The never-ending spam mail!

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The never-ending spam mail!

Postby iosolomon » Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:14 am

This is a short stub about something you might find in an episode. There might be a way to make it funnier or more entertaining than what I came up with.

It is Christmas.

Stan receives a $500 Visa card from his grandpa.

He is on his computer wondering what to do with it.

He decides to donate the money.

He makes 50 donations of $10 to various organizations.

For some of the organizations, there will be a flashback or comment made alluding to that organization if they were in an episode.

For example, Stan will donate to PETA. He will say, "Oh yeah, I remember them trying to help us with the whale."

But then he will hesitate. "Wait, they were f***ing animals, and Puff Daddy might come and hunt me down..."

But Stan decides that they can do what they want, and goes ahead and makes a donation to them.

Randy enters the room. Asks Stan how he's doing with his shopping. Stan says good.

Randy asks what he got.

Stan says he is making donations.

Randy does his typical over-dramatic reactions (but over-dramatic for good reason).

In a serious tone, "NO!"

Stan is confused.

Randy leaves calling for Sharon. "SHARON! SHARON!"

Stan walks into the hallway.

Sharon: "What is it, Randy?"

Randy: "It's Stan. It's Stan."

Sharon: "What's the matter? [Looks at Stan.] Everything seems fine to me."

Randy: "He made donations to the non-profits."

Sharon's face drops. "SHELLY! GET OUT HERE!"

Randy: "You know what to do. I'll go seal up the mail-shoot."

Later on, Randy, Shelly, and Sharon are all boarding up the house.

Stan: "What's going on?"

Randy: "You don't know what you did, did you?"

Stan: "I was just making some donations. What's the big deal?"

Randy: "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!?! What's the big deal?! I'll tell you what the big deal is. They are going ---"

Sharon: "RANDY, IT'S HERE!!!!"

Mail starts flying at the house.

Dramatic music.

Stan: "Oh, sh*t, what's going on?"

Randy and Sharon are trying to make sure nothing can get in. It'll be a parody of both Signs and the scene in Harry Potter with the letter.

Randy: "When...when...[struggling to keep mail out]...when you make a donation, the mail never stops coming. They keep asking for more and more and more!!!"

Stan: "Oh sh*t!"

[There is a pause in the onslaught.]

Randy: "No, it's smart. What is it doing?"

Sharon: "When we got this house, wasn't there an old chimney?"

Randy: "sh*t! THE SECOND CHIMNEY!!!"

[The camera turns to Shell who is by it.]


Mail starts piling on top of her.

Randy jumps forward and seals it up.

Randy: "Stan, how many did you donate to?!"

Stan: "I don't know. Like 40 or 50."

Randy: "Dear god..."

Everything goes dark. The house is just covered with spam mail. It blocks out the sun.

The next-day. Everything seems to be calm.

But there is a problem. A more formidable problem than Stan had even realized...

If anyone wants to hear more, let me know, and I'll describe the second-half of the episode.

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