- finished on March 9, 2016
The episode begins at South Park Elementary.
MRS NELSON: "But, if you believe in gravity just like everyone else, you'll know that the Earth is actually round and not flat"
CARTMAN: (Not paying attention to the teacher) "Damn Kyle"
KYLE: "Stop it Cartman"
CARTMAN: "Damn Stan"
STAN: "Not right now"
CARTMAN: "Damn Craig"
MRS NELSON: "Eric, stop talking"
CARTMAN: "Damn Mrs. Nelson"
MRS NELSON: "Why do you keep saying that?"
KYLE: "It's just another annoying meme from the internet"
MRS NELSON: "Another one?"
KYLE: "Yeah. First it was "twenty one", then "deez nuts" and now this"
CARTMAN: "Come on Kyle, it's fun"
STAN: "Not when you say it over and over again"
MRS NELSON: "Well just be quiet okay?"
MRS NELSON: "Okay, now you should know what the ten biggest natural disasters are for the test next week"
CARTMAN: (Ignoring Mrs. Nelson) "Hey, Kyle"
KYLE: "What do you want?"
CARTMAN: "Puppy Monkey Baby"
CARTMAN: "Puppy. Monkey. Baby. Puppy Monkey Baby"
MRS NELSON: "Thats it Eric, go to the office"
CARTMAN: "But I didn't say anything racist"
MRS NELSON: "Just go!"
CARTMAN: "Alright but before I go... Butters?"
CARTMAN: "Say your thing"
BUTTERS: "What thing?"
CARTMAN: "You know. From that commercial"
BUTTERS: "Oh yeah... Uh... I'm a happy bear!"
MRS NELSON: "Eric, just go to the office right now!"
CARTMAN: "Fine Mrs Nelson"
Cartman walks out of class.
Next scene - in the principal's office:
PC PRINCIPAL: "Alright Eric, you know why your here?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Okay then, why are you here?"
CARTMAN: "I was disrupting the class"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Uh huh and what were you doing?"
PC PRINCIPAL: (interrupting Cartman) "did you say the "N" word?"
PC PRINCIPAL: (Interrupting Cartman again) "did you say the "F" word? The "R" word? Or worst of all, the "big B"?"
CARTMAN: "No, I was just saying random stuff"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Oh, okay. That's okay"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Well, you see Eric, there is a lot of other stuff to worry about then what you did"
CARTMAN: "What other stuff?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Well, you know, there's the Oscars, Beyonce, Herbert Garrison, Steve Harvey and Mosquitoes marginalizing ethnic groups and offending other countries and stuff and I think those are much more important things to talk about then saying whatever it was that you said. Also, what did you say?"
CARTMAN: "I was just using the "Damn Daniel" thing just for fun..."
PC PRINCIPAL: "Uh huh"
CARTMAN: "And then I said Puppy Monkey Baby..."
PC PRINCIPAL: "Wait, what's a Puppy Monkey Baby? Is it like a Man Bear Pig?"
CARTMAN: "Well I don't really know what it is. I just got it from a commercial"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Hmm... okay Eric you can go back to class now"
CARTMAN: "Uh... Okay"
Cartman leaves the room.
PC PRINCIPAL: "Stupid Steve Harvey! How dare you embarrass poor Ms Colombia like that" (thinks for a second) "And you Garrison. I'm going to get you"
Next scene - in the Marsh home:
(The Marsh family is eating dinner. Randy is anxious)
SHARON: "Randy, is something bothering you?"
RANDY: "No, I'm fine. I'm just waiting for a phone call, that's all"
SHARON: "Well alright Randy"
(It takes a couple seconds until someone says something)
RANDY: "So, what do you guys think will be built where that Whole Foods used to be?"
STAN: "I don't know"
MARVIN (grandpa) MARSH: "A Wal-Mart?"
RANDY: "No grandpa. Never again"
MARVIN (grandpa) MARSH: "Well, I used to like this town. but now it's just all PC and filled with whiny babies"
RANDY: "Now grandpa, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that about our town?"
(Grandpa stays silent)
RANDY: "Exactly" (Randy's phone rings) "Okay, here is that call I was waiting for"
(Randy walks into the garage and answers his phone)
RANDY (AKA LORDE)'S MUSIC PRODUCER: "Hello Lorde, how are you doing?"
RANDY: "Well I was just thinking that you could give me more creative freedom"
RANDY (AKA LORDE)'S MUSIC PRODUCER: "What are you talking about?"
RANDY: "Well, what I mean is that I didn't like any abuse you gave me since the producer I had before got killed and I decided to make more music"
RANDY (AKA LORDE)'S MUSIC PRODUCER: "Things will be fine alright?"
RANDY: "That's what the other producer said"
RANDY (AKA LORDE)'S MUSIC PRODUCER: "Just don't worry" (hangs up the phone)
RANDY: "Yeah. Like I'm not going to worry about anything this time"
End of part one
Part two is coming soon
Next scene - school cafeteria
KYLE: "What I'm trying to say is that if someone is watching, for example, The Simpsons, and he wants more episodes about the girls, and he is an adult while the girls are young, then that doesn't always mean that he's a paedophile"
CRAIG: "Yeah but, how wouldn't he be a paedophile?"
KYLE: "Well, if he is just interested in the girl's character and if he doesn't like her sexually, then he's not a paedophile"
STAN: "I think that people should just mind their own business and keep their interests to themselves if they're going to end up causing problems"
(Mr. Mackey comes to the table that the boys are sitting at)
MR MACKEY: "Stan, your father is here to talk to you"
MR MACKEY: "He just wants to talk to you about something m'kay?"
STAN: "Alright" (Stan leaves the table)
CARTMAN: "Have you guys heard that scientists have decided that the best way to fight the Zika Virus is to infect more people with Zika?"
Next scene - principal's office
(Stan walks in)
RANDY: "Hi Stan"
STAN: "What do you want dad?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Stan, Your dad has told me a couple important things"
STAN: "He did?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Yes" "First of all, he told me that he was the singer Lorde, which means he's a woman, but, since he was a guy who decided to become a woman, he is a guy who identifies as a woman, and I accept that because I think everyone should accept people who feel that they identify with the opposite gender from their own. But, we have to call them women if they are guys who identify as women and men, if they are women who decided to identify as men" "And second of all, he said that he was sexually assaulted, which is bad, especially for women"
STAN: "But... he's a guy"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Yeah well he identifies as a woman, so she is a woman"
STAN: "Yeah, but he's still a guy no matter what"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Stan! Don't be a bigot! Your father identifies as a woman! Which means he is a woman! And even if he used to be a guy, he is now a woman! Which makes her a stunning woman! You got that!?"
STAN: "Yes okay, just please stop yelling"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Are you saying that I shouldn't stand up for the marginalized groups in today's society, bro?
STAN: "What? No! You just keep yelling all the time and everyone is sick of it! If your standing up against oppression, don't yell in people's faces about it! And also, I think you are taking the PC stuff too far!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "And what is that supposed to mean?"
STAN: "What I'm saying is, some PC is good, but too much PC..."
PC PRINCIPAL: "No! I don't want to hear it! PC is good everywhere all the time! All PC everything! And if your going to go against PC, then you don't belong in this school! Stan Marsh, you are suspended from South Park Elementary!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Yes! Your being suspended! And I already had to suspend a couple other kids for not listening to my PC views"
STAN: "Fine then! It's hard to deal with you PC people anyways"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Sorry Lorde, but your gonna have to take your son home and keep him there until he learns to be more PC. And make sure you come to the next assembly, alright?"
RANDY: "Okay" (Randy stands up) "Come on Stan, let's go"
(Stan and Randy leave the office)
Next scene - Randy is driving the car with Stan sitting beside him
RANDY: "So... Stan"
RANDY: "You don't like being PC?"
STAN: "No, I just think that some PC is good enough and it shouldn't be taken to the extreme"
RANDY: "Yeah well, you have to be careful about what you say Stan. You need to remember that this town has become very PC over the past five and a half months"
STAN: "Yeah but I think I want this town to go back to what it used to be"
RANDY: "What do you mean?"
STAN: "I know lots of crazy stuff happened before. But at least we were able to express ourselves freely and my friends and I could just have more fun"
RANDY: "Well Stan, things change. And it's good that things change because that means you will always have new challenges in life, alright Stan?"
STAN: "Yeah, I know dad. I've already learned that before... twice before I think"
RANDY: "Well alright Stan"
Next scene - in the Marsh home
(Stan and Randy walk into the house)
RANDY: "Hi Sharon"
SHARON: "Hey Randy... Stan?, shouldn't you be in school?"
STAN: "I got suspended"
SHARON: "Suspended? why?"
RANDY: "He got into a little argument with the principal"
SHARON: "How long is he being suspended for?"
RANDY: "Well... the principal said he can go back once he becomes more PC"
SHARON: "Just let Stan do whatever he wants to do. If he wants to be PC or liberal or conservative, then that's his opinion. No one should change other people's political views"
RANDY: "Uh Sharon, are you sure?"
SHARON: "Yes Randy. And no one can change that except for him"
RANDY: "What are you watching?"
SHARON: "Oh, I was just watching the presidential debates"
(On the tv is the republican debate)
GARRISON: "When I win, those eleven million undocumented immigrants will be forced out of this country. And the chances of an illegal in this country will be as low as the chances of a black guy at the Oscars!"
RUBIO: "Stop repeating yourself Garrison! It's not going to work okay!? We know you want to build a wall and we know that you and Caitlyn are very close!"
GARRISON: "Hey! Your the one who repeats himself! You repeat yourself all the time! And also, Caitlyn and I are very close"
RUBIO: "See? Your repeating yourself again"
CARSON: "Can't we just be nice to each other and debate in a nice way?"
GARRISON: "Wake up Carson!"
GARRISON: "You've been sleeping this entire time! Admit it!"
CRUZ: "Hey, Garrison! This is going to be my country, Alright, buddy? You would be a horrible president!"
GARRISON: "Shut up maple perv!, this is my country! My country! You got that? I've been endorsed by so many great people. I've just been endorsed by the governor of New Jersey! I thought people from Jersey were just bipolar narcissists who lash out when someone tells them something that they don't want to hear. But now I believe most of them are very great people! And all I have to say now is that I'm going to build a wall to keep people in this country!"
GARRISON: "No one leaves this country! No one is moving to Canada when I become president! And, if anyone tries to get out of the United States, they will have to climb into Mr Slaves ass while I fu*k them to death!"
CRUZ: "Okay Garrison, now your just scaring us, guy"
(back to Randy and Sharon)
RANDY: "Things just keep on getting crazier"
Next scene - South Park Elementary Gym
(PC Principal is addressing the students at the beginning of the assembly)
PC PRINCIPAL: "Alright everyone, listen up. Today we have a special guest here to talk about how women shouldn't be sexually oppressed. So, please welcome pop singer Lorde!"
("Hotline Bling" by Drake plays while Randy (dressed as Lorde) enters the gym)
RANDY: "Hi everyone, I'm here today to talk about abuse and how you can stop it"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Yes, and that's a good thing to talk about Lorde. You see everyone, taking advantage of women, especially people who identify as women, sexually is wrong"
BUTTERS: "Wait, are you saying Lorde is actually a guy?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "No! she is a woman! Just like Caitlyn Jenner!"
CRAIG: "I knew Lorde was a guy!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Stop! Everyone! Lorde is a stunning woman! She is not a guy!"
WENDY: "Yeah, you guys! Lorde is a woman. She never said she was a male and PC Principal was probably saying "People who identify as women" to include all woman in this discussion!"
CARTMAN: "Shut up Wendy!"
RED: "Why should Wendy shut up, fatass?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Hey! No body shaming!"
RANDY: "I don't know if I should do this"
PC PRINCIPAL: "What?"
RANDY: "Well, none of this would have happened if I just stopped the Lorde thing when I should have"
PC PRINCIPAL: "But... your a hero like Caitlyn Jenner"
RANDY: "No... no I'm not. I'm just another pop star. I think I'll just sue my producer because of that sexual abuse stuff"
(Randy walks away)
PC PRINCIPAL: "You see people? See what you have done?"
CARTMAN: "Hey, PC Principal!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "What do you want Eric?"
CARTMAN: "I've got something to say!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "What do you have to say? And make it quick!"
CARTMAN: "1 2 3 4, how many n... (cuts to the next scene)
Next scene - Liane Cartman is driving with Cartman sitting beside her
LIANE: "Eric, you shouldn't have said that"
LIANE: "No buts Eric! You can't just say the n word. Your grounded for five weeks!"
CARTMAN: "What? Five weeks? Why?"
LIANE: "I just told you Eric"
CARTMAN: "Come on, mom"
LIANE: "Stop with the attitude Eric"
CARTMAN: "What? Attitude? I don't have attitude!"
LIANE: "Oh please, not this again"
Next scene - E! breaking news
ANNOUNCER: "You are watching E! Entertainment News!
ANCHOR: "The pop singer Lorde is suing her producer for sexual, emotional, physical and verbal assault. Her fans and many celebrities such as Demi Lovato, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift are supporting her on Twitter with the hashtag "I Stand With Lorde" and a group of her fans are planning a protest outside of the courthouse in New York City, trying to get Lorde freed from her contract with her allegedly abusive producer"
Next scene - The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
JIMMY FALLON: "Alright, our next guess is someone who likes to get into Twitter fights and thinks he's God... Kanye West!"
("Stronger" by Kanye West plays while Kanye enters)
(Kanye West sits beside Fallon)
JIMMY FALLON: "Hey Kanye"
KANYE WEST: "Hi Jimmy"
JIMMY FALLON: "So, you..."
KANYE WEST: (interrupting Jimmy Fallon) "Sorry Jimmy, but I have something to say about Lorde"
JIMMY FALLON: "You do?"
KANYE WEST: "Yes, I think that she's lying!"
JIMMY FALLON: "You think she's lying about being raped?"
KANYE WEST: "Yes, I think she's lying about it!"
JIMMY FALLON: "Why would she lie about being raped?"
KANYE WEST: "Because, all she wants is money! She wants to get out of that contract so she can make more money by working with another producer!"
JIMMY FALLON: "I don't think any woman would do that Kanye"
KANYE WEST: "Woman are evil! All of them!"
JIMMY FALLON: "Uh, Kanye I think that was just very sexist"
KANYE WEST: "Sexist? That wasn't sexist! And I know it's not because I know best! I'm God!"
JIMMY FALLON: "Alright Kanye, if your going to be sexist, then I think you should leave"
KANYE WEST: "Oh, I'm not leaving! I'm staying here! I deserve to be here!"
JIMMY FALLON: "Uh... really Kanye? Okay, uh, we will be right back"
End of part 2
Part 3 is coming soon
Also Kanye West is poor and so that must be included somehow at some point. His poorness is now his new character.
The Zika deal is a big topic and so I think in our real future it will play a horrific ordeal with people dying in all of the Americas. I hope we can really fine a cure to Zika.
So P.S. Kanye West should die of Zika Virus and a fluid brain that bursts all over the place on Zuckerberg’s penis.
Other than this me likey you long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next scene - outside the New York Supreme Courthouse
(People are protesting)
NEWS REPORTER: "I am standing outside of the courthouse in New York City, where people are protesting for the release of Lorde from her contract"
(He walks up to one of the protesters)
NEWS REPORTER: "So, how is the protest going?"
PROTESTER 1: "Its doing good. We just don't want Lorde or anyone to be forced to work with someone who abused them. I think we're doing much better than "Free Cosby" "Free Levinson" "Free O.J." and "Free Hat""
NEWS REPORTER: "But wasn't "Free Hat" successful?"
PROTESTER 1: "Well yeah, but I think they had to put him back in jail"
NEWS REPORTER: "Okay and what if Lorde has to stay in her contract with her producer?"
PROTESTER 1: "We will boycott Sony!"
PROTESTER 2: "Yeah! Boycott Sony!"
PROTESTER 3: "Boycott Sony to death! Free Lorde!"
(other protesters shout "yeah!")
(A protester who is actually Kanye West in disguise says "And fund Kanye right now! He needs money! Donate to Kanye's "GoFundMe" page! go fund Kanye right now!")
PROTESTER 3: "That's not what this is about!"
PROTESTER 5: "I Don't want to fund Kanye West!"
PROTESTER 2: "Kanye West should just go fund himself!"
PROTESTER (Who is really Kanye West in disguise): "No! Kanye West wants people to fund him! He needs to be funded all the time! He wants Asians to fund him! He wants Blacks to fund him! He even wants Mark Zuckerberg to fund him!"
PROTESTER 4: "Yes, I'm sure Kanye West wants Mark Zuckerberg to fund him really hard"
PROTESTER (Who is really Kanye West in disguise): "That's very true! Thank you!"
Next scene - inside the courthouse
JUDGE: "Alright, now all we know at this point is that Lorde alleged that her producer drugged and raped her and also, Lorde isn't allowed to produce any music without her producer. What do you have to say Lorde's producer?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "For the last time! I didn't rape Lorde!"
JUDGE: "Alright! Alright! Lorde's lawyer, what do you have to say?"
(Gerald Broflovski is Lorde's lawyer)
GERALD: "Well, he doesn't have proof that he didn't rape Lorde"
LORDE'S PRODUCER'S LAWYER: "And you don't have any proof that Lorde was raped!"
JUDGE: "We don't have proof that Lorde was or wasn't raped. Which is one of the reasons why we're here"
(Meanwhile, outside of the court)
NEWS REPORTER: "The protests are still going, and surprisingly they haven't turned into riots"
(Sharon is watching the news report on tv)
NEWS REPORTER: "There also has been no sign of that Kanye West supporter anywhere around here, so a riot and a Kardashian warning is unlikely"
SHARON: "Oh Randy, why did you get yourself into this mess?"
(Stan walks toward Sharon)
STAN: "Mom, am I really staying home until I become more PC?"
SHARON: "You shouldn't be forced to change your views Stan"
STAN: "So, I don't have to go to school?"
SHARON: "That's right"
STAN: (excited) "Yes!"
(Stan walks away)
Next scene - School cafeteria
(Kyle, Craig, Clyde, Kenny and Token are sitting at the table)
CRAIG: "So, did you guys here about Lorde?"
KYLE: "Yeah, I did. It's not good what happened to her"
CLYDE: "But, what if she's lying?"
KYLE: "I don't think she's lying"
CLYDE: "But what if she is?"
KYLE: "Okay, how about we just stay neutral about this, alright? We don't really know if she got raped or not"
TOKEN: Yeah, I guess but I don't know what to say about her music"
KENNY: (Muffled) "I think some of her music is catchy"
CLYDE: "Yeah, some of her music is ok"
CRAIG: "I Don't really like her music"
(Jimmy walks to the table)
JIMMY: "Hey f-fellas"
KYLE: "Hey Jimmy, where have you been?"
JIMMY: "Oh, I was just thinking about the future of humanity, that's all"
CLYDE: "The future of humanity?"
JIMMY: "Yes, just the future of humanity. what if we really don't know what's best to protect us from the ads?. What if there are walking ads just like Leslie everywhere? Where are the holograms of Michael Jackson and 2Pac?"
KYLE: "Please don't remind me Leslie"
TOKEN: "After the gun show, "#GunShow" "#AdsAreAmongUs" and "#TheWarOnAds" were trending topics all over the United States.
CRAIG: "Yeah, but only for 6 hours. After that, people started calling us crazy"
JIMMY: "That's because of the ads. The ads are distracting p-people like they always do"
KYLE: "Okay, but..."
JIMMY: "I'm sorry y-you guys, but I have to go. See you later"
(Jimmy walks away)
Next scene - inside the courthouse
GERALD: "PC Principal, you had Lorde at your school last Friday, right?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Yes, she was trying to tell the kids about how sexual abuse is wrong, but the kids just ended up causing trouble and she decided to leave"
GERALD: "Alright and did she get raped at the school?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "No! No one would ever get sexually abused at my school! Why would I just let something like that happen? I'm not from Penn State!"
(The guy who made the Penn State jokes in "The Poor Kid" laughs)
GERALD: "Did she tell you anything before addressing the students?"
PC PRINCIPAL: "All she said was that she wanted to publicly talk about her bad experience"
(A couple minutes later)
GERALD: "Nelson, you work with Lorde right?"
NELSON: "Well, she used to, but she stopped coming to work after a while"
GERALD: "Why did she stop coming back?"
NELSON: "I Don't know, but after that, Randy came back..."
GERALD: "Did she get raped?"
NELSON: "Well, I didn't see her get raped"
(A couple seconds later)
VICTORIA (used to be Principal Victoria): "I'm telling you, I don't know if she got raped or not!"
GERALD: "And how would you know that?"
VICTORIA: "Because, I have never met her before and I never worked with her"
RANDY (still dressed as Lorde): "Alright, I can't take this anymore! Can't you just admit you raped me!?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "But I didn't rape you! I did not! Can't you see you are destroying my family!?"
RANDY: "How am I destroying your family?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "You just are! Now stop lying!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "No! This has gone on for too long! Lorde shouldn't have to work with you!"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "But she can still make music without me"
RANDY: "I just want to get out of this contract!"
STEPHAN (Butters's dad): "How about you just let Lorde out of her contract?"
JUDGE: "I can't just do that"
PC PRINCIPAL: "Why did we let this happen? We're has consent gone?"
RANDY: "Yeah! With consent, Bill Cosby wouldn't be in the mess he's in right now. And Charlie sheen wouldn't have gotten aids if he just asked one of the many women he slept with if she had aids! Or maybe he knew that he would get aides but didn't care! There needs to be more consent and maybe more PC!"
VICTORIA: "There is more PC, Lorde!"
RANDY: "There is?"
VICTORIA: "Yes. There's PC CEO, PC Twitter, PC..."
PC PRINCIPAL: "I didn't know there were more PC bros all over the country"
STEPHAN: "That's a surprise"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "Hey! If Lorde got abused by me, wouldn't she like it?"
RANDY: "What is that supposed to mean?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "Well, I mean, she shook her ass on Jimmy Fallon and rubbed her clit on stage at a concert"
RANDY: "I was told to do that! And just because I have done slutty things before, that doesn't mean I am a slut! Oh, and also, the reason why I didn't tell anyone about the abuse before was because you told me that you would end my career if I did tell anyone!"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "That's it Lorde, your finished" *pulls out a gun*
JUDGE: "How did you get a gun in here?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "I put it far up my ass"
RANDY: "How far?"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "You don't want to know!"
JUDGE: "Just put the gun down!"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "No! I won't put the gun down!"
(Gerald pulls out a gun)
GERALD: "Stay away from Lorde! I know you abused her. Lorde's family knows you abused her. I know a lot more about Lorde than anyone in this room!"
JUDGE: "Look, this isn't going anywhere. Just put your guns down and... (A bullet fired at the judge by Lorde's producer misses the judge) ... hey! you can't shoot a lady!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "That's right!"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "Oh boo hoo I shot a lady, now there's going to be feminists coming after me, oh no I'm so scared"
JUDGE: "You could have killed me!. Oh well, at least I brought protection"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "But, your a girl"
JUDGE: "That's not what I meant!" * Pulls out a shotgun *
RANDY: "I thought this was court"
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "Shut up! This is ending here! Someone is going to get hurt today!"
GERALD: "Leave Lorde alone!" (Gerald runs up to Lorde's producer and attacks him)
Next scene - CNN report
ANNOUNCER: "This is CNN"
ANCHOR: "It started with a standoff, and then one person attacked another person. There is a fight going on at the courthouse in New York City between pop singer Lorde's lawyer and producer. We go live to New York"
(A reporter is standing outside the courthouse)
NEWS REPORTER: "I am here at the courthouse in New York City where a fight is happening right now"
(The police show up)
NEWS REPORTER: "Oh, and the police have just shown up at the courthouse. We'll be reporting about this for at least three days straight. I thought it would be two, but I think it'll be three or probably four days now, unless of course, something else happens"
(The police are getting ready to go into the courthouse)
POLICE OFFICER 1: "Alright everyone, make sure we don't shoot any minorities this time. And no, you can't shoot any minorities even if they're standing on street lights just like in that music video. That was something the LAPD made up"
POLICE OFFICER 2: "Didn't the LAPD shoot Biggie?
POLICE OFFICER 1: "We don't know who shot Biggie Smalls, alright? He could still be alive hanging out with 2Pac, who may also be alive, in New Zealand or something"
(In the courthouse. Gerald, Lorde's producer along with the producer's lawyer are still fighting)
RANDY: "This needs to stop"
PC PRINCIPAL: "I know"
(The police come in)
POLICE OFFICER 1: "Stop right now!"
(The fight is still going)
POLICE OFFICER 1: "That's it! We're ending this ourselves"
(The officer fires a taser, which ends up hitting a black man. The fight stops because of this. The court stays silent for a couple seconds)
PC PRINCIPAL: "Why?"
POLICE OFFICER 1: "i - i didn't mean to!"
GERALD: "Why would you shoot an African-American who wasn't even doing anything?"
POLICE OFFICER 1: "Alright, I'm sick of this! I didn't even want too shoot any minorities! It was a fu*king accident!"
PC PRINCIPAL: "No! You shot a minority! If anyone is going to jail, it's you!"
POLICE OFFICER 1: "Hey, you can't decide that!"
POLICE OFFICER 2: "Alright alright, who started this fight?"
(Everyone says it's Lorde's producer who started it by pointing a gun at Lorde)
LORDE'S PRODUCER: "Yeah it was me, but I'm not telling anyone if I raped Lorde or not"
JUDGE: "Rape or no rape, you almost killed me!"
POLICE OFFICER 3: "That's all we need to know"
(Outside the courthouse, Lorde's producer is handcuffed and is being put into a police car. Everybody, including Randy (still dressed as Lorde) is now outside.)
GERALD: "So, Lorde, I think you won"
RANDY: "Yeah, but not the way I wanted to win. At least I don't have to work with or see him for a while"
Next scene - CNN report
ANCHOR: "After what happened at the courthouse in New York yesterday, Sony has decided to cut ties with Lorde's producer. But it is not known at this time if this will free Lorde from her contract with her producer or if Sony will keep Lorde in her contract"
Next scene - Randy (not dressed as Lorde) is sitting on his bed. Sharon walks into the room.
SHARON: "Hey Randy"
RANDY: "I don't know if I can go on as Lorde, Sharon. I should have just stopped and none of this would have happened"
SHARON: "Randy, you actually helped people, you know that right?"
RANDY: "I know Sharon"
SHARON: "I'm serious. I was wondering why you got yourself into this mess as well, but then I realized that you didn't want this to happen. You know what I think Randy?"
RANDY: "What do you think?"
SHARON: "I think the reason you decided to keep going was because you didn't want to let down your fans. You told your fans to be themselves and express how they feel inside. I think you should keep going. No one knows if you've been abused or not, but your fans are supporting you, because you support them. Your true fans see past the clit rubbing and see you as a good person"
RANDY: "Thanks Sharon"
SHARON: "Your welcome" (Sharon leaves the room. Randy turns on the radio and lays down on his bed)
HOST: "We must stay neutral on the "Free Lorde" and "I Stand With Lorde" stuff, because we don't know if she really was abused or not"
CO-HOST: "That's right because those were just allegations. But that doesn't mean we can just say she's lying"
HOST: "Yeah. Now uh, Kanye West is back in the news"
CO-HOST: "Oh, is he?"
HOST: "Yes, apparently Kanye West thinks he has Zika after spending a night with Mark Zuckerberg"
HOST: "I know"
(Randy falls asleep)
What do you think about it?
I might make another one soon
R.I.P. Christopher Wallace (aka The Notorious B.I.G., Biggie Smalls and Big Poppa) May 21, 1972 - March 9, 1997
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