The Bad, The Worse, and The Hairpiece

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GRIZZLYwhiteGUY
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The Bad, The Worse, and The Hairpiece

Postby GRIZZLYwhiteGUY » Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:26 am

We open on a debate for the class presidential race at South Park Elementary. Both Cartman and Butters are running for class president. Cartman bases his entire campaign off of Donald Trump's campaign. He styles his hair like Trump, he quotes Trump. Including the line "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.” Cartman even goes as far as to buy himself a foreign wife off of the internet that he uses to appear more likable and caring. Butters realizes that he is screwed unless he gains some popularity at the school so he decides to start a gossip website that all the kids at school love. But as he gets more and more desperate to find gossip to keep the attention of his readers he decides to make up some gossip. He comes up with the idea that Donald Trump is actually Hillary Clinton dressed up as Trump. He says that her idea started off as an attempt to ruin his campaign, but when she saw how well received her hateful comments were, she realized that her best chance to actually become president was to pretend to be Trump.

We then cut to a Trump rally filled with a bunch of people including Kenny's parents, where Trump says a bunch of stupid sh*t and talks about how great he will be as president, and how great America is. Once his speech is finished he walks back stage to his dressing room which has 5 different locks on the door for maximum security. After locking the door and making sure the coast is clear Trump walks over to his lighted mirror to look at himself and admire how amazingly Oompa-Loompa-like his skin looks, and how thin his hair is looking. He then looks down at his totally regular-sized hands and twists them to take them off and reveal his tiny woman-like hands. He walks off camera and we hear a lot of zipping noises, after which Hillary Clinton walks back into frame and picks up her BackBerry from the table and proceeds to read her e-mails. She reads an email from her team that Butters has somehow discovered the truth, and she tells her security detail to take him out before people realize that his information is true.

We then cut back to Stan and Kyle who realize that Cartman cannot become class president because they know that all that authority and power would go straight to his head and that he would make their lives a living hell. So they decide to help Butters with his campaign by convincing people that Cartman is a racist and that he is a terrible hateful person who will absolutely be the reason every kid hates going to school. This leads Token to join their cause, but still leaves a large majority of similar looking white kids in favor of Cartman. Cartman's fans include the new kids from the family that just moved in to the trailer park. The mother of this family is similar in appearance to Momma June from Honey Boo Boo, and she gave birth to 10 children at once that are all new students at South Park Elementary. They all love Cartman, they follow him around and are essentially his slaves, doing anything that he asks of them at any given moment. This leads Cartman to believe that he is unstoppable and that there is no way that Butters could defeat him. However he gets a little bit nervous when he sees how many hits Butter's gossip website is getting and so he gets his “white trash assassin” as he calls the trailer park kid whom he chooses, to go to Butter's house in the middle of the night to “take out” the competition.

As the kid enters Butters room we see him creeping up slowly onto Butter's bed, and right as he is about to smother Butters with a pillow he gets shot in the head. We then see a sniper on a hill outside Butter's window who emails Hillary Clinton that the deed has been done, and that the problem in South Park has been taken care of. He includes “GoPro like” body-cam footage of the hit going down so that she knows he is telling the truth. Hilary clinton reads the email as she straps on a giant black strap-on, to go along with her leather outfit. Then as a smile creeps onto her face the camera pans to a shadow on the wall of her railing Bill in the ass in celebration of her victory.

Butters wakes up the next day to find blood splattered all over his room and a dead kid in his bed. He then immediately calls out for his parents. They come in and say “oh no, not again”, to which Butter's responds “it wasn’t me this time, I swear”. His parents call the police, who discover the small bullet hole in the window and realize that someone must've tried to kill Butters, but ended up killing this kid instead. This makes the news in South Park, and Hillary finds out that her henchman didn't kill the right kid and immediately pulls out a colt 45 and shoots him in the head. She then decides to take care of this herself and she flies out to South Park to fix the situation. Once she gets out there she decides to visit Butters in order to endorse him for class president, hoping that showing kindness will alleviate peoples suspicions of any wrong doing on her part. This gives Butters a huge lead in the polls and leads to him win the race over Cartman. Cartman does not take this lightly and he decides to get revenge on Hillary Clinton for screwing him out of his victory. When one of his henchman hears about his dastardly plan he informs Cartman that he is a hacker and that he could get into Hillary's phone and leak all her emails again. Cartman finds this to be a fitting punishment, and when he discovers that her emails include video proof that she was responsible for killing his assassin he clicks the button himself to leak all her emails onto the web.

We then see Hilary Clinton reading about the news on her phone as she is flying back home in her private jet. Once she realizes that she is totally screwed, she jumps out of her plane without a parachute and falls through the clouds and out of sight. We assume that she is dead. We then cut back to Cartman who says” take that bitch” and the episode ends.

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