those magazines Jimbo keeps under my bed are rubbing off on me.")

[They both blush deep red at the thoughts they're having about each other.]

Conner and Kaitlyn at the same time: "Well it's been fun but I've got to get back for dinner" [They both cover their mouths with their hands.] "See you tomorrow!"

[Conner heads back home while Kaitlyn sits down and watches him]

[Conner returns home to Jimbo's house only to find a police car waiting there.]

Conner: "What's going on?"

[He goes up to the front door and rings the bell. Officer Barbrady answers it.]

Officer Barbrady: "Excuse me young man this is a police situation here we've got a missing kid."

Conner: "A missing kid?"

Officer Barbrady: "Have you seen this little boy?" [He holds up a picture.]

Conner: [Facepalms] "Officer that's you in a Chibi Sailor Moon costume...and your not wearing any underwear...and your standing over an air vent."

[Shows Officer Barbrady dressed as Sailor Chibi Moon complete with pink hair,ribbons and dress and he's eating a hotdog while the passing air vent blows up his skirt revealing his penis and hairy legs.]

Officer Barbrady: "Oh right that was Nan Desu Kan last year." [He takes out another picture.] "Have you seen this little boy" His name is Conner Kerns and he lives here."

Conner: "I'm gonna go upstairs and throw up now."

Officer Barbrady: "Okay then move along there's nothing to see here. Say that kid seems familiar to me."

[Conner walks into the living room to find Jimbo and Ned who's wearing curlers and a robe waiting for him.]

Jimbo: "There you are Conner you've had me and Ned worried sick all day."

Ned: "Hmm Where have you been young man?"

Conner: "I...kinda...met... a girl and we know."

Jimbo: "Aw that's okay Conner I remember when I was your age. You remembered to use protection right?"

Conner: "Uh what?"

Jimbo: "Oh Crap did you at least manage to pull out in time?"

Conner: "Well yeah I pulled out before we reached the bottom of the hill."

Jimbo: "That's good but next time wear some of these." [He reaches into his vest and takes out a box of Gladiator Lil Minis condoms.] "There's instructions on how to use them on the box."

Conner: "Uh? Okay I guess."

Ned: " Hmm Now go upstairs and get showered before dinner young man."

Conner: "Oh okay then. [He turns to leave then stops.] Wait Jimbo can I ask you something?"

Jimbo: "Sure what is it?"

Conner: "Why do carry around Lil Mini condoms in your pocket?"

Jimbo: [Nervous] "Uh well...because I know how much your growing up Conner and I wanted to be ready for this occasion."

Conner: "Oh Okay then see you guys at dinner." [He leaves and goes upstairs]

Jimbo: [Wipes his brow again.] "Phew he must never know."

[That night Conner has dinner with Jimbo and Ned in the living room while watching TV.]

TV: "Nature's fury when man and beast collide on the backroads and highways of America Road Kill Caught on Tape."

[A live action montage of fake animals getting hit by cars plays with country music in the background.]

Jimbo: "So Conner how was your first day at school?"

Conner: [disinterested] "Oh it was fine I guess."

Jimbo: "Is something wrong? you've barely eaten your beaver or your camel toes."

Conner: "No it's just I was the only thing people at school were talking about today."

Jimbo: "Well that's great your getting popular."

Conner: "It's not that Jimbo they were talking about what I did before."

Jimbo: "Oh....right.....Well Conner your the new kid and part of being the new kid at school is that the other kids are going to beat you down and treat you like crap to see if your tough or a pussy and it sounds to me like your tough. That's good now it's better to be feared because your tough than to be beat up for being a pussy."

Conner: "I suppose if beats living hand to mouth in the wilderness by yourself." [He looks down at his dinner and takes a reluctant bite.]

[Later that night as Conner steps into his bedroom and starts to climb into his bed he stops.]

Conner: "How long have you been watching me?"

?: "Long Enough."

[Mysterion swoops down from the roof and somersaults onto Conner's windowsill.]

Mysterion: "So I see you've been making new friends."

Conner: "Yeah I think."

Mysterion: "Why did that creepy ginger kid have you at gunpoint?"

Conner: "He said he wanted me to meet his boss."

Mysterion: "Scott Tenorman?"

Conner: "No didn't you see where he took me?"

Mysterion: "Well no actually I kinda sorta."

[Cuts back to Grant leading Conner into the woods.]

Conner: [distant] "Forgive me if I sound rude but you don't exactly look Canadian to me."

Grant: [Distant sarcastic] "Oh sorry guy let me do something aboot that." [He farts]

[Mysterion follows them from tree branch to tree branch]

Grant: [Distant] "Is that better Buddeh?"

Conner: [Distant] "Sorry not trying to make any waves or nothing. By the way what the Lions-Redbacks final score last week?"

Grant: [Distant] "7-5 Damn it stop distracting me! I am not some flop headed fart loving stereotype."

[Mysterion continues to pursue them]

Mysterion: [Muttering] "What have you gotten yourself into this time Conner?"

Conner: [Distant] "But you do fart I mean you just did right?"

Grant: [distant] If I didn't have orders to bring you here alive I'd kill you right here right now."

Conner: [distant] "Sure you would."

[Mysterion leaps to the next tree branch which snaps sending him falling to the ground.]

Mysterion: "AAAAAAAHHHHH! *Snap* [He lands on the ground and breaks his neck]

Stan: [In his room] "Oh My God they killed Kenny."

Kyle: [In his room.] "You bastards!"

[Flashback ends.]

Conner: "You were very lucky you landed on your feet from a fall of that height you could have broken your neck and died."

Mysterion: [Sarcastic] "Yeah lucky me so who was that kid working for?"

Conner: "Just someone out of my past."

Mysterion: "What did this person want."

Conner: [He thinks back to what Hook said.]

Hook: [His voices echoes in the back of Conner's mind.] "You think that just because you came to your senses and surrendered that it's gonna change how they think about you? Your damaged goods to them Kurtz just like us. Look at yourself Conner your not some boy down the street to them. You think that just because you pulled some kidnapped kids out of that hellhole in South America that that's going to change what they think of you? To them you'll always be a threat Conner a juvenile delinquent a menace to their idea of what a child should be." Here you can have a purpose in life again, A just cause worth fighting for, I want to help you Conner, I want you to join the Lost Boys Army. Conner? Conner?"

Mysterion: "Conner!"

Conner: "Huh? Oh sorry I guess I kinda spaced out here."

Mysterion: "You want to tell me where exactly you went today?"

Conner: "I think it's best we gather the rest of the guys first. They need to hear about this too. If my hunch is right the entire town of South Park and everyone we know and love might be in danger."

[Cut to Commercial.]

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