A Turn Of Luck For The Guy From Charlestown

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A Turn Of Luck For The Guy From Charlestown

Postby JamesPolo » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:01 pm

A Turn Of Luck For The Guy From Charlestown

It’s a Friday in the month of June. Two friends wait for their third outside Dingo’s Pub in Boston on 7th street. Its twenty minutes past 10:00PM the expected time, one of them is late.

Ben: I am sick of this. I need a drink and some food or else I’ll kill someone.

Adam: Just have another smoke, he should be here any minute.

Ben: Damn. Ben pulls out a pack of Camel Wides, slips out one cig and gives it a light.

Adam: I can run inside and get you a pint.

Ben: Last time I drank outside Dingo’s, a patrol car rolled up and busted me. What are you trying to do to me? I need some good food tonight; don’t you know what prison meals are like?

A cab pulls up, out steps James, the friend most wanted. He looks drained and like he’d had no sleep in days. Bloodied and with a torn shirt, he pays his fare and makes his way to his friends.

Adam: Hey, how’s it going man?

Ben: Finally. Ben drops his cigarette to the pavement and rubs it out with his boot.

James: Oh, hey guys. Sorry I’m late, some crazy ass sh*t just happened to me that no one would ever believe.

Adam: It wasn’t you getting laid, was it? You couldn’t even get a date.

Ben: Hahahahaha.

James: Well, actually, I was on a date, a coworker set me up with this girl he knows.

Ben: Ah, who cares, come on, I need some booze.

James: Yeah, well, let me tell you this story first, my night was f*cking crazy.

Adam: Says you!

James: Okay, so I got setup on this blind date, right, we go to see a Jason Aldean concert. Everything is going straight. The girl was pretty, she was having a few drinks, looked like I was going to score, right? But then Pop Pop Pop Pop Pop. “Someone starts spraying bullets.

Adam: Are you sure it was a gun? It’s getting close to firework season ya know.

Ben: Sure, it was fireworks, now let’s get the f*ck inside Dingo’s so I can get blitzed!

James: Trust me, it wasn’t fireworks it was…

Adam: So did you get lucky or not?

James: Let me just finish. All the people in the audience just start running and my date, Chloe, my date gets pushed…

Ben: Wait, you were on a date with a dog?

James: What? No, she is a person.

Adam: I think he was just joking, Chloe is a popular dog’s name.

Ben: Nah, I wasn’t joking, I’ve just only know bitches by the name of Chloe.

James: Okay, well just let me finish the story. So, Chloe, my date, gets pushed down to the ground. That’s when I picked her up and noticed she had been hit. So, I started to carry her out of the concert. As I was doing so, people were getting shot to pieces. I saw this one guy’s head explode and…

Adam: I saw my Grandma in the buff once, scariest sh*t I ever saw. Much worse than when that girl, Cindy, I dated in High School, had to get an abortion. Seeing your own decapitated fetus of a son is frightening but seeing Grandma nude, that gives you nightmares.

Ben starts throwing up what looks like what you’d expect to find in a dumpster or in some homeless man’s shopping carriage.

Ben: I knew your Grandma, she was ugly, like a rotten prune mixed with maggot ridden meat.

James: But guys, just let me finish. So, there I was, the gunman, not too far away. I could have ran and left the girl or grabbed her and tried to escape. I did the other, I bull charged the gunman and beat the f*cking sh*t out of him.

Ben: You did that, you’re such a pussy.

Adam: I still remember, Jessica Kingston, beat the crap out of you in the 5th grade. You had a bloody nose and you pissed your pants. We called you The Bloody Pisser all the way into High School, when you finally go the balls to bang a chick.

Ben: I wish you were still The Bloody Pisser you f*cking homosexual. Ben slaps James on his back.

James: Guys, that was ages ago and Amanda Kelley was giving it up to a new guy each week.

Ben: No, it was only 8 years ago idiot, can’t you do math?

James: Look, I still got more to tell. So, I bum rushed the gunman, he was some punk type with a Mohawk and he had an assault rifle. I snatched him up as he was turning my way, I grabbed the piece and MMA typed his ass the ground. I bashed him so hard in the face, all his teeth got knocked out. You should have seen that peacock prick. I then…

Adam: That reminds me, I have a dentist appointment coming up and I didn’t add that to my calendar.

Adam takes out his phone and starts adding in appointments for the future.

Ben: That reminds me, I’ve got a cavity and can’t chew out of the left side of my freaking head. You guys got all the money, so okay, I get it, now let’s go get tanked.

Ben starts to open the door to Dingo’s Pub but James grabs him by the shoulder.

James: Come on, let me tell you guys, this is the most shocking sh*t I’ve ever been through.

Ben: Okay, fine. Just hurry up, my feet hurt from pushing pallets all day.

James: So, I’m straddling the guy and cold-cocking him and then the police showed up and took over.

Ben: And end of story, no more blah blah blah.

James: No, the next thing I know, people are calling me a hero. Me, James Dickey, from Charlestown. Jason Aldean, came and shook my hand.

Ben: Blah blah blah.

James: Then I checked Chloe, she had to be taken to the hospital for a bullet wound to the thigh.

Adam: So, you didn’t get to bang her? What a waste.

Ben: I’d of left her and ran the f*ck out of there. Screw all of those people. This one time, I saw this woman getting jacked up by this perp with a knife. The women shouts “Help”. I shouted back at her “Go f*ck Yourself”. To hell with all these people trying to get you killed in this city, am I right?

James: The story is not over. I rode with Chloe on her way to the hospital, on the way we really connected, she said she was in love with me for saving her and I… I, asked her to marry me.

Adam: And now you’re going to get married? I’ve been married twice now, it doesn’t get better being married, I’ve told you this. Women are great in bed but otherwise there the cause of all the sh*t in the world.

Ben: Look James, you seem to of had a great day then. So, why not pucker up those cheeks and waddle your ass inside Dingo’s, so I can have a drink or I’ll stick my foot up your ass. I want to watch the Yankees Red Sox game on NESN. I’ve got $100 bucks riding on the game tonight.

Adam: I’m tired of this James. Way to show off and ruin everyone else’s weekend.

James: Okay, but there’s one last thing I have to tell you. While at the hospital with Chloe, the President called me on my phone. He said he was going to award me with the Medal of Honor, I get to go to the White House.

Adam: As I remember it, the only time you ever came close to winning at anything was in the 5th grade. You came in second at running the mile. Jessica Kingston had come in first. She sucker-punched you in the back of the head on the final stretch and you came in second.

Ben: I wonder how Jessica Kingston will react to all of this, she won’t let you one up her, James. She’s coming for you. She’ll be inventing some sh*t soon and win the Nobel Prize, I’m sure of it.

James: Jessica Kingston. I haven’t seen her since high school. She ended up a broken dirty whore.

Ben: Yeah, but a hot broken dirty whore and one that’s going to beat you like she always did.

James: So, anyways, that’s my story, I was at a concert, saved my girlfriend or now bride to be, and am getting rewarded by the President…

Ben: And…

James: And Chloe is fine, I’ll be seeing her tomorrow at the hospital, she needed some sleep. I just needed a few drinks after all the excitement and remembered I was supposed to meet you guys.

Adam: So, is it over? Can we go inside now?

James: Yeah, that was all I had.

Ben: Finally, now let’s go get sh*t-faced, I need some of Dingo’s famous sausages while where at it. James, you’re treating, Mr. Hero.

Adam: Dingo’s is so much better than meeting the President.

The three friends then make their way inside Dingo’s Pub to tie one on. As the door shuts, the TV is blaring and the announcer is heard saying “and Andrew Benintendi hits a high one, its, its, gone. The Red Sox win!”
He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato

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