Bebe knows how guys think.

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

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Cool_Shan
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Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Bebe knows how guys think.

Postby Cool_Shan » Tue Oct 24, 2006 6:48 pm

Note: Ok this is my first fan fic. Enjoy :D

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Bebe Stevenson awoke a Monday morning in a terribly good mood. She sprung out of bed and brushed the golden curls of her hair. She skipped downstairs singing a happy tune.

Bebe: Oh what a beautiful day it is today!
The sun is in the sky huray!

Bebe reached the kitchen and was coaxed in by the pleasing arouma of Bacon. She smiled and opened the door in delight.

Bebe: Good morning Parents.
Mr.Stevenson: You're in a good mood today honey.
Bebe: Well, it's a bright morning the birds are singing and it's monday! You know what that means!

Mr and Mrs Stevenson grinned. This was a great day for their daughter, like every monday.

Mr&Mrs.Stevenson: Drama Club!

Bebe smiled and gave her baby brother a hug. He gurgled and clapped his hands happily.

Liam: Bebe! Bebe!

Bebe laughed and sat down at the table. She ate her bacon up happily and got a lift to school by her dad. She pecked him on the cheek as she stepped out of the car. Running up to her friend Wendy, bebe saw that she was dissapointed.

Bebe: What's wrong Wendy?
Wendy: It's that stupid drama teacher! He's doing drama for boys only from now on!
Bebe: What!? He cant do that.
Wendy: Take a look yourself...

Wendy handed her friend a crumpled peice of paper. On it it said: 'Drama club, Mondays after school! Boys only, starting today.
Bebe crunched it up with her hand.

Bebe: Ass hole!
Wendy: Look, theres Mr.Pin now!

Mr.Pin walked past Bebe and Wendy. They quickly ran up besides him on wither side.

Mr.Pin: Oh, why hello girls.
Bebe: Mr.Pin, why did you cancell Drama Club.
Mr.Pin: I didn't haven't you seen the posters?
Wendy: No, we mean. Why are you doing an all boys Drama club?
Mr.Pin: Well, you see girls they think that boys should get more in touch with their social skills, and well more boys will come and we wouldn't have enough room for girls.
Bebe: THAT'S BULLCRAP!

There was silence, Mr.Pin looked horrified.

Bebe: You cant do this to us Mr.Pin!
Wendy: Yeah your'e just being a sexist pig!
Mr.Pin: Well, if you're gonna act like that then maybe I'll ban girls from drama lessons altogether!

------------------------------
Part 2 next time
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Big Will wrote:
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Kyle the Skeptic
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:36 am

It'd be interesting to see a story with Bebe as the main character. I'm not so sure how consistent the personality you crafted for her is with the rest of the show however, because it looks a little overdone. Also, why would Bebe address her parents as "Parents" and not "Mom and Dad"? Other than that, you have a couple of spelling errors here and there, but nothing major.

One more question. What genre is this fic supposed to be in?
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:24 pm

Thanks the reason she calls them parents is because she's in a happy mood. Just thought it sounded better! :D
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Chapter 2

Bebe: You can't do that Mr.Pin.
Mr.Pin: We'll just see about that...

Mr.Pin walked off in a huff as Bebe and Wendy watched in disbelief.
Bebe's face spread into a sad one.

Bebe: How the hell are we supposed to do drama now!?
Wendy: Nah... i didn't really like Drama anyway.
Bebe: What?!

Wendy: I only went coz you did. Drama's crap.

Wendy ran over to Token in a in-love daze. Bebe's hands formed fists, she gritted her teeth together. The morning lasted a long time and Bebe didn't think of an idea until Lunch time.
She was in the cafeteria sitting next to a lonely girl of about four.
Thoughts were running through her mind as she saw Mr.Pin eat his lunch.

Bebe: 'Evil man! I hate him! If there was someway i could take that drama class... some way... Wait! I know excactly what to do. After school, yeah. I'll do that. It's perfect.'

Bebe smiled, she had a plan that wouldn't fail. She was sure of it

After school Bebe went into the girls bathroom. She got her back pack out and she went into one of the cubicles. She fished out a pot of gel and smiled. She also got a mirror, her drama jeans and her drama top.

Meanwhile a group of boys where standing in the drama room in ridiculous outfits. The boys included Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Clyde, Craig, Token, Butters, Tweek, jimmy and timmy. There was also Mr.Pin.

Kyle: Oh my god dudes! I can't believe our mums make us do this.
Stan: I know, these outfits are sooo embarrassing!
Cartman: I look hella cool in my outfit!
Kenny: (Yeah... nice tits)

Kyle, stan and kenny laughed, Cartman got annoyed.

Cartman: Ay shut up!

Suddenly the doors busted open. In walked the coolest boy to ever see. He had masses of blonde hair gelled up into a slick. He had sunglasses on and made the other boys look like crap.

Stan: Dude...
Kyle: Woah...
Kenny: (Jesus chirst...)
Cartman: Fag...

The boy walked up to Mr.Pin and took of his sunglasses.

Boy: My name's Benny. Benny Smith. But you can call me B.
Mr.Pin: Ok... B. Lets all sit down shall we.

The class sat down and Benny had a grin across his face.
Benny thought quietly to himself.

Benny: (In a girls voice) 'No one will suspect that in this boy is actually Bebe Stevenson!

Mr.Pin: Ok boys. Lets start off with a lesson called: "Social Scenes." In this lesson we will learn...

Mr.Pin cpntinued talking as He wrote on the board. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman start whispering to eachover and glancing at 'Benny'. Benny catched onto this and slowly shuffled closer to them.

'Benny': You know... if you wanna talk about me... at least say it to my face!
Stan: Sorry, it's just we've never seen you around her before.
'Benny': I'm in 5th grade.
Kyle: Cool. I'm Kyle.
Stan: I'm stan.
Kenny: (Kenny)
Cartman: I'm Cartman.
Stan: Fatass.

Benny giggled in a girly way. The boys looked confused.
Benny coughed.

Benny: I mean... hahaha!

Part 3 next time
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The genre is Comedy, Friendship.
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Chapter 3

The boys and 'Benny' sat in a circle. Mr.Pin stood in the middle and explained what they need to do.

Mr.Pin: Ok boys, this is what you have to do. I'm gonna put you into groups and you will each be asked t act out a different scene which i will give you. Do your best. Ok, Scene 1 will go to Eric, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Benny and Butters.

Kyle: (To stan) sh*t, we got Butters!

Mr.Pin continued to read out the groups.

Mr.Pin: Clyde, Craig, Token, Timmy and Jimmy and Tweek will do scene 2. Ok go practice in your groups.

The groups went off to different rooms. 'Benny' and his group stood with sheets of paper. Stan read out the characters.

Stan: Ok, Lewis, Jake, Ryann, Freddy, Kim and Clarrissa! Crap! There's girls.
Cartman: I'm not being no bitch ass girl!

Every one looked at Butters who was standing beside 'Benny'.

Butters: Why you looking at me fellas?
Stan: You have to be Kim, Butters!
Butters: Aw... can't i be Clarrissa instead, she sounds much more classy.
Stan: Fine you can be Clarrissa. Now who wants to be Kim.
'Benny': I'll be Kim. I can put on a girls voice.
Cartman: Yeah, i bet he can... homo...

Benny clenched his fist and hit Cartman's arm hard. Cartman clutched it.

Cartman: Arghh... the bitch can punch!

Benny hit him again as the boys all cheered. Butters just backed into the corner and watched his feet while singing. Benny looked up at him and kinda felt sorry for him.

'Benny': Ok so that settles it. I'm Kim.
Stan: Ok, so i'll be Ryann, Kyle can be Lewis. Cartman you be Freddyand Kenny can be Jake.
Cartman: Kick ass...

The group practiced for twenty minutes. And came out to perform.

Stan: Ok... ermm... we are going to perform our scene.

They started to act.

Kyle: Hey Jake!
Kenny: (Hi Lewis)
Kyle: Hows it hanging?
Kenny: (Good. Hey... do you think Clarrissa likes me)
Kyle: Clarrissa? You mean that shy girl! You gotta be joking right?
Kenny: (Er... yeah gotcha)

Benny walked up to them.

Benny: Hey boys. :roll:
Kyle: Hi Kim...
Kenny: (Hi Kim.)
Benny: You wanna go get a milkshake?
K&K: (Ok)/Ok

They acted for another five minutes. After the drama class was over Bebe dropped her back pack. She went to pick it up. Butters picked it up for her.

Butters: There you go Benny.
Benny: Thanks... i saw you looked quite upset in drama...
-------------------
Part 4 next time
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Big Will wrote:
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Kyle the Skeptic
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Wed Oct 25, 2006 7:44 pm

Not bad, but it could use more jokes, since after all it's supposed to be a comedy. The plot seems somewhat reminiscent of the movie "Shakespeare in Love".

Is there a title to the play they're rehearsing?
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:48 am

Thank you! I forgot about the play Title! It's Called "Nerds in love"
(Play on words :D)
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Part 4

'Benny' walked out of the school with Butters.

Butters: So, you been at this school for long?
'Benny': No, just a couple of weeks. I originaly came from New York.
Butters: Why, i've been to new york it's a swell place to go to. It sure is fun.
'Benny': Yeah...

Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny are walking behind them

Cartman: Hey... look at those homos walking with eachover.
Stan: Hey that's not nice Cartman...
Cartman: Why Stan, are you jealous of there love?

Cartman made Kissy noises and imitated Stan.

Cartman: (In a girly voice) Oh Benny, I love you sooo much! Lets run away with eachover. MWAH MWAH MWAH!

Stan got angry, he kicked Cartman in his nuts. Cartman fell to the floor.

Cartman: AY! DONT DO THAT TO ME YOU assh*le!
Stan: You deserved it!
K&K: (Yeah)/ Yeah!
Cartman: At least my mom isn't so stupid that she got hit by a parked car!
Stan: Yeah... well your mom's so skinny her pictures on the side of her driving license!
Cartman: Yeah well your mom's so ugly when she looked out the window, she got arrested for mooning.
Stan: Your mom's so stupid she puts lipstick on her head to make up her mind!

Cartman started staggering a bit with his words.

Cartman: Well... well... SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME!

Cartman walked off and barged right pass 'Benny' and Butters.

Cartman: Move out my way you stupid fags!
'Benny': Shut your face you ass muncher!
Butters: Yeah!

Butters and Benny continued walking until they got to Butters house.

Butters: Well, this is my house. See you later Benny!
'Benny': Bye Butters!

Butters went into his house and 'Benny' continued walking down the street. He walked into a little alley way and shook his head. Golden curls flicked out, he put on his jacket. He was no longer 'Benny', he was Bebe.

As soon as she got home Bebe opened walked into the kitchen.
Her parents were sitting at the kitchen table looking worried. Mr.Stevenson looked up.

Mr.Stevonson: BEBE!

Her parents got up and hugged her.

Mrs.Stevenson: Where were you Bebe? We were worried sick.
Mr.Stevonson: Mrs.Testaburger rang and told us that there was no Drama club! Where have you been?
Bebe: Errr... girls basket ball... yeah.
Mr.Stenson: You should of phoned us Bebe!
Bebe: I'm sorry I didn't think.
Mr.Stevonson: It's allright as long as you're home.
--------------
Part 5 next time :D
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Big Will wrote:
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ClaudiaCartmen
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 12:35 am

Postby ClaudiaCartmen » Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:01 am

This is sounds awesome but on bebe's boobs destroy sociaties you find you she has huge jugs.
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:45 am

Lol! Lets pretend that never happened!!!! :lol:
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Part 6

The next day Bebe was sitting in class. They were in maths and Mr.Garrisson as usual stood at the front of the class, talking about highly inapropriate issues that had nothing even to do with numbers.
Bebe glanced round the classroom, she sighed.

Bebe: 'This place is soo borning. Why cant they teach any proper lessons?'

Bebe looked over at Stan and Kyle, they were playing on little hand held consoles, and whispering to eachover...

Kyle: Stan, what weapon you got?
Stan: The green sword of hondia!
Kyle: Ha! I have the red crystal of risendale!
Mr.Garrison: STAN, KYLE! ARE YOU LISTENING?
Kyle&Stan: Yes, Mr.garrisson.
Mr.Garrisson: Fine, what did i just say?
Kyle: Err... you said Stan, Kyle are you listening?
Mr.Garrisson: Good... you were listening.

Mr.Garrisson turned back to the board.

Stan: Jesus dude. That like has happened five times now.
Kyle: Idiot....

Bebe laughed abit. She loved it when people got into trouble, it was a good change.
----------
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Big Will wrote:
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KylezGirl4Ever
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 11:26 pm

Postby KylezGirl4Ever » Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:27 pm

It's a pretty good story-line, considering it's your first fanfiction. My one piece of advice is: Put a little more depth into each character, and more character-to-character interaction. More humour, and jokes, and a little more descriptive words. That's just my opinion :D . Otherwise, continue on.
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Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Sun Oct 29, 2006 8:57 am

Thanks for the comments!
-------------
Part 6

At lunch bebe was sitting at a lunch table with Wendy and The red haired girl. She looked over at Butters who was asking a load of people questions.

Bebe: What is Butters doing?
Wendy: I don't know... i think he's looking for some one...ha. Dick head.
Bebe: Hmmmm...

Butters walked up to them

Butters: Heya girls. Have you seen a boy called Benny?

Bebe shifted her eyes around. She started to play with he food.

Wendy: We don't know anyone called Benny! Go away Butters.
Red haired girl: Yeah.

Bebe stayed silent. Butters looked at her strangely.

Butters: You, dont have to be mean girls...

After she ate Bebe said she had to go to detention. She ran to the Bathroom and locked her self in the cubicle. Luckily no one was there. She geled her hair up again and put on a blue jacket.
She was about to leave the cubicle when she heard Wendy and some other girls walk in. Bebe stood on the toilet seat as to not to be seen.
Wendy and the girls were looking in the mirror.

Wendy: Oh my god... i have loads of cabbage in my teeth.
Red Haired Girl: I still can't believe you ate cabbage.
Wendy: I thought it was lettuce.

Bebe pressed her ear against the door.

Wendy: Did you see Stan today he looked so cool.
Blonde girl: I thought you broke up with Stan.
Wendy: And, i can still like him can't i?
Blonde Girl: I guesse.
Brunnete Girl: Ok, i have to ell you something... promise not to tell anyone.
All girls: We promise.

The girls huddled together.

Brunnette: Ok... you know Bebe Stevonson.

Bebe gripped onto the door tight. She ached to hear what they had to say about her.

Brunnette: I think she is a L.E.S.B.I.A.N.
Blonde Girl: Totally.
Wendyl: That's not very nice...
Brunnette: Yeah she is.
Blonde girl: Yeah.
Red haired girl: Of course she is.
Wendy: You girls are bitches! I hate you! Bebe is my best friend!
Red Haired Girl: Why don't you marry her then!? We all know your a bi!
Wendy: I am not Bi you ho! Token's my boyfriend!
Red Haired Girl: And that still makes you Bi! You like boys and girls you dirty Bi!
Wendy: Just shut up... JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!

Wendy ran out of the bathroom as the girls shouted names at her. A tear trickled down Bebe's face... Bebe wasn't a lesbian... neither was Wendy! She began to feel angry,she shook her head hard and her curls dropped out, she removed her blue jacket and put on her red one. She slammed the door open and screamed.

Bebe: HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT! YOU ARE A BUNCH OF BITCHES! I HATE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!
Red Haired Girl: We're not scared of you, your a lesbian!

Bebe walked straight up to the red Haired girl and brang her fist up. She hit her right on the nose. Blood streamed out.

Red Haired Girl: AHHHHHHHHHHH! MY NOSE!
Blonde Girl: Oh my gosh! We're telling of you, you stupid Lez!

Bebe saw red she ran at the blonde girl, like a bull at a red cape.
She kicked her to the ground and screamed. The brunnette however ran out of the bathroom and screamed. She ran into the lunch room crying.

Brunnete: HELP! HELP! BEBE STEVONSON JUST KNOCKEDMY FRIENDS OUT!

The lunch room went silent...
-----------
Part 7 next time
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
ClaudiaCartmen
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 12:35 am

Postby ClaudiaCartmen » Sun Oct 29, 2006 12:47 pm

This is still 20 times better then anything i wrote but i can't get into this you know? I think you could do a little better.
KylezGirl4Ever
Posts: 223
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 11:26 pm

Postby KylezGirl4Ever » Sun Oct 29, 2006 3:23 pm

You see, the characters still haven't any depth. Make more dialogue, and more description. 'Wendy ran out the door crying.' is too simple. Something like: 'Wendy ran out of the bathroom, tears pouring out of her eyes.' would be a lot better. Don't copy that though, come up with your own words. Also, get a Thesaurus (spelling?).
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Less Than Jake
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 1:27 am

Postby Less Than Jake » Sun Oct 29, 2006 3:28 pm

Grammar was weird, are you foren?
Anyway, the plot is crap.
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My job is making sigs.
Kyle the Skeptic
Posts: 2226
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:06 pm

Postby Kyle the Skeptic » Sun Oct 29, 2006 10:30 pm

If you want a good thesaurus, check here:

http://www.m-w.com/

Merriam Webster is fairly reliable, and I refer to it occasionally if I get stuck on synonyms.
Cool_Shan
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Mon Oct 30, 2006 3:45 pm

I asure you i am not foreign! :D

I will take your advice and write more depth and add more to the characters. thanx! :lol:
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Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
ClaudiaCartmen
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 12:35 am

Postby ClaudiaCartmen » Fri Nov 03, 2006 3:01 pm

Kylezgirlforevers word is law

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