The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[iceiwynd]

Mr. Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food.
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good.

See... my... vest!
See my vest!
Made from real gorilla chest!
Feel this sweater,
There's no better
Than authentic Irish Setter!
See this hat?
'Twas my cat!
My evening wear? Vampire bat!
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino!
Grizzly bear underwear!
Turtles' necks, I've got my share!
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest!
Try my red robin suit!
It comes one breast or two!
See my vest! See my vest! See my vest!

Like my loafers? Former gophers!
It was that, or skin, my chauferrs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best!
So let's prepare these dogs!
Nanny: Kill two for matching clogs!
Mr. Burns: See my vest! See my vest!
Oh, please, won't you see... my... vest!
I really like the vest.
Mr. Smithers: I gathered, yeah.

(Ohman. That's like, my favourite episode ever, ever.)

[love*metal]

Dentist - ''I'm afraid little lisa is going to need braces''
Lisa - ''Oh no I'll be socially unpopular, more so''

[MLZS__DA_SP_FAN]

how about:

"WHAT THE f*ck IS THIS CRAP? - This is a South Park homepage, I don't know if you Simpsons fans have trouble reading, but the URL is: http://www.southparkstudios.com not including the word Simpsons"

So piss off

[Aym_Dand]

how about:

"WHAT THE f*ck IS THIS CRAP? - This is a South Park homepage, I don't know if you Simpsons fans have trouble reading, but the URL is: http://www.southparkstudios.com not including the word Simpsons"

So piss off

Off-Topic Discussion in a South Park message board indicates that the predominant topic of this website is South Park, and therefore this part of the forum, where we discuss things Off of the predominant topic, would include all topics that do not fall under the South Park tent.

Now please kindly f*ck off, you barbecue-wrecking know-nothing know-it-all!

[triplemultiplex]

"Smithers, I can't feel anything below my cumberbund."

---

"I'd like to send this letter via aero-mail to the Prussian consulate in Siam. And am I too late for the 2:30 autogyro?"

---

"Here's a phone; call someone who cares!" (Burns hands a cell phone to Lisa; she starts to dial 9-1-1) "Gimme that!"

---

"This guy's rich I tell ya. I've never seen a house with a walk-in mailbox! Hey, who am I talking to?"

---

"Really? I was in the audio-visual club, too. Then I was kicked out for my views on Vietnam. ...that and I was stealing projectors."

[iceiwynd]

Secret Agent: What are you doing here, sir?
Homer: I'm here to punch George Bush in the face!
Secret Agent: Alright, and is he expecting you?

---

Assistant: Mayor Quimby, there's an angry mob here to see you.
Quimby: Do they have an appointment?
Assistant: ... Actually, yes.
Skinner: (popping in) I phoned ahead!

---
Grampa: What's wrong with hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeeex!

(The way he says that is BEST.)

---

Kent Brockman: You might say I'm Iraqi!
Homer: Get off my property.

---

"Note to self: stop doing anything."

[Aym_Dand]

Well Mr. Burns had done it
The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scocia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs laid unconscious on the bar room tile

We're talkin' soft-ball
From Maine to San Diego
Talkin' soft-ball
Mattingly and Canseco

Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talkin' Homer, Ozzie and the Straw'

[general disaray]

Would you like to change your name to Homer Junior, the kids can call you ho-ju

[triplemultiplex]

"Where've you been, Homer? The entire steel industry is gay."

---

"You know Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to charity. ...when pigs fly!"

<Burns & Smithers laugh derisively until the pig from Homer's barbeque sails by the window>

---

"No attitude, eh?! Not in your face, am I?! Well you can cram it with walnuts, ugly!"

[Aym_Dand]

PRAY... FOR... MOJO.

[triplemultiplex]

"If you're ever by the White House, there's tool shed out back. I'm in there most of the day."

---

"Assault weapons have gotten a bad rap recently, but they're for hunting today's super-animals like the electric eel and the flying squirrel."

---

"Oh, 'meltdown...' It's one of those annoying buzz words. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.

[iceiwynd]

TV Announcer: It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?
Homer: I told you last night, no! Hmm, I wonder where Bart is? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten.

---

Music Class: Lisa likes Nelson!
Milhouse: She does not!
Music Class: Milhouse likes Lisa!
Janey: He does not!
Music Class: Janey likes Milhouse!
Uter: She does not!
Music Class: Uter likes Milhouse!
Largo: NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!

---

Dolph: Dude, you kissed a girl?
Jimbo: That is SO gay!

---

Marge: Well, I'm going in the kitchen for anybody who wants to have a real conversation. "Hello, Marge, how's the family?" I don't want to talk about it. Mind your own business.
Homer: Keep it down in there!

[AngusMcTavish]

Homer (to Dr. Hibbert at the cookout): Here's what the doctor ordered: Another hot beef injection!

-------------------------

Kent Brockman: The Hamburglar is survived by his long-time partner, Mayor McCheese.

-------------------------

Moe: Mike Rotch? Mike Rotch? Has anyone seen Mike Rotch lately?

[Aym_Dand]

Helicopter Pilot: Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing can possiblie go wrong. Huh. That's the, first thing, that's ever gone wrong.

[general disaray]

You know fingerprints and snowflakes are exactly alike, they're both very pretty