Garrison 2016

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Randy Marsh 2016
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:38 am

Garrison 2016

Postby Randy Marsh 2016 » Sun Apr 17, 2016 2:29 am

I don't know where to go with this

PC Frat House - night - The PC people are having a party while the song "My House" by Flo Rida plays.

PC PRINCIPAL: "Alright everyone, listen up. As much as the ads are enemies to humanity, I think we have another problem on our hands"

PC GUY 1: "People who think the earth is flat?"


PC GUY 2: "Earthquakes in Japan?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "No, not that kind of problem"

PC GUY 3: "Suicides in Canada?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "No, not that. I'm talking about Mr. Garrison"

PC GUY 2: "Oh, him"

PC GUY 5: "Yeah, he's a problem"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Yes, he is the one who is going to fill this country with even more hate then there already is if he becomes the president, and we have only 7 months to stop him"

PC GUY 7: "But how are we going to stop him?"

PC GUY 8: "Yeah, it's not like we can stop his supporters from supporting him"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Well, were gonna have to find a way to stop him before it's too late. If he becomes president, it will be the worst thing to happen to this country since the KKK and the worst thing to happen to the world since Hitler"

PC GUY 9: "I don't know if we can stop him though. how is it possible?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "We have to try, alright?"

Next scene - South Park Elementary - Cafeteria - day - the boys are eating lunch

CARTMAN: "So, do you guys think Mr. Garrison is going to win?"

CRAIG: "I don't know, I mean, he used to be our teacher and now he is running for president"

CLYDE: "Isn't that what happened to Justin Trudeau?"

CARTMAN: "Yes, but that's not who were talking about Clyde. We are talking about how we should all support Mr. Garrison because he is a great man with an opinion that he's never afraid to express"

KYLE: "That's not what we were talking about f- I mean, uh, Cartman, we were not talking about that"

CARTMAN: "What were you going to say Kyle?"

KYLE: "Uh, nothing Cartman, I wasn't going to say anything"

CARTMAN: "Yes, you were going to say something Kyle, what was it?"

KYLE: "Nothing Cartman! I wasn't going to say anything!"

CARTMAN: "You know what Kyle?"

KYLE: "What, Cartman?"

CARTMAN: "You were going to say I was fat, weren't you Kyle"

STAN: "Stop it Cartman"

KYLE: "It's ok Stan. Cartman's asking for it. Actually, he wants me to get in trouble for calling him fat"

CARTMAN: "Kyle, did you just call me fat?"

KYLE: "What? No! No I didn't!"

CARTMAN: "Yes you did! I heard you! You called me fat and... and... (Cartman starts crying)"

KYLE: "What?"

CRAIG: "Oh look what you did Kyle"

KYLE: "But, I..."

CLYDE: "You body shamed him! You hater!"

CARTMAN: (Still crying) "how could you Kyle"

KYLE: "Yes, I hate him! But not because of his weight!"

MR. MACKEY (over the P.A. system): "Kyle Broflovski come down to the principles office immediately"

KYLE: "Damnit!"

Next scene - Principals office

PC PRINCIPAL: "Kyle! I am sick of your intolerant views!"

KYLE: "PC Principal, why can't you let people express themselves?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Because Kyle! If people express themselves freely, then that makes room for hate!"

KYLE: "What about accepting other people's opinions?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Kyle, it's people like you who are causing more hate and bigotry"

KYLE: "I'm not causing hate!"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Yeah, well your still a bigot"

KYLE: "You know what PC Principal?"


KYLE: "Screw you"

PC PRINCIPAL (Triggered): "Did you just say a word that promotes non consensual sex by jumping right into talking about sex with another person without that other persons consent?"

KYLE: "Nope, screw you"

PC PRINCIPAL: "That's it Kyle! Two weeks detention!"

KYLE: "Why?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Three weeks!"

KYLE: "Should i care?"

PC PRINCIPAL: "Four weeks"

KYLE: "Why don't I just get suspended?"

Next scene - Cartman's house - night - Cartman is being tucked in by his mother

CARTMAN: "Meem?"

LIANE CARTMAN: "Yes sweetie?"

CARTMAN: "When can I stay up past 9:30?"

LIANE CARTMAN: "When your older"

CARTMAN: "When I'm older? F*ck that!, I want to stay up now!"

LIANE CARTMAN: "Eric, please don't start this now"

CARTMAN: "Yeah well too bad Meem! You can't tell me what to do!"

LIANE CARTMAN: "Eric, please!"

CARTMAN: "Shut up and get out! I don't want to see you!"

LIANE CARTMAN (doesn't say anything for a couple seconds): "Alright Eric, good night" (she leaves the room)

CARTMAN: "Finally"

Next scene - Cartman's house - the next day - Cartman's mom asked her friends (the other boys' mothers) to come over and talk while Cartman is at school.

LIANE CARTMAN: "I don't know what to do with him. It's like taking care of a wild animal"

SHEILA: "Yeah well, maybe you shouldn't let him do whatever he wants. You know, be more strict"

LIANE: "I've already tried that. It doesn't work"

SHARON: "How doesn't it work?"

LIANE: "I don't know. He just seems to always find a way to do what he wants"

LINDA: "Well, is there a reason why you're always nice to him, even when he does something wrong?"

LIANE: "I usually ground him for a couple weeks, but I guess I always come off as being not so strict"

SHEILA: "Maybe you should see a therapist or something"

LIANE: "I guess I could do that, thanks for your support"

SHEILA: "Your welcome Liane"

SHARON: "Were glad we could help"

Next scene - South Park Elementary - the same day - the boys are in class.

CARTMAN: "You guys, my Meem won't let me stay up past my bedtime"

STAN: "So?"

CARTMAN: "Well, don't you guys want to stay up past your bedtime and do whatever you want?"

KYLE: "Why does this matter?"

CARTMAN: "It matters"

KYLE: "No it doesn't Cartman. What matters is our freedom, which is being taken away by PC Principal! How would you like it if you couldn't support Garrison because apparently you're supporting hate by supporting people like him?"

PC PRINCIPAL (over the P.A. system): "Attention staff and students, please come down to the gym immediately!"

Next scene - South Park Elementary Gym

PC PRINCIPAL: "Alright everyone, I have just found out that someone wrote "Garrison 2016" in chalk on the wall outside. That is not right! Hate and bigotry must not be promoted at this school! This school is supposed to be a safe space for everyone! Now, who wrote it! Who wrote that intolerant piece of carp on the wall!"

(no one says anything)

PC PRINCIPAL: "Come on! Who did it?!"

(still, no one says anything)

PC PRINCIPAL: "You realize that this is very serious, right?"

(still, no one says anything)

PC PRINCIPAL: "You know what? That's it! I'm getting all my PC bros and were going to start a PC... religion! Yes! A PC religion!"

STAN: "Uh oh"

I don't know where to go with this...

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