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The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread
Moderator: Big-Will
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Burns: I don't know what's happening. It seems our profits have dropped 37%.
Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, Sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!
Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, Sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!
And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.
-Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
-Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
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"This isn't a belt; it's a tactical pants retaining unit."
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"Ah, for the days when air travel was a gentleman's pursuit; before any Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham."
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"Quimby; if you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you.
(Payed for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee)"
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Bart: "Milhouse, what happened? You were supposed to be the night watchman."
Milhouse: "And I watched the whole thing. First it started falling down, and then it fell down."
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"Ah, for the days when air travel was a gentleman's pursuit; before any Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham."
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"Quimby; if you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you.
(Payed for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee)"
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Bart: "Milhouse, what happened? You were supposed to be the night watchman."
Milhouse: "And I watched the whole thing. First it started falling down, and then it fell down."
__________________________________________________
You read it! You can't unread it!
You read it! You can't unread it!
"I'LL KILL THAT MR. BURNS! And... wound that... Mr. Smithers."
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See you in the car!
Best wishes,
-Milhouse
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"Yo, uh... Wallet inspector!"
"Here you go. I'm sure you'll find that everything's in perfect order..."
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"Whoa, so this is what it feels like to be robbed. I've gotta go see my therapist, and rob his ass."
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See you in the car!
Best wishes,
-Milhouse
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"Yo, uh... Wallet inspector!"
"Here you go. I'm sure you'll find that everything's in perfect order..."
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"Whoa, so this is what it feels like to be robbed. I've gotta go see my therapist, and rob his ass."
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Burns: Somebody up there likes me, Smithers.
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you, too, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Oh, shut up!
Band leader: For our next song, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you like the Doobie Brothers, because we've got one of them!
Bart: OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it.
(Three kids in a row, two are wearing cowboy garb, the other is on his back.)
Lisa: Howdy, y'all! I'm Annie Oakley!
Nelson: I'm Kevin Costner in one of his many Western film roles!
Ralph: I'm a gulch!
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you, too, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Oh, shut up!
Band leader: For our next song, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you like the Doobie Brothers, because we've got one of them!
Bart: OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it. OW! Quit it.
(Three kids in a row, two are wearing cowboy garb, the other is on his back.)
Lisa: Howdy, y'all! I'm Annie Oakley!
Nelson: I'm Kevin Costner in one of his many Western film roles!
Ralph: I'm a gulch!
Come see what I've been doing at:
http://angusmctavish.deviantart.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/IJustWatchEm71
AngusArt updated 4/9/17.
http://angusmctavish.deviantart.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/IJustWatchEm71
AngusArt updated 4/9/17.
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Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, unionized work has been called an "agonizing dinosaur".
Homer: (Pterodactyl noise).
--
Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
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Homer: There's a question here that's crossed out.
Naval Reserve Man: Due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask this question anymore...
Homer: I think I can figure it out: "Are you a homossexual?"
Naval Reserve Man: Please, sir, don't answer it. I could go to jail!
Homer: But I'm not a ho(interrupted)
Naval Reserve Man: Lalalalalala, I am not listening, lalalalalala (runs away).
Homer: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay.
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Burns: You'd kneel before me, wouldn't you, Smithers?
Smithers: Boy, would I...
Homer: (Pterodactyl noise).
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Can't sleep, clown will eat me...
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Homer: There's a question here that's crossed out.
Naval Reserve Man: Due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask this question anymore...
Homer: I think I can figure it out: "Are you a homossexual?"
Naval Reserve Man: Please, sir, don't answer it. I could go to jail!
Homer: But I'm not a ho(interrupted)
Naval Reserve Man: Lalalalalala, I am not listening, lalalalalala (runs away).
Homer: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay.
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Burns: You'd kneel before me, wouldn't you, Smithers?
Smithers: Boy, would I...
This is not a sig.
Troy McClure: "Oh, no, I was wrong. It was Earth all along. I guess you finally made a monkey-"
Monkeys: "Yes we finally made a monkey-"
Troy McClure: "You fi-nally made a mon-key out of Meeeee... I Love You Dr. Zaius!"
Monkeys: "Yes we finally made a monkey-"
Troy McClure: "You fi-nally made a mon-key out of Meeeee... I Love You Dr. Zaius!"
________________________________________________________
I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI
http://www.gonefiction.com
I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI
http://www.gonefiction.com
Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.
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Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart: You com'ere a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?
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Bart: Hey Duffman
Duffman: Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymore, I'm just plain old Barry Duffman, oh yeah.
EDIT: I fixed up the 'Hugh Jazz' quote
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.
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Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart: You com'ere a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?
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Bart: Hey Duffman
Duffman: Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymore, I'm just plain old Barry Duffman, oh yeah.
EDIT: I fixed up the 'Hugh Jazz' quote
Read my horrible webcomic you fat assh*le!
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"This will be like taking candy from a baby... Say that sounds like a larf."
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Mr. Burns: "Uh, this could take a while. Smithers, why don't you get drunk and stumble around for my amusement?"
Mr. Smithers: "I'll be a one-man conga line, sir."
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"If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a piece of hose."
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Rex Banner: "You're out there, Beer Baron, and I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do."
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "No you won't!"
Rex Banner: "Yes I will!"
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "Bullsh.....!"
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Mr. Burns: "Uh, this could take a while. Smithers, why don't you get drunk and stumble around for my amusement?"
Mr. Smithers: "I'll be a one-man conga line, sir."
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"If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a piece of hose."
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Rex Banner: "You're out there, Beer Baron, and I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do."
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "No you won't!"
Rex Banner: "Yes I will!"
Homer: (faintly in the distance) "Bullsh.....!"
__________________________________________________
You read it! You can't unread it!
You read it! You can't unread it!
How could I forget my all-time favorite Simpsons quote.
Homer: "Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the CREAMY middles. Sure, I might offend a few the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors. Oh, I'll never be the DARLING of the so-called 'CITY FATHERS,' who CLUCK their tongue, STROKE their beard and talk about, 'What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?'"
Homer: "Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the CREAMY middles. Sure, I might offend a few the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors. Oh, I'll never be the DARLING of the so-called 'CITY FATHERS,' who CLUCK their tongue, STROKE their beard and talk about, 'What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?'"
________________________________________________________
I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI
http://www.gonefiction.com
I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI
http://www.gonefiction.com
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