Tesla Comes to South Park

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Tesla Comes to South Park

Postby natelou » Tue May 09, 2017 7:40 pm

Elon Musk, awards South park as the city to host the new autonomous vehicle pilot project.

At a press conference, a self loathing Elon Musk reveals Tesla's brand new fully driverless vehicle. Promoting sustainability by being fully electric, the new Tesla also boasts fully integrated wifi, which will now allow drivers to get a head start on their work day during their commute and shorten time spent at the office. Finally, the cars new sensor technology has the ability to make the best decision in times of crisis to cause as little damage as possible, making it the best car, from the best company..

Every household is awarded a brand new Tesla for the pilot project, and Cartman wins his own driverless Tesla in a raffle, which he can drive without a license. Cartman decides to open a luxury car service with Kenny as his chauffeur, only giving girls from school rides, leaving the rest of the gang to walk around.

All the parents in South Park love their new autonomous vehicles, especially Randy. He loves being able to start his work day as soon as he gets in the car, so that he spends as little time in the office as possible. The new influx of cars in south park have caused a large scale gridlock of all streets. However, everyone is too infatuated with working from their car to notice that they are always stuck in traffic. Meanwhile the monorail/skytrain is completely empty as it passes over the traffic. Tesla decides to use Randy as a focal point in their pilot project documentary. Randy begins his day in his car, and by the time he finally arrives at his office, his work day is finished and he begins commuting back home. Arriving much later at night, he cant believe how unbelievable it is to not have to go into the office, even though he's spending all day in the car. On top of it all, Randy loves being "green" by driving his electric vehicle that isn't contributing greenhouse gases to the atmosphere.

The Fair has come to town, and Kyle, Stan, and Butters are walking past the gridlock of happy drivers to it. Music is and strobes are coming from one Tesla, and as the window rolls down, Cartman can be seen inside partying with a bunch of girls from school including Wendy. Cartman throws them the finger and rolls the window back up, as an angry Stan and company walk past towards the fairgrounds. The kids arrive to the fair which is completely empty because everyone is stuck in traffic. They are very excited to be able to go on all the rides, until they realize there is not enough electricity to power any of the rides at the fair. A manager says they must go to the nearby power plant to get them to allocate more power so that they can turn the rides on.

As they approach the power station they immediately notice a thick smog in the air and think that the forest may be on fire. The boys break through the tree line and look down the hill towards the power plant and their mouths drop. In a Two Towers/schindlers list setting, Elon can be seen from the top of a tower screaming at an army of enslaved Greenpeace workers who are cutting down trees and feeding them into the power plant to create more electricity. Elon and other Tesla officials are whipping the slaves and demanding that they work harder as they must supply South Park with significantly more electricity now that all the vehicles are electric. Elon notices the boys watching from a bush, and grabs butters and forces him to work. Kyle and stan barely escape and begin running back to South Park to warn everyone of what is happening. Elon and his film crew quickly get in their cars to get to South park before the boys.

With the film crew in the back of his car, Randy begins showing off the large touchscreen monitor in the new Tesla. He clicks an advanced settings button and a dial emerges that goes from nascar to old asian, (Which is his car is currently on). intrigued, Randy cranks the dial to Nascar, but nothing happens.

At the City Wok, a massively obese family is eating when the father begins to have a heart attack. The owner quickly calls for a ambulance. The ambulance flies down the street as all the Teslas move out of the way, and as it passes Randy, his car immediately jolts behind it. Randy is amazed at how responsive these new settings are.

Wendy is still in Cartman's car and is pissed at how slow they are moving. They are less than a block away but aren't moving. She demands kenny to let her out. Kenny walks to the roadside door and the ambulance barely misses him as it passes. He takes a big breath and looks up only to see Randy's Tesla flying at him. Elon's Tesla also pulls up and his car begins filming the situation. At the same time, an obese man riding a scooter and smoking a cigarette also starts crossing the road. Its time for the new sensor system to engage and make the best decision, hit the young boy, or the huge piece of sh*t.

The car detects kenny as one person, then scans the man on the scooter, which it sees as multiple humans. The car veers to the right and kills Kenny, Elon stands in horror. He yells "let get the f*ck outta here" and him and the film crew jump into the car and drive off.

Footage of the massive clearcutting of forests to produce electricity emerge in the news soon after. Cartman is forced to give back his car as all Teslas have been recalled. It seems nothing could have caused more harm to the planet than the electric car...

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