LESHAMO (full script)

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LESHAMO (full script)

Postby GarrisonisSmithsFather » Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:35 am

my first try might be bad
(Les-hom-oh) after 1106

<Typical start shows the school amd bell rings>
(shows kids blabbering in their normal seats)
(loud noise silences them as Ms. Garrison drives her car into the classroom and hops out of the rubble right where her desk is)
(Garrison noticably drugged steps out of the car as the cardoor hits the desk, she takes a shot of Marajuna (swwww) her eyes dioloate purple throws the joint out the open wall into the noticable outdoors then in typical Garrison class voice proceeds to teach the class)
GARRISON: Ok class, today were going to learn why Suzanne Summers left threes company(pan to kids who show looks of "what did I do to deserve this) Now Suzanne Summers was a hot peice of ass, oh we'd make hot siccisoring love, hell I'd settle for Janet (her purple eyes turn yello swirls homage to trix)
<fade into Garrisons eyes at it would show dream like pictures of hot babes and then at the very last second...Mr Hat>
GARRiSON: Ahhh *eyes turn back normal white" (pans to kids who look like they were about to be murdered)
<GARRiSON in his daise didn't notice he wrote "I Want Penis" on the board a couple times, queue Mr. Makey who comes in to see the kids look of murder, the whole in the wall, the car in the classroom, and the I Love Penis written on the board>
(20 seconds of Makey looking indisgust)
MAKEY: (longest ever) mmmmmmmmmmmmm kay
KYLE: Ah Mr. Makey, my mom wouldn't approve of me seeing this right now
MAKEY: ummm Kaul, your moms a bitch mmmkay, but kids this is exactually what happens when you become a lesbian mmkay(points to garrison lighting another joint)? lesbians are bad mmkay? Rosie O'Donnel is a lesbian mmkay? and shes a bitch just like Kauls mom and being a bitch is bad mmkay? thats why she paid your father to marry her and that makes her a hoar Mmmkay? and hoars are bad,...like Erics Mom
ERIC: Hey, screw you
MAKEY: Actually she did screw me...a couple of times..mmm
(looks at kids "Don't kill me face)
MAKEY: mmmkay (as he temperarly walks out of the room embarresed comes back to talk to the lit of up Garrison) Ms. Garrison I need to see you after class about the whole in the wall and the hole in your head Mmmkay
(stan raises his hand)
STAN: Ms. Garrison can you actually do, you know, your job
GARRISON:( hear the voices in her head I love women, I'm a lesbian, then to outloud with Garrison still in his dream unnoticing he's speaking outloud) Oh i miss penis, i love it, mr. makey wants my hot bod...he's going to stick his dick up my...
STAN: Dude!
GARRiSON: Stanely I love women goddammit! sure penises are soft and hard and make my cooch wet but women...Hell kids do you think I have a chance with Mr.Makey
(kids stare alarned)
GARRISON: (takes a hit on the joint eyes turn purple) ok class i'll let you leave early today so you won't tell your parents how perverted I am
CLASS: OK (and desembles)
<walking in the hallway with bookbags on>
STAN: dude I can't believe it
CARTMAN: I know.....Kyles mom is a pansey and his fathers a callboy hahaha
KYLE: Shut up! Cartman...I'm pritty pissed off right now
CARTMAN: Your mom has no friends
KENNY: (muffled) and no pussy either I checked
CARTMAN: Kauls mom has no friends haha..my mommy has lots of friends..why people pay her for sex
KYLE: Not now Fatass (hits Cartman screams like a girl)
MAKEY: No Fighting kids (as he passes,) whats this all about as urr counsouler you can tell me anything mmkay? and ill treat the problem delicately with care mmkay?
KYLE: Cartman said no one likes my mom
MAKEY: Well I sure as hell don't, but atleast your mother has morals mmkay? Its good to support what you believe in because god likes that...people will have to put up with your bitchy mother in heaven mmkay...as aposed to Garrison.who will burn forever in hells fire mmmmmkay?
<shows Makey and Garrison sitting in a shrinks office the shrink is named Mr.Gaylord>
MAKEY: Ok Ms. Garrison, Mr. Gaylord is here to help you mmkay? he solves all my problems and he wants to help you mmkay?
GARRISON: (Defensive) I don't have a problem!
MAKEY: Ms. Garrison you are a problem
GAYLORD: (noticable gay tone)Hey Ms. Garrison! Were going to need your cooperation if we can find out whats wrong with you,,,im going to start by showing you pictures and you tell me the first thought that comes into your head..Ok darling? (Grabs ink blots as Garrison has her arms folded with a mad face like a child in a tantrom)
GARRISON: I'll look at your F*ckin Pictures if its the only way ill get home(arms refold after gestures)
GAYLORD: Ok what do you think of when you see this
<picture Pamela Anderson>
GARRISON: I wish I had her rack in my closet
<picture Cooper Anderson>
GARRISON: screams 80 year old virgin
<picture Beaver Cleaver>
GARRISON: (defensive as he starts to sweat)
GAYLORD: Come on Ms. Garrison, Mr. Makey and I want to help you
GARRISON: Ok I used to wack to him when I had a peee(starts crying)nnnnniiiiiissss
I want my penis! I want my penis! I want my penis!
GAYLORD: Ms. Garrison was your penis a dead husband?
MAKEY: No Garrison was a man at one time, he had a sex change so he could be straight but now he's a lesbian
GAYLORD:hmm.... I think I got something..Ms. Garrison I want you to veiw more ink blots (grabs a folder that says "special"with more set of blots
<picture: A naked women>
GARRISON: Oh God...if I had my penis back Id totally start jacking off right now
<picture: boobs>
GARRiSON: OH daddys home ...girls...daddys home
GAYLORD: Daddy? are you starting to think like a guy
GAYLORD: Ok lets test it
(pan to backside of Gaylord over looking Garrison and Makey)
(Gaylord pulls up shirt and starts touching his nipples, though we can only see the back)
GAYLORD: OK Garrison you keep telling me if you feel like a women or man
GARRiSON: (Man rubs nipples with his shirt pulled up) MAN MAN (Man takes off shirt and flexes his musle) WOW-man, MAN(remember we can only see from the back takes his shirt and beins to pretend to hump the chair in his jeans) Umm now im feeling women (man pulls his belt and drops his pants so we can see him in the back in his underwear and begins humping desk now uhh what do uhhh you feel like
MAKEY: Isn't this guy great
GARRiSON: Women WOMAN!!!...(man drops his pants so we see his butt but Makey and Garrison see more, now begins to hump chair again
GAYLORD: Mr. Makey can you be a dear and hand me that cream
MAKEY: (oblivious) Mmmkay (hands cream)
GAYLORD: Now gives it to Mr. Garrison, Ok now consult your womeness and apply the cream to me
GARRISON: (sees whats going on has mad face, but quickly falls into how much she wants to do it and starts apply the cream as we see his butt and Ms. Garrisons hand making a certain motion)
GAYLORD: OH Lord! Yes! How do you feel now Ms. Garrison...oh yeah!
GARRiSON: (breaks out in song) I am W-O-M-A-N
GAYLORD: Oh yeah, come out now grandpa!
(an old 103 year old man walks out in a wheelchair and oxygen tank) Ok grandpa would you mind dropping your pants(all we see is back of wheel chair, Garrison removes her hand and Gaylord puts his underwear on)
(Garrison looks at naked grandpa)
GAYLORD: now do you feel like a man or a women
GARRiSON: Man, god sakes put him underground
GAYLORD: (pushes grandpa back into the other room through the glass and disgaurds him) Ok Samantha step out
(Samantha is a hot 19 year old in skimy shorts and small bra
GARRiSON: *breaks out into song* When a man loves a women (Garrison gets up to touch the "twins"
GAYLORD: That'll be all samantha...get your money at the register.
MAKEY: So whats wrong with him ok
GAYLORD: Well I have an idea but I need to ask a few more questions....ms.garrison im going to ask you some questions and you answer honestly sugar
GARRiSON: (strong attraction now to Gaylord) Ok!
GAYLORD: How many times have you had sexual intercourse
GARRiSON: Like ....this week?
GAYLORD: Ahh sure....tell me everything you put you stuck up your vag this week
GARRiSON: Oh I feel like im in high school again! I scizzored this chick, and then this persian, and then Mrs. Cartman, and then a stuck a grapefruit up there...and then...
GAYLORD: Ok Ms. Garrison...have you ever had sex with an animal
GARRISON and MAKEY: Mrs. Cartman
GARRiSON: well one day my parents left me at this farm so I got sad and when I get sad I start to f*ck things and pritty soon I f*cked the whole barn yard, the cow the sheep the pig the horse...oh the horse
GAYLORD: (Lightsup) Ms. Garrison I'm sure of it now your a Leshamo! Your not gay or straight you just like sex! Don' you see no matter if you have male parts of female parts youll be gay! mam your a fag! if you were in the brady bunch you'd do all 3 boys, all 3 girls the mom the dad and tiger
GARRISON: Alice too, then Marsha again(enjoy this)
(gaylord cloths and goes to get a big chalkboard)
GAYLORD: Great now were getting somewhere writes "Things you can have sex with" Ok now in order to make peace with your self you have to accept the fact that your a Leshamo and life will be easier for things around you, however there are good things to f*ck and bad things to f*ck ....give me examples of good things(Mr. Makey raises his hand0 Yes Mr. Makey
MAKEY: Mrs. Cartman
GAYLORD: Yes(writes mrs.cartman on the board) thats a very good thing to f*ck

more to come when im not tired
EDIT: wow my spelling sucks
Mr. Garrison kicks more ass than Chuck Norris
Posts: 2484
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:37 pm

Postby Nommel » Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:57 am

Wow, that sucks.
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 4:03 am

Postby GarrisonisSmithsFather » Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:03 am

Nommel wrote:Wow, that sucks.

...yeah well
Mr. Garrison kicks more ass than Chuck Norris
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Cool_Shan » Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:13 am

Nommel wrote:Wow, that sucks.

You took the words from my mouth... but i would of added: donkey balls. :)
Big Will wrote:
Goddamn you people suck. Especially Cool_Shan
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:41 pm

Postby Timmeh? » Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:02 am

its funny but not the type of thing you would see in south park so its pretty good but not for a south park episode i just cant see that happening

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