The Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

A General discussion about everything other than South Park

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AngusMcTavish
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Postby AngusMcTavish » Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:28 am

Homer: You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!!

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Ralph: I bent my Wookiee.

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Chief Wiggum: Sorry, wrong number. This is 9-1-2. (hangs up phone)
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Wed Feb 07, 2007 10:50 pm

AngusMcTavish wrote:Chief Wiggum: Sorry, wrong number. This is 9-1-2. (hangs up phone)


I always thought this ^^ quote from Dog of Death was interesting because a couple seasons later in the Stonecutters episode (Homer the Great), Lenny tells Homer, "...don't bother dialing 9-1-1 anymore. Here's the real number." and hands him a card that says 9-1-2.
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Thunderhorse
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Postby Thunderhorse » Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:03 pm

Homer: Stupid horse! It's a Deer crossing!
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iceiwynd
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Postby iceiwynd » Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:30 pm

Lenny: They say he carved it himself... from a bigger spoon.

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Moe: Well if you're so sure what it ain't, how about telling us what it am!

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Bart: And I'll take up smoking, and give that up!
Homer: Good job, boy. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Here, have a dollar.
Lisa: But he didn't DO anything!
Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? ... Hey, he didn't! (Snatches the dollar back.)

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Lisa: Why don't you just EAT HIM, Dad?!

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Sign Gag: Hairy Shearers

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Homer: Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
Aym_Dand
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Postby Aym_Dand » Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:13 pm

Maggie: "This is truly a disturbing universe."
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I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI

http://www.gonefiction.com
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:03 pm

"Man, that saxophone would make a really great bong."

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"Krusty Burger is the official meat-flavored sandwich of the 1984 US Olympic Team."

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"Press any key to continue. Hmm, I see "Esk", "Ca-tarl" and "Pig Up"; there doesn't seem to be any "any" key.
I think I'll order a Tab. Oop, no time for that, the computer's starting."
Last edited by triplemultiplex on Fri Feb 09, 2007 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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AngusMcTavish
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Postby AngusMcTavish » Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:46 pm

Homer's car hits an animal statue...

Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!

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Homer (on Lisa's sax, to Beethoven's 5th): Sax-o-mo-phoooone, sax-o-mo-phooooooooone...
Aym_Dand
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Postby Aym_Dand » Fri Feb 09, 2007 2:00 am

Lady: Please be careful on my asphalt.
Homer: So then I said, "Kiss my asphalt." Mmm?
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I probably would have just put the f*cking lotion in the basket.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSD-Tk0Z3zI

http://www.gonefiction.com
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Fri Feb 09, 2007 10:58 pm

Carl: "I hear we're going to Ape Island."

Lenny: "...to catch a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island."

3rd co-worker: "What do they have there?"

Carl: "Apes. But they're not as big."

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"I think women and seamen don't mix"

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sign gag:

Nachos
Rifles
and
Alcohol

Meeting Tonight
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iceiwynd
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Postby iceiwynd » Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:50 pm

Rod: I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart!
Todd: Where?
Rod: Down in my heart to stay! And if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack!
Todd: Ouch!
Rod: Sit on a tack!
Todd: Ouch!

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Todd: And please make her tell us a story. About two robots. Named Rod and Todd.
Lisa: Once upon a time, there was a robot, named Todd.
Todd: Did he have a brother?
Lisa: Yes. He had a brother named Rod, who was two space years older than him.
Todd: (Pulling up his blankets.) I don't like this story.

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Lisa: You're wrong! You're all wrong! The whole damned system is WRONG!

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Colonel Tex O'Hara: Look at all them stars. How many do you think there are?
Homer: Two.

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Homer: This donut has purple. Purple is a fruit.

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"Yup, I seen her. That is to say, I saw her."

...

"Yup, I saw her. That is to say, I seen her."

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Bart: Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!
Homer: Young man, in this house, we use a little word called "please".

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Bart: Allowance! Ding ding ding ding ding.
Marge: You two don't deserve an allowance!
Lisa: Sure we do! Ding ding ding ding ding.
Bart and Lisa: Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!
Homer: Ice cream man, ice cream man!
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:54 pm

Eddie: "Alright, you're free to go."

Moe: "Good, 'because I got a hot date tonight."

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"

Moe: "A date."

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"

Moe: "Dinner with a friend."

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"

Moe: "Dinner alone."

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"

Moe: "Alright! I'm gonna stay at home and ogle the girls in the Victoria's Secret catalogue."

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"

Moe: "...Sears catalogue."

lie dectector: "Ding!"

Moe: "Now will you unhook this thing already?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!"

lie dectector: "Bzzzzt!"
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triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:46 pm

Marge: "You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm going to sue the pants off of you!"

Mr. Burns: "You don't have to sue me to get my pants off. rrrowll..."
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KyleSchwartz#1
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Postby KyleSchwartz#1 » Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:19 pm

I hope this one isn't on here yet. (Too many to read all)

Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems."

:lol:
triplemultiplex
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Postby triplemultiplex » Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:02 pm

^^

Sorry, I beat you to it. Still a great quote, though.


"Okay, John Q. Driveway has our number. Now we play the waiting game... ..... ...... ....... ......
Eh, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry, Hungry Hippos!"

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Mayor Quimby: "Are these teeth marks?"

Homer: "I thought there was chocolate inside."

(Quimby looks at Homer like he's an idiot.)

Homer: "Well then why was it wrapped in foil?"

Mayor Quimby: "It never was!"

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Real Estate Agent: "Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you'll wonder how you ever did without it."

Homer: "Mmmm, hog fat..."
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love*metal
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Postby love*metal » Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:28 pm

Lawyer - ''What about that tatoo on your chest, Doesn't it say Die Bart Die?''

Sideshow Bob - ''No thats german for The Bart The''.
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