sh*t Tank: Tex-Mex

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sh*t Tank: Tex-Mex

Postby Etcetra » Fri Oct 12, 2018 1:16 am

This episode is a parity of Shark Tank and those TV cooking contest shows in which contestants are eliminated in a series of preliminary rounds. The last few minutes are homage to the last few minutes of the "Definitely Miami" episode of Miami Vice from 1986.

To celebrate the quick elimination of most illegals within the U.S. borders and the dedication of Trump's border wall this sh*t Tank episode is filmed near the American and Mexican border and is entitled "sh*t Tank: Tex-Mex". Of course the other reason is Tex-Mex foods will produce the greatest quality and quantity of sh*t. This special episode also utilizes eight sh*t Tank Investors (STIs), including Barbara Corcoran, Mark Cuban, Lori Grenier, Robert Herjavek, Daymond John, Kevin O'Leary and a couple of doofus celebrity investors.

Four timed cooking contests are simultaneously held in four adjacent studio kitchens with four contestants in each contest. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are in each of the four contests. Completed foods are sampled by the STIs, with the bulk of the food being saved for the second part of the show. Winners of each round move to the final round of the show while losers are given "parting gifts" and sent home. Stan, Kyle, Cartman all win their rounds, but Kenny loses his. In between the two halves of the show the boys meet in the green room where Stan and Kyle can't figure out why Kenny lost as he was the best cook of them all. Cartman then confesses to them that he had managed to put something in Kenny's dish to make it taste bad.

In the next round of the show the four winners from the earlier cooking round must present their great ideas for innovations involving traditional outhouses or enclosed portable toilets. Contestants earn bonus points for accessories such as toile paper holders and budays. As contestants are presenting their ideas the celebrity STIs are eating the food from the previous cooking rounds and foods placed as paid product placements as snacks, getting ever more excited as the presentations near their end.

One of Shark Tanks celebrities gets so excited he or she accidentally coughs up Kenny's jacket which is edited out of the broadcast show but seen by Cartman, klye, and Stan in the studio. The boys thus learn one of the show's deep dark secrets - that a losing cooking contestant's "parting gift" actually consists of them be used as a cooking ingredient. The boys also find out that Kenny actually had the best tasting dish despite Cartman's sabotage, but was voted out because the STIs thought he would taste better than the other contestants. Cartman is initially enraged that his plan to sabotage Kenny's dish was waste on time and that he was not selected to be honored by being eaten. Stan, Kyle, & Cartman begin to plan their escape from the show while the fourth finalist is oblivious to what is going on.

After each presentation is completed each outhouse and portable potty are brought forth for the STIs to test. Its revealed that the STI's are so full of sh*t that they have evolved to the next level of human development and have developed highly sensitive taste buds on their anuses and thus enjoy the food exiting their bodies as much as eating.

The testing results in a 2-2-2-2 tie regarding which unit is the best, thus forcing a sh*t Tank sh*t-Off among the STIs. In this round the STIs are continually fed food while strapped into the outhouses or portable potties with safety harnesses. STIs gradually fall out of the final evaluation by various means. Lori leaves to sell one of the ridiculous accessories on the Shopping Channel. Barbara dries up like a shriveled prune and passes out from dehydration due to Kevin secretly putting massive quantities of laxatives her food. Kevin and Mark constantly trash talk each other, both claiming they are full of the most sh*t and deserve to win the evaluation and opportunity to invest.

The boys do not stay to see which of the two remaining STI's, Mark or Kevin, are full of the most sh*t and flee the studio. They are terrified as what the "parting gifts" could be for losing the second half of the show if losing in the first half is so bad. They make their way to the border in an attempt to escape their fate. At first Stan, Kyle and Cartman wonder how they are going to get over the massive new border until one jabs it with a stick and a portion of the wall flies off. They discover that due to the lack of funds Trump has saved money by constructing a adobe brick wall and painting it to make it look like cement and metal. As they continue to dig into the wall they are suddenly shocked to find dead humans inside. Trump has also saved money and significantly reduced the time to deport illegal aliens by having NICE agents place deportees into the wall as filler material.

The scenes where the boys discover human bodies in the wall by poking sticks into it should parity the last few minutes of the "Definitely Miami" episode of Miami Vice which you can see at the link below. Skip to time index 45:00 of 48:58. In this episode cops are using metal detectors and poking metal rods into piles of sand at a gravel pit and find buried cars with dead people in them. The cops are heard saying "Hey, I think we got one over here"; "...we got another one over here". The boys should be emulating that scene. In this episode of Miami vice we have a Ted Nuget killing guys and burying them in their cars under piles of gravel. ... ami/n30571

The boys don't have long to contemplate the meaning of all this as they hurriedly flee across the border as they see a station wagon with the Shark Tank logo approaching their location. A man driving the Shark Tank car yells at them through a loud speaker on the roof. He tells the boys to come forward to receive their parting gifts as the fourth contestant's product won the evaluation. After the man reveals that the parting gifts are all the leftovers you can eat from the show Stan and Kyle start puking. Cartman initially contemplates about taking the parting gifts but also starts puking after Stan and Kyle ask him if he really wanted to take the chance of eating food that contained Kenny (or a another disgusting contestant). The boys walk into the Mexican night puking along the way as the episode fades to black.

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